


An Assortment of Things I've Written Down Over the Years

by Meaaaa



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Angst, Busty!Reader, Death, F/M, Historical References, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Marriage, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Nationverse, Original Character(s), Reader-Insert, Romance, Sex, Swearing, chubby!reader
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 02:09:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 20
Words: 92,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13514535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meaaaa/pseuds/Meaaaa
Summary: There is no other thing in the world that gives a man such an emotional rollercoaster than falling in love. Expecially if it opens the flood gates to the guys real personality, sexual preferences, and a whole other gross sobbing can of worms nobody wants to see from a guy who's lived since the dark ages and was for a long ass period of time considered to be one of the strongest national superpowers in the world. So what in God's name do I do when this curvy chick I met on the street asks me out one day? 3 years later, I start putting together a collection. This collection. I figured, hey there's some profitable content in here! So here I am, with this biggass hodgepodge of all these things that happened, all revolving around my girlfriend.





	1. We Walked the Whole Way Here and Only Now You Tell Me Your Name

    I don't fall in love easy,  it's not my thing. Yes, of course people are constantly getting their underwear soaked whenever I walk past, but hey! It isn't my fault someone up in the heavens decided to make me this amazing, this awesome!   
(Physically, and of course, in every other way as well.) Though, try as I might, my feelings never really started for people, when they did they never festered for much longer than a year. I mean yeah I flirt, watch porn, dote over how adorable my brother's friend Feliciano is. But I've never been in a serious relationship with a 'lover', (that word still disgusts me honestly),  in my entire life. I never needed to, never wanted to have ANYTHING to do with romance or love or, God forbid, marriage.  Or at least  up until three years ago. 

It was pretty much a normal day. Autumn, a bit chilly and the forecast predicted a rainstorm coming in later that day. I can't stay in one place for too long, it gets stuffy and boring, as things do, so I decided to go out. My brother Ludwig was trying to talk to me about something that morning,  I can't pinpoint what the specifics were though. Knowing him, and knowing myself it was probably something along the lines of "Where are you going this  time Gilbert? It's going to storm out there you better not be getting into something stupid." Or like, "At least take the dogs out for a bit before I don't get to see you again until dinner." Sometimes it pisses me off how much he acts like he has even a sliver of authority over me, I guess this was one of those times because I remember running out of the house with my tongue clenched in my teeth, cursing under my breath.  I ran a bit, then walked, then ran again. I went all over, I knew pretty much  anything and everything about Berlin of course, I'd spent the majority of my life in these streets. No matter how many times it gets singed or raided or anything like that, I still am going to feel drawn back to it. Same goes for Potsdam, I've noticed. I was at a cross walk when, as if on cue with the dramatic aura  of the day, it started raining. People started scurrying from place to place trying to keep dry, I snickered at it. Like bugs after being revealed from their hiding spot in a rotting log, they cowered back into their cozy hiding spaces and left me out in the street alone with the rain and  that hellish grin of mine stuck on me like  an open wound. She was running  face down from the opposite direction though, probably trying to keep the water out of her eyes. We slammed into each other, I was looking at the sky while she was looking at the ground and crap, she knocked the wind right out of me. I stood there coughing and gasping while she was there apologizing like she had just accidentally run over my dog or something. It was funny, so in between my wheezing, I was laughing, and which judging by the look in this girls eyes, freaked her out even more. Honestly I didn't blame her, there's this big loud white dude in the middle of a famous city while its dark and rainy and your clothes are  sticking to you and hes laughing like a fool, and you ran right into him! " Wheew! Shit, I think you just pulled me back into the living realm! I could've been gone right there and then poof! All hope would be lost." I sighed and looked at her. She still had that nervous look on her face. "Hey lady, I'm not gonna kill you y'know. Sorry for spacing out but you need to look where you're going."  She said  sorry again but I shook my head. "Never mind." I said, " You seem lost, I know every inch of this city like the back of my hand, I'll give you directions."  She nodded and told me where she was going, she was completely heading in the wrong direction though, I decided to be her escort then. We talked a bit while heading over. Mostly little things like why she was so lost. She obviously wasn't used to Berlin, she had taken a trip over here with some of her friends from her friends from her college. " We're mostly just here looking for some inspiration for stuff." was the big thing she told me. She was pleasant, like most of the regular people I've seen out and around. I told her a bit about myself too.. nothing too big though. Mostly about me and my brother, the dogs, and how I keep finding little yellow feathers around my room in the mornings. She laughed a bit "You have a little yellow fairy coming into your room every night stealing something small, you don't even know what it is yet though," She said. She had a cute voice, cute laugh, all that fun stuff. I didn't think anything about it at the time though, I didn't know how much of a sucker for that voice  I'd become . "It's not only then either! Sometimes I'll just be out and about and I run my fingers through my hair and then there's those soft little yellow feathers!" I laughed then, "You would think I would notice if a bird decided to land on me but I guess not!" She looked over me then, observing almost every detail about my figure, to my hair, storm grey and sticking to my head from the rain to my soaking skinny jeans I threw on this morning. It made me a bit nervous honestly, I had a chill run down my back and I reflexively straightened my posture more, making that face my brother does when hes trying to be Assertive ™. We locked eyes accidentally and I felt my stomach and chest tighten before we both looked away. "Well, you're birdless for now," She said. "Heh, yeah thanks for checking." I turned my head and started walking again, i kept glancing back at her to make sure she kept up. "C'mon, I don't have all day." She alpologized again and ran to catch up. Then there went the awkward silence. "It's pretty cold out huh?" I said. She nodded and there was the silence again. We walked more, I began humming to myself, then she spoke "So, what's with your.. uh... look? I like how your eyes look. How'd you do it?" She looked at me, she caught my eyes again and  I flinched. Trying to play it off, I forced myself to let out a guffaw, she jumped back a bit. "Yeah its pretty cool huh! Not every day you see a man with what? Red and purple eyes? What kind of bullshit cartoon fantasy trope is that right?" I laughed. She wasn't buying it though. There was actually a bit of concern in her eyes. I sighed, "I have this mutation in my eyes,  it makes them all wonky and colorful," I said. "That plus the albinism is a-" I clicked my tounge,  "fffucking grreat combo." I rolled my eyes. She sensed my sarcasm and gave me a little smile. I dare say it was a bit pitiful. " I like it," she said. "It adds good contrast I think." That comment hit me hard in the gut. Of course though, being the suave motherfucker that I am,  I took her little complement easy.  
"Wow ... really? Shit- I mean yeah.. duh! ThhATS WHY I DON'T WEAR COLORED CONTACTS!"  I laughed again as we went around the next corner and arrived at her destination. "Hey, can I get your phone number or something? You're a pretty cool dude." She said before I  went on my way. "Duh, you know I am." I said before pulling out my phone and giving her the number. "Just put me in as Gilbert, or Gil if the other is too long."  She put in the contact info. She smiled at me and was about to go into the building, but I stopped her just in time. "Hey now! What am I supposed to put you in as?" I asked. "Oh yeah!" She nodded, "My name's (y/n), talk to you later, Gilbert." She waved and ran off. That's it. That's how we met. I stood there in the pouring rain staring at my phonescreen, "Yep, see ya (y/n).." It started thundering then. I bolted the rest if the way back to the house, fighting that tight feeling in my chest. My heart might not have a solid beat, but it was doing something and I didn't like it.  I went home and waited for her to text me. She did and we saw each other again. We got closer, started dating, and just recently uhh... gotten more intimate with each other. There's just something that really draws me to her.


	2. The Great Gilbert Beilschmidt is an Honest-to-God Thigh Guy

Tits. The Tiddies.. the holy breasts of goodness and warm glory... Not really my thing honestly. I honestly never really understood why people really went all head over heels for them, I mean of course I like them! Breasts are soft and warm and generally are rEally good as being a pillow, at least in my experiences with ehrm... 'handling' them. Call me old-fashioned but I've always liked peoples legs more, not any of that foot fetish stuff, that's absolutely disgusting. My tastes go for the big thighs and broader waists, booty is generally a good touch too, in men and women. My girlfriend, she's.. yeah, pretty.. pretty big in that upper aspect though. We've had some fun with that. Now, of course, It's not only sex I'm concerned with. I just want to be close to her... She gets that, and whenever we can we're usually up all night cuddling. Usually, if I'm not absolutely drained of all energy for some reason or if she's decided on being the big spoon for the night, I'll h hold her. I'm probably the best cuddler in the world, heck I know I am, I'm myself for God's sake, everything I do is as awesome, as me. She tells me I'm very sincere in my embrace, it's an ego booster, but I really appreciate it. She tells me I act like an overly attached dog sometimes, I don't know if that should be a good or a bad thing honestly. Everyone loves dogs, and I make her happy, so... Guess it's pretty good!  
My absolute favorite thing that happens sometimes, is when she stays over with me for the night. We'd always be doing something stupid and ending up asleep together in a pile somewhere in the house. My absolute, absolute favorite thing, is when I wake up first to see her clinging to my chest. When she looks so defenseless and small like that, sleeping peacefully with soft warm breath brushing on me. I can feel her heartbeat then, nobody really knows or understands much but heartbeats are pretty important to me. I know it's sappy or whatever but I need that. I need that warmth, that throb, that little ba-dunp most people hear if they put too much pressure in their ears. I don't have that. I can't have that. I'm not 'most people' I'm Gilbert motherfucking Beilschmidt and the best feeling in the world is listening and feeling my girl's heartbeat while we're close and curled up on each other. It's just... really cute. I love feeling her heartbeat in the morning, I love when she pretends to still be sleeping just so that we can still hold on to each other, shit, I love it when we just sit there talking to each other like that, close and warm.  
I would wake up one Morning slumped on the floor of the basement in the corner, surrounded by mountains of pillows. Aster was There eyeing us cautiously from on top of the couch, she's jealous doggy now, isn't she. There was a quilt draped over us, y/n was wearing one of my hoodies. I was stuck there with a kink in my neck from falling asleep while sitting up, the floor was cold and hard, any minute my brother was going to run downstairs furious with me about whatever stunt we had set up the night before, but I sat there. In a trance, a lazy smile stretched across my face, my eyes too blurry to see anything. I sat there and I held her close. Much better than being woken up by cannon fire at 6 a.m., I could get used to doing this easy. 

That being said, mornings aren't always that peaceful. Because nothing really gets someone awake in the morning like some good intercourse. That's right, as of recently, morning sex is a pretty common thing with us, I've gotten in trouble because of it a couple of times too. That makes it even better in my opinion. Usually, on those days, she would be the one to wake up first. We'd be in my bed, she would see me sleeping and she'd feel this pang in her chest,'oh, look at him, look at my Gilbert, he's so strong and awesome, even at rest! I feel like I need him! Oh how sinful I am, such lustful thoughts, and before marriage!' she'd move closer to me and plants soft kisses on my forehead. She lays slightly above me, I would roll over and use her chest as a pillow so I would awake to a whole face full of boobage and drool seeping from my mouth like a dog. Or something like that. I don't understand what ladies morning wood is like, other than the actual sex part. Hah.

"Hey," her soft voice chilled me and warmed at the same time, I smiled, my eyes still shut "Hey there, soft angel." I yawned. Her hand brushed against my cheek and down my jaw lightly, caringly. I still hadn't opened my eyes yet, I turned my head a bit so I was right smack dab in between her breasts. I let out a deep breath "So soft." I felt her chest move as she breathed, I felt so relaxed and safe. "Hey Gilly," she whispered. Oh hell yeah, we have sappy nicknames for eachother! Who do you think we are, heathens? "Were you having a nightmare just before you woke up?" She asked me. I shrugged, "I don't remember, why? Was I thrashing around in my sleep like those gummy bears I had last night had risen from the dead and are now cursing my soul to damnation for all eternity because I ended the lives of them and there entire gummy tribe by viciously biting their heads off?" I shivered. It might be childish but food with faces has always freaked me out. The night before I was dared to eat an entire bag of mini gummy bears and hoo boy, that was hard on the old consciousness. She giggled, "Maybe, you did seem pretty shaken up about that." I nodded a bit before she put her hand on my head and ruffled my hair. "I was a little worried about you babe. You were mumbling in your sleep, you stopped for a while after I moved and let you lay on me but then it started again. That's why I woke you up." She kept running her fingers through my hair, I opened my eyes and pulled myself up so I was a bit over her, looking her in the eyes. It stung a bit, my eyes always stung in the morning, I was used to it. But it made them watery. Now, I don't cry. I don't. I won't. I didn't. But I'm guessing she thought I was. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pulled me closer to her until my nose poked her cheek. She kissed me lightly and her hand moved onto my neck, tracing the thin scars she thought were from an abusive father when in reality they were from multiple executioner's blades, fire, and inexplainable cuts that appeared during wartime. It tickled me, I don't really know if I liked it or not, but she meant it in a good way so I let her continue. "I'm ok, you didn't have to-" I began, but I was cut off by another kiss, "I love you," She breathed. I didn't mind the morning breath. It was better than the smell of men who hadn't brushed their teeth in 30+ years at least. I could deal with it. "I know (y/n), I love you too." I said that part in German though. Something about me saying "Ich liebe dich" as opposed to the English term feels better to me. my first 3 languages were German Latin and Arabic, of course, the German really stuck with me most. It doesn't feel as forced when I say it in German. She feels like it means more to her if I say it in my more dominant tongue. I can understand that. "I'm really alright though, I'm not crying, I opened eyes too fast and the light made them get all watery, honestly." I chuffed. She pouted at me, "Oooh now I feel stupid," she said. "Sorry for getting all close and sappy babe." She was still holding on to me though, this time it was my turn to go in for a kiss. "Don't blame yourself, sweetheart! It's the stupid sun's fault for making you worry about me." I got a bit louder, "The sun doesn't understand how awesome I am that's why!" She laughed at this, and I swear I heard my own heartbeat for a split second. God, she's cute, so cute... I kissed her again, she kissed me back more deeply though. I felt my face go red, then my ears. "Ooh, what was that?" I snickered,"(y/n), you wanna get dirty now?" I puffed out my chest a bit, this was a predictable setup, I counted down 3...2...1... "You don't want to?" She said. There it is! I smirked and nodded in response. "Sure, why not. Bite my lip." I said, putting my hands on her hips. "Play with my breasts then." She replied back to me in the same tone of voice I used. "Deal." I huffed. She started kissing me again, we made out for a while, I started messing with her butt, just the good stuff. She moaned a bit, that was... Really cute... I started getting hard and moved my hand up her back underneath her pajama shirt, she arched a bit when she felt my cold hands. "Mmm... Little birdie, do you want me to start now?" I asked her. Her breath got deeper and I could feel the ripple of her heartbeat through her whole body now. "Y.. yes please." She tilted her head to her shoulder like she was trying to hide her face in my pillow. "Really?" I asked, just to double check. "Yes really!" She looked back to me and smiled. "Alright cutie." I smirked again, moving my hands up further along her back then going around and cupping her breasts into my palms. They swayed a bit, and molded to my grip. "Mmh.. Gilbert your hands are cold!" She whimpered. I pouted. "Oh well, they won't be pretty soon. " I fondled her softly, giving a couple firm squeezes as well to see how tender she felt today, I didn't want to hurt her. She moaned softly each time, so I went and pulled on her nipples, making the rest of her breast bounce and jiggle if I made the slightest movement of the wrist "Ah! Gilbert! She said, breath heavy. " They're so soft and bouncy... It's fun!" I laughed, and let go to fondle them some more, being a bit rougher this time. "Ooh... Gilbert.. " she breathed and put her hands over mine through through her shirt as I began massaging them again. There was enough friction before, when I was playing with her nipples, to make them swell a bit and stick out, she pressed on my hands, guiding them back and forth and my fingers swirling circles around her areolas. "Take off my shirt." She said. "Yes sweetheart." I said, moving my hands down over her tummy and out from the shirt, lifting it up over her until her breasts spilled out and she finished pulling the shirt over and off her head. Now, I was already hard, but, oh man, the way she looked at me then.. whew! She put hand up to her boob and nudged it a bit, It bounced slightly, not like in one of those weird animes where everything's all smooth and shiny, but subtly. I mean a bouncy boob was still a bouncy boob, no getting around it, just that, the warm look of them, and how soft they were... I felt like I wanted to hold them all day, shit. I went and began leaving little marks from her lip down her chin and her neck to her collar bone until finally I was nipping the soft flesh of her breast. She moaned again, I started playing with her nipples again as I bit down on the surrounding area, before moving on and actually taking them to my mouth. I started on the right. First, I kissed them, then I nipped at them, no teeth, then teeth, then I started sucking them... Then really sucking them. Until they were swollen and puffy and my girl was calling out my name. I went along teasing the one I wasn't working on with my fingers. The one I was currently on got the teeth and tongue. I went back and forth to both of them until they were so puffed and errect, I swear I could taste either blood or milk seeping from them. I stopped there though. I didn't want to start getting her hurt, I'd already bit and sucked on them so hard theyed be bruised and sore for the rest of the day, maybe even tomorrow. I sat up and looked over my sweet little birdie, Panting deeply and holding her hands close to her face, as a lackluster attempt to sheild the raunchy expression she was making. "Wh.. why'd you move Gilly... It's too cold.." She whispered. "I'm sorry liebe.. I just wanted to look at you." I said with a smile. "Let's keep going Gilbert." She said. I nodded and bent over her again. She sat up a bit though and started taking off my boxers. I had a full on boner at this point, she grinned and began stroking it lazily. I moaned a bit now. She began pumping it, my breath became staggered and I couldn't really make out some full English, I mumbled out, "please.. at least let me go in.." I choked out. It's embarrassing to think back on, but it worked. She began pulling off her underwear, I helped of course. I positioned myself at her entrance, and pushed in. She let out a small gasp and pulled me down to hold her, "Ahh.. Gil.. Gilbert.." she moaned, I smiled at her ant kissed her forehead. "I'm right here." I whispered before actually starting. I moved fairly slowly at first, trying to soothe the little whimpers escaping her lips with soft assurance, "Gilbert, g.. go faster.. please." She said quietly. I nodded and thrusted into her a bit harder, her moans got louder, that s when the praises started coming. "Gilbert! Oooh... How are you so strong..? You make me feel so secure here, in your arms.., " She said,with little pants in-between each sentence fragment. To be fair though, I wasn't really much better, I was topping after all, I had to put the most work in. "(Y/n)... I.. love you.. I do.. I really.. really do.. ha.. seriously. You make me feel... Strong.. and happy..and... Ooh!.." I managed to spit out in between breaths. She was looking into my eyes, intensely. I fought the urge to just close my eyes and let the pleasure overtake me, "Gilbert~ oooh.."She gasped. "Mmh..I think.. I think I'm almost done liebe.." I said. She nodded "Ok..go harder then.." She whispered. "Alright little birdie." I did, I went hard into her, practically slamming myself into her, she whimpered and whined and called my name and I held her close. "(Y/n) I'm going to-" I gasped. She nodded. "Ok.. give it to me GiLBERT! AH~!" She moaned out as I finished. I had hit a sweet spot right at the end. I pulled out and flopped down next to her. She pulled her legs closer together and her hands went over her chest. I grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around us. We got close again and she was gazing into my eyes thinking to herself. I kissed her softly, "I owe you a bubble bath sweetheart." I said. "Yep," she said.  
"A really awesome bubble bath."


	3. If You Listen Closely You Can Hear the Pit in My Chest Scream For Affection.

   The same morning that thing happened, I did actually give her a bubble bath. Ludwig was out walking the dogs so we had some time before he got back. After that, I was planning on taking (y/n) out for a while. 

We were still in bed, cuddling, but she was naked and I had no pants on so after a while it got pretty uncomfortable. She was curled up pretty tight next to me. I was doing my best to hold her,  laying my arm across the pillows in case she wanted to put her head on it, my other arm was wrapped around her, my hand right on her butt. Honestly, it was an excuse to touch her ass more but, oh well. She kept changing positions though, she moved her head farther and farther up my arm until she was right in the crevice of my neck, then she let out a soft groan before curling her legs up a bit more so our bellies wouldn't touch. She didn't say anything, but I could tell what she was thinking,  'He's a bit too pointy, his arms aren't comfortable and his collarbone hurts my cheek!' I rolled my eyes and wrapped my other arm around her, she shivered a bit. "It's still too cold down here Gilbert.." she said quietly, I hugged her a bit tighter, it was pretty useless though for anything other than the support or the feeling of being covered, my body doesn't really generate any extra heat, like the people in romance novels always dote over when the two main characters are cuddling or holding hands or something. My hands are usually really cold, so are my feet. I guess I'm not as good as a pillow as I am a hugger but... that's only because I have more muscle than the soft stuff. Which is actually true, it's not just because I'm lanky! I have worn hands, long fingers and my left hand sits a bit crooked if I'm not using It, it's barely noticeable though. Thanks, 12th-century monks. "Sorry (y/n/ shortening of y/n), it is the basement right?" I responded. "I'll tell you what," I said, " how about we do that bubble bath first, then maybe do you wanna go out to breakfast with me?" I realized my choice of words and felt myself go pink. Oh great, I sounded like a nervous teenager asking her out to prom... I felt her turn her head a bit and kiss me on the cheek. "I would say yes but, what about your brother?" She whispered. "OH, THAT'S BULL (Y/N)" I huffed, "He knows I'll yell at him if he even looks at you funny, he'll stay out of the way! I swear!" She rolled her eyes at me. "Ok, you be my guard dog then."  "Hell yes!" I smirked, "Can I carry you too?" I was getting a bit giddy, I'll admit. "Can you  carry me Gilbert?" She raised an eyebrow. I took this as an invitation. I fixed my arms around her a bit more so they would be more supportive, and stood up with her still in my hold, trying to cover herself with her legs while clinging around my neck like the pendant I always wore."I dunno (y/n), can I?"  I laughed, she looked up at me with a somewhat shocked expression. "And pantless too? Wow, you're such a stud, Gil." I blushed a bit, she was right of course, now that she had mentioned it, I did feel a bit chilly down there, but I brushed it off and let my personality take the wheel again. "Pshh this is nothing, I've trained myself to lift up the toughest, most dense, most heavy things in my life, and trust me (y/n), compared to a bear, you feel like a feather!" Now it was her turn to blush. "You didn't actually lift up a bear Gilbert."  
"No, it was 10."  
"Nuh-uh."  
"All at the same time too."  
"Lies."  
I was pacing around the room, actually, more like strutting, to go along with my inflated ego. I let out a dramatic gasp, "But my sweet! I would never lie to you!" Not entirely, I wouldn't.  She giggled, "Ok, ok, I believe you!" She said. "Can we go up Now though?" She shivered. "OH YEAH!" I blurted, "I almost forgot about that!" I sighed and sidestepped to my bed where she reached and got a  blanket from over my shoulder, draped it over herself and over my front half, now I felt a bit more secure at least. "Alright, ready?" I asked she nodded, pulling part of the blanket over her head. "Ok, brace yourself liebe." I gritted my teeth and opened the stairway door, I took off running and we both screamed as I bounded up the steps. We reached the top and found out the house was still and empty, not even the skitting noises of the dogs' footsteps were present. "Huh, guess Ludwig already left. We got lucky this time, (y/n or shortening of y/n)," I said. She nodded. "To the master bathroom!" She exclaimed. "Already on it, my dear!" I said, making my voice go a bit more throaty, as I took big, proud steps towards the bathroom. We both laughed. As we got into the bathroom I set her down and she hung up the blanket on the door as I turned on the water in the bathtub. She looked over at me as I was taking off my shirt and clicked her tongue as I was stretching my arms. "Thatsa' nice bod buddy," she said. "Ooh really now, you like this?" I flexed my arms and stuck my tongue out a bit between my teeth. "You nerd." She laughed. I went over behind her and patted her behind, "That's a nice butt there buddy." I said to her, she leaned back into me, I crossed my arms around her shoulders as we both, as if staged took a deep, slow breath of the hot steam that began to fill the room. She held my hand and we walked over to the tub. I motioned for her to get in first, she stepped in and I went in on the other side. She let out a deep breath as she submerged herself in the warm water. I only just noticed the places on her where I had bitten had begun to bruise, there were bite marks all over her chest and a trail of pink and purple bruises leading down from her collarbone to the in-between of her breasts.  Her nipples were also swollen and red, there were deeper bite marks around each areola. The water must've felt good and soothing. I tore my eyes away from that and looked her in the face. She leaned closer to me and planted a kiss on my lips. "Love you." She whispered. "You don't need to whisper birdie it's just me." I chuckled. "I know," she said, "But I love how you get all red and quiet when I say it like that." I stuck out my tongue and pouted at her,"I'm only red because of the hot water." I crossed my arms and looked down at my hands, my knuckles were all red, so we're my palms, and my legs, and feet, and presumably my butt. "It's because of the water.." I repeated, quieter. She leaned up close to me again. "Ok, if you say so." She said as softly as I had before, she wasn't trying to mock me about it, which was nice, she put a hand to my chest and Another to my face, "I know you hear that sappy stuff from me all the time but, I really mean it. I love you. I know you've been through some tough stuff Gilbert. I can tell by looking at you. That's not a bad thing though, and you don't need to explain everything to me right now, but I just want you to know that if anything bad happens or you need help or something you can tell me.. I'm gonna be there for you and I'll help in any way I can.. I won't leave you alone now Gilbert."  
She smiled at me, warmly. I could feel a knot in my chest, No you won't, I can't tell you anything.. you're a human... you won't understand anything anyway...  I wanted to believe she was telling the truth, she thought she was, of course, I have no doubt in my mind, but what she was offering was something I was physically unable to comply with. I can't just spill like that. I'm not like an actual person, after all. Nationfolk don't talk like that with humans. Especially if she 'loves' me.. she'll think I'm nuts and dump me off at the asylum right there! That would be an embarrassing end of the line for Prussia now wouldn't it? I sighed and put my hand on her head. "You must really think I'm special now don't you?" I said, "Special how?!" Her eyes widened a bit, "Y'know what I'm talking about." I rolled my eyes and she  gasped, "Yeah actually! You have some serious phycological issues I think you need help for if that's what you meant by 'special'. Gilbert I'm really worried about you. You have like, PTSD and depression and anxiety all bundled up on one big heap and you don't do anything about it? That's dangerous!" She said, "Oh please, what am I a 90 year old Holocaust survivor? A 12 year old foster girl? I'm fine (y/n), I'm not crazy." I huffed. And looked away. I messed up. I said the wrong thing. Probably insulted a bunch of people, I know. "Don't say that." She said. It was silent for a few moments then she spoke again, "Do you actually think you're better than everyone else Gilbert?" It was a legitimate question. The first time someone asked me that who actually wasn't looking for a fight. "... No I don't." I said. Calm and shallow. "Is it a coping mechanism?" She asked again. I turned back to her and snorted, "What is this? Bathtub therapy?" She shook her head," I just want to know." I thought for a few more moments. "No.. I don't think so. Maybe it was at one point, not anymore though." She nodded at me. "Did you actually believe that at one point?" She asked. "Yes." I responded, quicker and quieter this time. "Really?" She said, softly. "Mhm.. I used to.. well.. I used to have things... Lots of things.. I was important. I thought people should recognize that. I don't anymore." I took a deep breath, she nodded at me and leaned against my chest. "It's not all bad though now right? You still have me, and your brother, and your frien-" "I'm sorry I said that earlier ok, I really appreciate you doing this but can we not talk about it anymore? Fine, I guess I have somethings that are wrong about me but I can't really do anything about it anymore ok?  It's done and taken care of and over and I'm fine, I'm ok, I'm alive, and I'm fine. Case closed." I cut her off. I started feeling that thing again, that pounding.. it began with a tremble and then there it started... My heartbeat. I gritted my teeth and slowed my breath. My face was either  bright red or paler than an actual pillowcase.  God, why did she have to talk about that? Making me all upset and nervous!   ..She doesn't know any better... She doesn't know.. why does she care so much if she doesn't know? The knot in my chest tightened and I felt really warm all the sudden. "I'm sorry Gilbert, I didn't mean to-" I took another deep breath and hugged her. "It's ok." I said. She wrapped her arms around me tightly. "Gilbert are you ok?"  She asked,"Yes!" I chuckled. "You're panicking."  
"Nope!"  
It slowed and got quiet again, I let go of her and smiled.  
"See, I'm ok."  
She sighed, "Good, I'm glad." I leaned over to her and she put a hand to my face again. "Are you still mad at me?" I asked, she raised her eyebrows, "Is this an inappropriate time to kiss you?" I rephrased my question, she shrugged and shook her head. I kissed her on the cheek. She smiled. "I need to do that more often." I said, "Do what?" She asked, "I gotta kiss you first." I smirked and pecked at her again.  She grabbed my head with both of her hands and pulled me down close to the water with her so I was on top. She made little circles around my cheekbones with her fingertips and planted a kiss on my lips again "Remember when met each other for the first time?" Oh boy,"Yeah, I sure do, why?" I asked in response. This was about to get really cute really fast. "Remember what I said about your eyes?" I blushed. "Yeah, you said they were weird if I'm not mistaken!" I chuckled, she shook her head. "I love them. They're so pretty." She said. "Pretty?" I repeated. "Yes! They're gorgeous!" She rolled her eyes. " I don't really know how to describe it Gilbert. It's really cool actually, they kinda look like stained glass or something." I smiled, I was starting to feel all giddy again. "What else?" I raised my eyebrows, testing how far her praises would go. "You got a sharp ass chin though holy shit." She huffed, I laughed. "What is that a problem?" I snorted. She shook her head "Nope! You're just a pointy boy! Cute too." She splashed me. "Yeeep, I know you love me!" I said. "So breakfast after this?" I asked, hopeful. I shouldn't have had any suspicion of why she would say no of course, but I asked anyway, and panicked a bit when she hesitated, "Yep." She said finally, and I let out a relieved sigh. "Don't scare me like that (y/n)." I said. "Sowwy." She pouted, and of course I started laughing my ass off. After we settled down again we just sat there for a while. I mean duh I helped her wash her hair and shit and she was like "omfg now I smell like you," and fucked around with the bubbles and all that crap. But mostly, we just sat there, I dunno, feeling each other up? Not sexually though! God knows that morning we had enough of that! But I mean the mushy stuff! Like holding hands or forehead kissing and all the stuff that that asshole France tells me to do when I'm around her. Ugh, sometimes I make myself sick. Admittedly, It's not all bad though. I'm happy with her. Even if she knows practically nothing about me... I feel really close. I don't know how to describe it. I'm lucky, she's lucky, she's head over heels for me, and I'm an attention whore who really... Really enjoys cute things... Her. 

   I can recall a pleasant time in my life I know I never truly had a warm time where I felt completely accepted and appreciated.  It takes me to tranquil places where I wish I could spend the rest of eternity sitting, breathing, living. Lightly. Like a bird perched still in a nest. The world seems to move slowly and I seem to be stuck in time itself. Let me move on or let me go back to that time... that time I should not know. For I know that being stuck here in time is hell, and I am a Christian man. Let me free oh God let me be at peace. Let me love and let me fly. -Gilbert Beilschmidt


	4. Uh...  New Boyfriend Who 'Dis?

The date went well! Exactly as expected when I'm involved of course.  
The food was pretty good, we took a walk afterward. She kept laughing at me though! She said I kept tightening my grip on her hand whenever we passed another couple and started snickering at them if they glanced at us. Absolute horse shit. Well, maybe not entirely... I only want to make it clear that she's with me now of course. I'm allowed to take pride in my relationship status if I please. Just like I've been doing ever since we started holding hands in public. Wow! That's pretty gosh darn intimate! Yes, yes, I know, I know, it doesn't sound like much nowadays but back like 3 years ago it was a big step for me! Hell, nowadays I'm wondering if she'd ever considered blowing me at the park or something. Let's keep our hopes up. ;) On the subject of change though, it's pretty apparent that we've had some very drastic changes in our relationship over the course of 3 years. Honestly, my feelings for her fluctuate a bit each day. We started off as acquaintances of course, and she came forward to me one day about wanting to start going out. I was absolutely thrilled!... to the point I was terrified. Of course, she wanted to go out with me! Why the hell does she want to go out with me? She knows zip about me! It must've been my dashing good looks and amazing personality! She thinks I'm a stud and is only in for my dick! Abort mission!! Abort mission!! I was completely calm however, tranquility radiating off my very being, that morning of our first official date.  
"Jesus fuck Gilbert, did you bathe in chrism oil or something? You smell like a church and you look like you just got baptized."  
I rolled my eyes at her, though she already figured out about my heavy prayer session the night prior. The sweat beaded on my forehead was not from nervousness. Or at least, she shouldn't assume it was.  
"Yeah, I went looking for the big guy upstairs. Y'know cleansing my soul of demons and stuff."  
I smirked.  
"Aw, just for me?"  
She mock-asked me, batting her eyelids dramatically.  
I exhaled, for some odd reason I thought she would act differently now, but she was the same girl I ran into on the street that day. I was thankful.  
"No, my brother was complaining about all the porn and death metal, so I figured I could kill two birds with one stone and spend a couple hours in a confession booth before I came." I said, " What about you? You're on 'vacation' for the second time this month and don't tell me you just wanted to come see me because, although I'm flattered, I know you have things going on and other people to go talk to. Why do you keep spending all this time in Berlin?" I asked. "Reveal yourself as I have!" I forced a laugh when I saw her look away, guilty of my claim and maybe a bit ashamed of herself. "I've been planning this date for a while now Gilbert. I think we clicked pretty well and I dunno.. I wanted to start seeing you more." She said. It was honestly very touching. Though, once again my pride got the best of me. I snorted, "Well yeah, of course, you wanted to see me! Everyone wants to see me!" I laughed and went ahead. Then I remembered why I was there and went back to her. I had to be polite, this was a date after all. Our first date was at an arcade, nothing too big. Just this shitty run-down arcade on the east side that I've passed by a couple of times on my own, we figured we could meet up halfway and go see what the place was all about. "Shit I wonder how this place stayed open for so long! I bet there's like asbestos in the walls and crap!" I said when we walked in, a bit too confident that the ticket desk guy's English wasn't all that great. He rolled his eyes, that could've meant two things, I went with the possibility he knew, but didn't care that much. No way in hell someone's going to label me as an ignorant American. Hell no. How could they anyway? My accent is never fading, no matter how many years go by. I think it has something to do with Nationfolk in relation to linguistics. No matter how much we can learn, something in our brains wants to switch back to the official language, or at least the most used one. "Shitty glow in the dark flooring with a side of cancer, just what I like." Y/N snorted. "Oh my fucking god Gilbert your hair." She stared at me, eyes big and mouth agape. "What? What about it?" I clapped my hands over my head maybe that bird was back again or, God, maybe something worse. "You look like a fluorescent light bulb!" She exclaimed and then threw her hands over her mouth. "I do?" With one hand still on my head, I pulled out my phone and opened the front-facing camera. "I do! Holy shit!" I laughed hard, pulling my bangs back and then letting them fall back over my forehead. My hair was glowing bright white with a pale electric blue tint to it. I stuck out like a sore thumb. No wonder I got all those weird looks at strip clubs! "That's crazy!" Y/N laughed. "Can I touch it?" This made me start laughing even harder, catching the attention of ticket desk guy. He started laughing too. "Oh yeah sure Y/N, pet me!" I snorted and looked down a bit as she reached over and patted my head. "Ooh-kay!" I wheezed, "Let's go get tokens now!" I coughed. She nodded and off we went. "Fight me in air hockey you fucking nub, let's go!" She grabbed my hand as soon as I gave her the tokens and tried dragging me over, foolish human! A wide grin formed across my face as I cracked my knuckles. "Alright Y/N, if you're so keen on suffering a crushing defeat at the hand of myself I won't stop you, but let it be known that it seems you've bitten off more than you can chew! Turn back now or else face the wrath of the awesome Gilbert Beilschmidt!" I cackled, she nodded a bit and slipped some tokens in the machine. "Spooky," she said, "but can you play as well as you talk?" She held the thin orange plastic puck in between her fingers and the machine started vibrating. Red score lights blinked on from above and the fans inside the game began blowing. "Try me, girl." I glared and clutched the striker in my left hand, bending down a bit, battle position. She smiled and held the puck high in the air. "Alright, 3, 2, 1." She dropped it.  
3-3 she was pretty good I'll admit, nobody beats me though. 827 years of training and war and victory and blood and learning, I'm not losing to a little human girl! Hell no I'm not ever! I hit the puck hard, my aim pretty much spot on but the extra firepower meant whenever she blocked it the puck ricocheted right back to me down the middle, or out of the rink all together. I almost killed the ticket desk guy on more than one occasion! It was a long and grueling battle, I began taking the lead once more, truly unstoppable til the very end where victory came in my favor! "Fuck my hand!" Y/N cursed and fell to the floor, no commas by the way, her hand demanded to be fucked apparently?  
She threw down the striker as I raised mine with pride "HA-HA! I WAS RIGHT AND YOU GOT FUCKED UP NOW DIDN'T YOU? MAYBE YOU'LL THINK OF THIS NEXT TIME YOU TRY-", there I was cut off, the ticket desk guy shot a glare my direction. "Keep it down." He said, in German too. I huffed and turned away. "Y/N! Let's go mess around with something else! Or are you too soul crushed and hurt by your tramatic loss?" I smirked, she stood up and pouted, then playfully punched my shoulder. "Jerk!" She said, a bit high pitched, but not a whine. I smiled. The look in her eyes said she was having fun, and I certainly was. The day was flowing more naturally than I had anticipated, again, I was thankful Y/N kept her spark with her and hadn't become a drooling idiot. We kept on playing more until the topic came up about Lazer tag for some odd reason. "The thing about Lazer tag is that Y'know it's fun and all but at least on me the chest pad is pretty heavy yknow, I gets uncomfortable!" She said, with a wink. It took me a moment to fully grasp why, then it dawned on me. "Oh! Yeah definitely! Shit, that probably feels like carrying 2 or 3 extra coats of armor!" I blushed a bit, thank God she couldn't tell. (Remember this was back before we were that open to each other, innocent little me couldn't dare to even think about another girl's breasts, much less a friend who was standing right beside me.) "The thing with me though is that I'm pretty much the absolute best person to have on the team when. It comes to Lazer tag, it's just the hair though it's kinda a big giveaway!" I sighed, she nodded though. "Yeah I get that. Have you tried wearing hats maybe?" She inquired, my turn to nod "Yeah of course! How would I have these perfect scores if I didn't! In a fight, it's critical to have as much defense as offense! Having killer aim means nothing if my enemy can spot me from miles away. The way I see it, adapt to your differences, survive, and win! It's simple really, you just pay attention to the Art of War and you're pretty much invincible." I smiled. She looked at me with a puzzled expression. "Did you serve in the military at all Gilbert?" She asked softly. My eyes darted side to side, ah, that question took me by surprise. "Yeah, I did." Truthful, good on you, Beilschmidt, you aren't a complete con today! She nodded. "Must be why you're so competitive. Good to know." She smiled warmly. I went silent... Painfully silent. Change the subject! "Have you ever ridden a motorcycle?"  
I asked, that was the first thing I could think of. "Why? Have you?" She asked back. Time for me to be a little shit again, "Yep, real old ones too, all the way back to World War one!" I grinned. She nodded to me, impressed, "I know you like working on cars and junk right, couldn't you build like this Frankenstein's monster motercycle-car thing and see how long it took to set on fire. That would be pretty cool." She said, bending over to get the tickets out of the Skee-Ball machine. I laughed, "I could, but only if I wanted to waste hours of my time in something only resulting in my demise! Speaking of working on cars and 'junk' I'm actually saving up on getting a brand new motercycle right now! Do you know how much people pay you if you can fix a 1945 fighter jet?" I asked, rolling my own Skee-Ball to the second hole, cursing under my breath. "No?! I don't?!" She said, amused. "Me neither, I hope it's a lot though!" I replied with a shake of my head and a sigh, and we both started laughing again. Time moved on forward though even with the fun we were having, and we eventually ran out of tokens and spending money so the date came to a close. "So uh, you wanna do Lazer tag sometime next week?" She asked me, "Yeah sure why not, I have nothing better to do." I said. And that was that. That was the start of the romance, and another 12 hour long prayer session. Next chapter gets a bit spicy, boy I sure did need that prayer session.


	5. Closure and Condoms

That night when I got home I made it a point to speak to my brother, I hadn't seen him all day and I wouldn't later In the evening, I would be at church, praying the entire rosary in one sitting, twice. I stepped into the door and the warm scent of my home engulfed me, clean, effective, and a bit sharp with a splash of alcohol here and there. Like a smooth working machine, maintenance was on us. I heard barking and the dogs came to greet me one by one. First Aster, then Berlitz, then Blackie. Then my brother..  
Ludwig walked up to me with a stern look on his face, typical. "You didn't think to call me?" He cocked his head to the side,"Why? Was I supposed to, mother?" I asked back, rolling my eyes, he sighed and shook his head, "No I suppose not, but I was starting to get worried. There's no need to act so immature Gilbert." He said. Poor poor little Luddy, he was worried about me:'(. "Right," I nodded, "Well I'm just about to go fix myself something really quickly to eat, then I have to go again Lutz; Its church time for me." I patted his shoulder,(oh and if you're so confused on why our held conversation seems a bit outdated or fancy or something I dunno, it's because it's high German, like the old stuff, we speak to each other pretty formally unless Ludwig has decided to start being an ass and slip into a,, ,, bear with me,,,, ,,Bavarian dialect Just to fuck with me! Disgusting. He has no place using the German equivalent to ain't and y'all, I raised him better. Fucking southerners.) Anyways, I began making my way towards the kitchen when Ludwig again stood in front of me. "Alright now I know something is up, you never slept last night did you? You snuck out correct?" I bit my cheek and turned my head a bit, backing up so he didn't look down to me, "Mmmmhh... I don't recall you being up at the time, how would you have known if I left or not?" I clicked my tongue. "You were in the chapel, then you were gone all day, now you want to go back. It isn't that difficult Gilbert just tell me what happened and I can help you with it! I'm your brother for Christ sake if you tell nobody else in the world about your problems you should be able to at least let me know!" he put a hand to his forehead, and closed his eyes, he was a stressed man. A ton of pressure was on him and he obviously didn't like handling personal issues, mostly because he didn't know how. Maybe that's my fault for not teaching him, maybe it's his for not understanding on his own. "I have no problem, West, stop worrying about it." I chuckled. He glared at me, "Don't be this difficult!"  
"Don't grit your teeth."  
"Don't go wandering out in search of divine enlightenment for days at a time, leaving me and everyone else who gives a crap about you to wonder if you're even still alive!"  
I rolled my eyes "Alright fine, I met someone a while back and things just became a bit complicated all at one time, and yes Ludwig, I did go out seeking 'divine enlightenment' because frankly, the grace of God is something I hold very dear to me and I find very soothing to bounce back on in times of need! That should've already been familiar to you! You've known me long enough, yet you act as if going to mass nowadays would kill you! Now, if you're still so terrified of the unreasonable why don't I just go read you a bedtime story so you can finally calm down and stop acting like such a child! I'm wasting time here now Ludwig, I have to go." We shot a final glare at one another and I finally pushed past him. "You have your beliefs Gilbert, as for me I want to keep an open mind and look forward to the people. this country is so diverse nowadays, I need to keep moving forward with that change. They wouldn't want me in a church like that anyway-"  
"Excuse me what?" I interrupted him,  
"There is no way in hell you just tried using an 'oh no they won't accept me' grab on me, Ludwig." I waved a hand in front of my face,  
"You've told me stories of how they beat you and drowned you and burnt you alive Gilbert! That doesn't exactly come off as too accepting now does it?" He groaned, I clicked my tongue again, turning my gaze upon my half made sandwich, "Yes but that was then and this is now little brother, for someone so spent up on 'moving forward' you seem lost in anything that has to do with the 21st century! Get with it pops! Hah!" I let out a laugh, luckily I managed to amuse Lutz at least a little bit. "Fine, maybe I'll go with you on Sunday." He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, about ready to call it in for the night.  
"That means you sleep in!" I shouted at him and pointed as he made his way upstairs to his bedroom, Berlitz following him close behind,  
"I wouldn't count on that." He said, "Guten nacht!" I called, there was no verbal reply, but Berlitz began barking in a mad frenzy as his tennis ball was thrown from the second floor, hitting me directly in the forehead from where I was standing, right in line with the staircase and the hallway. Berlitz then came bounding down the stairs and pummeled into me, knocking me over, "AH, WHAT THE HELL LUDWIG! THE DOG!" I shrieked in between copius licks from the German Shepherd's tongue. I heard my brother start laughing from his room and I couldn't help but smile. He did accompany me to mass that Sunday, and he said it was better than he remembered.  
But my brother really isn't the focus of this now is he, no no, that's right, this story is supposed to be about me and my girlfriend right? See, it all ties together, soon enough, Ludwig did find out about me and y/n. And although he wasn't too happy about it, he wouldn't blab, now Feliciano on the other hand? Well, he may or may not have overheard me and Ludwig talking one day and then the next thing I know I'm getting relationship advice from people that I never would've dreamed could say one positive thing about me, but now all of the sudden, a girl is in the picture so they need to treat me like I'm a student! I'm looking at you Hungary. Creep. "Girls like this," "Don't do that," "Oh good job Gilbert you did something right for once!" I'm sick if this patronizim! I'm not some doll or something! They've never even met the girl but they act like they know all! They had every little detail planned out for me, without me knowing! Do you have any idea how much shit I got when they found out our first kiss was at my house and not some fancy restaurant wearing a tux and blah blah blah. We were alone too! Or at least I thought. How it actually happened, well, it was simple, smooth, beautifully planned out and executed by yours truly! I was about 2 years ago. We'd just gotten back from seeing a movie, she didn't want to go back to her hotel room yet for whatever reason, so we decided to take a walk back to my house. As we were going along, I noticed she was acting a bit strange, not too much, but I knew something was up.  
"That flick sucked honestly." I said, a couple paces ahead of her, she was checking her phone for the twentieth time and I had gotten bored of moving along so slowly, the sun was setting and I didn't like how it hit my eyes, too dark with sunglasses, too bright without them. It was the dead of winter too, so of course, I had to keep on moving or else my teeth would start chattering almost instantly. "Yeah, it was pretty bad."  
She said, stuffing her phone back in her pocket and picking up her pace a bit to catch up with me. She had a nervous look on her face but smiled when I looked back to her. She grabbed my arm and I surrendered my hand from my pocket. Her fingers intertwined with mine and then separated again a bit, only lightly holding on to each other as we walked along the street. It was the first time we'd ever been quiet like that, It didn't feel awkward, just pleasant. The warmth of her hand was soothing and I'm sure she appreciated me being there as the sun went down, even if I was pretty much as blind as a bat until it truly became dark. Her phone beeped, and with a sigh, she pulled it out of her pocket with her other hand, gripping mine more tightly now. "Hey Y/N? Is everything alright?" I asked, pulling my sunglasses down a bit. I was squinting, I could barely see a thing, but I felt her nod. She let out a sigh, "Yeah it's alright, just drama with family and friends and stuff," she said.  
I nodded and pushed the sunglasses back up, I didn't want to deal with the dying sun any longer than I needed to. "Yeah, I know how that feels. You're with me though, if anything too hectic happens just let me know and I'll take care of it. Free of charge!" I grinned, she giggled, "Thanks, Gilbert, it's nice to know you got my back," she said. Whew, that felt nice and warm actually! I felt like maybe a flame in my chest began to be rekindled at the thought of being counted on again, appreciated again. By a human again. Ooh, there goes that negative thought coming back to taunt me. Oh well, I'll just have to deal with fate when she comes for me I guess. Y/N went back to her phone for a bit, then turned it off once more and shoved it back into her pocket. "They think I'm avoiding them." She said with an aggravated expression. "I mean to an extent maybe I am but they're accusing me of trying to run away now. I'm not! Just because I spend this much time away from home doesn't mean shit honestly, I have things to and other people to see, I have a job and I go to school, I'm an adult for God's sake! Everyone keeps acting like I'm doing something wrong, or that I don't know what I'm doing, but honestly I do! " She went on, I'll admit I was a bit shocked, and possibly a tad bit guilty, a big chunk of why she was spending all this time over here was because of me of course, but I could find logic in her frustration. "And it's not just my family Y'know! Even some friends from Uni keep going on and on to me 'ugh why do you keep going to Berlin, the trip was a year and a half ago ', and 'ooh you don't care about us anymore you just wanna hang out with your edgy boyfriend'. Like, Jesus Christ Susan! At least I actually have a boyfriend and not some cutout of Benedict Cumberbatch that I make love to in my closet every night! This is the real shit! You're the real shit right?!" She vented. I blushed. Hah hah, we'd been dating for a year and I still blushed when she called me her boyfriend. Real mature Gilbert, real mature. "Yeah!" I masked my embarrassment with a laugh, "Really Y/N, I wouldn't be too worried about it, they seem jealous!" I said. "You're probably right Gilbert, not many people get to keep traveling like this! I bet they wish they were here with us!" She exclaimed, and we went along like that, getting mad about things together until the moon had risen and we were at my house.  
Ludwig was doing computer work on his laptop when we walked in, he nodded and waved to us, Blackie had his head rested on Lud's lap, so Ludwig was in the odd position of working while lying back on the couch, with the laptop on his stomach. We carefully made our way passed Berlitz and Aster, who were practically climbing on top of each other to see us and made our way downstairs to my domain. Glad to be in a heated area again, I flopped down on the old couch and signaled Y/N to come join me. She did and we sat next to each other for what felt like a reasonably long while, then she spoke. "Are we changing Gilbert?" She asked. I thought for a moment,"How so Y/N?" I asked back."I mean like, how close we are. I don't know. I feel like when we first started dating we were more like just friends and now I'm feeling more like maybe we're starting to warm up to each other?" She said. "Yeah, I could see how you would think that." I said. It was quiet for a bit longer. "Do you feel like you like me like... Like that Gilbert?" She asked, very quietly. Again, I had to take a moment to think. Because honestly I didn't know. there was so many things I liked about her, and she was my type, she made me feel happy, and sometimes I began feeling like I needed to make her happy too. So, I guess I did start falling in love. "I think I do Y/N." I said. "Oh, really?" She said, I hesitated, then nodded. She smiled, "That's nice Gilbert, I feel like that too." Just then, I have no idea what had taken over me, but all of the sudden I leaned over and kissed her, right on the cheek. She blushed, I blushed. She put a hand up to her cheek and looked at me, I tried looking away but was unsuccessful. "I.. I didn't ask, I'm sorry. Don't be mad at me." I said. I began feeling my chest tighten up, I began hearing a soft beat, like the distant clack of tracks when a steam train went by in the distance. I hadn't heard that in a long time. It scared me, but that only made me more aware of it. "It's ok." Y/N said. "Can I kiss you back?" She asked. I nodded. She leaned up close to me, and softly, left a kiss on my lips.  
Just the next day I was visited by my dear half-brother,.. wait for it ... Rodrich. Barf. He came over just to lecture me because apparently word got out about me and Y/N the night before, gee wonder how that happened, Hungary.  
And he wanted me to know how disappointed everyone was with me for being so 'awkward and unfeeling' but also about how everyone was 'glad it finally happened'. Like my life had become a reality show. But you know what, that was nothing compared to what happened when I and Y/N actually started having sex. Oh, yeah, that's the big one. I have you know, beforehand I was not a virgin! Just making that clear! However, uhm... Up until that point I hadn't actually had intercourse with anyone since before the invention of the condom so... There's a funny story there. It was about a year back when I began realizing my feelings for her had turned sexual. I felt so guilty about it I began going to confession every week. I would have dreams about it, about her, and oh.. God I didn't know what was wrong with me! I felt ashamed to speak to her in person but I wanted to so bad, we were talking over the phone one night when she told me she was going to come visit me again and I just broke honestly, I couldn't take it anymore I need to tell her. Of course, I didn't go all crazy with it like,'oh I dream about me and you having sex all the time uwu xd" or anything, no! I tried starting subtly, I told her how I missed her, I told her that I thought she was beautiful, I told her I wanted to see her again really soon and about how I missed having her close to me, and oh jeez, I could feel her blush from the other side of the phone! Surely enough the next week she was back in Berlin and I could finally see her again. I was so happy. I met her at the airport and I had to hold myself back from tackling her and just never letting go of her! I brought her home and I let her talk about her every second while she was away from me, holding onto each note of her voice, she noticed how strangely I was acting and asked me what was wrong. "Y/N," I said, "I love you." I said, quieter now. "I love you too Gilbert." She said, taking my hands and holding them to her chest, rubbing my knuckles gently with her fingers. "I missed you, Y/N can you... Can you stay close to me for awhile?" I asked, my face was red, but at this point, I didn't really care. I needed her. She nodded and leaned into my chest. "You look really pretty today Y/N," I said, taking a deep breath. "Thank you Gilbert, you're acting really cute today, I like it." She said. I smiled. "I missed you Y/N," I repeated, she giggled. "I missed you too Gil." Something inside of me just snapped, all of the sudden I could hear my heart pounding in my skull and I was so wrapped up in her warmth, in her scent, in her voice, I didn't know what to do! " Y/N! " I exclaimed softly, " I missed you so much! I missed your voice, I missed your hair, I missed your touch, I missed your eyes, Y/N I love you. I want you to stay with me! Be close to me! Only you!" I stopped there, shocked at what I had just blurted. "Gilbert, do you really feel like that?" She asked me, softly, she began trembling a bit, I hugged her tightly. "Yes, I do." I answered. "Gilbert, do you think... Do you want to have sex with me?" I blushed really hard, really red, like a raspberry. Yeah, that hit hard. "If it's ok with you... Then.. yeah I do." I whispered. She nodded. "Ok then, let's.. let's do it. " She said. I led her back onto my bed and pulled out the condom I had in my back pocket. Let's see if I can get this on in one try, I started reading the instructions on the back of the wrapper, meanwhile Y/N had already taken off her bra without taking off her shirt, holy shit. I couldn't help staring, they were bigger then I thought, they looked so soft too, so warm. "Hey! I'm not done yet Gilbert, neither are you!" She said sheepishly. I blushed and fumbled around with the condom package again "Ah! Sorry Y/N, I couldn't help myself!" I chuckled nervously. "Sure," She said.  
Alright, I read over the instructions, they seemed pretty simple, start at the tip and roll on, now just to open the thing, I swear I tried for around 5 minutes before I finally got the thing openened and whew, Y/N was already undressed. "You.. you're... beautiful liebe..." I stammered. She blushed, "Thank you Gilbert. But could you hurry a bit, it's kinda chilly." She said. "OH YEAH!" I exclaimed and unzipped my pants, pulled off my shirt, and down went my underwear, I put the condom on exactly as instructed and damn that thing was strange it was tight and a bit uncomfortable honestly, but we're not married so, that's just the way it is I guess. (Or was at least, I found out later on that it was nearly impossible for me to get her pregnant, and I'm clean of any STDs so we kinda ditched the whole condom thing). "Y/N?" I asked, "Are you ready for me?"  
"Yes, Gilbert." She whispered. I situated myself at her entrance and pushed in slowly. She let out a small whimper and I became a bit scared, "Y/N? Are you ok? Do you want me to stop?" I asked, and she shook her head."Nn.. no, it.. it just hurts a little bit." She squeaked. "Do you want me to take it out?" I asked. She shook her head again, "I'm.. I'm ok now, just, just be gentle ok?" She said. I nodded. I slowly began rocking into her, savoring every little-whispered call to me she had, "I love you Gilbert." She said. It rang through my head softly like a wind chime, "That would be, 'Ich liebe dich, Gilbert." In German, can you say that for me, little birdie?" I asked, trying to make my expression as soft as possible, and my speech as understandable as possible, she nodded. "Ich liebe dich, Gilbert!" She called out, oh! How cute! She even tried mimicking my Berliner accent! "Ich liebe dich auch, Y/N." I finished, got rid of that damn condom, and we spent our first night together, holding each other close, never wanting to move.


	6. The Old Armchair and the Mass Accumulation of Metal in My Brain

"-And could you please get her a blanket, look at the way she's sitting, she must be cold. Poor thing."  
I nodded to him and turned my gaze down to the little grey and white dog curled up next to his feet, underneath his favorite armchair. There was something about Italian Greyhounds that always made me chuckle, they were always cold, they always wanted attention. Lucky for these little pups they had the best owner in the world, better than even me I would say. The man would close himself off from the rest of the world to spend time with these guys, and me of course! Though considering the way I acted towards him made me no less of an overly spoiled dog than they were. I would've done anything for him at the drop of a hat, or wave of the hand, and he would congratulate me and give me praise. Admittedly it wasn't always like that, first he was a brat then he was a forbidden secret and then he was my king. Literally. I suppose considering how close I was to the man, I should have known to keep note of the sharp claws fate had loomed over his shoulder for the 30 years prior to when it eventually happened. Then again maybe I did notice and preferred not to think about. After all, those years were when I was powerful, feared, and generally pretty happy. And it was all because of him.  
"Alright, I should probably be off to go get some sleep then." I said after the dog was finally done settling herself with the small quilt I had gotten her, "Unless there's anything else I can assist you with?" I looked over at him, hopefully. I didn't want to go, but it seemed like I wasn't the only one who was tired. He shook his head and waved me off. I let a faint sigh escape my lips. Alright, that's it then. Work is over for today, that's all. I thought to myself while leaving. Halfway down to the hall I began to hear him cough, there was a sudden dread that rippled through me, I turned around and went back to the room he was in, barely even stepping in fully, I more or less peeked around the corner. By that time he had already stopped coughing and was wiping his mouth with a handkerchief. "Ah!" I said, a bit startled when he looked up at me, "I forgot to say goodnight!" I gave a little wave and again he nodded. "Goodnight, Gilbert." He said it in French. "Yeah.. goodnight then." I responded, mentally cursing my click of the tongue. He chuckled and waved me off again, so I left.  
The next morning I began by doing everything as I normally would, it was like all my worries and suspicion I had the night before had vanished. I made my way down to where I had left him only to find the dogs wide-eyed and whimpering. My fear spiked back up again as I placed the pitcher of water I had gotten down onto a nearby table. My hands began trembling and my heart was booming like gunshots until it just stopped altogether.  
Friedrich II of Prussia sat dead in his armchair right before me and the rest of his loyal hounds. All of us speechless, and all of us lost. I forced myself to walk up to where he sat and gently laid a hand on his shoulder. "..No, no that's.. that's not right. Hey.. hey.. wake up.. this isn't-" There was nothing, nothing. He was cold. My mind was whizzing around in circles, I couldn't understand what was going on, everything was silent and cold and dry and I couldn't feel anything. I stood with a blank expression there in front of him for a moment until grief finally hit me like a leaded weight right in the middle of my chest. My nose burned and my eyes stung and realized I began crying. I didn't try to stop myself, I couldn't. I started to feel dizzy and I let myself fall to my knees. " DAMN IT! DAMN IT TO HELL! DAMN THIS WORLD! DAMN FATE! DAMN DEATH!" I yelled. "WHAT PURPOSE DO THEY SERVE OTHER TO MAKE ME SUFFER?" I hung my head low. The dogs whined behind me, and I began hearing rushed footsteps coming down the hall. "No matter what I do, no matter what anyone says, THE WORLD ALWAYS SEEMS TO KICK ME BACK AND LEAVE ME IN THE DIRT NOW DOESN'T IT?" I punched the floor, I preferred that pain in my hand to the pain in my chest. In the corner of my eye, I spotted my elder brother Marcus, and a couple of servants enter the room. "What's going on in here?" Marcus asked. "He's dead." I mumbled. "HE'S DEAD BRANDENBURG, THE KING IS DEAD. HE'S GONE." I started crying again, it was a pitiful sight, I couldn't stop it though. My vision was becoming increasingly more blurred, and I trembled every time I took a breath. I made out the faces of some of the servants exchanging looks to one another, of shock, and uncertainty and... relief. This infuriated me. Though it is true, Fritz had become more closed off and irritable in his final days, he never pushed me away, he always found it comfortable to talk to me in private, and I was thankful of the time we had together. These people had no right to be anything other than as grief-stricken as I was. Fritz had given this country power I could never have fathomed to have in my earlier years, he brought us to great things, and deserved everyone's highest respect as their king, even in death. How dare they, I thought. How dare they even think to consider relief. Marcus walked over to me slowly and put a hand to my shoulder, I pulled away and glared at him. "Don't touch me Marcus. I don't need your sympathy," I spat. " Then stop crying like a child and stand up." He said. I looked away, scowling. "Alright then," Marcus stood up and faced his attention towards the servants, more and more of them flooding in to witness the commotion, they seemed to form a circle around us, whispering and cautious. Marcus signaled to the crowd, "Why are you all standing around like frightened animals? Half of you need to go get word out and the other half stay here and help!" He instructed. All at once the circle broke apart and the whispers became worried chatter, most of the servants had left however some where still rushing in and out to see what was going on. Marcus was giving out orders left and right, people kept coming up to him, "Herr Brandenburg, what's going on in here?" Like it wasn't obvious, or, "Herr Brandenburg, is there anything I can do to help?" What special thing did they think they could somehow individually do to make this situation any better? My frustrations only grew more and more when it became apparent to me that Marcus didn't know what he was doing either. That man is all talk, he's good at making it seem like he knows more than he does, he royally sucks at explaining things though. It was eventually decided that it was time to move the body. I stood up again, I felt awful really, just an overwhelming sensation of hurt and anger just bubbled within me like molten iron. "STOP IT!" I shouted, they all just stopped and stared at me, like they had forgotten I could speak or something. "Let me carry him out," I felt tears coming on again, I swallowed hard, desperately Trying to keep my voice from cracking. "It's what he would've wanted," I bit down on my lower lip. Marcus took one look at me and shook his head. "Absolutely not. You're a mess. Go back to your room and get some sleep. I'll take care of things here, you need to go take time to collect yourself Gilbert," He said, calmly. "What makes you think you have any say in what I can and can not do Marcus?" I glared at him. "Last time I checked I was in a higher position than you, herr Margrave of Brandenburg." I walked up to him and poked him in the center of his chest with my index finger, he was a bit shorter than me now, he hated when I brought it up. I turned back towards Fritz, and again I felt a stabbing pain, strong enough to make it difficult for me to breath. "God... Why, why did you have to take him away? What did I do to deserve this fate? This cursed existence watching great men die all around me while I am powerless to do anything about it." I spoke quietly, practically murmuring, I placed a hand to fritz face for the last time, and I felt another wave of tears roll down my cheeks. "Last time I checked, herr Prussia, you were sniveling like a toddler, unable to spit out a full sentence without drowning in your own tears. I know this is hard on you but you're in no condition to be doing anything related to this today. You just can't. Understand?" Marcus said, there was pity in his voice. I grit my teeth and spun around to face him again, I had to hold myself from just decking him right then and there. "WELL FINE THEN, " I shouted "YOU CAN CARRY ON DOING THOUGHTLESS TASKS AND SEE WHERE THAT TAKES YOU, JUST DONT COME CRYING TO ME WHEN HIS GHOST RETURNS TO BITE YOU IN THE ASS, MARCUS YOU IGNORANT BASTARD!" And with that, I picked up one of the dogs and stormed down the hallway to my room, and the others ran to follow. We were in the same boat, so I figured it would be nice to stick together for a bit longer. I let the one I was holding down on the floor gently, and as the others cautiously made their way to the corner of my bedside, I slammed my door closed and sat down on my bed, facing the little dogs. They were as hurt as I was, they crowded next to each other in a sad little ball, whimpering and whining. "I'm sorry," I said, I don't exactly think I was talking to them. "I'm so sorry." I hid my face with my hands and wept. "I couldn't do anything about it I'm sorry!" I wailed,  
"Even in the back of mind I knew this day would come, but I remained naive to it!" My speech was barely understandable through my heavy sobbing, I had never cried that much, and I don't believe I will ever again. It just hurt so much, I don't even know how to explain it. I felt the dogs coming up close on my legs, nosing my feet and letting out soft whimpers every time I twitched along with a staggered, painful breath. I reached a hand down and brushed my fingertips along one if their heads. "He was a great man, don't worry.. you'll see him again.. one day."  
I began to calm down a bit, when all of the sudden I heard a knock on my door. "It's Mark," He said. "Fuck off." I rolled my eyes. "I need to talk to you about something." He said, ignoring me. "I said fuck off Marcus, you're the last person I want to talk to." At this he opened the door. "I find it funny how you sound just like him," he chuckled and took a seat right next to me, causing the dogs to get frightened again and retreat to the other side of me. "That was way back when Katte-" he stopped. "Well, you know." We didn't look at eachother, not once. I just nodded and he must've sensed I knew exactly what he was talking about. "I'm guessing you're feeling the same things as he did back then." I shook my head at this, "Katte's death was cruel and unjust," I said, "That fucking taint kisser Friedrich William was to blame for that!" I cracked my knuckles, God, I hated that guy. "Fritz's death was predictable. He died in his sleep. The toll taken on me would've been much worse, I think, if it was as sudden as something like that," I said. "You were so close to him though," Marcus said, turning to me now and putting a hand on my shoulder. "You loved him, didn't you Gilbert?" I couldn't look at him, still. I took a deep breath. "That's absurd. He was a human Marcus, and a man on top of that." He took his hand away from me. "I knew it." He said. "My brother is a faggot." I took in a sharp inhale and stood up. "What do you mean?! I never said ANYTHING about that! You can't go making accusations like that Marcus, how dare you!" I said, panicking, what was I supposed to do? I couldn't let a soul know about this, I could be killed, no, no that was an understatement. I couldn't die like that, I've tried already, I'd be tortured and locked away for the rest of my life. And it would all be the fault of my own brother. "Don't worry, I won't tell anyone," he said. "You can trust me Gilbert. I wouldn't do that to you." I couldn't take it anymore, I couldn't. My mind had been thrown and beaten and broken too many times in one day , I didn't have the strength to say anything more about it. I reluctantly took his word and sat back down on the bed. " If all you wanted was to get blackmail info out of me, you got it. Now, leave." I pointed to the door, but Marcus shook his head. "No, no Gilbert. I actually wanted to talk to you about something." I rolled my eyes at him and leaned back over the bed. "Alright fine, but make it quick, all this crying has made me dehydrated as hell, and I could use a good swig of something." I huffed. Marcus flicked my head, "It's not even noon yet, I can't have you being both depressed and drunk all day Gilbert." He said. "Shut up." I replied. Marcus sighed. "We're going to be moving his chair out of here Gilbert. Along with some of his books and other belongings. He'll be buried with his father and the rest of his family back in Berlin, and his nephew, Friedrich William II will likely be his successor. I sat back up and stared at Marcus, all of that rage from before was starting to come back to me, "Are you out of your mind Marcus? Have you paid no attention to him at all? He wanted to be buried here, at Sansscoussi! And his belongings should remain here as a reminder to everyone of how wonderful he was! Next you'll be saying to me that we should do something as unthinkable as selling his flute! Honestly Marcus! Have you no respect?" I blinked at him and he nodded. "Alright. Just wanted to get your input before we did anything. I'll go clear this up. You should actually get some rest though Gilbert." And with this he stood up from my bed. And walked towards the door. "You have my condolences, I'll be seeing you later." And he left.  
I let out a deep sigh and closed my eyes. Once again leaning back on the bed. The dogs began pawing at me once more, and I figured it wouldn't do much harm to let them on the bed next to me, so I did just that. They were comforting. It was nice to know that someone else felt almost exactly as I did, even if they were dogs and, could not speak. Even if I was more relaxed now I still felt off. I couldn't sleep, not a wink. There was an eirie silence, almost like a ringing, or buzz of a swarm insects. Not calm silence, it was the choking kind, the kind that would steal your soul and feed it to Satan's hellhounds if you listened too much into it. I didn't like it. I felt lost. Political drama was starting to set in on me, I felt a headache coming on, people outside of the palace must be getting word of what happened. The next few weeks were going to be very, very stressful on me. But, I couldn't focus on that at the moment, I couldn't focus on anything. I closed my eyes. Darkness swirling around me, I could make out patterns and images floating across my eyelids if I really tried to, just some simple tricks of the mind that one can play with themselves as a distraction to a God-awful reality. Then I felt something other than the suffocating silence and the spiraling constellations. I felt a presence. Not the dogs, not my brother, not any one of the palace staff. It was a warm presence. One I'd felt before. He put a hand across my forhead. I felt like I was going to cry again. I didn't open my eyes though, I was afraid it was going to be someone else. "It's going to be alright, trust me." He said. I nodded and again tears just started rolling, this time however, I made it a point to wipe them away, I would not show weakness to him. Not even as a ghost. "I'll miss you." I said. "Go and speak to Brandenburg." There was a soft ringing in the distance. "Can't you stay here just a bit longer? Please.." My voice was quivering, fading in and out from a soft mumble, to almost nothing but breath. "Go and speak to Brandenburg." There was that soft ringing again, quieter this time, and his presence slowly faded away. I sat up again, slowly opening my eyes. "Alright your majesty, I'll take care of it." I stood up and calmly stepped out of my room. Slowly walking down the hallway, my steps were quiet, my senses heightened. I payed close attention to every detail of what passing staff said, every word every tone, just to find out what the hell was going on around here. "Yes it turns out Herr Brandenburg wants us to move it out anyways, apparently it's got something to do with his younger brother. You know how close those two were, apparently something about being an absolute freak means that you get to spend extra time with the royalty. What I would do to be immortal, those boys really are lucky now aren't they?" One of them said. I stopped, tuning it in a bit more. "You really think they're immortal?" Another said, the first one nodded. "Absolutely, I've been working for the king for 30 years, they haven't aged a day. It's the devil's work I tell you!" They said. The second one caught sight of me and elbowed the other gossiping servand in the rib. They turned around and gave a nervous wave, acting like nothing had happened. I rolled my eyes and carried back on my way, more briskly this time, throwing the doors to Fritz's study wide open, if what those laidies had said we're true, Marcus was about to be in some deep shit. "BRANDENBURG!" I screamed. "YOU LYING SON OF A BITCH!" I ran over to him and pounded a hard blow right to the side of his face, he stumbled back, shocked. "I thought.. I told you to go and get some rest, Gilbert." He rubbed his jaw. What a nerve, he's still acting like he's in charge of me! "YOU SAID YOU WOULD CLEAR THIS ALL UP NOW DIDN'T YOU? AND I COME AND FIND OUT THAT NO, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO WANTS THE CHAIR TO BE MOVED NOW AREN'T YOU? " I pushed him, he stumbled a bit, regaining posture almost instantly though, he knew I was a better fighter than him, he would try resolving this with words, I didn't wanna talk though. "YOU ARE AN IGNORANT PIG, MARCUS REINER BEILSCHMIDT! YOU KNOW THAT, DON'T YOU?" I spat in his face, pushing him again, he didn't move this time. " Make a move you slimey motherfucker. Do it. I dare you, disrespectful, jealous fucking son of a bitch. You just had to do that didn't you. You're a sick fuck Marcus. YOU'RE MADE OF HORSE SHIT!" I yelled. People were crowding around again, now more shocked and scared than anything. "ALL OF YOU ARE TRAITORS. ALL OF YOU ARE IGNORANT PIGS. I SHOULD DO THIS TO ALL OF YOU!" I screamed again and punched Marcus in the nose, then in the gut. Everyone took a big old three steps back, just to be safe. Mark's nose was bleeding, I think I broke it actually, it never really looked the same after that. He was coughing and wheezing and everyone including myself just stared. "It was going to hurt you more... If you had to keep seeing it every time you came over here...." He wheezed. I let out a deafening cackle, my sarcasm was heavy. "Hurt me? It looks like you're the one doubling over in pain!" I sneered. "Im dead serious Gilbert!" He fixed his posture and spoke again. "You know how close you were to him! That chair was only going to remind you that he's gone and he's never coming back!" He raised his voice. I have to admit there was probably some truth to his statement, I didn't let myself believe it though. I stood there, staring at him with unmeasurable amounts of contempt as he spoke. "Stop being such a brat and listen to me for once." He said, calmly. He glanced over to the empty chair and then back to me. I felt a spike of dread surge through me. Don't say it. Don't you dare tell. You son of a bitch, don't you dare rat me out! "You knew this was going to happen so why did you do it anyway? You have no right to blame me for this! I'm just trying to make things easier!" My patience was gone, I tackled Marcus and pinned him to the floor, landing punch after punch on to his now bruised and bloody face. "You're jealous of me! That's what it's always been hasn't it! You were jealous because for once I was the favorite and not you! And now you're acting like my superior just to spite me right? Well, in case you haven't noticed Marcus," I held his head in place, he was gasping for air and squirming around like a bug, I put more pressure down on his elbows with my knees and he groaned in agony. I brought my fist down hard right on his teeth, the back up again "That-" I struck again, "Doesn't-" and again, "Seem-" again, " Like-" again, "it's-" and one more time, "working," his front teeth were chipped and bloody, his eyes were darting side to side madly in fear, the audience gasped and wailed, still not daring to come near us. I would've been a bit remorseful at the sight of this broken man underneath me, if he was a regular guy I would've just ruined his face for the rest of his life, but he wasn't a regular guy, he was the Margrative of Brandenburg, his teeth would be back and pretty within the next few hours. Our teeth just did that, they were stronger than most other bones in our bodies, they always came back, no matter how many times you lost them. Though, they could come back crooked, that's got to do with the structure of the skull and what happened to make you lose the tooth. The rest of the injuries dealt though were by my hands, another nation's hands, his face would be bruised and bleeding and ugly for a while afterwards, like, a day and a night max. Marcus kept on gasping for air, unable to speak. He wouldn't look at me directly. He was too afraid to. He thought I might've gouged out his eyes if he did, and rightly so! Those swirling pools of steely blue were beginning to annoy me, going round, and round, and round, just pay attention to me for once! Stop trying to get out of it! "You just can't accept the fact that I'm better than you now and to that my words should be final, that's it." I said, a wicked grin was stretched across my face, I looked pure evil, I felt like it too. It felt kinda good to take out my pain on someone else. I know that's not what Fritz wanted but that's what it ended up as. I took a deep breath and began relaxing the pressure on Marcus's elbows. Bad idea. He pulled an arm out almost as soon as I let go and jabbed me in the throat. I felt the wind being knocked out of me and I struggled to breathe. It hurt it hurt it hurt it hurt oh holy SHIT did that hurt. I couldn't, I couldn't breathe, he hit me again in the stomach and I began succumbing to the suffocation. Then everything went black.

I woke up in darkness. My head hurt like hell and I was cold. Something didn't seem right. I stood up, I had to get back there. I had to stop Marcus from taking everything away! Marcus... I hadn't seen him since around the early 1900s. Then the memories started flooding back to me like a dam had just broke. That was strange though. That dream felt exactly like I was living through it again, I could almost taste the dust and blood caked on my teeth from when I fell back on the floor after losing consciousness. Hey... I did taste blood! I ran my tongue along the inside of my cheek. It was all ripped up and bitten deep. It stung. I must have bitten it in my sleep. I walked over to my dresser and stared into the mirror. My room was almost pitch black. Red lights of a digital alarm clock stabbed through the darkness, the only noticeable thing in the room besides some vague, dark looking figures and the soft buzzing of the heater. I narrowed my eyes, the clock read 4:36 a.m. I sighed. I couldn't go back to sleep now. I was too wound up. I was shakey and dizzy and cold. Really cold. I noticed a shift in blankets on my bed and I Immediately straightened my posture, my eyes had to be playing tricks on me right? I heard a soft sigh. No, no they weren't. I quickly realized that it was my girlfriend, asleep and unconsciously repositioning herself now that I wasn't next to her. I relaxed again and closed my eyes. So much had changed since that day when Fritz died. I was surprisingly still around to witness it all, be a part of it. It was a frightening concept really, I actually didn't look down on Marcus for giving up back around 100 years ago and starting a new life as a human. It was tough. But, I'm a tough person and I can handle anything the universe throws at me. That's why I'm still here. I opened my eyes back up again and another wave of dizziness spread over me, then a chill broke out and I trembled furiously like a dog. Every time I swallowed I tasted more and more blood, that wasn't going to go away any time soon. Neither was this fever. My skull felt heavy and piercing pains shot from above my eyes to the center of my head. I needed to lay down. I made my way over to my bed and sat down. I thought for awhile, then I decided to lay down on Y/N's chest. She was warm. It was comforting. But at the same time I had to remind myself, she doesn't know me, she doesn't know who I am. I'm a liar. I'm going against my own code. She doesn't know. She doesn't know anything. Time passed and time passed the darkness became a bit brighter and I began hearing birds, I didn't know whether they were inside or outside of the house, I didn't bother to get up and check either. It was Monday. The day she had to leave again. I knew I would miss her, I always did. But I don't know. Something was telling me I only needed to 'put up' with it until she was gone. I didn't like that. But still, there was this gripping sense of something not being right I felt in my chest. It was the facade I was making up. She thought I was normal. She thought I was cool and nice and normal and all that except for a couple obvious things and that was all. There was no 827 years, there was 28. There was no binding and breaking of my left hand, there was that one time I fell off a motorcycle when I was 16 and I was too proud to go get the bones reset, I did it myself. There was no dissolution, no Berlin Wall, there was a heart surgery. That's what she knew. That's all what she thought she knew. It killed me to lie to her face like that. It really did. The difference between her and Fritz was that I didn't have to lie to Fritz. He knew from a young age that I was different. Y/N was different one now. I had to hide myself from her. I didn't like it. She meant the best, she loved me. At least she thought she did. I just couldn't let myself get used to it. I was afraid. I was afraid of being left. I was afraid of being pitied. I didn't want to deal with it again. I didn't want to be fussed over, I didn't want to give history lessons every time I spoke to her. I wanted to act like I did with Fritz but I couldn't. Times had changed. I'm not who I used to be, and she's not royalty. I'm doing it again. I know what is going to happen, so why am I doing it anyway? When she died it was going to be Ludwig who I would fight with and not Marcus. I didn't want that again. So why am I still here? I had to remind myself again, I'm tough. I can handle anything the universe throws at me, that's why I'm still here.  
I'll always be here.

I laid there, listening to her heartbeat for a while longer. Then her alarm went off. It was 6:30 a.m. She had to get ready for her flight back home. I had to get ready to watch her leave again. We would be miserable. We would miss each other. We would have sex when we saw each other again. It's all the same pattern. Come on Gilbert, don't be like that. I cursed at myself underneath my breath. I felt her breathing change as she woke up, reaching for her phone and turning off the clock. She yawned and ran a hand through my hair. She pulled it back suddenly, I flinched.  
"Gilbert are you feeling alright? You're burning up!"

"Yeah. I'm ok."


	7. Guts and Glory

Again, she put a hand to the top of my head. "I gotta take your temperature or something really you're not usually this hot." I rolled my eyes and turned my head towards her. "I already told you, I'm fine. I just have a fever, that's all," I said. She moved a bit and sat up. I was still leaning against her, but it was a bit less comfortable now, I had my back arched and my head was on her lap. "Can you sit up?" She asked. "I can." I said with a slight chuckle, " I just don't feel like it." She nodded and caressed the side of my face with her hand. "You haven't been crying, have you? Your eyes are all puffy," She said. I closed my eyes. I must've cried in my sleep, I didn't while I was awake, but I couldn't be too sure. "I don't remember," I said. "You just look kinda.. kinda sad Gilbert. I dunno maybe it's because you're sick?" She inquired. I sat up now despite the protests from my headache and dizzying vision and looked her in the face, "Do I really look that bad?" I sniffed, as a joke mostly. But part of me really wanted to know if I really looked as bad as I felt. She pulled me into her embrace. She was so warm. I loved it. "No it's not that bad. You only sorta look like a dead body today." I pushed out a laugh, and then a cough followed. "Well gee, thanks Y/N." I sighed, and tried relaxing myself a bit more. She rubbed a hand up and down my back, trying to soothe me. I let my chin rest over her shoulder. "I'm gonna miss you Y/N." I took a deep breath of her scent. My chest ached. I didn't care though, it always hurt nowadays. I guess I just noticed it more. "I don't have to leave if you need me Gilbert, I can cancel it. It's not that big of a deal." I thought for a moment and shook my head. "I'm fine. Plus, you need some time to yourself right? You didn't even bother getting a hotel room this time! Don't you feel kinda weird spending all this time in a place full of dudes?" I snorted. She spent the whole month with me. No hotel room. We slept together and did this and that together just like it was a normal part of our schedules. Ludwig was the one who really had to do the most adapting I think. The thing is with Ludwig, he's probably not comfortable with me telling this so keep a secret! ;) He's gay. Flaming. He doesn't know how women work. He never did. He was always a wreck around Y/N, he acted too polite, and maybe a bit protective over me. He became accustomed to leaving doors closed and being out of the bathroom or out of the house around time we woke up. I kinda felt bad. Strain on kinda. Y/N looked at me with an amused expression. "It's not just you guys remember, there's Aster," She said. I nodded "And that weird stork that lives on the roof." I chimed. She giggled, "Yeah she's a bitch though." There was a pause. "Are you sure you're gonna be ok?" She said. I rolled my eyes. "Positive." I said. "Go.. go get ready or something." I rolled off of her. I miscalculated it a bit though, I ended up falling off of the bed. "Holy shit! Are you ok?" She looked over at me, I was crumpled over on the floor with my head held in my arms. "Yup, spectacular." I said, smiling sheepishly. I hit my head, that was just another thing I would have to deal with people fussing about. Good going. She stood up. She was wearing an undershirt and a pair of shorts. She stretched, and tossed a blanket over me. I moved my hands down and began rubbing the back of my neck. I blushed a little bit. She was always so cute in the mornings. She always had bedhead and would wear the cutest pajamas. No matter what they were, or what they weren't. She would say the same thing about me. I needed a shave though, and my hair needed to be washed, it got really oily if I missed a day. I was wearing an old wife beater and a pair of boxers. Right now I was at the 'gangly 30 y/o whos unemployed and hasn't showered in a couple days probably lives off of cigarettes and beer,' Stage. She was in the 'cute curvy flower GF with messy hair and warm hugs, probably about to go sing in the shower to some goofy pop song but with the wrong lyrics,' stage. I sighed again. I really was going to miss her. My head pounded and I cursed at my own heart, this honestly was the worst time to start throbbing like that. I shivered and heard the guest bathroom door close. Then I pulled the blanket off from over my head, stood up and threw on a hoodie. I made the bed, and I only felt like passing out once! Good progress! "Gilbert!" She called. I turned around and went over to the guest bathroom, I didn't open the door though. "Yeah, what's up?" She opened the door and a puff of steam came out from inside, she was towed, but I still felt a bit bashful at the sight. "It's fine. You see me naked all the time." She laughed and nudged my shoulder, "Do you know where I put my bra? Also I gotta talk to you after I get dressed, ok?" I blinked, "Nnoo- Oh yeah! I put it by your stuff next to the bed, here I'll go get it hold on." I went back over and bent down to get it, then I felt an overwhelming sense of dizziness rush over me. I leaned back over onto the bed and closed my eyes. She must've noticed something was wrong so she came and got it herself. I could tell she was getting dressed, so I kept my eyes shut. "What did you want to talk to me about Y/N?" I asked. I heard the shuffling stop and she zipped up her suitcase. She sat down next to me and leaned her head on my shoulder. I decided it was time I could open my eyes again. "Gilbert you really don't feel well now, do you," she said. I groaned and wrapped my arm around her shoulder. "I'm fine okay? Don't worry so much." I chuckled. "It's not only that either. You've been acting really quiet all morning. What happened? Is there something wrong? Usually the day I have to leave we're chattering the entire time. I'm worried. Did I say something? I didn't mean that earlier, I know how you feel about your heart condition and your skin condition. I was only joking really. I'm sorry if that made you upset." She said, softly. I shook my head. "No, that didn't bother me." I said, patting her on the shoulder. She sighed, "Then what is it? You need to tell me this stuff Gilbert. I need to help you." I narrowed my eyes. "What makes you say that? I don't need any help Y/N you should know that by now, I can handle this stuff by myself." I suppose my tone became a bit sharper. She sat up straight and I felt compelled to look her in the eyes. There was no pity, there was no understanding, there was only more and more built up concern and a general softness in her eyes. It threatened me, it threatened my secret. I couldn't look away though. "How am I supposed to even know what 'this stuff' is if you won't tell me?" She asked. "It's nothing you need to worry about," I said. This was going nowhere. I couldn't keep making up excuses, but what was I supposed to tell her 'I had a dream about my boyfriend from 280 years ago and I'm afraid I'm gonna make the same mistake with you that I did with him'? I was stuck. "Gilbert stop that, stop hiding yourself like that, it's rude honestly! There's people in this world who care about you and you act like this with everyone! Just let go of your pride for once please!" She pleaded. I narrowed my eyes even more, I was getting a bit annoyed now, why couldn't she just let it go? Who cares what I deal with? That's my problem! "No." I said. Now she stood up. "What do you mean 'no'? You can't just avoid this stuff Gilbert it's important! How do you expect to get better if you don't tell anyone about your problems?" She said. "Better?" I scoffed, "I don't need to get 'better' unless you mean physically, then yeah I could do without this fucking fever. But you know about that don't you? I'm not magically healed though right?" Now I was starting to get cocky, she knew that and I could tell she was trying really hard to keep her patience with me. "Gilbert don't act like that! I'm trying to talk to you!" She said. Now I stood up, she flinched a bit, but I was really starting to be frustrated now. She was practically cornering me, mentally, that is. I didn't know what to do and I was getting a bit frightened I'll admit. "ACTING LIKE WHAT? MYSELF? IS THAT A PROBLEM ALL OF THE SUDDEN? I'VE ALWAYS BEEN AN ASSHOLE, Y/N GET USED TO IT!" I shouted. She took a step back. Just then I heard Ludwig call from upstairs, "Is everything alright down there?" He called. "YEAH ITS JUST HUNKY-DORY LUDWIG, STAY OUT OF IT!" I yelled back. My throat was starting to hurt. "See you're even doing it to him now! Your own brother!" She raised her voice a bit, she began to go a higher pitch too just slightly, but it was a trait of nervousness, I was starting to win. "At least he understands! AT LEAST HE DOESN'T PESTER ME ON FOR HOURS AND MINDS HIS DAMN BUSINESS! YOU JUST DON'T GET IT DO YOU?" I put a hand to my head and tilted it back. " Yeah, I think I would start understanding pretty quick though if you started showing some ACTUAL EMOTIONS LIKE A REAL HUMAN BEING AND NOT JUST PUSHING EVERYTHING AWAY LIKE IT DOESN'T MATTER! YOU ACT LIKE A SUPERIOR BEING WHO DOESN'T HAVE ANY WEAKNESSES AND I KNOW THAT'S A BLATANT LIE, I'VE SEEN THEM BEFORE I SEE HOW YOU ACT. STOP TRYING TO ACT ALL SPECIAL YOU'RE NOT THAT DIFFERENT FROM EVERYONE ELSE DAMNIT!" She screamed. I paused. She really had noticed it then. I let out a sigh and then chuckled. "You know Y/N, there's a very, dramatic change between me and you. In, how we see things, in how we think about things, and in well, what we feel." I was strangely calm, I could feel the clasps of the cage I was in start to loosen, though it was still confined, for the most part, any sudden moves and a trap would go off, and I would be dead. Like a hunted rabbit. She narrowed her eyes at me. "What do you mean? What wha-" I cut her off, "To put it simply, I have a greater understanding of how the world works than most people, Y/N, anything I would tell you about myself you wouldn't be able to understand." She shook her head, "What have you been watching too much Rick and Morty or something? What are you going on about, 'better understanding of the world'? Do you think I'm some kind of idiot? " She said. I shook my head. "You're nowhere near idiotic. I'm just in a higher position than you in life, that's all. It's nothing wrong with you, it's just biology really, you were born like you and I was born like me and that means I can physically and mentally process more things than you at higher speeds, I'm awesome really, if you think about it. Most people would've never dreamed to go places where I've gone and do the things I've done. It's not that hard, really Y/N. We're just different." And that was that. She closed her mouth and grabbed her suitcase. "Bye." She said, beginning to walk up the stairs. "Wh- hey wait where are you going?" Dead rabbit. "I'm leaving Gilbert. You're too much. I'm sorry. I can't deal with it. I tried. I tried really hard. I tried to be nice to you, I wanted to be as open as I could to you, I wanted to make you feel safe. I wanted you to know I was there for you! But you're just too.. too proud. You really think that poorly of me? After I've sucked up to you like you were some kind of God?" She sniffed. There were tears forming in her eyes. She blinked and they began to spill. " I loved you. I still do. I don't want to leave but you don't... You don't care." Dead rabbit, dead rabbit, how are you going to run away now? The hunters are here, they all smelled your fear, and now you'll be skinned and cooked for someone's supper.  
"Y/N, please, I... I didn't mean it like that please don't.. don't leave. Hold on a second." I grabbed her hand in a panic, she tried pulling away but I wouldn't let go. "What do you want Gilbert? Do you just want to hurt me more or are you going to actually apologize and tell me what's wrong?" She choked through tears. "I want to show you something." I said. "I have a feeling it's going to explain everything much better than I could verbally." She stopped and looked at me. "No more secrets?" She asked. I shook my head. "It's the only one. I promise." I said, quietly. "Fine," she sighed and wiped her eyes. "It must be a pretty big deal. Show me." I let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you Y/N! Come-" I led her back downstairs, still holding her hand. She was a bit weary, a bit more cautious. She lingered close to the mouth of the stairs. "I gotta put on pants hold on a sec." I said, letting go of her arm for a moment to go get dressed. "Hurry up though, I don't have all day." She said. I nodded, "Ok, come on!" I said, grabbing her arm again and running back upstairs. "You know how we have that shed in the backyard?" She nodded. I caught a glance at my brother as we ran out the door and I went barefoot into the grey slush outside lining the sidewalk. He stared wide-eyed at us, he had heard what I said. He wasn't too pleased with me. I slammed the door closed before he had a chance to speak and we kept running. It was February. I hated February, it was cold and bleak and it brought up too many bad memories. It was fucking cold! And I was sick! Really, really good choices today Gilbert, keep it up and you might just end up as dead as the world wants you to be! We reached the shed and I was practically bouncing up and down, I was shaking so hard and my teeth were chattering, and not only because I was cold. "Ok. Ok it's in here. Everything is in here." I put in the combo for the padlock. It clicked, and I slowly pushed the doors open. The shed wasn't exactly a shed. It was very large and it had ventilation and carpeting and heating and it was pretty sturdy considering how old it was. And considering how old everything inside of it was. There was that scent of old leather, and gunpowder, and old archiving ink. It smelled like a museum, but more well-used probably. Y/N peered over my shoulder into the pitch black room. No windows were ever put in here, they were never going to be put in here. "What is this place?" She asked, a nervous, albeit a bit curious tone to her voice, like from one of those crappy mummy movies when the kids accidentally find the tomb and then proceed to then set off every goddamn trap in the place. This was authentic curiosity though. "Y/N, this, this is everything, this is like, my entire life in one room. Minus everything destroyed or sold or lost or something like that." I reached above me and pulled the switch for the light bulb. Hazey yellow light filled the room with a click and the sound of a retracting chain as I let go of the coil. Everything was revealed then. Mountains worth of handwritten books organized chronologically in rows on bookshelves lining the room. Picture books, they took the most effort put in to keep them secure, they had their own separate shelf on the top, each picture was kept in it's own separate pocket. Right along with old news articles and headlines, little stuff like about the prototype bicycle, or big stuff like my brother's inauguration. Along with that, there were glass cases with neat, folded uniforms from my own inauguration from 1701, to my brother's, that specially fixed to his frame back in 1871, it was a rather small thing, it was hard to believe he was ever that small. They were all organized by each circa, crisp, clean, and beautifully preserved by yours truly. There were a couple sheaths hung on the walls, the same symbol was engraved on each one, matching that of the black Prussian eagle and it's many reincarnations. On top of the shelves sat a couple old helmets, the styles ranging from 1860-1920, each from a different branch of the military. Y/N stared at it all, mouth agape and in awe. I smiled and stepped over to one of the bookshelves. I took out a picture book from the top shelf and flipped to a page. There was an old black and white picture of Ludwig and Blackie. The date was January 18, 1850 Ludwig looked about 10, Blackie was just a puppy. He was squirming around so much though that the spot where the dog was supposed to be was a grey blur with darker spots smeared on around the middle, showing where the dog's eyes were. Ludwig was holding Blackie like a baby, he was giving off the biggest smile I had ever seen him make. His cheeks were round and you could faintly make out tears on the sides of his face. I remembered that day. It was 'our' birthday. At the time, Ludwig didn't have an actual birthday because technically he wasn't a country yet, so I decided that the easiest date would be on January 18th, the same day as when the Kingdom of Prussia was officially created in 1701. Coincidentally enough January 18th was also the same day Lud originally became a country in 1871, so we pretty much kept the same date until just recently. October 3rd, 1990 was the day Eastern and Western Germany was officially united as a whole, presumably for the last time. And, that was the day I officially retired. January 18th, 1850 was a particular date though, Ludwig had been acting rather conflicted during the whole month prior, it worried me and Marcus. I decided try to ease the pressure of whatever he was going through at that time and I got him a little dachshund puppy. He named it Blackie after its color. That was probably the happiest day in Ludwig's life. I smiled and turned the book towards Y/N. "Look at this little guy!" I handed her the book. "He was such a little twig back then right?" I asked, rhetorically. She just stared at it. "1850?.. 1850?" she murmured repeatedly. "You can flip around in there if you'd like, just make sure you don't leave it open in the light for too long," I said, turning and humming as I took one of the helmets off of the shelf. "Oh my God Gilbert, come look at this!" She said suddenly. "What? What's wrong?" I went back over to her. Not many pages ahead, she found a page full of a couple photos from around the same time. Of me, Marcus ,and Ludwig. I had two pictures though, I had refused to stiffen my lip the first time they had taken it so there was one shot of me smiling, and another looking very very stern. My hair was slicked back and I wore a monocle in my left eye. There was some stubble on my upper lip, not much, just a little fuzzy. I was trying to go for a handlebar, it seems silly nowadays but what can I say? They were in style back then! I never even made it to the full stache anyway. Y/N pointed to those two pictures, "Is that who I think it is?" She giggled. I shrugged, making a dumb little smirk. "Hey I was hot shit back then!" I said. She just laughed. "I'm sure you were!" She glanced back to me, then to the picture again. "You look... healthier.. in this picture." She said. Narrowing her eyes. "And it's not just because you're sick." I looked away. "You don't even look that much younger in this picture than you do now either. Like Maybe a 5-10 year difference." I got quiet, thinking to myself, was I really doing this? She's just about to fit the missing pieces of the puzzle back in place and I'm just sitting back and watching her? Encouraging her?! "How'd you do it? The filter I mean. Or else this must've been some ancient camera or something.." she trailed off and got quiet. I was sick of the silence. " Hey Y/N! Look!" I pulled back my hair and put on the helmet, clipped on the chinstrap and fixed my posture. "Pickelhaube!" I exclaimed, pointing to the helmet. The leather was a bit damaged and the paint was a bit chipped on the eagle, but it really fit like a glove, it was my old pickelhaube after all, mine only, because God knows how bad lice were back in the 1800s. "Not only that though!" I said, going over to the other side of the room and grabbing one of the sheaths off the walls. Sashing it across my waist and dramatically pulling out the blade inside with a satisfying schliiing~, it was music to my ears. I played around with my wristwork a bit, reveling in how the light danced off of it, how it cut through the air so beautifully, I was in En Garde position, but really just fucking around with it. There were pretty much no use for these things anymore, war had changed to the point were it was just all guns and no thought, weapons were made to kill and that was it. It just wasn't fun anymore! I wish I could just go out and spar with someone every now and then! Sure I could go join a fencing club or something, but I'd be better than everyone there no doubt! And do I really look like the person who has the money to pay for that kind of stuff? I slashed more violently at the open air, keeping a sharp eye out in case Y/N began to approach me, she couldn't get to close. "General's saber!" I shouted and took a step forward and a step back, swung a final blow to my imaginary opponent, regained balance, sheathed my weapon, and bowed. Y/N clapped, careful not to get the picture book in the way. "Impressive." She said. I unsheathed the sword again and held it out to her, "Feel it, that's a real steel saber right there!" I said triumphantly, I could almost feel the pride radiating off of me, then again maybe that was just the fever. "It's not as sharp as in the movies huh?" I huffed. She nodded in agreement. "Yeah you had to be pretty skilled with these things, they could break a man's ribs if you hit him in the right spot." I put the sword away and puffed out my chest a bit, "And as you can see, I was no ordinary soldier." It was then that Y/N finally starting understanding. She looked back to the picture book. Flipping through pages and pages, until finally closing the thing and placing it back on the shelf. "Gilbert," she said. "Who are you?"

I felt my heart pick up. I didn't know how to answer in all honesty. I just stood there. Who was I? Now or then? Am I really a 'who'? I thought I was a 'what'! I stared at her and gave out a small sigh. "Ok," I said, "Let's see how much you remember from world history class." I mumbled and paused again. She just looked at me with a puzzled expression. "Have you ever heard of this old country, it used to span from right around over here and over Poland and stopped right next to Russia, it was pretty much where every Berliner stereotype came from, it started off as just a bunch of dirty, angry old knights who were struggling to pick out bits and pieces of land from swamp dwelling pagans back in like, 1197 I think." I paused and gave her a moment to think. "Do you remember names like Otto von Bismarck? Friedrich the Great?" I said. She nodded. Of course, she knew who they were. Everyone knew who they were. "Do you remember where they both came from?" I said. I was growing more and more quiet every centimeter closer that she came to figuring it out. "Yeah," she said, "they both were from right here in Germany right?" My expression was as serious as the one from that picture. I must've looked pretty spooky though. She shut up really quick as soon as she glimpsed at me. "They were from Prussia." I said. "Two of the greatest leaders I had ever had."  
She nodded. And looked down. "Yeah, I guess that name does ring a bell. But.. but why is that so important, Gilbert? I was asking about you." That is me... I'm right here still after all these years, I'm still here and people act like I'm just a fragment of a memory. She didn't know how much that hurt me. I couldn't blame her though. She didn't think it would've. "I am Prussia." I practically whispered. "What?" She stared up into my eyes now, there was so much confusion that I didn't know how to clear up. "I am Prussia!" I repeated, louder this time. "SPARSAMKEIT, MUT, DISZIPLIN, TAPFERKEIT OHNE WEHLEIDIGKEIGHT, REDLICHKEIT, GOTTESFURCHT BEI RELIGIÖSER TOLERANZ, BESCHEIDENHEIT, FLEIẞ, TREUE, GEHORSAM, PÜNKTLICHKEIT, ZUVERLÄSSIGKEIT, ZURÜCKHALTUNG, SELBSTVERLEUGNUNG, PFILCHTBEWUSSTEIN,  
GERECHTIGKEITSSINN, ORDNUNGSINN, AUFRICHTIGKEIT, GERALDLINGKEIT, UNTERORDUNG UND HÄRTE!" I shouted. Those words were engraved in my head. "I LIVED THROUGH ALL OF THIS, Y/N! I HAVE THE SCARS TO PROVE IT!" I pulled the left side of the wifebeater down a bit so she could see. It kinda looked like a very splotchy 8 that didn't close off at the top and bottom and instead tangled it's way down my ribs and onto my back. A deeper scar smacked right on top of the bombing marks and the seige marks was a perfect x right where my heart was, taunting me. "I am made of blood and iron." I said. "Don't you understand now?" I asked, taking off the helmet and putting it back on the shelf. "I've been here on this Earth for 827 years going on 828 next January. I'm not who you thought I was. I'm not human. I'm sorry." I said after I put away the sword and sheath. She just kept staring. A little bit of fear, a little bit of confusion, and a hint of something warmer. It was acceptance. She nodded slowly, "I always thought you were a little strange. I would always get this feeling like you knew that there was something bigger behind you, and that you should still be living up to it." She said. "Everything is sorta starting to make sense now.. the military, and your scars, and how good you are with machinery, three years ago I would've thought you were 28. You still look the same though. You represented your country, but now it's gone and you feel stuck right? I think I understand why you kept it all quiet. You didn't want me worried about you. You thought you'd get over it?" She rambled and asked. " You would've thought I was insane," I said. "You're still insane, but it's not as bad as I was expecting." She grabbed my hands and put her arms through my sleeves. "What did you think I was, a demon?" I smirked, I started feeling a slight drizzle of relief come down upon me. I didn't have to lie anymore. "No, no, demons are too typical. I thought you were a bunch of rabbits that killed a man and used his essence to transform into a human." She said sarcastically, "It was either that or that you were cheating on me or something. And I know you would never do that, right?" She said, acting more defensive this time. "I wouldn't even think about it." I said. "You can trust me, no more lies." She smiled and nodded. "Gilbert?" She asked again. "Yes Y/N?" I responded. "Are you the only one? I mean, besides you and Ludwig, I know his pictures were here too and there was someone else also. Was that like your dad or something?" She asked. I laughed, "Oh yeah, there's tons of us all over the world. It's like whenever the concept of a new country comes up, a Nationperson is born. It's kinda like angel logic but way more complicated and with lots and lots of paperwork and locating the child, and the new child protection laws that everyone had now requires them to be taken care of by either a sibling or a member of a government, blah blah blah all that crap. And no, that other guy in the pictures was actually me and Ludwig's older brother Marcus." I answered. Then another question bubbled up. "What happened to your family? Do you have parents or did you just pop out of the Earth somewhere like a flower?" She asked. Her eyes were big and curious like a child's. I thought it was really funny. "Most of our relatives are still around, though Marcus ran away one day and cut off all contact with anyone. I still have the last note he had written telling about how nation life was too difficult and how he wanted to start anew as a human." I groaned. "I assume him dead. Partially my fault too, I guess." I let out a sigh. "Oh, I'm sorry about that. I didn't know, you never talked about him." She said. "It's ok! He was a shitty guy anyways, too bossy." I chuckled. "What about your parents though?" She asked again. I thought for awhile. "I never needed a mother. I was born from a swamp. I came out of the mud and water and vegetation similar to a lily pad sort of thing. Or at least that's how I remembered it-" she cut me off, "YOU REMEMBER THE DAY YOU WERE BORN??" She gasped. I shrugged. "Sort of. I don't remember anything past coming out from the depths of that swamp. And seeing that man try and cast me back into the water." I shivered. "I.. I won't ask about that." She said. "Thanks." I smiled lightly. "I suppose that I did have a father at one point, but he died long before I was born." I said. "If I did know him, I have a feeling he would look a lot more like Ludwig than he does me." I sighed. "Why's that?" She asked. "Ludwig was sorta like my little science experiment back in the 1800s. I was trying to perfect him. I was trying to make a successful unified German country, and I was the only one who succeeded. The first attempt was my father, who died and then all of us were born, then my older brother Luther, the Holy Roman Empire. He died shortly after Napoleon took over Berlin. He looked younger than me, his growth was stunned so horribly by all of us. We were practically hopeless, we would involuntarily kill any representative we got. Until I had a vision. I had a vision of a unified Germany and by God I was going to make it happen. Any means possible. Ludwig originally started as a figment of my imagination. I would imagine Luther sitting at my desk, crying at night, and I would see him out of the corners of my eyes when I would try to fall asleep. Then I realized that my hallucinating was a result of the unfinished concept of Germany. I had asked some of my other siblings seeing the boy following them around like I had, the only others that saw him as much as I had were Rodrich, or Austria," I rolled my eyes, "Bravaria, and Baden. All three of them also were planning something to get all of us rounded up and getting along. He was following us more and more and more. Rodrich decided to give him a name, he chose the name Ludwig over his recent obsession over a certain musician, and at first I was pissed because I wanted his name to be Wilhelm. It was decided that Wilhelm was to become Ludwig's middle name." I glanced around the room, me and Y/N were still playing around with each others hands. She was listening intently and was surprisingly pretty intrigued by what I had to say. I didn't get to tell this particular story to anyone much because everyone I would is either dead, Ludwig, or someone that would actually kill me if they found out what I had done. "Hey are you sure you want me to keep talking? It gets kinda erm really, really bad from here." I said. I could feel the guilt rubbing it's cold, clammy fingers up and down my back. "No I like this story, I like hearing you talk about yourself." She said, I couldn't help but smile. You know me, I'm always a real sucker for a compliment. "Alright I'll keep telling you, but you have to promise not to tell a single soul." I said. She nodded. "I promise," she said.  
"Ok, thank you."  
I found myself holding onto her a bit tighter the more and more I spoke. " The day I actually met Ludwig was probably one of the most busy days of my entire year. And please realize that by 'busy' I mean that I spent more than 12 hours operating on the damn thing. He came to my doorstep in the middle of the night in a pool of his own blood with bits and pieces missing and scattered everywhere. It was disgusting, terrifying, and I was up all night doing everything I could so the boy would stay alive for at least another day. The next morning I had no time. I was certain on what I had to do. With no sleep, I had to entrust the broken child to Marcus until I had gotten back. As soon as he found out what the lump of bloodied, screaming bandages was that I handed to him, he became as frantic as I was into making sure the kid didn't die just like that. I had to go visit some relatives." I paused. "You know Frankenstein right Y/N?" I asked rhetorically, she nodded and her eyes got bigger. "It's worse." We both nodded in silence for a bit. "I started with Austria. I stopped at his Manor, I didn't go in though, I went around. Nobody had seen me. Rodrichs broken baby was being taken care of by nurses who were obviously not paid nearly enough as to deal with something as horrifying as this. Rodrich's version had chunks missing where mine had his, and mine was missing pieces that this one had, so as any logical person would've done, I reached through the nursery window, and cut the child's throat when the nurses weren't looking. I took the body with me. Now I needed one more." I said. Y/ N's wide-eyed expression became one of disgust and shock, understandably too. "You just... You just killed it?" She said, horrified. "I had to. Keep in mind Y/N that this concept of Germany was an Austrian concept. If it would've lived longer, it would've been in conflict with everyone else's concept of Germany. All I needed were the bodies." I said bluntly. "Baden put up a fight. She was in the room with the miserable little lump of flesh trying to take care if it as I had. She had knives on her just like I did, she must've gotten wise and was planning taking mine and Rodrich's Ludwig for the kill. I made it past with only a couple of cuts to my hands and face, though what actually did the blow to the child was when I was stabbed in the side and I lost my balance. I really fucked up that things nose and you can really still see it when you look at Luddy nowadays. The look in Baden's face when she saw what happened still haunts me to this day. I returned back to Berlin with the two bodies and ran over to where Marcus was still desperately trying to stabilize Ludwig. The final step was to go into the backyard and dig up Luther. We needed his eyes, and pieces of his skin. It was horrible. Marcus and I took turns vomiting in the outhouse while the other went to go work on the child. We tried keeping our work area as clean as possible, and we successfully fit each piece on in exactly the correct part, it was insane, like some kind of fucked up patchwork doll. We swaddled it, bandaged it, rebandaged it, re-swaddled it. We took damn good care of that kid. He began getting better and better and then, poof. Now, Germany is a living, breathing thing. And it's all because of me and my hard work." I said. Y/N nodded. "You have every right to be proud of him, he's a good man." She said. I nodded. "It was worth it." I added. We both kept playing with our sleeves for a while, then we forgot where we were for a second.  
"Hey Gilbert what time is it?" She asked. I looked over to the analog clock and it read, 7:30 a.m. I freaked out a bit and we went back into the house, I actually changed clothes, washed my hair, got a shave, and I put on some shoes for once. Ludwig was gone. He went to work. He had taken the good car too. We were left with the old Trabant. To be fair though, it was modified quite a bit by me in an attempt at a time killer, so it didn't run nearly as bad as it did back then, it still want that good. Better than nothing though. Y/N and I climbed into the thing after loading all her bags and stuff up. "I'll miss you Gilbert." She said quietly when we were about halfway there. "I'm gonna miss you too sweet little birdie.. I reached over and put a hand on her leg. She rubbed it a bit. It was cute. When we got to the airport we went through our usual goodbyes like "kiss me goodbye and give me another kiss in case I never see you again," or something really profound. She asked me if we were allowed to talk about Nationfolk on the phone together, I didn't see why not so I said yes. The thing that really got me crazy was that right before she left, she leaned over to me and planted just the softest kiss to my lips. "I'm proud of you." She whispered. "Goodbye Prussia, I'll see you next month ok? " I stopped and then nodded. Then again she left kiss as light as a feather, right on my lips. Then she was off.  
The thing about that, nobody had ever purposefully referred to me as 'Prussia' since around 50 years ago. I'd almost forgotten what it sounded like coming out of someone else's mouth.  
I appreciated it.


	8. Chapter 8

12 hours after Y/N's flight back home}  
[Message received from: Schöngeistig Blüte Bby]  
Yo how r u doin b  
[Message sent]  
Why are you up so late wtf???  
[Message received from: Schöngeistig Blüte Bby]  
My internal clock hasn't reset yet xd  
{30 seconds pass}  
[Message received from: Schöngeistig Blüte Bby]  
Also i miss u :(  
[Message sent]  
:(  
Poor bb  
[Message received from: Schöngeistig Blüte Bby]  
Yea but how's your fever my dude  
[Message sent]  
:P it's fineeee  
[Message received from: Schöngeistig Blüte Bby]  
Tell me the t r u t h  
[Message sent]  
Ew  
[Message sent]  
JK jk It's actually worse now lmao. :///  
[Message sent]  
Lud won't let me leave the house now so I'm stuck on the couch like a lazyass.  
[Message received from: Schöngeistig Blüte Bby]  
He cares abt u!!!  
[Message sent]  
Ik he does. I'm bored now though.  
[Message received from: Schöngeistig Blüte Bby]  
Aw bby  
[Message received from: Schöngeistig Blüte Bby]  
If I was there with u I would b taking care of u lmao.  
[Message received from: Schöngeistig Blüte Bby]  
LOTS OF SOUP!!!!  
[Message sent]  
Hell yeah!!  
[Message sent]  
Can you call me?  
[Message received from: Schöngeistig Blüte Bby]  
Yea y tho  
[Message sent]  
I'm bored!  
[Message sent]  
Also I miss you. :p

[Call received from:Schöngeistig Blüte Bby]  
"Hey!"

"Heyo Gil!"

"Y/n, have I ever told you how cute your phone voice sounds, because it's cute!" [Shuffling noises]

"Awe, really? Thanks. You really sound sick now though. Are you doing ok?"

"[Distantly] Yah my nose got a bit stuffy since you left [sniff] I can handle it though." [Shuffling continues]

"[Giggle] What are you doing over there Gilbert? It sounds like you're in a windstorm or something!"

"I'm just trying to get comfortable! [Yelling] Agh! There are not enough blankets on this couch!" [Shuffling continues]

"Oh! Poor baby! I wish I was there to cuddle with you right now!"

"[Laughing] Awe come on Y/N I told you already it's not that bad!"

" That doesn't mean I can't cuddle you still!"

"[Sigh] Yeah you're right. I bet you've been craving my touch ever since you stepped out of my car right? I know I know, I'm irresistible it's ok! I'll make sure to give you extra kisses next time I see you ok?"

"[Laughing] Yeah, that would be nice. You also gotta tell me more about yourself, now that I know how much more there is to you I wanna talk more.. if that's not a problem for you of course."

"No, no! It's fine really! I love talking about myself! [Laughing] I'm glad you're so interested in it. It's nice to know someone gives a shit about what I've done to get here you know!"

"I do care Gilbert. You're still the same guy I fell in love with 3 years ago. I like when you talk to me about your personal stuff."

"Hmm... It's gonna be four years in November right?"

"Yeah. For years I've been dating a cryptid and I didn't even know it!"

" [Snort], [laughing], [ coughing] "

"You alright over there buddy?"

"Yeah! Yeah! [Clears throat] I'm good! That was funny as fuck! [Sigh]"

"God, I can't wait to see you again!"

"Me neither, you're coming back over at the end of March right?"

"That's when it's scheduled."

"I'll be there for you when you get off the plane."

"First guy I see?"

"Every time!"

"You're gonna hug me like you always do,"

"And kiss you and hold your hand!"

"And make me feel like I'm important,"

"Because everyone should know that we're there, and we belong to each other and that they should all respect us like royalty!"

"You're such a hopeless romantic Gilbert."

"I have you."

"I'm nothing special."

"You're my hope."

{7 weeks after Y/N's flight home}

"GILBERT!"  
"Y/N!"  
We ran into each other and threw ourselves into a big hug. I picked her up in the air and kissed her on the cheek. "I missed you baby!" She squealed, "I know!" I said, "I would've missed me too!" I laughed. I didn't really care if we were causing a scene or not. I had so much to talk about with her, it was hard to wait until we were in private, everyone could at least let us have this much! I kissed her again and she kissed back right on the bridge of my nose. I let her down and she hugged me again. We held each other's hands for almost the entire time before we got back to my house. She was wearing a cute little blue and white blouse that frilled up at the ends of the sleeves. It had patterns of flowers splashed across it. It fit her figure well, she looked good. I was wearing nearly all black, aside from a faded Schleim Keim t-shirt with it's cracked green lettering. I looked like a real punk honestly. Converse, leather jacket and a punk band t-shirt with white hair and red eyes, my figure sharp and stalky. I could rip a man in half with a glare. On the contrary, though, Y/N just looked so soft and delicate! Has anyone ever been cuted to death? Because if so she's the prime suspect in the murder. My murder. We were almost complete opposites of each other, at least in body type and looks I mean. But everyone knows common science, opposites attract! That's why as soon as we pulled into the driveway she decided to start making out with me! Well.. maybe not right away. We talked. We batted our eyelashes at each other, blah blah blah. It all started off with me stopping the car in the driveway and tightening my grip on her hand a bit before we got out.  
"You're gonna stay with us again right?" I asked. "Absolutely! You're my boyfriend! There's nobody else I'd rather room with!" She smiled. I felt myself go all fuzzy for a second. "Yeaah." I drifted off a bit, there was a wide smile stretched across my lips. It was a really nice feeling, being all appreciated and such. I guess I looked really loopy, because then she just leaned over and smooched me right on the lips. "I love you Gilbert. I can't stop thinking about you! Every single day I just feel like I need to talk to you and stuff.. I dunno do you think I'm too clingy?" She was really close to me. She had her head to the side of mine, pressing her cheek up against mine and whispering to me. She must've gotten a new shampoo or something. She smelled like a fruit salad, Jesus Christ!  
"You really missed me that much?" I fumbled over my own words a bit. The pressure to the side of my face and the butterflies that were slowly beginning to choke me from the inside out really made my accent thicker. You can really imagine it if you try, zhis und zhat, vhat und vhatnought, all that stupid auditory stuff, ck noise instead of a sh noise when pronouncing something with ch, language is weird like that, what do you do? "Awe, you're so cute when you talk like that Gilly! Of course I missed you that much you're the coolest person I know!" Y/N gave a little kiss on my cheek. "Wwhho're you callinngh cute! Yoou're the one pressinngh up on me like zhat!" Again, she was pressing up against my face, please don't pay attention to the accent emphasis, it's an auditory thing. I'm dead serious! That's what it sounded like! Ok but really, she really started giving me hickeys right there! And I don't have much area on my face for a really good hickey, right? I have very, very defined cheekbones and a jawline like a knife, so why the fuck did she just make half of my face blue and purple with bites and bruises?! I felt like I was melting honestly. She pushed her whole body onto me and kissed me on the lips. It was really deep. I used some tongue. Correction, I used a lot of tongue. It was crazy. There were lots of biting and stupid goofy giggling and tongues in between teeth and we were in a fucking car! And it was great! I kissed her again and she nipped at my bottom lip. I moved my hands up and held her right from under her shoulder blades. She moved even closer until she was right on top straddling me. She moved her head a bit and began nibbling at my ear. I let out a moan and she gasped "Oooooh Gilbert you're getting turned on!" She teased. I felt my face go bright red. "Says you, femdom." I moved my hands to her butt. "This is nice, your sitting on my lap and basically doing all the work! All I need to do is sit back and enjoy the ride right? That's how it works?" Now she turned red. "I can make out with you without having sex though!" She exclaimed.  
"Who said we were having sex?"I laughed and patted her behind. " Just kiss me again, that was fun! Please~" I pleaded with a pout and a bat of the eyelashes. She was supposed to be in charge now right? So I had to ask for things. It was silly, but kinda cute. She smiled and went to kiss me again. It was a bit softer this time. No biting. Then again, before she pulled away though I moved my hands back up to the center of her back again, and made her stay lip-locked with me for a bit longer. It was weird, because as soon as I did that, she began moving her hands up my back and then to my neck, finally putting a hand to the back of my head, and another to my chin. She put all of her weight on me and kissed me again, I tilted .the chair backwards and we both fell on top of each other "Whoops!" I let out a hiss of laughter and kissed her the same way she did to me just seconds before. She began kissing back again before stopping, "Do you care if you get any bruises? Like I mean real bruises," She giggled and asked. "I already have bruises now, see!" I tilted my head to the side and moved the collar of my shirt a bit, showing off some of the bites and kisses. She shrugged and looking away, embarrassed of her crazy mouth. I smirked, "Go ahead and do your worst!" I said. She looked back to me and nodded before going down and biting and bruising all along my chin again, and my neck. She got my ears again too. It was rougher this time, and I was wriggling around and moaning my ass off like a real fag. Excuse my use of that word, but I really was! Damn did that feel good! She was all over me, she even started handling me down, erhm, there for a while before I really starting going crazy. It was really getting pretty steamy, I kinda wonder how nobody noticed, we were being loud enough. I don't know whether it was actually me or her, but one of us accidentally pushed the horn on the car and it let out a sharp BEEEEP. She flinched and sat up, out of breath. Her blouse was off and her bra was undone, one of the straps was sliding down her shoulder. "Oh shit!" She said, "We're not supposed to be doing this are we? Shit, we might get caught!" She said and re-clasped her bra. I was still lying back, my shirt was bunched up at my stomach and the collar was pulled to the side a bit, the skin at the base of my neck all the way to my ears was red and purple and blue with bruises and bites and love marks. I looked up at her, drool was seeping out of my mouth and I felt like a real pervert. Had the smile and everything. Admittedly I was paying more attention to her breasts than what she was actually saying, part of me just wanted to be like 'who cares! You're sexy, let's fuck!' but the other part of me was screaming that I probably shouldn't have let this escalate to where it did. I wiped my mouth and sat up a bit. "Donn worry about it so much baby!" God, I sounded like I was drunk. I swear, if this was a cartoon I would've had big pink hearts as pupils! That's how messed up and gooey I felt! "Where's my shirt?" She asked, I reached down to the floor and handed it to her. She pulled it on over her head and flattened it, brushing off any dirt or lint or anything that might've gotten on it. I leaned back on my arm and let out a deep sigh. "I love you." I said. She nodded and I could tell she was about to go 'I love you too' but before she could I raised my other hand up to her face and placed a finger over her lips. "Shh, don't say anything! Just take it in." I said, my expression still loopy and lovestruck. "I loooooove you and there's nothing you can do about it, HAH!" I poked her nose, "Boop!" I said. She giggled. "Let's go inside now though babe, my legs are starting to fall asleep," I said. She nodded and we both got out together, leaning on each other and being all giddy and shit. We got her out of the car, walked into the house and went downstairs to that old couch. I turned on a movie an dwe spent the rest of the day being weird and fuzzy and cute with each other. It was nice, I didn't feel the slightest bit out of place. She knew what she needed to and she was ok with it. Why did I think she wouldn't have? Everything was settling now. Everything was finally calm. I felt satisfied. Why did I feel satisfied? When I was younger, ghe mere thought of doing this sort of thing with anyone was sure to make me throw up, so why did I feel so good about this now? I couldn't have changed that much right? I'm still strong, I'm still an asshole! It's not like I'm growing soft or anything right? I don't feel like I am. I don't know. All I do know is at that point in time, I was completely satisfied with life. I could've just stayed there and died and I wouldn't have had any regrets. I would've been happy, warm, taken care of, then I would've been gone. I didn't though, because of fate or my good health at the time or with my current situation with Nationhood and being stuck in time, I stayed. I'm still here. I'm excited for the future. I want to move out. Maybe start over. Ugh, I'm beginning to sound like Marcus. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to go about being a normal human as much as the next sorry immortal beIN trapped on this sorry dying excuse of a planet but hey! I've worked my ass off to get here and I feel like I deserve recognition! So no, I'm not gonna go live out the rest of my life as a human. I'll wait. I'll wait for my chance. Then I'm going to come back. And I'll be as good as I was back then, and Y/N will be there with me to cheer me on. It was a plan. I just didn't know how to carry it out yet.


	9. Austria Makes a Spiel About How Safe Sex is Important in a Healthy Relationship

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!" I bit down on my lip and pressed my head to my arms. I don't remember it hurting this bad since... Well, never mind. "Should I stop?" She asked. She wasn't used to this sort of thing. It was kinda funny, I had to guide her through it. "Nn.. No no! You're doing good! K.. keep it up." I heaved. She did as I said and I let out a gasp. "Gilbert I thought you said you've done this before!" She stopped again and said. I looked back, my eyes watering. "I.. I have! It was a really long time ago that's all!" She laughed a bit and I covered my head with my hands again, my face had gone bright red and I felt like I was gonna scream. "Just start already! Jesus, how am I supposed to get a nut going if you just sit there with that thing in my ass not doing anything?!" I snapped. "Ok, sorry. I'll start now. .... So I just go in and go out right?" She asked. I nodded "Yep, that's the point." I said, taking another inhale when I felt the strap-on being thrusted inside me. I found the thing at a porn shop the same day I went to go get her a custom Rabbit vibrator. Did you know you could actually take the mold of your dick and turn it into a dildo? Well apparently you can. Modern technology sure is amazing.  
I got her the Rabbit as a sort of joke gift, sort of seriously. I saw the strap on and I was like, well hey, that gives me an idea! And it wasn't only the strap on. I have a cock ring too. So now I'm here in doggy position, cock ring on, getting dicked up the butt by a fake penis.. life is fun. "OooOhhh~", I let out a deep moan, my knees started feeling a little wobbly. "Holy shit! I've never heard you moan like that Gilbert!" She exclaimed, she was starting to get the hang of things I could tell. The thrusting got a bit faster and I had to keep control of my balance. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. Tears were streaming down my face. Not the sad kind though. I smiled into the inner part of my elbow, I felt some kind of lustful euphoria. I kept moaning and drooling and ew. I reached one of my arms down and began playing with my own dick, I got really weird about it. She was practically hammering into me, and well, she was gonna keep going like that for a while. She couldn't ejaculate obviously. I couldn't either now, with the cock ring, but I kept going at it. I kept pumping myself. And she kept pounding me. I bit my bottom lip and looked back from underneath me, I saw my own erect dick, all chained up. I kept pumping it, there was so much pressure I felt, so much friction. It was driving me insane. I let out a pleasured laugh, I could've sworn I heard her call me a slut or something like that, but honestly that just really fueled me. "Y/N! For someone without a dick you really drive it in, don't you! Ahh~" I moaned again. She giggled a bit "Am I really that good?" She asked, "Uuh-huh" I whined. "Really? I don't think you get very good dick then." She said with a sigh. " Oh stop humbling yourself! This is the best dick I've ever gotten in like 200 years. OOh God~" I tried making myself sound at least somewhat dignified, but no no, my voice cracked reeeeeaaaallly bad and I was back to panting and moaning once more, playing with my own dick like masturbating was going out of style. "Fuck, Y/N, I gotta. I gotta take this thing off." I panted. I heard a giggle. "No I think that could wait. I wanna have a little fun with it first." She said. I gave out another moan, and all the sudden she stopped and took out the strap-on dildo from my ass. I lost my balance and flopped over on my side, still panting, still pumping my own dick. I felt her gaze on me like fire and I looked away. It was embarrassing. I was a mess. I closed my eyes and I heard her taking off the strap-on. Then I felt warm hands all over my body, I moaned again, I don't know exactly why, maybe I was just at my brink, every touch would set me off. My face was all wet, my ass hurt, and there was all this pressure on me downstairs where I was fucking around. "Oh, Gilbert, I didn't know you were a cryer!" She said. I kept my eyes closed. "I.. I.." I stammered. "It's ok. I think it's cute." She said. I felt more and more of her body heat as she leaned over me and planted a kiss on my cheek. " Now what?" I asked. My voice was squeaky. I hated that part. "Now the fun part." She said. I opened my eyes and she caressed my chin. I sat up, I stopped messing around with my dick for awhile and put all my weight on my arms as I leaned back. She looked like s u c h a bitch. Like not in a bad way. Like in a sexy way. She was actually wearing one of my old jackets, nothing else though. Her expression was dirty, her eyes wanted some power. I decided to let her take the wheel for a bit. She bent over and kissed the tip of my cock. I immediately knew what was going down and I closed my eyes again. She then took the length into her mouth and began giving her best tongue work I moaned again. She moved up and down and up and down. Her head bobbed to the rhythm of my breath. God almighty, it felt so good. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!" I groaned. This was practically torture! I loved it! She started fingering my balls too. Oh good lord, that woman is insane. She knew everything to get me right where she wanted! I couldn't take it! I couldn't! "Y/N, Y/N! Ohh Ohh.. Y/N! " I couldn't make out exactly what I was going to say, I kept on babbling her name out over and over again. She must've understood something though, because then I heard a soft click and I felt myself releasing a load right into her mouth. I sighed and my arms gave out. She swallowed, sucked some more, and came off of me with a wet pop, like a water bottle. "You have a really weird taste by the way." She clicked her tongue. "Really? How so?" I asked, not bothering to move. "Ok first of all, your very musky." She said. I nodded. "But then when I'm actually like down on you and shit, you kinda taste like, I dunno more floral?" She reasoned. I snorted "Well that's a new one, please elaborate," I said. " Like I dunno, you're like, earthy and shit. And your cum is thick and it tastes like mud." Now then I started laughing "WOW Y/N, YOU'RE SO NICE!" I cackled sarcastically. "No I'm serious! It seriously kinda tastes like mud! Like sweet and salty mud!" She said. "What the fuck?" I laughed. There was silence for a bit as she began putting everything away, I was still lying on the bed, my mind was just a buzz. I wanted to be held. I wanted to feel some warmth. "Y/N?" I called out, my voice was softer now, I wasn't squeaky. "Yes Gilbert?" She replied. I held out both of my arms like a child who wanted attention. "Come hug me!" I said. She let out a small sigh and sat on the edge of the bed right next to me, before lying down. I rolled over and wrapped my hands around her waist. She put her arms around my shoulders and began running her fingers through my hair. I leaned my head against her chest. Her scent was mingling with the faded smell of gunpowder and fire and leather from my old jacket. I don't know, it was kinda a comfort smell to me I guess. As weird as that sounds. It felt natural. And she felt warm and soft. I think I might've fallen asleep.  
The next day we woke up in almost the exact same position. My ass was still sore and there were red lines all over Y/N's hips and butt from the strap-on. I had about 3 hours until Ludwig was going to come back home. He was at a meeting, and of-fucking-course this was the one day that my dear half-brother Rodrich was going to stay over. I groaned and tapped on Y/N's shoulder "Mmh? Hey Gilbert." She said sleepily, running a hand through my hair and over my cheek. I smiled and hugged her a bit closer. I couldn't really look at her normally when she was above me like that, it was kinda embarrassing I guess. I felt bashful. I blushed and buried my head in her chest. "Don't mind me!" I laughed, "It's just that we should be getting up pretty soon, that's all!" I kept holding onto her, I left little kisses on the center of her chest. She was so warm, she was so soft. I felt her heartbeat flutter a bit when she noticed what I was doing. I smirked, " Are you awake yet Y/N?" I asked. I heard her make a little "Mmh hmm" noise and I sat up. "Do you wanna take a shower with me?" I asked. She smiled and nodded before sitting up and leaning against me. "Baby, you're such a fucking switch you know that right?" She giggled. "What? What makes you say that?" I laughed and put a hand over her shoulder. She was still wearing that jacket. "You act all tough most of the time, and take control of most things right? But you also have this softer side I guess? I dunno I always notice it randomly all the sudden when you'll be like talking to me and then you'll get really really serious about something and your eyes will get all misty and far off and it's just like ugh.." she stopped for a bit. "You'll be like, 'I need you' or something like that and you just look so.. I dunno. It's just something in the way you act or something. It's like loyalty I think. We bounce off of each other. I do stuff for you, and you do stuff for me. We make each other happy, I think. Right?" She said. I nodded. "You're not wrong. I'd do anything for you Y/N. I want to protect you. I love you. I want you to know that," I said, not looking at her. She nudged my shoulder. "I also want you to know that you deserve to be loved like that. You're very important to me and I want to make sure you are happy. You're one of the only people nowadays that I'm actually comfortable opening up to. I trust you." I said. I have a feeling she knew this already though. "I'll protect you too." She whispered. I gave a little chuckle. "Good luck," I said, "I hear I'm a real pain in the ass to keep track of!" I laughed. "I've been with you for this long right?" She said, unamused. "Happy 4-year anniversary Gilbert," She said. " I love you."  
4 years now. 4 whole years. And where was I? Still in the basement. Still scrambling for money and that stupid motorcycle. Still sitting idly by while my younger brother goes off and takes the weight of the entire EU on his shoulders. I needed to do something, anything. I stood up. "Let's go get ready now, ok Y/N?" I said. She nodded and stood up as well. "Are you nervous about Rodrich coming over?" She asked, taking my hand. "No, why would I be? He's a little bitch." I said, giving her a stupid smirk. "I'm worried he might get so intimidated by me that he might roll over and die, is that what you meant?" I said. She shrugged. "I don't like hearing you pick fights all the time with people. It bothers me." She looked down at our hands. "It does?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "We argue all the time though, you never really told me anything about it." I said. She shrugged again. "It's different Gilbert. With you and me they just fizzle away after awhile, with you and other people it kinda feels dangerous y'know. Like that time you caught Francois giving me looks on Halloween? You two were screaming so much at each other and digging up some really nasty shit and I thought you were going to kill him!" She shivered. "I couldn't have." I said. That didn't really help much, "You would've tried." She said. "For you, yeah. I would've gutted him like a fish." I frowned. She gave me a look that said, 'you dumbass that's exactly what I'm worried about!' I rolled my eyes. "Please Gilbert I don't want anyone getting hurt!" She said. "They deserve it!" I retorted. "I don't want you getting hurt." She rephrased. "I'm willing to." I said, matter-of-factly, as if it were an obvious thing, my profession. In a way I guess it was. I was raised as a knight, clinging all of my loyalty to something until death was kinda burned into my morals as a person. She couldn't get upset at me for trying to protect her! "Yeah well I'm not, so don't do anything stupid." She said. I sighed, "Fine, I'll try not to start anything too big today. Will that make you happy?" She nodded and hugged me. "Thank you." She said. "You're welcome!" I said with mock annoyance, "You're lucky you're so dang cute Y/N, or else I wouldn't have been so easy to comply!" I pouted and put my hands on my hips. "Now can we please get in the shower?! I'm freezing my sore ass off down here!" I exclaimed. She laughed, nodded and took off my jacket, placing it on the hook on the door. Then she turned on the shower. We stepped in on 3 and sighed as the water pounded down on us. "Kinda reminds you of when we first met huh?" She said. "Why do you always bring up when we first met when we're bathing together Y/N?! That's kind of odd, don't you think?" I laughed. She blushed. "I don't mean to! It's our anniversary!" She said. I laughed again and hugged her, messing up her wet hair before giving a her a kiss on the cheek. "You're so cute when you try being all romantic like that liebe, I love that about yooooouuuu!" I kissed her again and began tickling her sides. She giggled and I couldn't help myself from laughing along with her. "SAY UNCLE!" I shouted. "NO!" She shouted back with fluttering laughter. God, she was so adorable! "SURRENDER OR KISS ME!" I cackled. "I'll take the kiss!" She said. I leaned over and gave her a little peck with an audible 'muah'. She smiled. "I should take you over to Sansscoussi palace sometime," I said, suddenly. "I think you would like it there." I still had my hands on her hips, she held hers on my wrists. "That sounds fun," she said, "When do you wanna go?" I thought to myself for a second. "I would go today, but I don't think we're going to be able to get out at all tonight. I think we'll have to plan something. Is Christmas too far away? Maybe I could fit that in as an extra gift or something!" I babbled. "Wait a second, you are gonna have Christmas with us this year right?" I asked, I was hoping she would say yes, but something told me that it wasn't really up to her. "I'll try," she said. "Things have been really hectic back home. They don't trust me coming over here all the time. My bills are starting to suffer. They think it's because of you." She sighed. " Well that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard! If you need money we have money! I'll get Ludwig to start paying for your flights and shit, no biggie!" I exclaimed. It wasn't fair that she had to live so far away! It made things difficult for the both of us! "No, no, it's ok really I don't wanna do that to you guys, you have enough to worry about as it is. I don't need to put you In financial jeopardy." She said. "Don't say that Y/N!" I shouted, "Ugh, we wouldn't even need to be worrying about this if we could just stay together or something." I put a hand to my temple and closed my eyes to think for a bit. When I opened them back up, Y/N was staring at me like I had just created a cure for cancer. "Stay with you? Like, forever?" She mumbled. I just realized what I had said and I blushed like a fucking plum "I- Uhm.. I mean.. I couldn't, I don't even have my own house, I don't- I can't-" I stammered. "It's ok. I know how you feel about marriage and stuff," She said, with a little disappointed smile, looking down. She said the m-word. I started really freaking out. "What- what really? Did you really think- uhm.. I mean.... Mm... Maybe we could work something out... Like I dunno... I don't know..." I turned for a second. "Why did you get all excited like that?" I asked. Realization was a mighty good stalker. Very patient with it's prey, but it killed quickly. I realized I was made out to be hunted rather often in this relationship... "I'm just saying, I wouldn't mind spending the rest of my life with you," She said with a shrug. "When I say 'I love you', I really really mean it Gil. I love you all the time, when you're happy, when you're sad, when you're angry, when you're drunk, when you're high. It's constant. I've seen so many different sides of you and I love each one in it's own separate way. I love how you have so much confidence and I love your sense of humor. I love how affectionate you are and I love how embarrassed you get when it's actually returned. I love how smart you are when you're strategizing, or talking about machinery, or combat methods, or heck, you make me look at politics in a whole new light. I love how you care so much about the littlest things to the point that it hurts. I love your handwriting, and your voice, and your scars, and your eyes and your hair, and your skin. I love you Gilbert. All 827 years of you. No heart and all." She said. I froze. "You really think all that?" I mumbled. "Yeah, I do." She whispered.  
"I just can't, I'm not like-"  
"It's ok. I know already."  
"..Sorry."  
The rest of the time in the shower was dreadfully awkward. I was so shaken up. I didn't know why. We got dressed afterwards and I made us breakfast upstairs. We barely said a thing, but we smiled at one another. No hard feelings right? Ludwig and Rodrich got home around 11. Me and Y/N were sitting on the couch taking turns playing fetch with Aster. As Soon as Rodrich walked in the door though I chucked that freaking rubber chicken toy right at him and it hit him square in the chest. They both wheezed in unison and Aster ran over to bombard him. I was laughing my ass off and reveling in all the spluttered cussing that him and Ludwig threw at me, the Y/N flicked my shoulder. She was sitting straight up now. She was so nervous. It baffled me why. I calmed down and sat back up. "So anyway," I started off. "How'd the meeting go? Nobody caught fire this time I'm guessing?" I said. Rodrich glared at me, "Luckily, since you weren't there, not a flame was spotted." (Now Rodrich doesn't speak high German, no no, he thinks he's special because he has his own little fancy dialect that nobody can fucking understand. He just still speaks like he's trapped in the 1850s for whatever reason I don't know. Trust me though when I say, hearing this little prick say 'y'all' is the funniest thing on Earth.)  
"Ouch, come on Roddy I'm trying to be nice!" I snickered, "Stop being an ass and say hi to my girlfriend!" I said, leaning back on the couch, crossing my arms under my head. Y/N flinched a bit and gave a little wave. He hadn't even known she was sitting there. "Oh, hello there," he said, reaching out a hand for her to shake "Y/N, right? I find it very strange how someone so quiet could be with someone so... Loud and obnoxious, to put it nicely. I'm Rodrich, Gilbert's half-brother. I'm sure he's spoken about me, he talks so much after all." He said, eyeing me from time to time. Y/N shook his hand, I noticed her eye twitch though, then she spoke "Ah, Rodrich, you're Austria right? You're the one with the whole dd/lg following of Mozart online right? That's pretty ballsy my dude. Keep it up." She said, grinning. Rodrich's eyes widened and I saw Ludwig facepalm from the other room. I started laughing hysterically. My eyes started watering and my stomach hurt. I sat up, wheezing In laughter. "OOOH THAT IS GOLDEN!" I shouted, and patted Y/N on the shoulder. "I THINK YOU SHORT-CIRCUITED HIM! HAHA!" I was almost pissing myself it was so funny! Rodrich glared at me again, and Y/N just looked so proud of herself! It was great! "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD TELL HER SOMETHING LIKE THAT, HONESTLY GILBERT, HOW LOW-LIVELY AND SHADY DO YOU HAVE TO BE TO-", and then she cUt hiM oFF! "Actually I saw it myself. I'm taking online German courses and I just happened to stumble upon a rather... loyal group of followers when I was source checking something, and just as luck may have it they all had your name in their profile description. Tell me, what is it about dirty, overworked classical artists from the 1700s that really makes your underwear wet, because honestly I don't really see a turn on." MMMMM MMMMM GIRL POUR THE FUCKING SALT! Rodrich looked absolutely mortified, I even heard Ludwig give an amused whistle from the other room, Rodrich looked over his shoulder in a panic, he was probably thinking to himself, 'someone back me up!' but NO! NOBODY CAME! HAHA! He looked back over at us. Y/N had the smuggest look on her face and I was wiping tears out of my eyes. "Alright," Rodrich took a breath "Gilbert, we need to talk," he looked over to Y/N, "Privately." He said. I rolled my eyes and stood up, I took one of Y/N's hands and kissed it all dramatically. "I'll be right back sweetheart." I said. Rodrich sighed and we walked over to the edge of the stairs leading to the second floor. "How does she know?!" Rodrich said. "She told you already dumbass, she saw it online." I rolled my eyes again. "No! I mean how does she know about-" he waved his hands a bit and gestured to me, himself, and the room that Ludwig was in. "Oooh yeeah about that!" I nodded and said. Rodrich let out a groan "Do you even know how irresponsible that is?! You just go off with a human and tell her every one of your secrets?! You're a complete idiot Gilbert I hope you know! What are you going to do when she dies all of the sudden, or worse, when she goes and blabs everything to the government?!" He glared at me again. Boy, I wished I could slap that look off his face. "Watch what you say to me you little piece of shit. I trust her more than I could trust you in a million years." I pushed him. He made a wise choice of keeping his distance. "You two aren't even married! How can you be so sure that she won't just leave?" I narrowed my eyes at him. "You're really determined to stay on my bad side aren't you Rod? Well guess what, I don't give a crap! I'm not taking a word of relationship advice from a guy who's had more failed marriages than he has fingers and toes. And by the way, we were just talking about marriage earlier. She's the most loyal person alive. She wouldn't leave. This conversation is over." I turned around and began walking back to the couch. "That's exactly what I wanted to hear." Rodrich said. "Excuse me what?" I turned back around, raising an eyebrow. "You two really are perfect for each other, that whole segment earlier just proves it. And now it turns out you really want to get married? Well Gilbert I think you've come a long way. I'll help you propose to her." He said with a smile. I burst out laughing. "WHAT KIND OF DRUGS ARE YOU ON EDELSTEIN? WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'VE CHANGED AT ALL FROM BACK THEN? AND FURTHERMORE, EVEN IF I DID, WHAT IN GOD'S NAME MAKES YOU THINK THAT I WOULD EVER CONSIDER LETTING YOU HELP ME?!" I cackled. He stood dumbfounded for a bit. "I thought you would've-" he began. "You thought wrong." I said. "I'm gonna propose to her, but I'm doing it by myself. That's the way it's always been. By myself." I said triumphantly. Rodrich nodded. "I expect as much from you," He said, "Please don't fuck this up." He sighed as I turned and walked away for the last time, "I'm the awesome Prussia, I never fuck up."


	10. Preparation and Execution

Dec. 24  
Now I'm really in a panic. Goddamn it, Goddamn it! I'm usually really fucking excited for Christmas! But this is hell! I've been bombarded since November. Austria can't keep his fucking mouth shut, everyone has been sucking up to me big time and I hate it! I already said I would take care of it myself! Why does everyone keep acting like they're in charge!? I'm doubtful she's even going to be able to show up this year. She hasn't told me anything. I'm kinda worried. Though, I guess it's a lucky save. I have to go pick up the ring today. Guess I'll save that motorcycle for a different time. Pray that God stays with me tonight.  
-Prussia (Gilbert)

"There it is!" I clapped my hands and rubbed them together, warming them up from the chill outside. "So, when are you planning on giving it to her?" The jeweler asked. She gave me a stupid look like she was gonna go gossip with her friends later "I've always thought a Christmas proposal would be romantic, no?" She said. I rolled my eyes. She began preparing the box, I watched intensely. "She's out of the country. I don't think I'll actually get to see her until next year," I said. "Oh, poor guy! Well, maybe it could be Valentine's day thing right?" She said. I shook my head. "I hate February." I frowned and took the bag she put the ring in. "Bah humbug." She said. I shook my head. "Christmas on the other hand!" I laughed. She nodded. "Well Merry Christmas sir, good luck on the proposal." She said. "Thanks." I said and paid in full. "Wha-" she started. "Just don't ask ok." I pulled out a giant wad of cash and began counting out the Euros. After I finished I stuffed the remaining cash back into my pocket and took off. By the time I was on the road again I was starting to listen to some Christmas music and generally feeling pretty good about myself when all of the sudden, my brother calls me. "Hey!" He said, he sounded drunk. "What's up Lud!" I said. It was afternoon still but hey! Is it Christmas right? Party starts early! "Guess who decided to show up all unexpected and such!" He said. I felt a stab of unexpected dread, all that nervousness came back to me. Don't say it, Ludwig, please don't say it! "Your girlfriend! Say hi Y/N!"  
"Hey, Gilbert!"  
Some of that nervousness melted away when I heard her voice."Oh hi, sweetheart! I didn't know you were coming over! You never told me!" My heart fluttered. I was getting used to the sudden jerk of emotion whenever I would think about her, or hear her speak. "I wanted to surprise you! But you weren't here when I showed up!" She said. "Awww baby! I'm sorry! I was just getting some stuff. Like eggnog and gingerbread and shit. I'll be back soon! I wanna surprise you too!" I said. Now that she was here, I figured I would take her over to Potsdam. That's where I was going to do it. Right in front of Sanssouci Palace. "Ludwig gave me drinks!" She said. "Awh come on! You two can't go get drunk without me now, that's not fair!" I laughed, "But really though, can you try and stay sober until I get there? I need to talk to you." I said. I hoped she understood how serious I was being. "Oh.. ok yeah sure. I'll see you when you get back then," She said. "Ok, thank you." I said. "See you in a bit." I said. She handed the phone back to Ludwig. "Are you gonna do it?" He was more hushed this time, still drunk, but hushed. "Hell yeah. Thanks for not ratting me out West." I snickered. "No problem. Just hurry up, I'm starting to go fuzzy," He said. "Almost there." I responded, "See ya!" I hung up. I got some cheap eggnog and some pre-packaged gingerbread cookies so I didn't seem like a complete fraud and finally made it back home. I took the box with the ring in it and put it in my pocket along with my wallet, and keys. Keep it safe. I opened the door to the house and Y/N tackled me to a hug. "Merry Christmas Bertie~" she giggled. "No! You did not just call me that!" I shouted, lifting her up and holding her bridal style. She was giggling and her face was all red. She was wearing a red santa hat with a green sweater on, jeans and no shoes, but the dorkiest little fluffy reindeer socks I have ever seen. She was so damn cute! Per usual! "I did!" She laughed. I rolled my eyes and kissed her cheek. "Merry Christmas to you too, you cheeky little elf thing." I smirked. " I got you a present!" She exclaimed and I let her down. "You did?!" I said, putting my hands over my mouth and giving a dramatic little gasp. She ran over to the couch where some of her things were and pulled out a box with white and blue wrapping. "Here!". She said, handing it to me. "It's just a little thing, I don't know if you'll like it." She said. I shrugged and opened the box, inside was a little ceramic figurine of a person playing the flute. It was one of those little artsy abstract things, so it wasn't very defined, it had lots of different textures on it, but it was finished and glossy. It had a little note attached to it. Reading,"For the awesome-est guy I know! Love, Y/N" I smiled. "Thank you Y/N, that's really cute." I said. "You like it?" She asked, "Uhm? Of course!" I said with a laugh. "You know me!" I said. "I didn't think you liked those little thingamabobs. I really just got it because it reminded me of you," She said "Well that's a valid reason as any to get me stuff!" I laughed. She smiled "That's good, I'm glad you like it." She said. "You wanna see what I got you?" I asked. "Yeah!" She said. "Get your shoes on, then we'll go!" I said, shooting a glance to Ludwig and winking. He snapped and gave me a finger gun. I could almost hear his thoughts, 'Good luck out there, brother.' like I was going off to war again. "Oh it's outside?" She said, surprised. I nodded. I didn't even take off my coat. I waited for her to get on her boots and then her coat. And then we left again. "Where are we going?" Y/N asked. "To the place of no worries." I smiled. Shit, I've always wanted to say that! We got in the car and drove off.  
I want to say that the ride there was all quiet and romantic and shit, but I'm not a quiet person. The whole ride there I was blasting music and rocking out to some real good shit, Y/N thought I was really funny, she was laughing and being goofy and she even sang along with me at some parts, even if she didn't fully understand what most of the songs were saying. Fuck man, she's just so... Ugh. She's cute ok? We finally got there and it was nearly sundown. It looked just as beautiful as it was the last time I was there. I parked and let her out of the car. She looked around, taking in all of it, all the lights, all the architecture, just all of it. "Welcome to Potsdam, Y/N." I said, standing right besides her, putting a hand to her side. "Come, follow me." I whispered. She held my hand as we walked, I knew this place like the back of my hand, the streets almost seemed to mold to where I stepped. We went and we went. It was cold, but we kept going. We were coming closer and closer until we finally spotted that fountain and that huuuge staircase. There it was. Sansscoussi. They called it the place of no worries, the Prussian Versailles, or anything else you might call it. It was beautiful. Touched with snow and lit up by Christmas lights and the setting sun, it was just breathtaking. I smiled. "Do you wanna go inside first or can we stay outside for a bit longer?" I asked. "I only want to know what you wanna do Y/N. Nothing else matters." I smiled and took one of he hands, holding it against my chest as I rubbed her knuckles softly, mimicking a motion that she did to me on a regular basis. "We can stay out here for a bit longer I guess. If there's something you want to show me. This place is really beautiful Gilbert." She smiled. "You know I lived here for a while right?" I said, "Well actually it was more like a vacation spot. For work, but still. Vacation spot." I said, looking over the grounds again. "Friedrich the Great commissioned this place to be built as his summer home back in 1744, thats what I'm looking at right now right? This is Sansscoussi palace." She said. I chuckled, "Well look at you picking up on little historical tidbits to try and impress me! You got it, this right here is good old Sansscoussi." I said. She giggled a bit. "What did you want to show me Gilbert?" She asked. I felt a pang of nervous again. And maybe a little guilt. This was right outside Sansscoussi palace! The place where.. nevermind. It was a stupid intrusive thought. I'm doing good with getting over it. He would've been proud. I hope. "See.. about that." I said. I put my hand to my pocket, feeling the bump the box made. Nervousness was crushing me like a leaded weight, I felt my hand start shaking, and I wanted to go run off and close myself off in my old room, or even worse, his old study, with the old armchair, and it's still there because of me! And I would just stop. I paused. "I've been thinking for a while. And I've gone over what we've talked about. And I think I've finally come to a decision." I was pulled down to my knees by an unseen force. My heart started again. More powerful than it had been in ages. I could feel it again. I could feel everything. I felt strong. I felt terrified. I couldn't stop it now though. "I'm going to let go of my pride, and of my stubbornness. I'm going to take back every negative thing I've said about romance. I'm going to ask you one thing." I took out the box and held it opened in front of me.

"Will you marry me?"

She stood. Silent. Her eyes were wide. I felt like I had just been shot in the head. I heard ringing in my ears, everything was about to fade to black. Then I felt a warm presence rush up behind me. It tapped me on the shoulder. To attention. I looked up. Y/N was crying. I was afraid. The presence tapped me again. I didn't know what to do. It put more force on my shoulder, nudging me to do something. I felt like crying. But I was unable. The presence faded. Then I felt arms being wrapped around me in a tight hug. My hearing was coming back now. I know what she said.

"Yes."


	11. A Dangerously Short Chapter on What Took Place Directly After

"You mean it? You really mean it?", my thoughts were racing, I couldn't believe she actually just said yes. I hugged her back, choking up tears. "Of course I do!" She sniffed. "Thank you! Thank you!" There went the waterworks. I was laughing and crying, and we were holding each other close. It was quite a scene. "Why are you crying?" I asked. She started laughing too. "why are you crying Gilbert?" She asked, wiping tears from her eyes. "I'm not crying!" I laughed, " I'm happy!" I said, pulling away and pointing at my expression, "See!" Despite the tears, I had one of the biggest smiles on my face. she hugged me again and pressed her cheek to mine. "I'm gonna get married!" She whispered and hid her face in my neck. she was shaking so much. "Hey, it's not that bad! it's me right?!" I sniffed. " No! It's not bad at all! I love you Gilbert! I love you more than anything on earth!" she said. I felt the happiest little buzz run through me then. "I love you too Y/N." I made my voice go soft. I smiled and wiped my face. everything was going to be alright. things are changing, and I was still going to be ok. "Can we go back to your house now Gilbert?" She asked. It surprised me a bit. "I'm sorry, I know you wanted to take me out and do some fun stuff and this place is so important to you but we're both a mess and I really just wanna go home and sit with you and talk and..." She babbled. "Shh.. Shh. It's ok We can go back." I whispered and rubbed her back. "I'm glad I got to show you this much." I smiled. "Ok, thank you." she nodded. We stood up and I actually put the ring on her. It was really pretty actually, I got it made specially for her. The sides of the ring had a zigzag plate of her birthstone, spiraling up to the center where the main diamond actually was. She kept looking at it. I Held her hand and kept rubbing the ring. "It's beautiful," she murmured. I stood silent for a second, "Uh, it reminds me of you!" I exclaimed. She laughed and I felt myself go pink. "You're such a dork." she laughed.

The car ride home was more peaceful than the one there. Yes, we still had our fun with the music. There was this sudden calmness though. Like we knew everything was going to be ok now. We were still going to have to work around this though. I really needed to get employed now, move out, hell, maybe I'd buy a house in Potsdam! We needed to tell people, it was official. Part of me didn't want to tell. part of me wanted to hide away with her and never face my past claims, that marriage was for cowards. The other part wanted to go flaunt her. The other part wanted to show off the ring and say, "Guess what losers, I'm getting hitched and there's nothing you can do about it!" There was really nothing anyone could do about it now. I was going to get married. I didn't feel any different though, I still called her my girlfriend, even if technically, the word should be fiance. I didn't care. All I wanted to do was go home, get drunk, and spend Christmas with my girl, and my brother. When we got back, Ludwig was blaring Christmas music and the house was lit up like the surface of the sun, even though there was only like, 2 guests in there. Feliciano and Rodrich, surprisingly. We came in and of course they were giving us those horrible looks "Oooooh did you do it????" Those kinds of looks. I payed no attention to them and got some drinks for me and Y/N. We drank and we had drunken make-out sessions on the couch and I had to keep stopping myself from passing out. God, I was so sleepy, and she was so warm. "Kiss me again." She whined. I leaned over and gave her a little 'muah' on her forehead. I smiled lazily. My vision was so fuzzy. I couldn't even hear the music anymore. "You're so soft baby~ Can't you just hold me or something. I'm tired as fuck!" my speech was slurred, my head was buzzing and everything felt woozy. "Awh, I'll hold you Gilly I'll always hold you!" She said, leaning over and wrapping her arms around me. At that point I was pretty much already gone, but she just hugged me so tightly there, I felt myself get all wobbly and then the next thing I know I'm laying, head cradled against her chest, drunkenly giggling with a few hiccups thrown in here or there. I guess I was really past the edge at that point. I don't remember anything else from that night, I'm guessing I just fell asleep. The next day was Christmas. There was another party. I finally told. Everyone was freaking out and congratulating me. They tried giving me some tips on where to find a new job, but I had already figured pretty much everything out between the time I woke up that morning, and the time I actually told them about it. I was going to go be a mechanic for the car repair shop a couple blocks away from home, I was going to go back to school and renew all of my degrees, and then go from there. I'd still be able to help Ludwig with love shit, and I'd be able to actually have a steady income. Maybe if the big guys in charge actually realized that I wasn't a freeloading cockroach, they'd actually include me in more shit. That was a nice thought. Maybe I'd even start going to meetings more often, because I wouldn't have Ludwig to tell me everything that'd went down. I started exciting myself. Of course all government work was going to be volunteer work, they wouldn't pay me, they have Ludwig right? I mean unless it's like military orientation, and I already do get paid for that when the time comes around. (Boy, do those kids love seeing me walk up to the podium with all those medals on. They pay big money for a classy military man and a speech.) This was going to work out for me. It had to. I would make it. I could do it. I could get married, move out, get some pets, and everything would be alright, right?  
God help me.  
Please.


	12. Don't Worry Baby, I Wont Go Full Cuckold on You!

A few days after the proposal we found ourselves in bed once again, feeling each other up, sweet talking, kissing, and fantasizing about the future. I luckily found myself loosening up again, I actually felt like myself for the first time in a month. Good old Gilbert the dickhead, back once again from the grave! "Come on Y/N! I'm a pure soul! A true Catholic, only saving myself for the best! " I patted my chest. "The only person I fantasize about having sex with is you!" We were tangled up together, underneath blankets upon blankets. It was steamy, I had my hand right on her pussy, massaging her through the fabric of her underwear. She was all flustered, making little quips and remarks and trying to poke fun at my sexual preferences. It was cute, we would joke about bondage or porn or whatever else we could think of, and I would tease her. "Oh ok sure, then what about all that porn under your bed? I didn't know you had a stepping fetish. There's so much skinhead porn under there, you would've thought you were a fucking Nazi!" She snickered. "Hey! Let the record show that I burned every page with propaganda on it! I'm not about that Nazi shit. It goes against my views." I said. Yeah I did have a lot of skinhead porn. I don't support any of the obvious Nazi content in there, but there's specific things that turn me on. "Ok but, what do you think about nipple clamps?" She asked, changing the subject. "Why what do you think about them?" I raised my eyebrows and bit my bottom lip. She blushed. "What, are you feeling tingly up there or something? Need a massage?" I laughed. She knew boobs weren't really my thing, she was always surprised when I offered to satisfy her needs in that sense without her asking. "Sure.. go ahead." She nodded. I smiled and kissed her neck, where I had my head nested in as I felt my way all over her. Keeping one hand down below I moved the other one up and began softly rubbing her breasts through her shirt. "Your such a softie Y/N, even when you try and act all tough you're still my little soft angel." I chuckled. She moaned a bit. It sounded like a squeak. "You're so cute." I whispered. "You're gonna make a perfect wife. We're gonna be perfect together! We'll have a bunch of pets, and a pretty house, and oh God, I love you! God bless your body, and your personality, and your hair, and your voice. Everything about you is absolutely beautiful. God, you're like a fucking goddess or something! Venus herself!" I bit on her shoulder, sucking on it for awhile. She squirmed around a little bit, trying to get comfortable. Then she settled down again. Her heartbeat was heavy, rippling through her like a drum. "You really think so?" She asked. I nodded. "Thank you Gilbert." She whispered. I looked up at her and smiled. "I love eeeeverything about you. All your rolls and love handles and your tummy and your hips and your thighs and your butt, everything," I said. She giggled, "Yeah, I know you love my butt." I smirked and nodded,"I sure do! Your thighs too! Do you realize how warm and squishy those things are? And you could kill someone with them if circumstance ever called for it!" I laughed and she squeezed her legs together around my hand. I kept giggling, sounding more and more perverted by the second. "You're so pretty baby. You look like a flower. A fuckable flower.." I said. She snorted,"Awh you're so sweet." She giggled. I shook my head. "Nah, it's just because I'm horny. Or that I loooooove you!" I stuck my tongue out at her and she kissed my forehead. "What are we gonna do about that now huh?" She asked. "Do you wanna do like bareback or-"  
"Do you want me to eat you out?" I interrupted.  
"What?" She said, surprised. I sat up and smirked, "Look at this tongue!" I stuck it out and flicked the tip of her nose, "Imagine how good it'll feel downstairs!" I winked. She blushed deeply. "But then we can't make out afterwards." She pouted. "I'll... I'll brush my teeth!" I said triumphantly. She looked at me quizzically. "Right after oral?" She asked. I shrugged, "Unless you'd rather Mr.Pussybreath." I said. She sighed and leaned back into the mattress and pillows, even more, looking away from me. "Alright fine, brush your teeth afterwards." She said. I stood up, a mountain of blankets still draped over me as I clapped my hands together and did a little happy dance. Y/N giggled. I pulled the blankets off of me and set them down next to her. I then got back on the bed and leaned over her. "Teeth? Or no teeth?" I asked, leaning down closer until I was practically pressed up against her. "Teeth." She said, smirking. "Oooh you're feeling tough tonight aren't you?!" I laughed. "Yeah, hurry up." She poked my chest. I nodded and sat back up again, leaning on my knees. "Spread," I said. "Really?" She looked up at me, bright red. "Yes really! Do you wanna not do this? It's ok if you don't, I can stop." I cocked my head to the side. "No.. it's just that... I dunno. It's kinda embarrassing." She said. "Embarrassing?" I repeated." Yeah, I see how you could feel that. But Y/N, it's just me. I already know you. I think you're beautiful." I smiled. She smiled back to me and moved her legs. I got in close to her, biting and kissing the inner parts of her thighs. I think they were the softest parts on her honestly, they were so delicate, and so warm. She twitched ever so slightly whenever she felt my teeth come in contact with her soft flesh. I kept doing that for a while, her little moans and whimpers were like music to my ears. I moved on, I pressed my lips against her now, her scent was strong, her panties were soaked and warm. "You anticipate me that much?" I said softly, my mouth still close, I purposefully kept letting out little hisses and puffs of breath, teasing her. She squeaked and shivered. I gave a little chuckle and slid my fingers under the fabric around her sides, pulling them down slowly. She was completely exposed now. Again I pressed my lips against her, she moaned in response. I took this as an invitation to begin. I went slowly, teasing her with my tongue, before actually sucking on the clit and nipping at her a bit. Then I pulled away. She was whining and moaning like a pornstar, a bit more squeaky though. It was so damn cute. I smirked. "Y/N, remember when we tried that thing that one time on our anniversary and you were like 'omah gahd Gilbert yah sound like a wHORE' ?" I asked, overly exaggerating her more English sounding accent and raising the pitch in my voice drastically. "Uh-huh. I do remember that.. I don't think I called you a whore though!" She squeaked. I laughed. "No I don't think you did either," I said. "But I have to say, you sound like you're really enjoying this. Aren't you? You fucking slut." I snickered. She whined again, "It's not my fault! I didn't know you were so good at this!"  
I laughed again, "My sweet, you should've known I would have! For God's sake I'M ME! I'M AMAZING AT EVERYTHING! HAHA!" I growled. She laughed a little bit and hid her face in the mound of blankets to the side of her. It was time for me to start again. I went back into it, being a little rougher this time. I used a bit more teeth. Nipping at her here and there while I made circles in her pussy with my tongue. The taste was indescribable. Kinda gross honestly, a bit salty. But then again, I don't really think people were originally meant to put tongues down there. I know countries weren't. She began running her fingers through my hair, I think she was really trying not to pull it. Her hand was shaking so bad and her back was arched and she was screaming for me. I guess I was hitting a sweet spot. I sucked on it a bit and ran my tongue over it repeatedly. She moaned deeply. I kept that up, adding small bites here and there. She was oohing and aahing and saying 'oh fuck' more times than I could count. Then there was a big one, she practically screamed out my name. She twitched a bit and her breath got really deep. I contemplated stopping, but then I figured she would like the extra stimulation during her hard orgasm. Man, I'm such a good boyfriend/fiance/ whatever the fuck I'm supposed to call it! I could tell it was slowing down a bit so I went softer and softer. She regained her breath and was rubbing my head again. At that point, I stopped. I kissed her leg again and sat up. "Let me go brush my teeth then right? I gotta kiss you, just hold on." I said, standing up and walking over to the bathroom. She laughed and grabbed one of the blankets, tossing it over herself and rubbing her legs together. "You're actually doing it?" She giggled. I turned on the water and began brushing my teeth. "Mmhm!" I hummed from the bathroom. She laughed again. I finished up and wiped my mouth. "Ok now come here!" She said. I smiled and ran over, practically jumping in bed on top of her. Kissing her all over, she was giggling and being all cute per usual. I was smiling. "Are you satisfied yet?" I asked, "I kinda wanna try something different," I said. "I thought what we were just doing was different?" She said, cocking her head to the side. I used as an opportunity to kiss her neck. "Yeah but I mean like, really different." I said, muffled because my mouth was against her skin. "Ok.. shoot." She said. "So, now that we're gonna be married and shit.. you know what a cuckold is right?" I asked. She gulped, "More or less, why?" She asked. "It's when a hubby watches his girl get dicked." I said, wiggling my eyebrows. "Uh huh.." She murmured. "What do you think?" I asked. She shrugged, " I don't really want to do it with someone else y'know? I think it should be more of our thing right? Plus we're pretty much safe with all that pregnancy and sicknesses crap right? So why risk it? Also, we wouldn't even be able to do it right now anyway." She said. I chuckled, "Of course not! God knows I'm too attached to watch you have sex with anyone else! That would tear me apart! Gangbangs are one thing but that's supposedly a team effort. I wouldn't wanna just stand back from the sidelines an have some other dickheads have you all to himself!" I hugged her tight against me. "That's why I won't let that happen, I love you too much." I said. She was a bit surprised. "Why did you bring it up like that then?" She asked. "I would've thought that-" she stopped. "Y/N?" I asked, biting my lip. "Yeah?" She said. "You didn't happen to bring that rabbit I gave you back in November with on the trip, did you?" I asked. "Oh.." she said. "OH!" She said again, realization dawning on her. "I- yeah it's in my bag uh-" I stood up and ran to get her bag. I opened it and looked through it for awhile, trying not to mess anything up or look at something I wasn't supposed to. Then I saw it, that fucking white rabbit vibrating dildo, shaped like my own cock. It was one of the double-fingered ones, so it would finger her at the same time as it penetrated her. I turned it around in my hands a couple of times, I didn't really give a fuck that it had probably already hit the roof of her pussy, I'd done worse myself. I snorted a bit when I looked at it, realizing that it really was the mold of my own dick. "They really get all the details in huh?! Id never thought I'd get to see it from so many angles!" I laughed. "It's great!" She said, laughing. "Me? Or the rabbit?" I asked. "Both!" She exclaimed, "I think I like you better though, you're a much better conversation partner. And you dirty talk much better then the imaginary Gilbert in my mind." She said. I laughed, "Oh, so you think about me when you masturbate huh?" I asked, smirking. "Wh- why do you not think about me?" She retorted. "I don't masturbate that much!" I said. "Bull- shit, you're fucking German, Gilbert! I thought you represented like, half this country! You gotta get some self fuckin' in sometimes right? Or are you trying to tell me that the rest of the world is 100000% wrong when they say you people have one of the biggest porn industries in the world?" She sat up. I rolled my eyes "Yeah I'm the half that has one of the lowest birth rates in the world remember?" I said. "That's only because there's less people living over there," She said, "You masturbate. And you watch porn." She slumped back into the bed. "I think about you most of the time." I said. "It wanders occasionally. You.. you know who comes up." I said. "Damn, I wish I could've met him. Even if he probably would've hated me. He sounded cool." She said. I nodded. "He was. He would've liked you I think, once he got past the whole chick part. I wouldn't have been hard I don't think, he got along fine with his sisters. Mina especially. " I said. "You should tell me more about them sometime." She said. " Just not now though. I have no pants on." She laughed. I stood up "AND I'M HOLDING MY OWN DICK IN MY HAND!" I laughed. And went back over to her. I got back on the bed and handed her the rabbit. "You're gonna masturbate in front of me now. And I wanna hear you call out my name. I wanna know how much you want me, even if I'm not there." I said. "Jesus Christ, you're so blunt!" She snorted. I crossed my arms. "I don't wanna dance around it now, we're going to get married in a few months, right? It's not like I'm on the first date anymore." I smirked. "Alright. Just, talk to me though ok. Like, encourage me or something ok?" She requested. She looked small and bashful. I liked where this was going. "Of course I would liebe, I wouldn't want you feeling completely in the dark now right?" I smiled. "Ooooh yes bitch more of that German, that shits hot! Keep it coming!" She made a little waving motion with her free hand as she leaned back into the pillows and began working at herself from under the blankets. I laughed, then continued in my native tongue.  
"Fine, but I do believe that you're forgetting something Y/N."  
I said it slowly, trying to give her time to translate what I said. This was great! Sex and language lessons!  
"I uhm." She looked at me with a puzzled expression.  
"The blanket, Y/N." English.  
"Take it off." German.  
She paused, then nodded and moved the blanket to the side, exposing herself again.  
"Good, now continue." I smiled and leaned over her a bit. She started again.  
"Move your hips just like it was me coming into you. And look at me." I directed.  
"Oh...ok." she gave a little nod and started moving her hips some more. I smiled. "Good girl! Remember to keep eye contact though, even if it gets embarrassing!" She turned her head for a second, I grabbed her chin and turned her head back towards me.  
"Apapap, what did I just say." I kept my voice low and calm. But at the same time, firm and directing. "Ok.. I'm sorry. I'll look at you.." she whispered.  
"Good." I nodded.  
She began closing her eyes more and more, breathing deeply.  
"You're doing such a wonderful job, my little soft angel, I love you so, so much. Please keep your eyes on me. Don't let me out of your sight." I smiled and got even closer to her our faces almost touching.  
"Ah! Gilbert!" She called. I smiled and brushed a hand across her face. "Say that you love me, and that you'll always be there for me. And then I will do the same for you."  
"Gilbert... Oh, Gilbert I can't even put it on a scale! I love you so much! I want to stay by your side for ever and ever and ever, and I wish I had, I wish I was there for you all those years before! You mean the world to me, Gilbert! I want you to be happy!" She called, she moved herself forward a bit, brushing her cheek against mine. She had gotten rather rough with herself, her whole being trembled, I just couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed her working hand and stopped her. Casting the rabbit to the side, I undid my boxers and pushed myself into her. We were close together, so so close together.  
"Don't worry, we'll stay together now. We'll be together now. I'll protect you. I love you so much. You are the reason I'm still here. You are the reason I'm moving on with my life. I owe you my love, and loyalty, and I'd lay down my life for you. I hope you know that Y/N. Don't forget that." I began speaking faster now, my voice became more gruff and my heart picked up. I welcomed it. My own heartbeat no longer frightened me. I was so happy. I was so damn happy! It was like nothing could go wrong! I loved it. I loved her. I loved feeling purpose. I loved having something to look forward to. I looked forward to marrying her! What a disgrace! I looked forward to it! I was lovestruck. I was like my teenage self back in the 1740s happiest man alive. Maybe a little less sexist and maybe a little more scarred and damaged nowadays but still! I was happy! I was in love! I wanted to stay like that for the rest of my life! Maybe I could. Maybe I could stay with her? If what people say is true... I should have around 25 years left. No, no that's crazy. I can't die. Not so soon. Right? But then what about her? What will she do? Oh, fuck me I'm sounding like Marcus again! God, don't let me worry about such stupid things! I'll be fine. I always am. I love her. I love my sweet Y/N.


	13. How To Get Rich Quick: Punch a Dude

I lay in bed next to her, the final night we would get to sleep together like this before she had to leave again in the morning. Presumably for the last time. I hoped. I had that mechanic job in the bag, but I still needed another form of income. Though she had a couple online jobs and a pretty steady income, we still wanted to be safe right? I had figured this was going to be one of her longest sessions away yet. She had to let everyone know and get all her belongings together. She was residing in an apartment with some of her friends, my place had already become a second home though. Next time she came in, she was probably going to have to get a hotel room. I would still be preparing for everything. The wedding itself was set to be in June. At least that's what we had planned. I needed to step my game up, make things more intense. We were going to start with an apartment in Berlin and then move on up from there. I took everything up with Ludwig and although he's hesitant, he's happy I'm actually moving on and doing stuff with my life again. He's glad I'll be staying close by though. Typical, he's barely even an adult yet. He looks about 19, acts like it too if you look close enough. Poor kid, he trys so hard to act mature and keep things moving smoothly, but you can really see how it wears on him if you pay attention. It'll be hard on him once I'm gone, but I think he'll adapt pretty quick.  
I lay In bed next to her, the final night we would spend together before she had to leave again, presumably for the last time. I had my hopes. My birthday was on January 18th. She got me another gift. The sex was great too. I was going to miss her the most this time, I was certain of it.

I lay in bed next to her, the final night we would spend together, playing with her hands, murmuring softly about what exactly I thought about her. She had her head pressed against mine, her breath was soft and light. Her smile was small and her eyes were closed. She listened to me, every now and then she would gently press her lips against mine. Oh, how I wanted that to last for an eternity! Time felt like it was at a standstill! If was just letting me ramble on and on about whatever I had done from birth until now, and ut let me hum little tunes, and it let me hold her all I wanted, and she would just listen to me, like it wasn't the hundredth time I'd already told whatever story it was. I needed that. God, my soul was healed.  
"Gil," she said softly. I put a hand up to her face. She opened her eyes slowly, looking sleepy and deep in thought. "What's up cutie. Should I shut up now?" I chuckled softly. She shook her head and pressed her forehead against mine. "What are we gonna do?" She asked, quietly. "I'm worried Gilbert, I really am. How are we gonna make this workout? Maybe I should cancel the flight tomorrow. " She said. "No, no! It's all going to be fine Y/N trust me. We'll figure it all out and hey, if we need more time we can make more time. Everything will end up just fine, and before you know it we'll be together in Potsdam and you'll be able to look out the window and see Sansscoussi palace every day! Oh, sweetheart, it's gonna be great! Just wait and see, while you're back at home I'll get some big money and then we'll be set with an apartment and a gig for the wedding and it'll be great and we can invite everyone and decorate it however you want it right?!" I said. I brought her hand up to my lips and kissed her knuckles. "I'll make it happen. Whatever it takes. You tell your friends and family. Get a nice dress. Show off your ring. And I'll take care of all the financial stuff." I said. She shook her head. "I'm not letting you do that."  
"Why not!?" I pleaded, "Please, Y/N let me do this for us! I don't want to put any stress on you whatsoever! You'll end up like Rodrich! That man's crazy with wedding drama!" I exclaimed. "I've noticed." She rolled her eyes. "40%" she said.  
"60!" I snapped.  
"Fine. But I'm paying for the dress." She said.  
"Oh, thank you Y/N! You won't be disappointed in me, I promise! I'll get us richer than you've ever known! We'll be like royalty!" I hugged her, trapping her in with my arms and legs, planting kisses on her head.  
" Gilbert! Gilbert hold on!" She exclaimed. I let go, a bit shocked. "Hey.. what's wrong?" I asked. "Promise me you won't get yourself hurt." She said. "Wha-," I started. "I know how you get when you have this goal set out in your mind, your like a droning missile you don't stop until you get what you want. You're kinda reckless baby, I don't mean to be rude or anything, but it's true!" She said. "I don't want you to go from not working at all to going to the point where you have absolutely no free time at all, and you don't get sleep, and oh I don't know, you die from stress and exhaustion because you can't hit a fucking 60% percent by June?" She said. Tears were beginning to well up in her eyes. I was a bit hurt. "You.. you don't think I can do it?" I asked. "I never said that! I'm just worried about you that's all! Gilbert I don't want you to hurt yourself. I don't care if it's for me. If you feel like you're struggling you tell me and I'll help you. We need to be more dependant on each other now I think. That means I can't let you go do this by yourself." She hugged me. I felt the collar of my shirt get damp. She let the tears roll. They weren't that heavy, but it still forced a pang in my chest. She shouldn't be crying, I needed to stop it. I rubbed her back. "No, really it'll be fine! I promise! I won't do anything too crazy ok! You don't have to worry about me. I'm too awesome to die right? Even if I get exhausted." I said, quietly, although the tone was a bit quippy. "No exhaustion! Go to sleep when you need to!" She sniffed. "I will, I will! Really Y/N, I'll listen. Don't cry, it's ok." I said bringing her head up next to mine and caressing her cheek with my hand. "Ok.. thank you." She whispered. I smiled. We got back to our before position, with our foreheads against each other, noses brushing against one another. We spoke for a bit longer. And then, she drifted off to sleep. I hugged her tight against me then, being careful not to wake her up. "Everything will be ok. Sleep, I'll protect you. Don't worry. I'll protect you. " I whispered, and closed my eyes. Syncing my breathing with her's I felt myself being lulled to sleep.

The next morning was pretty hectic. We scrambled to get her things together, bickering some, though it all fizzled away.  
Just as she was about to leave, she turned to me and pulled me close by the head, just as she always does when it's time to leave. She didn't say anything for a while. Then she took a deep breath. "See you in a few months." She whispered. "Go get us that wedding money baby, I'm rooting for you." Then, she planted a kiss on my lips and went. I stared after her, my face stern and determined. I was going to do it. I promised. As soon as I got home, I had to make some phone calls, fill out some papers, and look up places online. Again, the mechanic job was in the bag, but what else could I do? I could be a bartender, I could make some killer drinks, drunk people are always pretty fun to hang around with, they're laughable enough. Then I realized I couldn't get drunk with them. Nah.

[Call made at 10:25 A.M. to: Adler Bengel]

"[Background noises and shuffling] Yo, bitch what the fuck are you dying or something, you never call me?? What's up??"

"Not dead yet! No, but actually I do need your help with something, do you have time?"

"Uuuuuuuuuhm... kinda playing Overwatch right now bro. Whatever you need make it quick. [Background noises]"

"Ok, first of all what the fuck are you doing playing online without me?"

"C'mon dude don't be a piss baby, I'm just chilling!"

"Ugh, alright fine."

"Ok, what did you wanna ask me though?"

"Yeah... so you know that Twitter post I made on Christmas-"

"Oooooh is this about your engagement?! Oh boy, this is gotta be special, hold on. [ Background noise stops, then a muffled thud]"

"Let's stay away from that word for now ok?"

"What, has the pressure already set in? Poor guy."

"I'm serious Al, listen."

"Ok, sorry. What's up?"

"Ok so I need your input on this, Mr. Richest County In The World, Currently. I have a job right now, but the pay is slow and I need to get a quick cash grab of a couple hundred thousand euros in less than a year. What do I do?"

"Wow, I'd never thought I'd hear The Great Gilbert Beilschmidt come looking to me for help!"

"Enjoy it while it lasts! [Laughing]"

"[Laughing] Ok, in all seriousness though, I think you should try selling shit. Like, you got 800+ years on you, some of that old crap has to have some value to it right?"

"Waaaaay ahead of you. How'd you think I afforded my X-Box?"

"Really? There's nothing else?"

"No, I suppose if Ludwig's ok with it I could get rid of some of those model steam trains he used to play with when he was little."

"Yeeeeaaaaah, that's what I'm talking about. Stuff like that can get you off with like 50 bucks here at least. All you gotta say is something like 'oh this is from the 1850s' or something and you got it in the bag, dude! I sold some toy soldiers that I used to play with when I was little this one time, I made it out with 200 bucks. That's like 400 something nowadays too. Go for it!"

"Alright, what about after that then? I'm talking about like an occupatient sort of thing Al. Something that gets good money quick, and that it doesn't take a super long time to get to work right?"

"Uuuh..... It sounds like you need like, contest money or something."

"Contest money...."

"Hey I think I got something! You could do like a fencing tounament or something! You like that fencing shit right?!"

"I do. However Alfred we need to keep in mind that fencing isn't as popular as it once was. Prize money might be short."

"Ah I see. Well, is there anything else you can think of that you'd be willing to compete for? Any hobbies we can break some world records with?"

"I used to do bareknuckle boxing back in the GDR."

" [Hands clapping together]Bingo. You're going Rocky my dude. We got this in the fuckin' bag man! I'm gonna do some research first, then I'm gonna book a flight over there tomorrow to see how this all goes down!"

"Rocky? I said bareknuckle, Jones. None of those pads and shit. "

"Ok fine you fucking edgelord. I'm coming over anyway. See you tomorrow around 10. Kay?"

"Ok! Thanks for the help Al.  
See ya."

"Bye!"

[Call end]

The next day I got ready early. Assuming he meant 10 a.m. my time. I think he did, he showed up around 10:30. We talked outside for a while, playing fetch with the dogs while Ludwig was working inside.  
" So wait, tell me again how that whole thing worked out, I figured any fight club sort of things would've been illegal under the Soviets right?" He asked, throwing the neon green frisbee into the slush-filled backyard. Aster bounded after it.  
"Nothing is illegal as long as you don't get caught." I chuckled and crossed my arms. "I know you of all people understand my logic there." I smirked.  
"True that, true that." Alfred said.  
"How though? How'd you do it?"  
I thought for a short bit.  
"I had friends. Anarchist punks of course, still friends though. They got me into all that underground shit. Marijuana, punk music, fight clubs, all that crap. It was like my way of letting my frustrations out after work. I'd head off to a warehouse somewhere when I wasn't being supervised, and I'd royally fuck some guy up for fun. We got caught a couple times. Some guy died that one time. We had to move the location around a lot. But we still did it. My friends fought too, though not nearly as much as me. I was practically invincible! I was feared amongst bareknucklers all over the Soviet Bloc! They called me the one eyed eagle because I originally started right after the whole labotomy thing, I had to wear an eyepatch. The name just stuck after that." I said.  
"That's sick, dude." Alfred stared at me, wide eyed. "Thanks, I know." I smirked.  
"No, really that's good, we could play it off like you're coming back out of retirement or something!" He said, putting his hands together in thought."Technically, I would be. Not only in boxing, that is. After the money starts coming in I'm gonna go move in with Y/N. I'll have to start going to meetings again, and all of you pricks are gonna have to start taking me seriously again! Just wait and see, Jones. It'll be a sight to behold. I'll make a comeback of awesome proportions all by myself. No government needed." I said, matter-of-factly. Alfred made a strange face at me, then nodded, "I'll look forward to working with you again then." He said. "Anyways, you said yesterday you were going to do some research. Did you find anything out?" I asked, taking the frisbee from Aster and casting it back out to the chaos of dogs. "I did, but they were all U.S. tournaments, I don't think you wanna fly all the way to D.C. to beat some people up right?" He said. I shrugged, "I found some places over here but the prize money was way too low." Alfred snapped his fingers. "That shouldn't matter though, technically. If you keep entering in them. Each time you win a fight you get a certain amount of money, and each time you win that money is given with the bonus of winning the whole championship, multiply that by how many times you enter, assuming you win the maximum amount each time, you should be swimming in cash by the end of the year!" He said. I smiled and slapped his back. "And THAT is why you're so fucking rich! Your system is genius my friend!" I shouted. Alfred laughed, "Sure is! Thanks dude." He said. "Let's go in and sign the shit up! It's fucking cold out!" He turned and walked into the house. I whistled for the dogs and they each followed me in a line.

After we got inside we sat down in Ludwig's office and got to work. Al was on his laptop and I was on mine. Every now and then there would be a quick exchange like "Whaddya think about starting in [city name] ending in [city name] for [amount of money] and [ number of rounds]. " And then I would go, "Ew what the fuck Alfred, those cities suck." Or, "Maybe, that price seems a bit sketchy." Or, "That many rounds? What are the first couple for beginners and then they work themselves up?"  
Eventually, we did find one here in Berlin. It was at an old warehouse liks the ones I used to fight in. Actually, I think I might've gone in there a couple of times early on, just to veiw the sport. They fixed it up and it was an actual functioning arena nowadays. The competition started in Berlin and ended in New York City, apparently. Ten rounds. Alfred said we should do this particular one first, because not only did it incorporate a nice part of both of us, the price was hefty and the date was soon. I began filling out the paperwork online. "Do you think I should go with human Gil or not human Gil and sort this out officially?" I asked, waving the cursor over the telephone number to the company in charge of putting the tournament together. "Just go with human, dude. They might not let you in otherwise." He said, glancing up at me from his spot on the floor. I nodded. "Yeah, that's probably right. Age: 28." I said, typing in the information. I had the fake medical records and everything. Things were going about very smoothly. "You look 29." Alfred said. I looked at him for a while. "Just saying." He shrugged. "Fuck you, Al." I said. "You look like a fetus." I scoffed. He snorted. We went back to typing. I never changed the 28 by the way. After that, Alfred and I went to the gym to get some training done. It ended up that we actually did work in 5-minute intervals and then took pictures of ourselves in between. I guess being around someone like him for a longer period of time really inflames my ego. Plus I have to send pictures to my girl of me all sweaty and working out right?  
By the end of the day, I felt pretty good. The tournament started in a week. Alfred was planning on staying in town for whatever reason, I'm pretty sure he thought he was going to be my personal coach or something as if I really needed one. It didn't really matter in the end anyway, I was working, therefore I would get the money.

The night before the tournament Alfred was texting me like crazy, I responded for the first hour or so but then I got bored and muted him. I leaned back against the couch and closed my eyes. Sleep did not come. Something ticked inside of me, a feeling that made me want to vomit my own lungs out. I can't believe it! I was fucking nervous over something as mediocre as a boxing tournament! I'd been training like crazy and I had more experience than anyone joining the thing could've ever dreamed of. So why was this happening? I groaned and pulled out my phone again, flinching at the harsh light. I forgot to turn that down before my eyes ajusted to the darkness again, my fucking eyes. Squinting, I turned the brightness down all the way and scrolled around on all of my social media sites. Almost completely ignoring the spam Alfred was sending me. I found myself always going on Y/N's pages. You'd think I was a stalker! Jesus, I knew about almost every account she had! I just was drawn to it. Everything she posted, everything she wrote, all the pictures, it made me smile. I'd always brag about her online and she'd get all bashful, or if she posted a picture of herself or something that she did I would be the first to comment on it. I'm very supportive! I owned a couple different blogs. One for myself, one for history, and another secret one that nobody knew about. Only she did. I would write on there, not as deep as my journal stuff, but more like some drabbling novelist. It was about more vague and personal stuff, I used a pen name and I actually got pretty popular. Not that my other blogs aren't popular though! Here, I'll read a segment off of my personal blog.

"I can't fucking see my own hand today what the actual fuck is wrong with my eyes I hate everything."

And here's a segment from my writing blog.

"The entire world keeps swirling and swirling around me, I'm so dizzy and I cannot see. How I wish to just close my eyes and have God fix me with a pair if better eyes. If he won't I guess I'll have to trade for it. How about take my feelings for them then? A pair of eyes for human emotions. I say, that would be fair trade. -Maria"

Such a poet right?  
Reading through Y/N's pictures I found she had posted lots of her ring, and tagged me in them, my smile grew wider and wider. Some of them I had already responded to, others were as new as of a few minutes ago. It crossed my mind that she was still probably awake, due to time zones, I texted her. It was a very cute conversation. Not unlike others that we've had before. Then I called.

[Call sent to:  
Schöngeistig Blüte Bby]

"Hey Gilbert."

"Helllloo my little [uncomprehens able slurred murmuring]"

"Aw baby you sound so sleepy!"

"I am. That doesn't mean I can't talk to you though."

"I miss you."

"I miss you too Y/N. I'm working now though! I'll be able to pay for the wedding!"

"Oh really? Gilbert that's wonderful! What are you doing?"

"Can't say."

"Why not?"

"You'll get worried."

"Now you really have to say it!"

"Nooo.. I just think I'm gonna lay here and listen to you talk for awhil right?"

"Nuh-uh! You have to tell me!"

"Alright fine, you forced it out of me! I picked up bareknuckle again. I'm going to a tournament tomorrow. Don't be mad!"

"Oh, Gilbert! I told you not to go get yourself hurt!"

"I know I know, but it's not that bad Y/N! I know how to win these things easy! I won't get hurt that bad!"

"I guess you're right, but still! You shouldn't have to go and get beaten up for money right? It doesn't seem safe!"

"Ugh, what did I just say? I'm not going to get beaten up! I'm going to be the one doing the beating! Also, if I wasn't willing to face the consequences, do you really think I would've with it in the first place? I'm not as reckless as you might think Y/N. I've told you before and I'll tell you again a million times over, I'll happily fight on your behalf. I'd lay my life down for you if I could. This right here is exactly what I'm talking about when I say that. We need the money right? You need to let me fight for it then."

"I just.. not everything needs to be about fighting though..."

"It isn't! Just this one time though! I'll make you proud!"

"You always make me proud Gilbert."

"Oh.. I do? Well.. that's good... Uh."

"Oh come on Gilbert, you don't need to get flustered by it."

"I'm not flustered! I'm thinking!"

"[Giggle] Alright, you thought."

"Yeah I did! And I was thinking about how much I love and appreciate you!"

"Aw, Gilly."

"Uh-huh so you better let me go kick ass tomorrow!"

"Ugh, fine. Make sure you video chat me afterwards so I can kiss your ouchies all better!"

"[Laughing] Of course! That's the best part!"

"Damn it, I wish I was there with you."

"It's ok. We'll be together again soon. Plus I think you need some time by yourself right? To let all this set in? I know I did."

"Oh yeah! I almost forgot! I have all these new ideas for the wedding! I'm actually really excited about it."

"Oh you are? That's great! You being so excited is sure to lessen the load on me right?"

"You're not excited?"

"I mean, I am! Sheesh, I've never been married before!"

"It'll be ok."

"I know it will."

"God, I feel just like some Disney princess or something!"

"[Groan] Tell me about it, do you know I found that fucking bird in the house again? Every time I think it's gone, nope! It's perched on my head so I look like a real lunatic!"

"I think he loves you!"

"Well then Y/N, you have some competition!"

"Oh no!"

"Aw, don't worry, you're still my favorite."

"Yay!"

"[Chuckle] Y/N?"

"Yes Gilbert?"

"Sing me a lullaby."

"Oh my God really? You're such a baby!"

"No I'm not! I'm sleepy! I wanna hear you sing! Pleeeease!"

"Are you gonna fall asleep on the phone?"

"Maybe. It depends on how good you are."

"Well gee, thanks."

"I'm just kidding. I'm sure your voice is beautiful even through the phone!"

"Alright fine. I'll sing. But if someone walks in on me right in the middle of it I'm hanging up ok?"

"That's ok. I'll forgive you."

"Dork."

"You don't know how big the smile on my face is right now!"

"Aw.."

"Sing for me!"

"Ok, ok here goes nothing."

[Y/N begins singing softly for a while, soft rustling can be heard from Gilbert's end. Then it stops. Y/N finishes up the tune and hangs up the phone after whispering 'Goodnight']

The next morning I woke up with my alarm, still on the couch. Today was the day. I got ready, and hyped myself up in the mirror. Punching my own chest, flexing, all that crap. After I was done I made myself a quick breakfast and left to go pick up Alfred at the hotel.

"YO THERE'S ROCKY!" He called, sprinting towards my car. "Psst, I could take down Rocky with the flick of my finger." I smirked and pushed up my sunglasses. "Have you ever even seen Rocky?" Alfred cocked his head to the side. "Why would I need to see something that I can live in real time? Plus, he doesn't even do bareknuckle. I bet he's a real pansy!" I huffed. Alfred stepped back and put a hand to his chest, dramatically offended. "How dare you insult my guy crush like that!" He said, eyes bulging. I laughed. "Alfred, if he's your guy crush, I think you need to heighten your standards. Hop in, we're gonna be late for being early!" I said, and honked the car's horn. Alfred got into the passenger seat, shifting around for a moment before buckling the seatbelt. He looked at the dashboard at the assortment of stickers and trinkets I had decorated it with. "Why the hell do you even have this thing dude? I thought you liked cars?" He looked back to me with an ounce of confusion in his eyes. I scoffed "Ehm excuse me Al, Marcella's been with me for almost 50 years! There's no way in hell I'm putting her in the dump. Plus, she's been modified so much, the only thing that's the original trabant anymore is the shape of the skeleton!" I patted the steering wheel. "Cool." Alfred nodded. "It only kinda smells like stale weed and cigarettes in here." He said, as soon as we were on the road. " That's weird. I haven't smoked in here for a looong time." I glanced at him. "You're trying to quit for the girl aren't you?" He grinned and raised an eyebrow at me. I groaned "I've been slowing down on that shit since 2005! Not everything has to do with Y/N you know." I said. "Yeah, exept for maybe you're entire comeback to civilization and a steady career." He pursed his lips. I could've smacked him, but I was feeling rather patient that day. "What are you hinting at Jones?" I glared. "Nuttin'," he leaned back into his seat and looked out the window. "It's doctor Jones now, by the way. I got my degree in astronomy." He said. "Ok space ranger, are you gonna go take kindergartners on field trips to the planetarium now? I'm impressed." I nodded towards him sarcastically. "You were supposed to say, 'it's time to go Dr. Jones'!" He sat back up and pouted. I stared at him for a while, we had already made it to the warehouse/arena thing and we sat parked in the lot. "You've never seen Indiana Jones either?" He honestly looked hurt. "Parts of it." I said. " I liked the face melty scene." I chuckled. Alfred frowned "I can't believe we're even friends." He said, crossing his arms. I rolled my eyes. "Come on Alfred are you feeling alright? What's with you and all the pop culture recently, it's like it ate your personality or something." I said. "I dunno. Guess I'm just nervous and I find comfort in watching movies that make me feel motivated and inspired in life." He shrugged. I stared at him again. "Fuck you." He grumbled and got out of the car. After we got into the place and checked in and shit, I did myself a favor and scoped out the competition beforehand, to see if I would have any advantages with whoever I was pitted against. There was a wide range of little skinny kids, probably their first big match. I had the skill and strength to outdo them. There were big mountainous hulking dudes, I'm sure I have the speed for some quick dodging and a few sucker punches, that would take them down. There were also a few in-between looking guys, such as myself. I had to think a bit about these people. Strength and speed wise, we'd be close to evenly matched. However, I would still be ahead skillwise. I would have to do a bit of gambling if I was paired with any of them.

Around 2 or three hours later, I had changed into something that I could work in, and could mop up blood if needed, we were in the waiting area, Alfred was doing his damndest to hype me up. "Punch me!" He said. "You sure?" I raised an eyebrow. He nodded and I smirked, revving up. "You asked for it." I landed a blow right to his gut. He was damn tight! " Punch faster dude! Pretend like I'm some hulking maniac!" He said, unfazed. I narrowed my eyes. I don't know why, but the fact that he barely reacted to some phony punch really pissed me off. "I know how to fight Jones, fuck off." I hit him in the chest twice, quicker and harder this time. He took a step back and rubbed where I had hit him. "That's more like it. Get pissed!" He smiled. " I'm pissed because you're acting like a teacher! Bullshit, Al, you're bullshit! Back off or go home, I know what I'm doing!" I yelled and punched him again just for good measure. He winced this time, I was satisfied. "Sorry, sorry. Spoke out of line, won't happen again." He nodded. I glared at him. "Next time I break your nose. Just like I'm gonna do to this sucker I'm up against." I said. As if on queue, I was called to the area. I went up there and the announcer introduced us. My opponent was one of the big pot headed guys. He looked like he hadn't showered in months and needed a shave. He glanced back to his coach for a moment. His voice was muffled, but I could really hear him. "Whaddya mean I'm up against this white twig? I thought this was a competition?" Man, I was livid, first the thing with Alfred, then this crap?! What's up with these overly muscular men thinking they're entitled to get under my skin like that?! The match started, I made the first move, practically running at the man, sucker punching his face. He spat out a tooth and let out a deep growl like a bear. He lugged one of his big meaty arms at me, I ducked away, avoiding it quickly and coming back to hit him again in the mouth, his lips went puffy, his greasy, bearded face was all red and splotchy with fury. I smirked. "Who's a twig?" I asked. He let out a roar.and threw another arm at me. He left himself open again and I landed one on his stomach. The crowd of 30 cheered. I felt a spike of adrenaline that I had desperately craved in the past couple of years. It was rejuvenating. I was in the lead just doing the same thing. This oaf was so slow and predictable! I was practically dancing around him, delivering the ass-wooping of a lifetime. Then there was a point where I figured hey, I could probably finish him off now and nail big ones right on him up close right? So I did. I backed off for a bit, waiting for the man to get cocky. He did, and soon enough I was up in his face, landing punch after punch, back and forth betweey two hands. Then I hear a voice who breaks my concentration. "YEAH MAN! DO IT FOR JOHNNY!" Now, I don't know a single living "Johnny" on this planet. And I thought it was just the weirdest thing to say in that situation. I turned back towards Alfred for a second. "Who the fuck is Johnny?" I asked, my voice was gruff and questioning. Then I felt a smashing pain on the side of my skull. Chumbo decided to get wise. I backed off and my vision went blurry, he landed another on my shoulder as I only half dodged him. I gritted my teeth and shook my head. He threw a third attack. I screamed and ran at him, dodging his fist. I hit him upside the jaw, he turned, then I got the side, and back of his head. His eyes rolled up until there was only white showing, and the man hit the floor with a thud. I won. Throwing my hands up in the air, I let out a throaty growlish noise, signifying my victory. Then I yelled. My ear was ringing. My shoulder hurt. My mouth tasted like blood. They led me off the arena and got me an ice pack. Alfred and I shared a short verbal celebration before discussing the past and future matches. After some screaming, he knew I was pissed at him for screwing up my perfect win. He also found it hilarious that I asked him, mid-fight. The next match was in a week.  
This was going to be a long couple of months.


	14. Who Needs Antidepressants When You Have These Flying Fists?

"Oh shit it's swelling up and shit!"  
"Does it really look that bad? It doesn't feel that bad."  
"Can you see?"  
"Same as usual. Maybe a bit cut off though. I usually have an ice pack."  
I held up the plastic bag to the webcam, it was wrapped in a pastel yellow towel and a bit damp. "This guy." I said. I got out with that match with a black eye, sprained shoulder, and a minor concussion. Nothing too bad. Y/N was freaking out about it, of course, shes always worried about me. Alfred had gone back home for a while. I was lucky, he left before he got a chance to see me all swollen and purple like that. I pressed the ice pack to my eye again. "I made like, 130 Euros today Y/N. I told you I could do it." I smiled. She looked down and typed a couple of words on the keyboard before answering. Her features were soft, as normal, and she looked caring. " I knew you would." She smiled back at me. "I just wish I was there to nurse you, and kiss you, and hug you, and rub your shoulders!" She pouted at me and I stuck my tongue out. "I'm tough! I can handle it! Save the fawning for after we're dripping with riches and hitched! I laughed. "I know how difficult that must be, especially for someone in a relationship such as this one! It's not every day this level of perfection comes strolling along, agreeing to marry you know init?" I smirked and ran a hand through my hair. She laughed. "You asked me."  
"Because you said you wanted to earlier!"  
She laughed again. She sounded bubbly, and fresh.  
"I can't wait to just take you up and squeeze you in between my arms!" I said I laughed then too. "I can't wait!" She said. "I started making plans for the wedding." She sighed after we'd quieted a bit. "I have my bridesmaids all picked out. I think I already know the color scheme too. My family is mixed. The one half is very excited and proud of me that it's finally happening, the other is pulling this whole 'oh I haven't even met the guy yet how do you know he's the one', like Jesus Christ, just because you don't know somebody doesn't mean that they're bad right? Plus, we've been together almost 5 years now right?" She said, rubbing her forehead against her palms. "In November. So like, less than 4 and a half still. It's only January." I shrugged. She looked up at me and bit the inside of her cheek. "Still!" She said. I nodded. " I guess if you really think you can handle me for the rest of your life, who's gonna stop you?" I said. She glanced at me again, her eyes went foggy for a second. Then she blinked. "What about you though. What about the rest of your family?" She cleared her throat. I shifted positions on the couch and flipped the ice pack over to the colder side and reapplied it to my black eye. "Aw, my family? Honestly, I don't trust any of them. Besides like, Ludwig. Everyone else is tense. We've always been like that. I hate the familiar bouts but you know a guy like me just looooves starting things right?" I chuckled and leaned back. "Mhm." Y/N mumbled. "There's nobody? Not even like, Rodrich or-"  
"Rodrich already invited himself. He does that. Fucking cunt. He'd already invited himself since before Christmas." I grumbled, not noticing that I had cut her off. Y/N sighed. "I wish you're family life wasn't so. difficult." She said. I snorted,"Don't we all?" I glanced up towards the screen and then leaned my head back again. "If I could bring back the dead, and make people stop hating me, trust me Y/N, I would." I sighed. Then it was quiet for a few moments. I closed my eyes, I could hear her tapping at her keyboard for a bit, then it stopped. Her chair rolled and she got farther away from the mic. "You guys are so weird. I have no idea how you work. First, you're immortal, then all your relatives are dead. Then you're invincible, then I find out you have a concussion and a black eye. And the whole name situation just really boggles my mind, why'd Rodrich choose Edelstein if you guys had the same father? And I thought you couldn't have parents? I thought you came out of the ground like a plant or something?" She rambled. I chuckled a bit. "It's pretty hard to explain." I said, picking at my nails. "I came from the Earth directly, though blood tests prove my relation to my living relatives. And those relatives sometimes knew our father when they were growing up. That's how I know that he's our dad, maybe there's no factual proof but hey, legend has it the man wasn't even a solid person. Maybe he was like 5 people." I said. "Maybe he was a ghost." Y/N waved her fingers. "Yeah, or a tree." I laughed. "A tree?" She cocked her head to the side. "Yeah you know! What if he was like some forest guardian and all of us are like, land babies." I laughed "I'm a swamp." I snorted. "You're German Shrek and your dad is the Lorax!" she laughed. I did a spit tic with the seltzer water I'd been sipping on for the past couple of minutes. "We'll now, that's not cool anymore!" I said. "Am I wrong?" She asked. I shrugged "Yeah, unless you mean to tell me German Shrek is a hot stud such as myself!" I ran a hand through my hair and winked at her with my good eye. She laughed, "Maybe." She sat back down at her computer and lied her head on her hands. She gave out a sigh. "I miss you." She said. "I know. It'll be soon though. Then you won't be able to get away from me!" I grinned. She gave a small smile. "Gilbert?" She said, softly. I looked back into her eyes, through the screen. She moved one of her hands, she held it against her own screen for a while. "Yeah, Y/N?" I said. She moved her hand away again. "I'm nervous." Her eyes drifted a bit. She looked down away from me. "Sometimes I feel like it's not worth it, sometimes I feel like something will go wrong the day I come back. And I just wish you were here with me. I know there's other people I can talk to. I know there's at least a few people I know who thinks this is a good idea. But still, I'm worried I won't be able to for whatever reason." She played with her hands for a bit. I sighed. "Your parents don't like me huh? I don't blame them. I'm kinda a bad influence." I let out a pitiful smile, "It doesn't matter what they think. You're an adult. You can do whatever you want." She smiled at my reassurance. "Thanks, Gil." She said. She glanced down at the bottom of her screen "Fuck," she mumbled, "I'm running short on time Gil, have to go out to dinner with my family. Wish me luck." She sighed. I nodded." Alright, we have been talking for around 2 hours right? Just make sure they don't drain you out too much for me ok?" I smiled. She stood up, paced for a bit before sitting back down. "Oh, ok. I'll try. Love you." She said. I brought the ice pack away from my face again. "I love you too Y/N. Talk to you soon." And when I said that, she nodded and ended the call. I sat staring at the blank screen for a while, lost in my own thought. Something bothered me. It wasn't my eye though, maybe the concussion? I didn't know. It was late. Around 1 a.m. for me, I again went against doctors orders staying up to look at the laptop screen with these godforsaken eyes and this broken head. I usually stay up later. Not tonight though. I closed the laptop slowly and fell asleep on the couch again. I had been doing that often for whatever reason. Maybe because it elevated my head. Maybe it was because I kissed her on that couch three years prior. Probably not though. Where we were at the time wasn't really important. Two hours later I snapped my eyes open. I realized something just then. I was actually going to get married that year! Me! Getting hitched?! I felt a wave of sickness thud over me like that greasy oaf from earlier landed a lugging tree branch arm right to my gut. I clambered my way to the bathroom and vomited. It tasted like blood and Gatorade. My head was spinning. I threw up again. God my head hurt. My eyes went blurry as I reached my hand up to flush the toilet. After I heard the glug of it all going down I collapsed back onto the tile flooring and put my hands over my eyes, sharply cursing at the sting I felt from the one though. Why couldn't this just be like it used to? I would've been in top shape by now if it was, I don't know maybe 30, 40 years ago? But it's not 1970 whatever anymore. It's not 1900. I'm different now! Why did it have to be like that? Ever since the wall fell, and no, I'm not defending that damned wall, it's been different. I'd say since that fateful day in 1947 it'd been different but that was more of a mental thing I think, I was already looking like crap! I really started noticing shit physically was after reunification! I thought I was dead meat. I thought I wouldn't live to see another day, back in the 1990s. I was even more of an adrenaline junkie than I am now. I didn't give a shit. I was terrible. Thinking about it gives me a headache. And poor Ludwig! He fucking worked his ass off and I repeated him with a suicide note or a will or whatever I called it back then before I fucking went and got alcohol poisoning and ODed on party drugs. I was such a selfish prick. That's all over now though. I think. I got used to not hearing the ticker anymore. I calmed down, a bit. I instead started becoming more afraid of death. Because I wasn't always spiked I started coming to terms with all the horrible things I had done in my life, that's why I started going to church again. I put more into my faith, which meant I had to start keeping better care of myself again. I had always believed in God, I was born Catholic then it got really fuzzy for a really long time, then the 1800s rolled up and I realized that in order to fulfill my role as not only being Prussia, but also the head in unifying Germany, I kinda had to drop religion as a whole for a bit while things got settled. I became bitter towards everyone as a result though. Catholics were against unification and everyone knows the drama revolving around Jews back then. I figured, hey if you don't like what we're doing around here, pack your bags and leave! And that's what most of them did. I never really bothered getting Ludwig involved in that sort of thing. I was hoping he would follow my basic set of beliefs, while also still being tolerant of everyone else. Maybe I should've stressed that last one more. We all know what bloody scarf the hands of history wove as the consequence. By the time I was with the other fuck-ups in the Soviet Bloc, I'd given up on thinking things over like that. Nowadays I hope I'm better, not only in my own beliefs but in being more open to other people as well. It's helped me through some tough times. So, while I lied on that tile floor, wheezing and wiping vomit from my lips I prayed. I prayed for strength, and courage. I prayed for acceptance, and I prayed for success. When I couldn't take anymore of it, I turned to my side and relaxed my gut. I put my hands over my head as both a pillow and a shield, and I blacked out on the tile floor.

The dream I had that night, post-puke was a strange one I'll admit. I was back in the GDR. My hair was short and I had a black eye patch over my left eye. The center of my skull was at an endless burn, and I was as moody as a teenager. It felt so real,  
Just like that one I had about Fritz some years back. Or was it a year? It  
Dosen't matter. What mattered was that I was in the ring again, and I was pissy and destined to win. The guy I fought looked a lot like me I could tell we were both in the same place mentally. He got a couple good swings on me, I spat out a tooth and swallowed a waterfall of blood. I sent a jab to the man's abdomen, he flinched. I hit him again, the crowd cheered. I felt like I had tunnel vision, I blasted a hit to my opponent's jaw. He shook his head and dealt one to my nose. I heard a crack and by the time I realized, I was spluttering blood and tooth fragments on the arena floor. I groaned and hit him back twice as hard. The teeth in my skull already started to painfully dig their way out of my gums. I smiled, blood and spit dripped from my chin as I continuously fired at my opponent with bulleting fists. He looked dazed. His forehead was beaded with sweat, his lip was bloody and his eye was swollen. He held against the barrier for a moment, then fell to the floor and began coughing. He couldn't get up. I felt kinda bad, but my head rush was booming. "COME ON OTZE, BUDDY! YOU CAN'T BE DONE YET! WE'VE ONLY GONE 5 MINUTES!" I screamed from the other side of the ring. A stream of bloodshot from my mouth and oozed to the floor. I heard the announcers call, "Ein, zwei, drei, vier, fünf-" my head started spinning and the voices and cheering only faded to a sharp ring. I lowered my head and pressed my palms against my brow. I began laughing. It hurt though. It felt hot, but like someone was pinching my brain. And I didn't know why I was laughing, it happened sometimes. My jaws hurt, the teeth had begun to crown in my gums, and I bled onto the floor. A friend of mine grabbed my shoulder and dumped a bucket of ice water over my head, then began dabbing at me with a grimy red towel. I gasped, then turned my head to face him. "Congratulations you fucking devil man, that was the 33rd win you just got." He said, avoiding eye contact and rubbing my shoulders with the nasty rag. His black nose ring glinted in the dim smoky lighting of the warehouse, I squinted. "Gunther, did they even get to ten?" I gurgled. He nodded and grinned " You annihilated him bud." He handed the towel to a girl with fire pink hair spiked up like a porcupine. She had a cigarette clenched in her teeth and her eyeshadow was too big for her face. She undid my eyepatch and scrubbed at my forehead, I groaned at the pain and slapped at her wrist. "Leave me be, woman!" I snapped. She grumbled and instead wiped my neck. " Sorry, Tinkles," I said. "Trixie." She corrected. " I like Tinkles better." I snickered. Gunther came back with a devilish grin on his black lined lips. "How's Oz doing?" I asked. "He's out of it. Looks like he's seen a ghost. Got killed by the Eagle!" He said. I laughed, "Well shit! Tell him I send my condolences! Also, that he needs to fix his posture! He looked like a toddler out there today." I shouted and began to stand, Trixie grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back against the net. She grabbed my chin and yanked it up so I was looking at her upside-down. "You got your nose fucked up." She clicked, pushing my head back down to drain the blood. "No shit." I nasally bubbled with a laugh. After a bit of sniffing and snorting, she pulled my face back up again and cupped her hands on my nose, pressing the greasy towel against my nostrils. " I have to pop the thing back in place hold on." I closed my eyes and gritted my teeth "Just make it snappy." I said. " Har-har, very funny, Bert." She rolled her eyes and put down a building's worth of force down on the bridge of my nose, realigning it with a crunch. "FUCK!" I screamed. An extra wave of gore gushed from my nostrils. She wiped my nose and my upper lip and then pulled away to soak the towel in the now refilled bucket of ice water. I rubbed the bridge of my nose, feeling the new bump and cussing to myself again. "God bless your handy work Tinkles." I said. "Don't mention it." She called. I nodded and stood up, running my tongue along my new teeth. The gums were tender and I couldn't bite down too hard. "Where's my patch." I held out my hand. She plopped the soggy black eye patch into my hand without saying a word. I had to wring it out before I tied it back on over my lame eye. "Hope it doesn't get infected now, Jesus Christ!" I grumbled. "It won't get infected. The wound is closed, it's just that it looks like your eye isn't fully developed or anything. Your missing an iris." She said. "And a lense, and a pupil. And my lid is all nasty. Not to mention that fucking hole in my head where my temporal lobes should be." I ranted, swinging myself over the net and taking off my soaking, bloodstained tank top. "I always wondered how you survived that." Gunther said. "The Ice House." He mumbled. "You mean the gulags?" I asked. He nodded. "Didn't." I broke eye contact with him. "You're something else." Trixie said. "Not human." Gunther chimed in. "You already know that." I said. "Yeah, and you're old as fuck, look at this hair!" Gunther approached me and shot a hand through my damp hair, spiking it up on top. "You need to do something with it! How about letting me style and color it!" He said. I laughed. "And look like you? Sorry kush head, I'm fine with being a snow cap if it doesn't mean I look like there's a bush on my hairline." I snorted, and instantly regretted it considering my broken nose. Gunther had a specific look to him his hair was buzzed all the way around except for a green tuft of spiky hair right at the end of his forehead going to the center of his skull. He had black eyeliner, nose piercings, and lip pencil, all tied off with matching black earrings and a chain on his neck. He had a bit of scruff on his chin, brown, that was his natural hair color. Trixie was his sister, an equally strange woman who went through nursing school before meeting her girlfriend and turning to a life of drugs and punk music. We were the bad kids, we stuck our middle fingers up at the rest of society and wore a big green A on the backs of our t-shirts. The year was 1985. East Germany. I still was getting over that fucking lobotomy. I'd known these people for twenty years. They helped me through some shit. People started leaving the warehouse, voices got more and more hushed, they would not speak of this place to outside forces "You need me to help clean up here?" I offered. "It'd be appreciated, but you don't have to." Trixie said. "We allll know you've got 'work' tomorrow, you two face" Gunther grumbled. I rolled my eyes. "More like slave labor." I said. "I shouldn't complain though, it was either that or death, am I right?" I shrugged. "If it's that, then I'd choose death." Trixie mumbled. "Of course you would." I said. "Hand me a mop would you, maybe put on DDR Von Uten. That's a good album." I snickered. Gunther laughed and handed me the bucket of water. Trixie went to go put on the track. "I would toast, but we have no drinks!" Gunther said, "To Otze!" He raised his lighter and lit a cigarette. "Which one?" I asked, dumping the bucket onto the floor of the ring. Gunther re-lit Trixie's cigarette and she began to chain smoke. He pulled out another for me. "Either works. Which do you prefer, germs or toddlers?" Gunther laughed and handed me the cigarette from over the net, lighting it while it was in between my teeth. "I prefer ol' Richard thanks." I snickered. "How many names does that guy have anyway?" I said, taking a puff of the cigarette and letting it trail off in the air like a stream. "I dunno. Our Oz is no Dieter though. that's for sure." Gunther shook his head. "Crazy how stuff changes so fast. Have you noticed the drop in people like us since like, 1980?" Trixie chimed. "Yeah, and all those teens getting their hair cut by police... It's like they think we're skins or something." Gunther shivered. "The statsi don't care about skins or schmuddelpunks or black eagles or anyone else for that matter. All they care about is maintaining they're gig they've got going, running the government like some kind of poorhouse. And what do we do? We defy them. They hate that about us. So they do everything to cover us up. That's why we've been in the 'decline' since 1980. Stasi has gone and tried getting rid of us, cut us off. But me, you, Oz and Otze and Nina Hagen? We're all still here right?! That's why we gotta keep starting fights and pissing on stasi's shoes. Also the skins. They just have it coming. The point is, the more noise we make is what's gonna tell those fuckers to back off and leave us be right? But we can't just go march right into parliament and tell the Soviets to fuck off, that would be suicide. So we gotta lie low and cause drama from the underground. Disrupt their peace and they don't even know it's happening. They're world will come crumbling down and they will be powerless to stop it." I said. Gunther and Trix looked at me in awe. "Y'know Bert, sometimes I just think to myself that you're too old-fashioned to be with the anarchy. Other times I think you're more punk than all of us. This ought to be one of those times." Gunther blinked. I nodded. "I've been a little shit for longer than you've been a person, Gummy. And your mother, as a matter of fact. I've been doing this since the beginning of time, basically." I smirked. They both laughed. "That's why we love you, old man." Gunther laughed. I bounced back off the net and went back to mopping. "Don't throw the teeth out." Trixie said. "Wait what? Why?" I stared at her, a puzzled expression on my face. "Just don't." She said. "You keep my teeth?" I shouted, with confusion. "I need to figure out what you are somehow! You don't even need them anyway, they always grow back right? Somehow.." she put her hand up to her chin. I let out a nervous chuckle. "Oh boy, God knows I've had enough of that." I went back to mopping, piling up tooth fragments in the middle of the ring. Then I heard a yell from outside. "Shit, did they find us again?" Gunther flinched, he looked like he was about to bolt out of there. There was a bang on the outer wall. Then another scream, this voice was deeper than the other. "No, it's just a fistfight." I jumped over the net and ran to the door. Gunther called after me, "You really wanna go out there and break faces now? Your nose is mush right now remember!?" He said. "Dumb ass! I'm invincible remember! Watch me fuck up this skin-headed a- hole seven times over and maybe it'll finally get through to your thick skull!" I swung open the steel door and was immediately swallowed by the harsh sunlight.

I woke up slumped over the couch. There was a tall glass of ginger ale set on the coffee table. I smiled dully.  
"Thanks, Ludwig. I owe you one." I gurgled. My brother took a glance at me and went back to disinfecting the bathroom. "I didn't know you were on the floor for so long if I did I would've moved you sooner-" he said. "It's fine, really." I sat up and took a sip of the ginger ale. " Need help?" I offered. Ludwig shook his head. "How's your head?" He asked. "Perfect. Healed up overnight." I smiled assuringly, patting the top of my head. Ludwig frowned. "Uh-huh.. your eye is still swollen though." He glanced at me. I stood up and ignored my light-headedness to prove a point. "Would a man with an unhealed concussion be offering to help you clean the bathroom right before going to the gym? I think not!" I smirked. "Stop leaning on the couch like that and maybe I'll listen." Ludwig didn't even bother to look at me that time. I fixed my posture and frowned. "Seriously, I'm ok. My head doesn't hurt anymore, neither does my eye. I only threw up last night because I drank too much." I said. Ludwig looked at me for a while then "I know you might actually think that, but any other sensible person could take one look at you, and tell you that's not the case. Take it easy Gilbert, you're not invincible, you're my brother." He flushed the toilet, washed his hands and walked back upstairs. "Who are you to say I'm not, Ludwig!? Excuse me!? Mr. Entitled to put me down after a victory like last night!?" I called after him. No response. "Ludwig I swear to God!" I cursed at him through gritted teeth and stomped into the bathroom. 

I began getting undressed, I turned on the shower and when I stepped in, I felt another wave of nausea wipe over me. I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall. "Why in all of hell do I keep getting sick like this?" I muttered to myself. "I fucking.. ugh.." I put my hands to my head and pulled my hair back. " Thank God that forehead scar is gone right?" I chuckled, wiping my fingers across my forehead. "Smooth as a baby's ass cheeks." I didn't know who exactly who I was talking to. It just felt nice to get it out I guess. "No acne either. That's a plus right? And I'm still strong!" I flexed, then flinched back due to the sore shoulder. "Fuck." I muttered. I noticed bruises all over my body. I thought it was strange. "Ah, so there is blood still pumping huh?" I poked a bruise on my abdomen. "You need circulation to bruise. It makes you wonder though, where's the beat?" I mumbled. Then checked my pulse, as a joke. There was nothing. Not a tick. "Try that in the middle of sex, whew. It's like I just ate ten kilograms of sugar!" I chuckled. Then I heard a squeak. It wasn't the water pressure, no. It sounded like an animal. Probably just something outside. I went back to rambling. "Y'know, I've always wondered what it would be like to have been born a bit later. Maybe I would've ended up differently. Maybe my hair would've been brown and my eyes green. Maybe I would've been taller than Ludwig. That's a funny thought. After everything though I don't think I would really want to change anything. Maybe my eyesight but that's just eehh, could be better. I've lived this long with everything I've got and I've still got years to go right? So yeah! I think that really just proves how great I am. Perseverance even when things are God awful in my favor!" I said. I heard that squeak again. I looked up and my eyes met with that fucking bird, staring at me in my full naked glory. "What the fuck do you think you're doing up there?" I cocked my head to the side. "How'd you get into the house anyway??" I put my hand to my forehead. "Maybe, I got a worse concussion than originally thought and you're only here because my mind is absolute goop right now and you're a figment of my imagination to keep me occupied while I babble on like a madman! That's what it is isn't it?!" I pointed an accusing finger at the bird. It did not move from it's spot on the shower head. "So anyway, the point I was trying to make there was that I don't necessarily think that Y/N would've taken me like she did if I looked, you know, like a regular fucking human being?" I shrugged, glancing back up at the bird while I grabbed the bar soap and began washing my underarms, grunting when I lifted my sore shoulder. "She took the whole nation thing pretty damn well considering how fast that was all pushed onto her. She was just like, 'oh yeah Gilbert I looooove you even if you're practically a thousand years old and basically have nothing to your name anymore haha.' " I raised the pitch in my voice significantly and swished my hips a bit, half-assedly imitating her. " 'Don't you worry your little white frosted head Gilbert Mr. Prussia sir I'll stay by you through everything and support you and love you and you'll fall desperately in love with me too! And oh look at that, now I wanna get married and you're gonna propose to me on Christmas, not even realizing that I just put a death sentence onto myself and you just changed your entire life with one fUCKING THING, TEE-HEE I'M SO CUTE AND ADORABLE DON'T YOU JUST WISH YOU COULD HOLD ME AND NEVER DO ANYTHING EVER AGAIN?'" I clasped my hands together and brought them up next to my face and pouted. "Yes I do. That woman, bird, is a sorceress. She's got me wrapped around her finger." I glanced up at the bird again. It squeaked at me as if in agreement. "Look what she's done to me, bird! She's made me soft, driven me insane!" I scrubbed soap into my hair. The bird chirped at me again. "Why am I even talking to you? Do you even know trigonometry? Stupid bird." No reply. "Sorry. I'm just really scrambled up right now. Y'know I threw up last night, because I realized, yes I actually took it into consideration, what this all really meant to me. The feeling was overwhelming!" I let the suds float down off me in the streaming water. "It was like my heart started again and then all the sudden remembered it wasn't supposed to work and it tried to eject itself through my throat!"  
I shook my head. "I'm not usually like this!" I said. I began scrubbing myself faster and faster. " Why'd I even go get that fucking ring in the first place, I never wanted to get married! She tricked me into thinking I did! Maybe I can just call it off?" I looked at the bird, my eyes pleading. "No, you're right. She'd kill herself due to heartbreak. Plus, I made a commitment. What kind of low life dirtbag would I be if I just left her in the dust like that? I'd never forgive myself." I washed myself off and turned off the water. "Guess I'll have to go through with it then. No matter what it takes. Thanks for the pep-talk, bird. Just ice this fucking eye and shoulder up then I'll be back on the fighting ground." I grinned, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my waist. The bird cocked its head to the side then went straight back up again, the cocked it again to the other side. "What, are you admiring me?" I said. "I know, I'm a sight to behold right?" The bird turned around squeaked again, then flew on to the windowsill. "Fine, I'm taken anyways. Crazy bird."

After that, I really pushed myself to think positively on my situation. Take better care of myself, and actually talk about my concerns with the wedding to Y/N. She was as scared as I was. though after going over some of the plans I felt a considerable percentage better about the whole thing. She was picking out dresses already. She had all the colors planned out. I had gotten hold of people I knew, we were gonna have it right, you guessed it, Sanssouci. The garden area mostly, she thought it would look the best in the summer. If it rained, which it often did, we could just move inside to the palace itself or even the new one! Like I said, I know people. I practically own that place. We get to cross out the rental fee. That's good. I could breath a bit easier. Weeks passed. Along with my job beating people up competitively, I started my 'actual' job at the auto shop. The boss loves me, I'd already been promoted twice in the span of 5 weeks. That was DEFINITELY a good thing. It kept me occupied. When I wasn't doing that, I went to go fight, when I wasn't doing either, I was training. When I wasn't doing any of those, I was talking to Y/N. Making sure she didn't forget about me. Making sure she didn't miss me that much but just enough for that satisfying zap you feel when you finally hold hands with someone you haven't seen in awhile. I felt stronger. I began looking like it too. The time came for the bare-knuckle semi-final. Second to last match. Alfred had come back for this one, and he was going to come back with me to New York. We were in there, hyping each other up. I punched him in the jaw and he was surprised at how much it hurt. This absolutely delighted me. I had improved. And I wasn't even bad, to begin with, I was pretty damn good. After a while of just rubbing it in Al's face that I was unbeatable now more than ever, I went and sat in the audience to watch the other match that was happening, and to see my eventual opponent in the final. Lucky me, this fixed up shit shack was even crappier than the first one. The announcer guy was sitting in front of the audience on a metal fold up chair and a white table. He was an older guy in his sixties or seventies. He reeked of tobacco. And was wearing an old leather jacket with a pair of baggy faded jeans. I didn't even realize the table was there until the man sat down directly in front of me. I let out a loud groan. "Really grandpa? Right in my line of vision? Did they really have to put up all these chairs here? It's like they DIDN'T want people to come watch!" I said, rolling my eyes. The announcers turned to me with an annoyed expression on his face, about to tell me off, when he stopped, and stared at me for a long moment, mouth agape. Then he blinked. I moved a bit uncomfortably in my chair. "Something wrong sir?" I asked. "It's the hair, right? Or the eyes?" I chuckled. "No way in hell.." the man muttered. I raised an eyebrow. "Albinism is a strange thing." I said. "Pull your hair back for a second." The man said. I did. His express got even wider and more in awe. "I can't believe it? Am I seeing a ghost?" He said. I looked behind me to see if Alfred had come back from the concessions stand or not, he hadn't. I just had to deal with this loon. "Your eye is better!" The announcers said. Then it dawned on me, that voice. "Gunther? Gunther Rigby?" I said. He nodded vigorously and a wide smile grew on his face. "Bert, I haven't seen you since 87! Wh- you haven't aged at all!" He said, holding a hand out for me to shake. "Gummy I don't age remember! You grew your hair out!" I shook his hand. "So did you!" He laughed. "White isn't so bad now isn't it?" I nudged him. "Oh yeah yeah I've gotten used to that. What have you been up to the past forty-something years? Not dead like you said you would be, that's for damn sure." He chuckled. "Just about." I rolled my eyes. "Though, four years ago I met my fiance. So things are about to be changing reeeeal soon." I said, rubbing my neck. "Congratulations! I never thought you were the marrying type though! Being all other-worldly and such!" He said. "Honestly, I never thought so myself!" I laughed, he started laughing too. "How's Trixie, is she doing alright?" I asked. Gunther got quiet and his shoulder twitched. "She overdosed back in 2000." He said, solemnly. "Oh. I'm sorry about that." I said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Yeah, it's alright. I'd bet she'd be glad to know you're still kicking her though right?" He said, brushing me off. I pulled up a chair next to him. "Ol' Tinkles." I mumbled. "So, what've you been doing for the past forty years, huh? I see you're still in the bare-knuckle business." I asked. He nodded. "I'm a commentator now. Got my own radio show and everything." He said. "What are you doing here anyway? Just wanted to relieve the glory of the old days or what?" He asked. "I'm competing actually. Y/N and I need the wedding money." Gunther looked at me and raised his eyebrows. "We'll look at you, thinking logically and forming correct sentences without chocking on your tongue, did you see like a brain specialist or something?" He said. I laughed. "No absolutely not! The work those guys specialize in doesn't even hold a candle to the shit happening with my brain," I said. "It's all patched up now, reinforced with iron. Tap my forehead." I said. He flicked me right in the center of my forehead. "Ouch!" He said. "Yep. That's what happens when your almost completely immortal body gives up on you, everything that made you indestructible all settles in one place, and it becomes 70% harder to get on airplanes." I sighed. Gunther nodded. "Hey Gummy?" I said. He nodded again. "Do me a favor alright," I began. "Anything, Bert, shoot." He said. I smiled. "When you introduce me out there tonight, go with The One Eyed Eagle." I smirked. Gunther clapped his hands together and nodded in agreement. The match was great, the people in the crowd cheered for me, and yet again, I won. 

A week later, me and Alfred were in line for the plane to New York he was babbling, on and on and on. I got a hold of one of the police officers and we had to show them our "special" IDs. Basically, the ones saying that we're pretty damn important, also that they shouldn't be allarmed if the metal detector overloads as soon as one of us stepped in it. I looked pretty shady, I had my sunglasses, hoodie and my coat vest on. Alfred looked like a cross between a fuckboi and one of those stereotypical CIA guys you see in crappy American movies. We were so serious when we handed the police officer those IDs. And afterward, we were giggling about it like kids. I slept on the plane. Alfred flirted with the flight attendee. She kept looking at me though. Alfred had to tell her I was taken. Good on him. We got to the airport, it felt nice to move my legs again. The hotel we got was set by the competition. They paid for one room, two queen sized beds. "Aw, that's bull." I had said. "What, you don't wanna room with me, bro?" Alfred said, pushing me. We laughed."No homo." Was said a lot for a while. It was night, I was washing my face in the sink when I noticed an upside down bottle of pills in the drug cabinet. I turned them back right side up instinctively, wondering what they were for. They were perscription, so I assumed it wasn't for us. We couldn't get sick like normal humans. All we really needed to take was an occasional pain killer every now and then. I guessed maybe the last person left their meds here or something. I went back to washing my face then continuing with my nightly routine. I had flopped don't on the hotel queen bed on my side of the room when I heard Alfred fumbling around in the bathroom. "..Shit." he muttered. He came out and paced a bit before going out on to the balcony for a while. I felt a chill run up my spine as he was letting in all the cold, February air. "Al, whatcha doing out there." I asked my head on my arms. "Thinking about shit." He said. "Oh wow, that's new." I said. He let out a nasally 'hah' then went quiet again. "You're not smoking out there without me are you?" I said. "No dude, I'm only a social smoker." He said. "Fair enough." I said back, shrugging. It was quiet for a couple more moments before he spoke again. "Y'know what dude, you're really lucky you can do what you do. I envy you for all that." He said. "What's 'all that', Alfred." I asked. He sighed. "Y'know, having a girlfriend, making long-term plans for her and shit. And you get to just do whatever you want all the time." He said. "That last one is wrong." I pointed out. "Oh come on, yes you do you have basically all the free time to yourself now right? Ok maybe not now, but you did. Boy, what I would give up to be like that." I sat up. "Hold on a moment, what do you mean 'like that'?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. "I mean like, you kinda get too much y'know? I mean, you're like human but we all still treat you like your one of us because you've been around so long. You get all the privileges of being human while you get the status of a Nation. You're a cheater." He said. I stood up and pulled him off the balcony and slam the door closed. "Say that again and you get your face bashed in." I said. He stared at me, eyes widened. "What?" He asked like it was nothing. "Calling me a cheater? Saying that I'm human? Acting like being a Nation is like some elite clique like a fucking club in a high school? 'oh, we only treat you like your one of us because you're so old'. YOU'RE WALKING ON THIN FUCKING ICE ALFRED, CHOOSE YOUR WORDS CAREFULLY!" I screamed, shoving him against the wall. He crossed a line that was completely off limits. He cut the wrong wire on a defused bomb, setting it off. "I only stated what was true already, you don't exactly heal like us anymore, you're marrying a human, next you'll be having human children! And you still expect to work with us afterward?" He shrugged and rolled his eyes. I punched him so hard, he banged his head on the wall. "Dude what the fuck!?" He shouted, rubbing his head. "DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE BRING Y/N INTO THIS, JONES I'M STILL AS MUCH OF A NATION AS YOU NO MATTER WHO I'M WITH OR WHAT IM DOING. I'M ALLOWED TO GO TO MEETINGS AS MUCH AS THE REST OF YOU SELFISH FUCKS AND I SURE AS HELL HAVE THE STRENGTH TO PROVE IT. OR, IS YOUR NOSE NOT BLEEDING RIGHT NOW?" I spat at him. He glared at me. "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU EVEN MEAN 'THIS ISN'T ABOUT Y/N THIS HAD BEEN ABOUT Y/N THE WHOLE TIME! YOU FUCKING HAVE TO CHOOSE ONE GILBERT YOU CANT JUST LIVE WITH YOUR FOOT IN THE DOOR!" He pushed me back, I stumbled s bit. "DOOR TO WHAT? I DIDN'T CHOOSE TO HAVE EVERYTHING TAKEN AWAY FROM ME AL, IT WAS YOU. I HAVE TO LIVE LIKE THIS, OR ELSE I'D BE DEAD RIGHT NOW AND GERMANY WOULD BE A MUCH, MUCH DIFFERENT PLACE." I said, scowling. He was on the defensive, but still, I fixed myself so he couldn't get a hit on me if he struck out all of the sudden. "ASSHOLE, IF IT WASN'T FOR ME YOU'D BE AT A LOSS RIGHT NOW STILL STUCK IN YOUR BROTHER'S BASEMENT!" He yelled back at me. "If it wasn't for you actually, I wouldn't need to be in my brother's house at all because then I'd have that first God-damned war in the bag and the second one wouldn't have ever happened." I said, crossing my arms and tightening my lips. Alfred opened his mouth again to speak, but I never let a word escape him. "Let's not forget all I've done for you either though. Remember, if it wasn't for me being there you would've died back at Valley Forge. Before you even got to meet Arthur on the battlefield." I shook my head as to say 'what a shame'. Alfred glared at me again. "You only helped me because you wanted to get back at him." He said. "I distinctly remember because you told me that before beating me over the hand with a stick for holding the rifle wrong." He said. "Yes that, and also because of pity." I said, smirking. "You were pitiful. Go ahead tell me I'm wrong. Tell me that I wasn't a ray of hope in your little rebel brigade." I said. He groaned and turned away. "Fine fine, you're right. I'm an asshole. Let's go with that!" He said. "You sound like a whore Alfred." I said. "Jesus Christ you're so old-fashioned!" He shouted. "Let me talk how I talk!" He said. "How do people even take you seriously Al, if you're whining like a baby every time you're wrong?" I said. "Look who's talking!" He sniffed and wiped the blood from his upper lip. It had healed already with a puff of steam from his nostrils. "Come on dude, it didn't even stick." He was referencing the nose. "You just need to accept it, move on. It's not 1870 anymore." He said. "Accept what? That the dissolution was in 1947? That the wall fell in 1989? Done. Over with. End of story. I have moved on, Alfred." I said. "You aren't one of 'us' anymore. You do realize that right?" He said. I opened my mouth to retaliate. But I couldn't think of anything. "What else am I supposed to be then?" I finally said, not meeting his eyes. "I'm not human, I will never be. There's too many differences. Regular people don't think like me. They don't act like me. Normal people have heartbeats right? There's nothing in here!" I patted my chest. "What do you suppose I do then, Dr. Jones!?" I snapped. He shrugged and shook his head "I don't know man! I don't know! Go to therapy or something! Get counseling or talk to a psychiatrist, I don't know!" He began pacing. "Therapy? So I have to go tell random people about my every detail so they can prescribe me some fucking pill that doesn't work or call me crazy?" I made a 'pssht' noise. Like a 'what the fuck are you thinking?' sort of thing. "The medicine should work though, if that's what you need. Antidepressants aren't bad, Gilbert. And I don't know what your experience is with therapists or anything, they get paid to help you y'know. They wouldn't just call you crazy and send you on your way." He said. "How do you know?" I said. "I take pills dude." He shrugged. I blinked. "Wh- why? Don't tell me those were your meds in the cabinet now Alfred! You don't even get an excuse for that shit! You're a full-fledged Nation!" I laughed. He nodded. "I got diagnosed. I take the meds. They help." He said. For once there actually was seriousness to his voice. "That's not- but why? How? Your not like.." I waved my hands a bit. He shrugged again. "I can't be the only one who feels like shit sometimes, to the point where I feel like I can't get up and go to work one day, and that I would give anything to just go and change everything I've ever done and said and worked for, even my life? That's what I take them for! You of all people should know how that feels! It's like a nightmare right? You feel stuck?" He said. I sat back down on the bed. "I'm not talking about this anymore. Not now." I put my hand to my forehead and leaned against my knees. "Alright. Sorry." Alfred said, lying down on the other bed. "Night." He mumbled. I must've sat there for a good two hours in the dark rethinking everything. Somehow, I was still at a loss. I couldn't fathom it, I thought we were more developed than a regular human right? So why, how could I, how could he have something like that? And I was just like him! Aside from a few differences, of course. I didn't understand how he, or any other of them, the Nations, could just look at me and think 'human' all of the sudden! I was furious. I was scared. I let out a deep sigh and whispered to myself. "Our father.. who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our sins, but, deliver us from evil." I repeated it twice. "Hail, Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou amongst women, and blessed is the fruit of the womb; Jesus. Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death." I repeated that twice now, then closed off with Amen. Then I choked. My nose burned. And I bit my tongue. I lied down on the bed and squeezed my eyes closed. I wouldn't let myself think about it any longer! I thought to myself, 'God, please just let me be normal this one time!' I should've been fine! I was taking care if myself! I had a fiance! I was working again! Why, oh why did Al have to mess me up like that!? The sleep I had after left me cold and empty. I woke up with dark circles. I looked older. Like I needed a glass of water. Alfred finally woke up. "Heeeeeey what's up Gilbeeert!" He said, wiping his eyes. I took out his medication and chucked it at him. "Ohh.. thanks buddy." He mumbled. "Happy Valentine's day." He said. I rolled my eyes and finished getting ready. After that, I left by myself.

I went walking through the city I didn't know, street signs that were too far, too blurry to read, and people who spoke so fast I could bearly speak to them. I kept glancing down at my phone for directions. I walked along with the wide river of people up and down the streets. The match was in 3 hours. I left early, I could barely stand another minute in that hotel room with him, much less another 3 hours. I popped an earbud into my ear, deciding that it was easier to take the audio directions rather than subjecting my eyes to blue lights every three minutes. When I finally made it I let out a relieved sigh, then regretted it as I realized this place was much, much more crowded. There was a traditional boxing match right after mine, I assumed everyone was there for that, bareknuckle wasn't as popular, and much more violent, in my opinion. I had about six different people come up to me and ask me who I was, where was my ticket, yaddah yaddah yaddah. I was heading down to the locker rooms when a seventh person tapped on my shoulder. "Excuse me, sir, do you happen to know what day it is?" The woman said. I turned around "February 14th-" I began. Then my eyes fixed on her. And her hair, and her figure, and her cute little coat and her pretty shoes that tied it all off. "Y/N," I mumbled. "Wha- what are you doing here?" I asked, she took one of my hands. The whole world seemed to freeze. "I wanted to cheer you on." She smiled. I blushed. "Oh.. thank you," I said. My phone began to ring. It was Alfred. I hung up. "How did you know where I was? I mean, how'd you know what arena I was going to, and-" I was cut off when out of the blue, I saw Alfred running down from the entrance. "SHIT GILBERT WHY'D YOU LEAVE ME BACK THERE DUDE! I WAS TALKING TO YOU THAT WHOLE TIME THEN IM LIKE 'Oh wait he's not even here?!' WHAT THE FU-" then he stopped. "Ohhhhh so you two met up with each other without me, that's good." He said. "Wait, you knew about this?" I asked him. Alfred nodded. "Yeah, I invited her. Even paid for her hotel room and everything. Your welcome." He grinned. "Well, shit. Thanks, guys." I said. "Happy Valentine's day Gilbert." Y/N said. "I didn't think to get you anything. Fuck!" I muttered. She giggled. "You can win for me, alright? That can be my present." She said. "Oh, but I was already planned on doing that!" I laughed and pulled her a bit closer. "Ehem." Alfred cleared his throat. Y/N backed up a bit, she blushed. "There are some nice restaurants around here. Take her out afterward for a victory feast." Alfred winked. I nodded. "That sounds like a good plan." I kissed Y/N on the forehead and went off into the locker rooms. This would be it, the ultimate battle. I was ready.


	15. I'm Gonna be Honest With You, This is More Valentine's Day Than the Last One

In that locker room, smiling to myself, I stood with my head pressed against my locker, pep-talking myself. "Did she notice how strong I've gotten, maybe not, I was wearing a coat. Now's the chance to show off.. don't fuck this up Gilbert. Go out there, kick this Wilbur Philip guy's ass, and then love your girlfriend. Easy peasy." I muttered. 15 minutes. All I had was fifteen stinking minutes. I took a swig of water. Then stretched. My opponent, Wilbur Philip, was probably in this same locker room, on the other side. I noticed his name from last week's match. He was one of those guys who were equal to me, maybe a bit bigger in the arms. He had buzzed hair and a square jaw. He stayed for my last match too. I locked eyes with him when I left the ring. They were cold. Icy blue. He had a permanent frown. I looked the guy up. As I suspected, he was an alt-right. All the more reason to beat the fucker to a pulp. It was funny in a way, how I was fighting an American, who was a Nazi, in New York, while me, someone who is, in fact, German, hates the Alt-right and everything they stand for.  
It's funny how times change. It's really funny. This was a boxing match as well. Really funny, how this disgrace to humanity was about to try and win against me. He was going to be taught that he couldn't beat me, not once, not ever. I was going to win. I was destined to. 

Then something called my name, I stood up and was directed to the arena. I went. Then I was met with many people. People in the audience, people prepping me for the fight, people's who looked like the didn't want to be there. I went. The announcer spoke. It wasn't Gunther, obviously, but I recognized a man who was from his radio station, probably a translator for anyone in Germany listening in on it. "-We have a special event as our opening match today," the announcer spoke quickly. "All the way from Berlin, there's Gilbert Beilschmidt, aged 28, 154lbs and 6 feet tall! He might look pretty scraggly, but you know he's got the meanest punch! The boys back where he's from calling him the One-Eyed Eagle, so I'm told." Some people in the crowd cheered, some louder than others. "And he has some friends over here for Valentine's day, oooooh say, he's got a love bug to impress now I'm told!" The crowd let out a dramatic 'Oooooooooooh~' I showed a tight smile, all eyes fixed on me at the moment. I gave a small wave to the audience. I thought to myself, God what an idiot I look like right now. I looked up and I saw Y/N wave at me through the crowd. Then she did a rather loud wolf whistle to me and I began laughing. "Oh, he's got a sense of humor now, careful." The announcer quipped. I rolled my eyes. "Alright now, on the other hand, give it up for NY's own Wilbur Philip! Aged 24 165lbs and 6.2 feet tall, Will over here is a tough cookie, look at that face! He's got nobody on Valentine's day, and he's gonna show the world his fury! Opponents say he could tear a man in half with a twitch of his pinky! Hey, another guy, maybe watch out for it ok? Wouldn't want the lady to see your entrails spilled out on the floor. Then again, Wilbur, the One-Eyed Eagle does have 56 perfect wins and counting!" The audience cheered. I smirked and raised my fist. "Alright, alright. Enough with the fighting words! More with the fighting fists! Ladies and gentlemen, Our bare-knuckle match!" He called. Wilbur and I were lead to the ring. I began thinking to myself again. I couldn't lose this one, it was gonna be just like the others, I wouldn't lose this one. I had my fists wrapped, he did too. I thought it was a bit strange to change up the material on us right there, but who knows, maybe the rules were different here. The ref was giving his spiel about how this was gonna be a fair fight and blah blah blah. I wasn't really paying any attention, I was looking at Y/N that whole time up until I heard that ding and it was time to go. So we went at it. I tried staying on the defensive for a while, letting him get cocky, then I hit him in the gut, he was dazed, I got a couple quick punches in before he caught me in the jaw. I had a small splash of panic wipe over me as I ran my tongue along my teeth, it faded away though when I realized they were all fine. Gotta be more careful with that now. I backed up again and dodged what he threw at me. I went to him and went for an uppercut. The audience screamed, I grinned. Wilbur shook his head and glared at me, hitting the side of my head when I took a glance towards Y/N. "Why so distracted Beilschmidt? A week ago you were like a monster, now you're acting like a little kid." He muttered, striking my chest. "What, you don't understand English or something?" He said. I hit him in the throat. He spun backward in a fit of coughing. "Actually, yes I'm fluent. Do you know any German? You fucking Nazi." I said, before I revved up and hit him and on the side of his head, right against his temple. He fell. The ref began counting. Then, to my surprise, Wilbur stood up, wiped his bloody lip, and came at me again, hitting me in the ribs, then in the sternum. I coughed, and he took that as an opportunity to slam me back against the net. People screamed. I felt a crunch in my side and then a piercing pain. I grimaced. He was relentless, he kept aiming for my head, I couldn't do anything about it. I felt blood begin to start pouring out of my nose, the inside of my mouth was all cut up too. My legs began to give out. I dropped to the floor. Things started going blurry. I could hear them start counting. Then I made out a cry that stood out from the rest. It was probably since I knew her already. But when Y/N screamed like that, it really snapped me back to my senses. She sounded terrified, I needed to save her, let her know it was alright. I pushed myself up from the floor and spat out blood, not bothering to wipe my face. I let out a growl, and against the pinching pain running up my side, threw myself at Wilbur, landing punch after punch on his sickening face, spitting and glaring and growling and roaring. He was on the floor, the ref had to hold me back from causing more damage to him. They got to ten. The ref went from holding my arms behind my back to holding them up in victory. I laughed and I felt tears flow down my face, along with spit and blood and sweat. It hurt to breathe, but I felt so alive. Y/N was sobbing. My eyes were blurry but I could tell. She was crying her heart out. She ran down the bleachers to the net and held her hand up. I got the ref off of me and went over to her, taking her hand up into my own and kissed it. "Gilbert oh my God!" She weeped. I smiled. "I told you I could do it!" I beamed. The ref led me off the arena and had me talk to a medic for a while so everything got settled.

I got cleaned off and such, took a shower, Changed. Then I noticed the entire right side of my ribcage was beginning to bruise horribly, black and purple spidering blotches led up my side and it pained me to breathe still. After the shower, I was being checked up again in the locker room. Alfred walked in with a smile on his face. "What's up Rocky?" He said. I smirked. "What did I say, Jones? There's no Rocky here!" I laughed, then exhaled sharply at the pain. "Looks like three of your ribs here broke. Don't put too much stress on it, we don't wanna puncture a lung." The medic said. "Three?" I blinked. "Jesus Christ, check that guy for steriods if he actually broke three on me!" I said. "Your nose has a minor fracture as well. I'll put a brace on it as soon as finish cleaning up your eye and making sure your ribs are settled." He said. I sighed. "Again?" I complained. "Better safe than sorry Mr. Beilschmidt, sir." The medic chuckled, applying disinfecting ointment on to my black eye. "No, not you Charles, I'm talking about the nose break," I said. The medic chuckled,"My name is Todd, actually." I smirked, "Whatever you say, Jim." This made Alfred start laughing. After calming a bit, he turned his gaze to my side. "Shit." He said, "Are you gonna be alright with Y/N tonight like that?" He raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, why not? All we're doing is dinner, right? Then we'll fuck and that's that right?" I chuckled. The medic sighed. "Just don't eat too much or exert yourself, that would really suck in the morning after if you found out you had internal bleeding from doing a strange intercourse position." He laughed. I nodded, with a grin. He put a lightweight splint on my nose and an ice pack on my side, wrapping a bandage around me. I put pants on over that and put on my extra shirt. The other one was wet and bloody. Alfred took most of my things. I put on my sweatshirt and we left the locker room. Y/N was waiting right outside the door for us. She'd calmed down a bit from earlier, but still had a bit of panic sparked in her eyes. She Hugged me but loosened it up a bit when she noticed me flinch. "I'm so proud of you.." she said. I smiled and wrapped my arms around her waist. "I told you it was gonna be ok," I said. She nodded and kissed my cheek. "How bad is it?" She asked. "Manageable," I said. "I have a couple broken ribs, and you can see the nose." I chuckled. "Oh.. baby," she said, tears welling up in her eyes. "Y/N, look I'm ok! I'm fine to see! I won! I actually did it! Do you know how much money we just got?" I said, bringing her in tight against me. "Around $2600," Alfred chimed in. "But you guys use euros though.." he shrugged. "Around that much yeah! And that was just this match!" I smiled. Y/N began crying again. "Thank you... Oh my God, thank you, Gilbert. I can't believe it." She said. "In retrospect, it's actually not that much, but I am getting paid regularly and shit too, so take this like a big boost," I said. She nodded again. "Oh my God, I feel like I just won the lottery! Not to take any spotlight away from you, of course, this is still your win. God, I'm so proud of you Gilbert!" She smiled. I felt myself go red. "Let me check out ok? Then I can take you out somewhere." I said. She nodded again and grabs my hand, lightly brushing over the scabs in my knuckles. "You need to moisturize, your hands are all dry, Gil." She sighed. I laughed, "They always get dry in the winter!" I said. After speaking to a few more people, we were sent on our way. I would get the money in a week, and then we would be set for the wedding in June.

When we got out, Alfred handed me $300 dollars and told me about some restaurant that he thought was nice. We nodded and went our separate ways. We called a taxi, and we went off to that crazy place Alfred said. It wasn't too fancy, thank God, I looked like a bag of bruised meat, and I wasn't wearing anything too fancy, the food was ok, really filling though. I paid, now the cash was down to $250. Y/N was giving me that look the whole time like I didn't need to pay and shit, but I really felt like I did, she let me. We went out again. I realized why Alfred had suggested this place out of everything else, there was a big mall right outside, dripping with lights and people. I wondered how far $250 would get me. I didn't realize Y/N was in on his little plan, she wanted to use this opportunity to get me stuff as well. Oh man, I really had fun with that! She saw a part of me that even I forget I have sometimes. My eyes are always addicted to little metal trinkets. I knew that part. I'm also a bit of a compulsory buyer. Not for just myself, of course. When we finally left, the cash was gone and I had a new pair of sunglasses, a few stuffed animals, a new set of fountain pens, and a new journal. That last one was a joke between me and Y/N. It was decorated all pastel pink with yellow and blue hearts all over it, big cheesy silver script on it read "My Diary" right on the cover. Little did she know that that same journal would serve as a holding place for this very story. This chapter is the very first 'actual' page, the others were, of course, moved from the other journals. Y/N was struggling to carry her bags as well, she was struggling not to burst into laughter at every corner. Why? Because I had fizzed up and choked on my own tongue when she pulled me into a dressing room, a LADIES dressing room mind you, and wanted my opinion on which pair of lingerie looked better on her, the blue and white one or the red and black one? Or maybe the black and white one? You like black and white together right? Black and White? Blue and white? Red and black? I just stared, my mouth hung open. I blinked and nodded to whatever she said, my mind kept swirling up her words and any English phrases I knew were gone. I ended up getting her all three. On top of that, she also had a few stuffed animals of her own and a cute little jewelry box decorated in silver, little imprints of flowers on the top. I thought it fit her very well.  
"Hey Bertie," she called to me. My heart buzzed at that nickname. "Well, that's a new one! What's up Y/N?" I asked, grinning through my red face. "You wanna go get drunk with me?" She asked. I laughed. "Is that even a question? Of course!" I said, minding the sharp spike in my side. "But I'm out of cash!" I whined. She nudged my shoulder. "My turn to pay then." She said and happily led me into the crappy bar on the street corner. We drank, and I felt myself slip farther and farther into drunkenness. My eyelids got heavy and I was really giggly and mellowed out. I leaned over to her she said something, not sure what exactly. I mumbled something about my side hurting, then something like "Can I kiss you?" And that's basically how we got kicked out of there. I was cackling, and trying to keep my eyes open, I called a cab to take us back to the hotel. Y/N let me lean on her the whole ride back. She led me up to her room and quickly sent a text before heading to the bathroom. I grinned and sat down on one of the hotel's recliners, letting out a slow puff of breath as I replaced the ice pack on my side. "Oh, schnucki?" I called. She giggled, "What's up Gilly?" She said. I smiled to myself, she sounded so cute, I could practically picture her right in front of me! "Could you pleeeease were that black and white lingerie set I got you today, just for me, pretty please?" I asked. "Are you sure? We're pretty knocked up right now, Gilby." She said, coming back out of the bathroom and leaning against the arm rest of my chair. I repeated that nickname to myself, "Gilby," I chuckled. She kissed my cheek. "You don't want to?" I asked. "I'm down for it, I just don't want you to hurt yourself baby." She moved a bit, and sat on my lap. I kissed her. "How about we stay right here and do it then? That way I won't be moving around as much." I chuckled. She kissed me back, "Does that mean I can take the lead?" She asked, innocently, biting my lower lip a bit before letting go so I could speak. "Weeellll, if you think you can handle it!" I grinned. She nodded and kissed me again before getting up and heading off to change. "Be right back sweetheart." She giggled. I smiled and leaned back into the recliner before taking off my shirt. Then the door bell rang. This confused me a bit, it was 11? Maybe we got in trouble again? I couldn't say. I opened the door. Alfred was standing against the wall, wearing all blacks and camo, he had a walkie-talkie clutched in his right hand and was humming to himself. "What the fuck are you doing Al," I slurred. "Oh good, you're drunk." He said, then waved his hands a bit. I made out the figures of two other men down the hall. They had a shopping cart filled with pink and red whatever, I couldn't see that far. "Alright, boys!" Alfred called down the hallway. The men kicked the shopping cart and it went rocketing right into the hotel room, I ducked out of the way. "WHat the hell was that about!?" I yelled, my voice cracked. Alfred laughed and waved his hands again. "Forget this encounter ever happened! Wipe it from your mind!" He said, then turned back to the other men down the hall. "Roll out!" He called, and ran off, leaving me alone in the hotel room. I got up and closed the door. "What..?" I mumbled, and turned back to the shopping cart. "What was that?" Y/N called from the bathroom. "You didn't fall did you?" She asked. I chuckled. "Nah, I think I'm going crazy though!" I laughed, and pushed the cart to the side. Y/N stepped out of the bathroom, wearing that beautiful black and white bra, with matching panties. My eyes widened and I whistled. "Damn. You need to wear stuff like that more often, I think." I smirked. She giggled. "The delivery got here I see." She said walking over to me and grabbing my hands, playing with my fingers a bit. "You were in on this too huh?" I turned my head. "Can't say." She whispered. "Do you want the chocolate first, or should we just skip to the cakes and ice cream, it's messier, but I think it would look nice on you." She put her hands on my chest, drumming her fingers on my biceps. "Awh, baby, you got some more meat on you since last time I saw you.." she raised her eyebrows. My smile grew wider. "Cake?" I mumbled, putting my hands over hers. "Hope it's not too overwhelming for you, liebe." I took one of my arms away to flex "Had too beef myself up for the tournament right?" I winked. She giggled. "You're so strong Bertie, I'm so proud of you." She whispered. "Are you, Y/N?" I asked, getting closer to her face. "Are you really proud of me? I worked hard for you." I said. She nodded and kissed me softly. " Mhm. I know you did. You did a great job Gilly, you're the awesom-est guy I know." She giggled. "Let me pamper you tonight, ok?" She said, "It'll be fun."  
I nodded in reply. "I'll be soft, and gentle. And I'll let you hold me, and we can eat candy and cake and whatever you want." She said. I nodded again. "Ok. I'll let you." I smiled. We broke away from each other and I went to go sit back on the recliner. Looking over my shoulder at her, searching through the shopping cart full of gifts and sweets. She took out a little heart shaped box. "It's an assorted one." She said. "Oooh boy, a suprise!" I laughed. She came back over to me and set the box down to the side of me, then she got up and sat on my lap again, facing me. We kissed again. I put my hands around her hips. She opened the box and took out a small chocolate in the shape of a rectangle. "Open." She said. I did what she instructed and let her place the candy in between my teeth. "You get first bite." She said I took a bit more into my mouth before biting down into it. She kissed me again, taking the other chunk of candy. We pulled away from each other, and a strand of pink filling dribbled across my chin, onto my chest, and then going across on to her. I swallowed and shivered. "Oh GOD that was sweet." I stuck my tongue out. "Bluh- tasted like there were 500 kilograms of sugar in that thing!" I said. She wiped her mouth. "You don't like strawberry cream?" She giggled. I shook my head. "Not when it tastes like that!" I laughed, I flinched again though, I had almost forgotten the pain in my side. Y/N put a delicate hand up to my bandaged ribs. Her fingers danced across it like she was some sort of enchantress, magically healing me with a spell. "Does it really hurt that bad..? I'm sorry Gilly.. I love you so much. I don't like seeing you hurt." She said. I moved my hands a bit up her back."Don't worry, I'm ok. It's not that bad. You're very cute when you act like this liebste." I chuckled. "Kiss me again." I said. Her lips were soft, sweet and warm on mine. I was feeling very needy. I kissed her back so deeply, when we broke away again she needed to catch her breath. I began to cling on to her too. I had my hands all over her and my legs wrapped around hers tight. She took another chocolate and pressed it to my lips. I took a bite and she kissed me again. This one was very gentle and soft. I swallowed. This one was caramel. It was much smoother and softer than the other one. Y/N swallowed and cupped my cheek into her hands. She wiped a finger across my chin. "We're so messy.." she giggled. I nodded "Absolutely disgusting!" I said. "Now let's see how much damage we can do with some ice cream!" I laughed. Y/N stood up again. She walked over to the shopping cart again and came back with a box of Drumsticks. She took one out and unwrapped it, before holding it in between us. I chuckled and pressed my lips to it. "We're sharing?" I asked. "They're all melty anyways, I didn't wanna make too much of a mess." She said. I nodded. She nodded and went down to work on her side of the cone. Before you know it, it's spiled on her chest and we're making out again. I moved a bit and began sucking on her neck, insisting that I was cleaning her up. She giggled and let me get to work, pressing up against me more and more, softly moaning my name. She was also getting the ice cream all over myself as well, I could tell we were going to be sticky for a while. I moved a bit more until I was lapping and nipping her collarbone. I kissed her right in the center of her chest before looking back up to her. She nods to me, indicating that I was allowed to take this farther. I moved my hands down the center of her back, holding her, just beneath her shoulder blades. I pressed my lips to her breast an gently nipped at it, feeling her soft flesh mold and bounce against my teeth. She moaned. I continued on doing that same thing until most of the spilled ice cream was gone. Then I undid her bra all together. She began rubbing against me. My erection was beginning to get tight. I looked back up and kissed her face again, sloppily biting her lips as she loomed above me. I undid my pants, and let my cock get some air. She lingered above it even more, rubbing against it and making the both of us moan and squeal. She moved her hips a bit and I began to slide down her underwear. She went down softly in me. Gasping when gravity to control and I was fully inside her. She got a bit teary eyed. I held her close and played with her hair, while also whispering to her and kissing her face softly. Her movements were light, and she made sure she was slow and tender, we wanted to enjoy this. Make it last. "You're doing such a good job schnucki. I love you so much." I whispered to her, closing my eyes. "Thank you.. " she breathed. I let out a bit of a chuckle. "I should be thanking you now, you've been so sweet to me all day." I gave her another soft kiss on her cheek. She squeaked a bit and wrapped her arms around my neck, using me for leverage. "It's because I missed you.. and you had to go through all this work just so we could be together.. and I won't get to see you again for another couple of months... God, I wish we could do this forever." She said. I let out a deep breath and moved her head a bit so we were forehead to forehead, she was a bit cautious about the splint on my nose. "I know. Work's not over yet though. It's gonna be different now. Even after we're out and by ourselves. It'll be different. I still love you though. I'm only doing this because of that. I do this all for you, schatz. Mein schatz.." I hummed. I'd said that to someone before. "Doesn't it feel excellent, to have someone there, building everything up for you, like a throne. You will sit at the top of the world. Nobody else will be able to reach you. And you'll be happy." I mumbled. I had definitely said this to someone before. I was too drunk to realize it at the moment."I feel like that with you. You give me purpose, Y/N." I whispered. She started to cry again. "Oh, Gilbert." She said, burying her face into my shoulder. Deeply breathing, and holding onto eachother like we would never see each other again, I finished. And she moved off of me. I stood up and fixed my pants. She went over to the shopping cart one last time and took out some pastel colored blankets and stuffed animals and led me to the bed. Her chin hid behind an overly large teddy bear. "It's not too cutesy right?" She asked. I shook my head and laid down. "We should get some sleep, I'm gonna have a jackass hangover in the morning." I yawned. She nodded and flopped down next to me, curling up and clinging to me. I held her close. I heard her sniff a bit, then she started weeping softly into my chest. "Schnucki.." I whispered. "Crying right after sex isn't normal. I didn't hurt you, did I?" I asked, rubbing her back. She shook her head. "Lucky I'm into dacryphilia." I mumbled. She looked up at me. "You do so much for me." She said. "I'm in debt and I don't know how to repay you." She inhaled sharply. I attempted to squeeze her even closer. "You owe me nothing." I said. "Just promise you'll keep me down on Earth alright?" I chuckled. She nodded. "I'll try." She said. "That's all I need. Thank you." Some people might argue that I have attachment issues. I say that I'm just protective, and proud to be. Whichever it was didn't really matter. I didn't really care about my struggles, once she was involved that is. I was willing to put up with it all. Focusing more on her just meant I didn't need to focus on anything else, like mental health and the foreseeable future and all that. Y/N gave me shit to do and a person to care about, and I loved her for it. Nobody was going to dare take her away from me. I would make her proud of me over and over and over again. Even if it killed me. She was going to be the happiest person alive, and she would have the best husband ever. I'm sure of it. I clutched her against me tightly that night. "You're doing an excellent job at your half of the deal Y/N. " I snickered. "I'm gonna stay down here for a long time."


	16. I Never Threw a Punch

Around 3 weeks had passed and I was back in Berlin. I still was recovering from my broken ribs, but alongside the prescription pain meds, it didn't bother me too much. I actually went to the doctor about it. Big step. Ludwig was acting very strange. It bothered me. I'd catch him in the middle of a conversation, his eyes would get all glassy and distant. He would look terrified. It worried me. Ever since the money came in the mail that morning. He started realizing I was actually going through with this, I think. I made a new bank account, deposited everything. Ludwig began finding pamphlets and listings of apartment buildings stacked on tables and counters. There would be large periods in the day where the either of us weren't even home anymore. The house started to get colder in the day. Not as lit up as it used to. I could even see it in the dogs. They were afraid. They knew things were about to change. It made me nervous. I didn't really want to confront Ludwig about it though. A childish part of me was afraid he might change my mind. The other, more sensible part was concerned about my brother's well being and hated the rest of me for putting him off. I pushed myself. I made good money at that mechanic job. They had me work and work and work until I would come home at 9 or 10 covered in grease and sweat. It felt good. I was an expert in the craft. The only downside was, of course, my eyesight. And I was noticing more and more burns on me every day, even in the middle of the winter. I needed to cover up more. I started talking to more and more people. I got back in touch with Gunther. I invited him to the wedding. Sanssouci Palace, June 10th. The date was set. The colors were blue and gold. Ludwig was my best man. I was actually doing this thing. I went back there very very often. I would spend hours, standing in the old study. Thinking to myself, talking to myself, I would pray that everything was ok, that it would go over smoothly. I found myself reliving old memories when I walked down those halls, whispering to myself. I would have conversations with a man who would not answer back to me directly. He would use small things. Tiny details like a howl of the wind or a fragrance that died the second you picked it up. If he was serious there would be a crack of thunder in a rainstorm or a gust that rattled a window pane. He would be scolding me. If he was being more light-hearted, there would be lights dancing in sunlight beams and the soft skit noise a dog makes on a marble floor. He would be laughing at one of my stories or remarks. February 25 came around again. I usually find myself sulking, or sick, or drunk, or some kind of mix of the three. Not this year though. This year I got a call, an address, and an instruction. Wear riding boots. I was confused, but I obliged. I pulled up to this little farm-ish looking place out in the middle of nowhere. The ground was damp and the air was heavy with cold moisture. I stepped out of the car and walked up the incline. My hood was fastened over my head tight. Sunglasses covered my bloodshot eyes even with the overcast. I stepped into the converted farmhouse and was met with a crowd of 9. Ludwig, Rodrich, Alfred, Francois, Antonio, Feliks, Arthur, and two others. I hadn't seen them in ages. "Agustus and Albrecht, I'll be damned." I muttered. "Hey piggy, heard you was getting hitched." Agustus clicked. "Still can't talk, I see." I rolled my eyes and turned around. "I made a mistake showing up, see you." I waved a bit. Albrecht grabbed my shoulder. "Oh come on, we haven't seen you in a good 50 years! You didn't even tell us you had a girlfriend or were still alive or nothing! Luddy came to me tellin' some crap about you getting married in June? He was damn upset about it too! I wonder to myself, who coulda done such a thing to my sweet little brother? Then I remembered it was you, dipshit! " Albrecht gave me a noogie. His bony knuckles dug into my scalp. I gave a forced chuckle. "Yeah ok.." I pulled away from him. "What about that asshole!" I pointed at Agustus. "And that guy too!" Then to Feliks. " What the hell is going on here? Kill me quickly if that's what you want!" I shouted. "Rod more or less forced me to show up. Figured I would since it might be the last time I get to see ya alive. Y'know with medical issues and all." He stuffed his hands in his pockets. Rodrich's gave him a shove. "Don't be rude." He muttered. "That's new, he's defending me for once." I shrugged and turned to Feliks. "What's your excuse?" I asked. He rolled his eyes, "Duh, I practically RAISED you. I'm like the dad you never got to meet right?" He said. "You told me I was the son of Lucifer!" I raised my eyebrows. He shrugged. "You believed it." He mumbled. "I believe it." Agustus snickered, thinking I didn't hear him. I groaned. "It was originally my idea to have this little bachelor party sort of thing, then I got Ludwig and Francois on board, people just started showing up from there." Alfred said. I laughed. "What a creep, you're more invested in my love life than a middle-aged mom to a soap opera, Al!" I said, he shrugged. "We actually care about our friends, and their love lives, Gilbert. We all step in as your guardian angels as soon as you show the first signs of getting lost!" Francois laughed. "Fuck off, I know what I'm doing." I said. "Then when was your bachelor party originally scheduled?" Arthur asked, arms crossed. I shrugged, "Fair point." I said. "What are we doing then?" I asked. They all gave a sly smile, even Ludwig, who up until then was rocking back and forth on his heels looking like he was about to explode from guilt. "This place is a hunting range." Arthur said, "They let us go on horseback though." Alfred snickered. I grinned. "Nice, when do we start?" I asked. "As soon as the party shows up, the ranch hand said, but the rest of honor is here," Albrecht began. "Party starts now!" Antonio chimed. We were led into the barn and fitted with our horses and proper attire.

I got a grey stallion named Stitch, he was apparently one of the more rowdy ones. We matched personalities and bounced off each other easily. We were on the fields, I was more or less just dicking around and testing how fast we could go, seeing how much I had remembered since the last time I was on horseback, a rifle strapped to my back. It was fun. "Aren't we actually supposed to be hunting?" Feliks asked. "It's like, the middle of winter there's literally nothing out here." He complained. I rolled my eyes. "I'm having fun, it doesn't hurt to not act like an immature brat all the time you know." I said. My luck, I was paired with him for the first half hour. Neither of us were too pleased. I was pushing my boundaries a bit. "Says you, hopping and screaming and prancing around everywhere." He clicked. I slowed a bit, then I saw a flash of brown dash across from under a naked bush. I nudged Feliks. "Shut your trap for a second and get the gun." He nodded and we both armed ourselves. The horses took slow, careful strides. I saw it again and raised my rifle. I stopped, trying to get a good aim. Then I pulled the trigger. There was a loud squealing PCHEW noise and a cry of terror from the animal. I snickered and got off the horse. The animal came into focus and I realized it was a fox. A big one too, I managed to get it right in the neck. I swung the animal over my shoulder and went back over to Feliks and my mount with my chest puffed out with pride. "Lame, it's not even red." Feliks had said, taking the lead with his white mare. "It's better than what you shot... oh wait!" I laughed. He let out a sarcastic chuckle. By the time that was through, the only teams that had gotten anything were mine and Feliks', and Alfred and Arthur's. We switched teams, Ludwig and I, Rodrich and Agustus, Albrecht and Feliks, Arthur and Francois, finally, Alfred and Antonio. Lud and I were dead set on getting as many kills as possible. We were unstoppable, tactical, and practically silent the whole time. It was a bit uncomfortable honestly. "Hey, West." I chirped his nickname, trying to break the ice. "Yeah," he said. "I've been meaning to talk to you about all this." I said. He looked back at me. "I don't mean about the party you know." I said. "I really appreciate you and Alfred setting all this up though." I smiled. "What about Francois?" He asked, a small grin on his lips. "Aww, fuck him! I only appreciate the people I like!" I laughed. Ludwig gave a chuckle. "Asshole." He said. "No, but really, Ludwig." I said, moving up a bit faster to keep up with him. "I mean about me moving out and shit. This whole deal with Y/N." I said. "Don't worry about it." I said, not looking at him. "Alright." He said, it was very plain and flat sounding. He was trying hard to make it seem like he wasn't hiding anything behind it. I glanced at him. "You're not taking this too well are you." I said. He shook his head. "I'm no child. I am also not your guardian. Whatever you want to do with your social life and relationship status is not my concern. It doesn't affect me outside of that you are my brother and I want to support you." He said. "That's all?" I raised an eyebrow. "Financially maybe, you make a dent too, but I was more hinting at my own emotional being." He sighed. "No! I meant like if you had to nitpick, is there aaaaaanything that makes you uncomfortable about me going forward with this?" I asked. He looked at me with a puzzled expression, then smiled. "I wish that you would pay more attention to your fiance than whatever my opinion is on it. That is all." He said. I huffed. "Smartass. What the worst part is, you suck at hiding when you want to buttkiss someone. Your speech is too formal." I snickered, spotting a rabbit over to the right of us and aiming my gun. "You always enjoyed my professional voice when I was younger." He chuckled. I shot. "Back then I was butt-kissing too, you just didn't realize that." He said, patting my back. I put a hand to my chest dramatically. "You were so well mannered! It was all in vain?!" I gasped. Ludwig gave a hearty laugh and went to go get the rabbit. He didn't do that often, at least it witnessed by me too much. It made me think maybe I was wrong in my assumptions about him not taking this all too well. We carried on until it was time to regroup again. The final interval I was paired with Alfred. Nothing worth mentioning really happened within those 30 minutes besides the fact he fell off his horse once and accidentally set off his gun.  
We regrouped and decided that Albrecht, Agustus, and Rodrich would come back to Ludwig's and my house for drinks. We went back home. 

It worried me. Things start to fly off the handle in a room full of drunk men that have very rocky histories with you. Literal histories. Albrecht being Saxony, Agustus being Bravaria. Me being, of course, Prussia. We didn't mix very well. I thought Agustus' beer was better off as piss. He called me a pig. Albrecht didn't drink beer. He brought wines instead. He was pissed at all of us for not taking any. Both Rodrich and Ludwig looked like nervous animals the whole time. Rodrich was getting redder and redder in the face after each glass of beer, after each shot of whiskey. He fiddled with his hands on the kitchen table and couldn't muster much else. Ludwig was standing, trying to converse with the rest of us. It was all white noise about this and that, economy, politics, who still owed who in euros and marks and thallers and whatnot. My phone began to ring. I stepped out of the room. It was my boss. I cleared my throat before speaking.

"Hello?"  
"Hey, Beilschmidt! Just calling to let you know I won't be in Monday, I want you to take my position that day. You seem capable. I'll pay you extra!"  
"Sure thing, is there anything else?"  
"I like your attitude, Beilschmidt. It's good for business. Someday when I'm dead and gone I want you taking over this company! Mark my words, you'd be an excellent business man!"  
"Why, thank you, boss. It would be an honor to fill your shoes. See, I've only been on the team a short while, you and the rest of the crew have made it a point to make me feel like I've been doing this for years!"  
"Now, don't get mushy with me, Beilschmidt! We're working men!"  
"Yes, sir!"  
"I'll be seeing you again on Tuesday."  
"Yes sir, thank you, sir."  
[call end]

I turned back towards the kitchen. There was a crash. I ran over, concerned and confused as to what just happened. I stood in the doorway, frozen. Agustus was cowering on the floor with his hands over his face as a shield, Ludwig knelt over him with a fist riled up in the air, muttering to himself. "Ludwig, stop." Rodrich said, he completely blocked it out though. My brother hit Agustus with a tight fist, his head made a clunk noise against the floor. "How dare you!" He shouted. Then he hit him again. "How dare you!" He repeated. His voice cracked, ever so slightly. I just stood there. I didn't do anything to stop it. Or encourage it. I don't even think any of them realized I had come back. They were all too in shock. Ludwig hit him again. "Do you think he wanted it to be like this!? Do you really think he's that cruel!? How dare you!" He said. "Ludwig cut it out, he didn't mean it." Albrecht tapped him on the shoulder. Ludwig looked up for a second. I realized there were tears in his eyes. "You insult me. You make me ashamed of who I am!" He pushed Albrecht's hand off of his shoulder. He revved for another punch, then stopped. He let his hands fall to the floor. "Get out of my house." He said. "Ludwig-" Rodrich began "All of you, leave, now." Ludwig stood up, wiped his face and left. He pushed past me without saying anything. His head down in shame. I went over to Agustus and tried helping him up. "Get your damn hands off me, pig!" He snapped. There was hatred in his eyes. His nose was broken. He had a hard time standing up. He wobbled to the door. "Rodrich, Albrecht, let's go. I've had enough of Saupreiß and his monster." He said, staring right into my eyes. I could feel his glare burning me with utter hatred and disgust. Like I was a roach. He grabbed Albrecht and left. Rodrich stood up. "I.. I'm sorry. I know you and I have never really gotten along well. I don't think of you like that though." He said. "Thank you Rodrich." I said, quietly. "He had no right to call you that name." He said. "Right." I murmured. "RODRICH!" I heard a yell from outside, then a car started up and honked its horn. "I should get going. See you." Rodrich nodded and left.  
I stood in the kitchen a bit longer.  
Saupreiß.  
That was a slur I hadn't heard in a while. It stung, surprisingly. I'd expected the effect to wear off after all this time. Guess not.  
Pig-Prussian.  
The Bavarians and their strange language, huh. What is it, 1840? Why use outdated propaganda on me? He lost the war, now he had to pay the consequences like everyone else. I shook my head. I needed to figure out what that was all about. I went upstairs to Ludwig's room and knocked on the door. There was no answer. I knocked again. "Now we definitely need to talk, Lutz. Open up." I said. "It's not locked." He said. I opened the door. Ludwig was lying back on his bed with his eyes closed. A hand lied across his forehead, and the other softly stroking Blackie, who was sleeping on his chest. The dog's muzzle was spotted grey from old age. Its stumpy little legs were sprawled out awkwardly, using my brother as its main support and not its own body. They breathed in unison. I gave a small chuckle and sat down on the bed. "Talk, boy." I said. "Am I a child?" Ludwig asked. "Right now, to me, yes. Yes, you are." I crossed my arms and leaned back on the headboard. "Tell me what happened. Start to finish." I instructed. "It was stupid really, I was drinking too much." He shook his head. "Tell me or I'll treat you like a toddler for two weeks!" I said. Ludwig sighed. "I don't really know what happened. It was all good until we started talking about the wedding. I was telling them about how you found another job and about the boxing tournament. Agustus had asked if you recovered from it. I said no, you still had a few broken bones." He opened his eyes to glance at me. "I know about it Gilbert, I can't lie to family." He said. I closed my eyes and nodded. "Agustus just smiled though, like it was nothing. He said that you deserved it. And that it served you right for doing that to him. That didn't make sense to me. He actually blamed you for his health problems!" Ludwig clenched his fist. "He has that same problem like you. His heart is dead. Nothing heals." He said. "It's been like that longer than I have." I said. "I know. He's still bitter about it though. He said he wouldn't cry at your funeral. He said you were a demon. Sent from Satan himself, he claimed." Ludwig shivered. " Albrecht told him he went to far. But Agustus just laughed again. He said that Albrecht should just listen to him, he hated you as much anyway. I didn't say anything." Ludwig got deathly quiet for a moment. "He said that Y/N was your death sentence. He vowed that this party was the last time he'd consider you... Alive. He said that it was proof that you would be dead in the next few years or so. And that it was good riddance." I opened my mouth to speak, then closed it. " I struck out on him. I couldn't control it. My thinking was that, you have done so many great things for this country as a whole, he had no right to hold any grudge, and say such nasty things about you behind your back." Ludwig said. "Everyone talks shit about me Ludwig. They always have, always will. It doesn't affect me. It shouldn't affect you. I'm much better then they say I am. You know that. You know I think it's true." I said. It went silent again.  
"Why is our family so built on hatred?" Ludwig asked, sounding like a frightened child. "Ever since I can remember. Nobody was friends. If they were. They were gone in a few years. Fights happened. Wars were fought. Nobody even batted an eyelash." He said. I stared down at him. "Ludwig." I said. "I know what you're going to say, I'm symbolic of how we all patched it up and became something greater than just a band of rowdy states blah blah blah. But am I really though? Sure, nobody is having a civil war or anything, but that stunt downstairs just proves it. We haven't made up for anything. We just pushed it all under the rug." He started talking faster and faster now. "Ludwig stop. The only conflict you have is the one in your head." I said. "Look at you! You've grown up since then! You're successful! You're functional! That really says a lot concerning how fast all those years went by! I knew what I was doing back then, and I was right. You turned out strong and solid. Expertly crafted by my own hands! I am proud of you, you know!" I said. "My birth was botched." He rolled his eyes. "I have never heard a more false statement in my life." I shook my head. "You're life was a scientific feat. A work in progress. A long-planned out experiment of trial and error. You're alive today because you proved my hypothesis. You succeeded, passed the test, won the war, whatever you want to call it. You are my greatest accomplishment, little brother."  
I rubbed his head. " I am only here because you didn't let me fall apart." He said. "You know how to take care of yourself Ludwig, I haven't always been a drone on you, remember?" I gave a nervous chuckle. "You're talking about the wall aren't you." He said. "That and before." I said. "Before." Ludwig scoffed. "As if you could call me the least bit functional." He rolled his eyes. "During it I was a nervous wreck. I used to call for a while remember? Every day. You were always mad... Always tired... Never wanted to talk. You pushed me away. I blamed myself." He said. "Before they got the guards up there I remember telling you to meet me on the other side." I said. "You swore at me and threw rocks." Ludwig said. I snickered. "Sorry." I said. Ludwig nodded. "A week after that you cut your phone line. I couldn't contact you at all." He said. "You wouldn't even talk to me at meetings or events or anything. It scared me to death. I felt like I had failed. I was falling apart... Becoming undone at the seams." He said. I sat quiet for a while. Ludwig sighed again and pressed his palm hard against his forehead. "Call me childish, but I am afraid. I honestly am. I am afraid that I will succumb to that feeling if you leave again. I don't want to think that. I don't want you worrying that I think that. I'm honestly very happy for you. I know that it won't be like back then either. I'm afraid maybe if it's not me who falls apart, maybe it will be you, and then I would blame myself. You understand what I mean don't you? " He asked. I was afraid he might start sobbing. "That's not going to happen, Ludwig. I'll keep in contact. If anything does happen, it won't be your fault in the slightest." I said. Ludwig was silent. "I know that. Goddamn it I know that. I still feel terrified though. " He said. "How about this," I said, grabbing his shoulder. I spend more time with you in these upcoming months so you get sick of me and feel relieved when I move out. That sounds nice doesn't it?" I smiled. Ludwig thought for a moment. "Fine." He said. He attempted to sit up a bit. Blackie moved to his lap. "Come here, you big baby." I said, pulling Ludwig's head under my shoulder, giving him a noogie. "Are you feeling sick of me yet?" I laughed. He smiled. " A bit!" He said. I didn't leave him alone after that. My conscious didn't let me. Some days he'd even fall asleep on me like he was a kid again. It worried me. It didn't stop me though. Until Y/N came back, I had to make my family the main focus. You know, besides like, my job and shit.

I remember a very long time ago. Ludwig was young and I was a thing to be feared... Besides with him of course. I remember, when it was very very early on. Ludwig would wake up crying in the night. These instances always stood out to me, because although he was generally a very well behaved and quiet child, when he woke up like this he would absolutely refuse to be put to bed by anyone other than me. Not even Marcus could barely him. One night stood out the most, Ludwig looked about four or five.  
It was midnight or some early morning hours. I was awakened by forceful, nervous knocking on my door.  
"Herr Beilschmidt? Sir, please wake up, it's the little one again, he's demanding you come see him. I think a stitch might've gone loose but he refuses to any of the nurses tend him." The bed hand said from outside my door. I sat straight up and wiped the sleep from my eyes. "I'll be right there, try to keep him calm." I said. Taking off my nightcap and putting on some slippers. I rushed down the hallway to his room he was sobbing. A frightened nurse was trying to get him to drink some water. He refused. I went over to them. "Oh thank goodness you're here sir-" the nurse began. I gestured towards the door. She took the memo and left without saying another word. Ludwig had a bandage wrapped around his eyes. Around his neck. Over his fingers and nose. He looked pitiful. He writhed about under his covers. Kicking and sobbing. He noticed the nurse leave, however. He quieted a bit. "Be still." I said, putting a hand against his forehead. He took a staggering breath. His lip quivered. "They tell me you broke a stitch again. Is this true?" I asked. He shook his head. "Are you sick?" I asked. Again, the boy shook his head. "What hurts, child." I asked. Ludwig waited. And waited some more. I was patient. "My eyes." He said. "They show me things I do not want to see." He murmured. "Brother, may I take the bandage off for a while. To tell if I'm mad." He said. "It's pitch black out Ludwig. You couldn't see anything." I sighed, running my finger across the bumps from the stitches along his brow. "I'll try." He said. "Sit up then." I said. He did, slowly. I undid the bandage from behind his head, and slowly pulled it away from his face. "Open them. Slowly." I ordered. His eyes were swollen and puffy. Ice blue. So much like another boy, I once knew. They were his eyes. "What do you see?" I asked him. He blinked. Then turned to me. He looked at me in the face. "Am I colorblind, brother?" He asked. "You shouldn't be, why is something the matter?" I asked. "You're white as a lamb." Ludwig said. I laughed. "Your eyes are quite all right." I said. "You remember what I look like from last time, don't you?" I asked. "It was weeks ago." He said. I patted his head. "I don't blame you. A lot has gone by this past month, has it not? You do well. We'll be able to take the bandage off permanently in a few days or so. We need you to rest them as much as possible." I smiled. Ludwig only frowned though. "When I rest, they make me go insane!" He complained. "My eyes are sick, brother. They need a priest." Tears came again. They rolled down his face and soaked his other bandages. I sat on his bedside, grabbing both of his shoulders and making him look me in the eyes again. "Why do you think that, child?" I asked. "I see things while I sleep. Horrible, nasty things." He wept. "Tell me." I said. "Death. And blood. I hear screams. I smell fire. I feel myself splitting into a million pieces. Then it stops. And I hear a flute. It's a beautiful song. But I'm scared. Each breath gets harder and harder for me. Then I see you and brother Brandenburg. And I feel needles stabbing me. All over. I want to scream or cry but I can't. I can only see you two." He shook his head. "Are we hurting you, Ludwig?" I asked. This was beginning to scare me. "I can't quite tell. Sometimes I think you might. But then other times you seem like you want to help. You say things like 'Hold on.' And 'It's ok.' " he whimpered. "Your dreams change sometimes, yes?" I asked, one of my eyebrows raised. "Sometimes." He blubbered. "There's a girl. She's older than me, I think. She has brown hair and a uniform on. She's too young though. She works. She's very social. Too social. She always works though." He said. "What does she do?" I asked. "Sweeps the floor. Paints landscapes and portraits. Sings. She's really good at it." He said. "She cries at the end. She always cries at the end. Then there's blood. And darkness. And needles. And the flute music and I break apart. I always break apart. It hurts. It always hurts. It feels like my teeth are being yanked out and my fingers being cut off. My eyes get plucked out of my sockets and I see my heart get ripped up into tiny pieces." He shivered. "Ludwig?" I asked, "Are you afraid of becoming undone?" I asked. He nodded. "I'm afraid." He mumbled, pushing closer to me. I hugged him against me, being cautious of his tiny, healing frame. "What if I'm not gonna work?" He asked. "What if I can't be Germany?" He rephrased his question, with a small sniff. "You will. Under my guidance and protection. You will. I will teach you how. You will be strong. " I said. "I want to be like you." He said. " You will be." I said. I held him up, letting him take a seat on my arm. "You will be better than me. Or anyone else in the world. I'll make sure of it."

"Brother Prussia?"  
"Yes, Ludwig."  
"Sing that song for me, please."  
"Schalfe Mein Prinzchen?"  
"Yes, that's my favorite."


	17. The In-laws Wouldn't Appreciate What I've Been Doing With Their Daughter

It was April. I had gotten a call from Y/N. Everything was ready. She was done packing. The invitations were out. She was coming back early. I was so happy. I found myself thinking about it even in my sleep.  I went to the airport a week later with a smile on my face. I was so happy, it almost hurt. I saw her step off the plane, just like she'd done millions of times before. I ran to her and took her up into my arms. I would never let her go, never again. "Y/N!" I laughed, buring my face into her neck and breathing in deeply. " Can I say welcome home yet? Or is it too early?" I said. She giggled. "Maybe a bit. There's still lots of paperwork to fill out, and things to move. But other than that, I think I'm ready for that." She pressed her cheek against mine. "I missed you so much." I whispered. She nodded. I kissed her. She went pink. "Your lips are a bit chapped Gilbert." She said. "Oh well!" I chuckled, kissing her again. "Gilbert wait," she whispered. "Put me down." She said. "Why? What's wrong?" I asked, but did as she said. She took my hand and pulled me a bit so she could whisper in my ear. "My parents are here." She said. My stomach dropped. "Really?" I  said, my eyes wide open. "Why?" I asked. "I don't know! They wanted to see if you were worthy to marry me or some bull shit like that! It's stupid!" She complained. I put my hand on her side. "Well, I'll just have to show my in-laws how awesome I really am then, right?" I chuckled. Y/N rolled her eyes. I looked around, sure enough, Y/N's parents were standing not too far behind us. I waved. Her father gave me a brisk nod. Her mother smiled and waved back. "Hello," she said. She was speaking slowly and dramatically, sounding out each syllable. "We're Y/N's parents." She said, gesturing to herself, her husband, and then Y/N.  I nodded and held my hand out for them to shake it. "I'm Gilbert. Welcome to Germany! I'm fluent in English by the way, there's no need too talk like a preschool teacher." I chuckled. Her father sent me a glare. "Nice to know." He said. "How do I pronounce that last name anyways? Looks like 'Bell-schmitt' to me but Y/N insists it's 'Bile-schmitt'." He said. I laughed.  "B-e-i-l-s-c-h-m-i-d-t, it's pronounced like 'Bile'." I said.  "See! I told you!" Y/N said. "Well, Mr. 'Bile-schmitt', considering you haven't been the most social on your part, Y/N's mother and I have decided to stay in Berlin until the wedding. Figured it gave us plenty of time to meet the man who was going to marry my daughter." Y/N's dad said. "Oh, alright then. Do you have a hotel picked out? There's lots over in Potsdam, if you want to be close to the wedding location, Y/N and I will have to get working over there of course, or in Berlin perhaps?" I asked.  "Already taken care of, thank you. We'll be going now. We'll meet again shortly." He said. "Y/N!  Are you staying in a hotel room?" He shouted at her like she was in another room. She flinched. "No, if it's ok, I wanna stay with Gilbert." She said. Her voice was quiet. "Alright." Her mother said, taking her aside for a while. She discussed things with her parents for a bit, I couldn't hear much over the commotion of the airport. She came stomping over back to me when it was over though. "Come on Gil, I wanna get out of here." She said. She looked like she was going to cry. We got her things all together and picked up lunch on the way home. She had calmed down a bit, she was back to her normal self. I had almost forgotten about her parents.  
We were lying in bed together that night, I guess I was being more clingy than usual. I held her cradled in my arms, the smile never left my lips. I kissed her forehead, holding her close against me. "It's been too long." I whispered. She nodded. "Too long." She reapeated, pressing her forehead against mine. We sat like that for a while. "Just imagine it, soon we'll be able to just wake up together and just go about doing everything together, and we could be butt naked if we wanted. Nobody could tell us otherwise." She giggled. I chuffed, "Even breakfast?" I asked. She kissed me again, "I don't see why not." She whispered. I laughed "Nudity and pancakes, boy that sounds like heaven!" I said. She giggled again. "Then for lunch, we can have currywurst mit fritten!  And then dinner, jägerschnitzel! " I said.  "All the time?" She asked. "No! I'll make other things for you too!" I said. "You'll make them? Everything?" She asked. "Unless you want to make something one night, yeah. I'll cook for you." I chuckled. "Awh, you're such a gentleman," she giggled and poked me in the chest. "You're not worried about getting all soft and house-hubby or anything? Where's Gilbert and what did you do to him!" She laughed. I smiled. "Me? Do I look like I could get even remotely soft? Look at me! I'm a sword!" I grinned, she shrugged. "You're soft enough to let me lie on you. And you're really sweet to me all the time." She said. Her cheeks were rosey and her eyes looked cloudy. "I'm lucky I have you. You're so unique, I love every little thing about you." She whispered. I felt my face get all hot. "My parents don't see it like that though..." She mumbled. I held her tight against me, we accidentally touched noses. "I don't care," I said. "If you really love me that much, they'll bend eventually. They'll see how happy you are here. They'll see how much you care about me, how much I care about you. They will know. We get to go pick out an apartment tomorrow liebste," I kissed her. It was fast, not a peck though, it was a hardcore smooch. "They'll see how much we need eachother." I said. She closed her eyes for a bit. "I hope you're right." She said. "I know I am, look who you're talking to! Everything will go down smoothly, just as planned. You don't need to worry. You just need to keep picturing yourself in a few months right? With me, a couple pets, watching a movie while it's thunderstorming outside, or, we could go on walks together, talking about whatever came up, just like we used to. Does that sound alright? " I said. "Oh... We haven't done that in such a long time." She said, there was a small quiver in her voice. "I promise we will." I said. "I promise I will do everything I can to make you the happiest person alive. Y/N, I know I've said it billions of times to you before, but I promise it.  If it's not coming from my heart it must be coming from my soul itself... It's like I start choking up! I need to! Look at me, Y/N, I'm the happiest I've been in a good 70, maybe 80 or even 100 years. This feeling hurts, it's amazing! I had almost forgotten! Oh, sweetheart, Y/N, mein schatz! I owe it to you. I owe this, I owe this life I live now to you. You saved me. Maybe not in the traditional sense, but then again just look at me, I'm peculiar. I devote myself to you. I'll do it." I said. She looked small in my arms, innocent, and beautiful. Then a tear fell. Softly, she smiled at me and we tried getting even closer than before. "That's the nicest thing you have ever said to me. I'm happy, Gilbert. I love seeing you smile, I love it when you're happy. It makes my whole life a bit better to live in." She whispered. I smiled. "Funny thing, I feel the same way about you." I laughed. "It's fate." I said.  "You are my angel." I whispered. She blushed. I kissed her forehead. "You don't even know how insanely beautiful you are, do you? I'm not lying, you know." I said, running a hand through her hair. "You're being such a sap today!" She giggled. "Well, I don't cry when I get a compliment at least!" I grinned, playfully. She shrugged.  "I guess."  She pressed her head into my shoulder. "I'm too tired for sex tonight sweetie... I hope you'reok with that." She mumbled. I patted her back. "Of course, liebste. We can sleep." I leaned back into my pillow with her lying against me, rubbing her back as we synced our breathing. I began to hum a bit. A little tune I probably sang to Ludwig when he was young. Y/N kissed my neck. "I thought you were too tired?" I chuckled. "You have work in the morning right? I wanna get as many kisses in that I can!" She said. I turned my head and kissed her cheek. "Fine by me, please don't leave any big hickeys though, I don't think my boss will appreciate it." I smiled. She hummed a small reply and I continued rubbing her back and humming. She eventually fell asleep. I had my arms wrapped around her torso, my legs tangled with hers as well.  She was against my chest, her nose made tiny whistling noises as she breathed. I kissed her forehead. 

The next morning I got up before her. As I got ready I was playing music. You know, that loud punk stuff. I was singing and shit I heard Ludwig laughing from upstairs at some points when I would make up lyrics or my voice would crack or something. Y/N woke up almost as soon as I got up, but she was curled up in my blankets, her nose poked over the top and her eyes were hazy and reflected soft happiness in her face.  I smiled at her and she gave me a little chuckle. I had just gotten out of the shower, I was singing and dancing with myself in nothing but a towel slung across my waist. After getting dressed I turned off  the music. I stepped over to Y/N and bent down to give her a kiss before I left. She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and pulled me into bed with her. I let out a yelp of suprise. She giggled and kissed me. "Schnucki!" I laughed as she planted kiss after kiss all over me. "I have work! I have work today!" I fumbled with my words. "I know! I don't want you forgetting how much I love you though! I'm so proud of you!" She giggled. I squeezed her shoulders with a quick, but firm hug. "I know you are. I should go now, though. I'll talk to you after ok?" I smiled. She nodded. I took up her hand and kissed it, giving her a subtle wink ask I made my way upstairs. "Don't get into trouble while I'm gone ok schnucki?" I laughed. She smiled and nodded.

  "You seem lively today." Ludwig said, from behind his cup of coffee.  "I am!" I beamed, "Everything is just going wonderfully, Ludwig! I swear, this has to be one of the greatest times of my life! Not only has my relationship with you gotten better, you'll actually talk to me, and-" I slammed my hand down on the kitchen counter. " Y/N and I, oh, she just completes me!" I ran my hands through my hair and sighed happily. Ludwig chuckled. "It's funny, I've never seen you act this tender-hearted before. Is this some sort of new chapter you've got going on or something?" He asked. I shrugged. "Maybe. It doesn't make a difference though. I'm still the same as I always have been right? Still your awesome a-hole brother right?" I smirked. Ludwig smiled "Well, yeah, I guess that part won't change any time soon, at least." I rolled my eyes. " Everyone is being so sappy and mushy today, jeez!" I said. "Says you, Mr. Lovestruck." He said, raising his eyebrows. "I know and I hate it! Do you know what it feels like to constantly want to be with someone, and as soon as you are with them, you get so overwhelmed with emotional-whatever that you can barely even speak the same language as them!? And now I have to leave again!" I pressed my hands against my forehead. "God, I just want to go down there and kiss her beautiful face again." I muttered. Ludwig stared at me. "Too romantic?" I asked. "Or is it the heterosexuality?" Ludwig just blinked at me, "You're really messed up over this aren't you?" He said. "To put it into words, yes, my life is a gigantic hot pink Laffy-Taffy drug tripped fever dream right now. And trust me, I've had my fair share of those in my life!" I smiled softly and closed my eyes. I really was happy, so much that it was starting to hurt. "I believe you." Ludwig sighed. "And if it makes you feel any better," he said. "I think I know how you feel." He poured another cup of coffee. "I won't name any names, because I know you'll never let me go if I do, but yeah, let's just say he makes the ticker skip a few beats when he talks." Ludwig went red. I smirked and playfully punched his shoulder. "Ooooh Luddy's got a crush!" I snickered "No dating until you're 500 at least!" I said.  He rolled his eyes. "Oops." He said under his breath. I gasped.  "Ludwig!" I blinked. "Why, next you'll tell me you've been having sexual affairs with random men off the street!" I laughed. He raised his eyebrows "Well.." he said. I stared at him for a while with my mouth held agape. "You lucky fuck." I said. "You probably get more dick in a month than I have in the past 300 years!" I frowned. "It's not that much!" Ludwig's voice cracked, he was red like a cherry. "They were nice men. And conveniently attractive, that's all." He said. I patted his shoulder. "I get it." I said. "I should get going now, don't wanna be late!" I smiled. "Wait, Gil I made you coffee." Ludwig said, holding out the mug. "No, thanks. Too bitter. I need something sweet right now you know?" I smiled really big, "Or will I just burst from the positivity?" I said. I began my way outside. Ludwig called out again,"It's very sunny out today, be careful!" He said. "Ok, thanks for letting me know!" I said, grabbing my sunglasses and a hat. I left with a smile on my face and a kick-ass attitude.

In the car I was listening to some old music I liked, looking like an oaf in the car. Mein Weg, being my favorite of the bunch, got me pounding on the steering wheel a couple of times. Work was fast that day, my boss wasn't in again though, rumor had it that his health was deteriorating fast, that's why he was being so quick to promote people lately. He wanted someone to have his company taken care of if he died all of the sudden. Luckily I was exactly made out for the kind of work the guy had in mind. The only problem of course, was that the position I had at the moment required some heavy-duty work. Normally that wouldn't be a problem however, dealing with broken cars and such, lots of it tends to be outside in the boiling sun, while you're wearing a tank top and jeans and a pair of raggedy boots, all covered in grease and oil and shit like that. It had heated up during the afternoon as well, so by the time I was on my way home again, the entirety of my forehead, neck, shoulders and  arms were bright red. My cheeks looked like they were painted blushy red ans spidering blisters started bubbling up across my neck and right on my cheekbones. The tops of my ears felt hot and swollenas well. Even my nose looked like a cherry.  
Y/N and I were going to meet up for lunch before going to look for apartments. I pulled up into the diner and went inside to go see her. I found her in a booth scrolling through pictures on her phone. I smiled wide, it hurt a bit, but I didn't mind. I was happy, for Christ's sake! "Hello, Y/N!" I beamed, taking a seat across from her. She looked up from her phone and her eyes widened. "Oh, Gil!" She exclaimed. I thought she was going to mention the sunburns. "You have grease smeared across your face!"  She made a line with her finger going from her right eyebrow to her chin. "I do?" I asked, wiping my face with a napkin. "How's that?" I looked up at her. "Better." She said. "They really make you work in the sun like that?" She sighed, her gaze turned to the blotchy red burns under my eyes and along my forehead. "Work is work." I shrugged. Y/N frowned. "Doesn't it hurt?" She asked. I shook my head, "I've gotten worse. Maybe if you'd kiss me I'd feel all better?" I smirked. She rolled her eyes and giggled, leaning over the table and leaving a soft peck on my cheek. "I love you." She whispered. "I know." I chuckled.  
We ordered our food, ate, and then went back home for a while before apartment hunting.

"I got aloe for your face diaper rash." Y/N pressed up against my back and held a bottle full of the florescent green goop up to my face. "Diaper rash?" I chuckled. "Heat miser disease." She said, kissing my back, right in between my shoulder blades. It shot a shiver from that spot all the way to my fingertips and toes. "You like how my sweat smells or something Y/N?" I laughed, she did have her nose pressed against my back after all. "Yeah sure, I like your musk." She giggled before pulling away. "Sit down and I'll put this shit in you." She said. I nodded and sat down on the couch, then I took off my shirt. Y/N sat right behind me and began softly rubbing my shoulders with the aloe practically dripping from her hands. I let out a sigh of relief and relaxed my back a little, then stretched an arm over my head. "Your ribs are all better?" Y/N asked. "Yeah, all thanks to you." I bubbled. She let out a little laugh before lathering up her hands again and moving up to my neck. "You still need to tell me how you got all these scars, Bertie." She whispered. "Bertie!" I repeated, I hadn't quite gotten used to that nickname. She was DEFINITELY the only one allowed to use it. "I told you about the most interesting ones." I said. "Yeah, but those are only the little knicks and cuts and stuff. What about this big one on your tummy right here?" She glided her hand down my back and began tracing the long winding patches of discolored skin all along my side, encircling my naval. "Fires. Bombs. War. Just time basically. It became more visible as I got older basically." I sighed. "I do know how it started though. " I pointed to a darker spot directly under my ribcage. "Right there. I remember, dagger wound.  It got infected and then I got a rash all up my back and shit. It burned like hell! And then I found out that the Polish started fucking setting our towns on fire, and I couldn't even do anything about it at the time, I was in Sweden of all places! " I grumbled. Y/N wrapped her arms around me and began to coo in my ear.  
"This was during the uuh..-"   
"30 years war!"  
"30 years war.. that was in like 16 something.."  
"Brandenburg-Prussia."  
"Yeah, yeah. Oh shit! You were really young then!"  
She looked at me with puppy-dog eyes. I felt myself choke a bit on the inside. "Young in the sense that I was around three or four hundred years old, liebste.. no need to worry." I mumbled.  She wiped a smear of aloe under my eyes and then moved over a bit so she was sitting on my lap. "Do we have time to make out?" She said. I shrugged. "Maybe we should just keep it soft for right now." I smiled. She pressed her lips against mine and hummed a bit. When we pulled away we laughed. I continued kissing her softly like that, but it escalated a bit. She pulled me on top of her, and with one hand against my chest, the other was stroking the bulge in my pants. She put her cheek against mine and let out a deep breath. "Do you really want it liebste?" I asked, my voice breathy and labored. "You don't know how long I've wanted it!" She whispered in reply. I nodded and kissed her again. She moved  her hand off my chest and pushed my arm so that I would begin to fondle her. I noticed the small pap noise her skin made whenever I would let go, or knocked her breasts together to see them bounce around a bit. "You're not wearing a bra today, are you?" I snickered. "You found me out!" She exclaimed.  I kissed her again, then began to finger her clit through her pants, the fabric was damn soaked! "It's in the wash right now." She moaned. "The bra-" she closed her eyes. "Don't you have other ones?" I asked, a mischievous smile stretched across my face. Y/N pouted, "What if I didn't wanna wear the other ones?" She pressed on my developing boner and then unzipped my jeans, grabbing onto my dick like it was a handlebar. I let out a deep moan. "You wanna know what happens when you don't wear a bra around me?" I growled. "What? Are you gonna cuddle me to death?" Y/N bit her lower lip. "No!" I cackled. "This!" I leaned over  and bit down on her breast, she let out a sensual whine and arched her back. I continued biting at her through the shirt, and she continued giving me hand.  I left darker spots over her nipples where my saliva had soaked through the thin fabric covering her chest. Her pussy was completely drenched at this point, her nipples tented her shirt, and she was breathing so hard, if I would lay my head on her chest I would feel like I was on a boat. I sucked at her nipple a bit more before getting more proddy with my fingers down below. She squirmed and almost took her hand away from my cock. With my free hand I grabbed her wrist and made her continue jacking me off. "P..put it in." She moaned. "Not yet, I wanna see if I can taste any milk!" I snickered. Y/N went bright red. "Whh-" she murmured. I bit down a bit harder on her nipple and she let out a squeal. "Please! Gilly please! I'm going crazy!" She sat up and I was forced to release her from my teeth. She pressed her chest against mine. I felt friction against my own nipples. She was pressing hers against mine, of course!  "You horny bitch." I raised my eyebrows and bucked my shoulders, but she followed. "I don't mean it." I breathed. "I know." Y/N giggled and kissed me deeply.  I was then pulled back down for round 2. I was just about to go in on her, when the dogs began barking. "Shit."  I muttered. "What? What's wrong?"   
The door opened.  
"Oh God!"  
"Well, you're home early, Ludwig!" I sat up and shot an accusing glance towards my brother. "I thought we agreed if you were going to do these things they would be in private?" His eyes were practically bulging out of his head, his face was red and he looked like he was gonna puke. "It was private until you showed up." I shrugged. Then, Y/N sat up, and upon realizing Ludwig in the doorway, threw her arms across her now bare chest. Ludwig instinctively slapped his hands over his eyes and let out a yelp. "Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!" He stormed out of the room and upstairs without saying anything else. "Oh my God, Gilbert!" Y/N looked like she was going to cry. "Hey, it's ok, really. Ludwig didn't mean anything bad I promise. I'm sorry about this schatz." I rubbed the back of my neck. "No, I just feel bad." Y/N said. "Hey, what time is it anyways?" She asked. "Oh crap!" I fixed my pants and stood up.  "We need to go meet your parents at the open house!" I grabbed Y/N's hand and squeezed it. "We'll have to finish this later I guess. We should change now." I said. She nodded and pulled her shirt back over her head.   
We did change, I got into something more formal, she put on a more fany shirt, and.. a push-up bra. God, she looked sexy in that thing. And her blouse! All white lace, a v-neck too. She rocked it.  I put on my dress shirt, tied my tie, say, I looked damn good as well. We already looked like the pinnacle couple. I held her hand on the way out. Looking back, I was a bit scared though. I realized that I could be looking for the place that I might actually live in until my passing, if fate decided. I brushed that thought off.   
The open house was a literal hell for me, devil's temptations and all. Not only had I to deal with the future in-laws, but Y/N was continuously making suggestive comments and provocative motions, seemingly just to get me off. Damn all, it was working. She would brush against me in a certain way that made me get all flustered, or she would ask the broker, 'how thick are the walls in this building?', 'Sound wise, I mean,' much to her parents' dismay. I didn't really like the place too much. I couldn't really tell if it was just because I was uncomfortable, or that the lighting was all florescent, it hurt my eyes and reminded me of a gas station bathroom. Y/N and I were walking down one of the hallways discussing their no pet policy, and how we pretty much had a solid 'no' on the place, when all of the sudden she stopped in the middle of the hall. She goes into the utility closet, and pulls me in right beside her. "Kiss me." She said. "What?" I blinked. She let out an exasperated sigh. "I can't take it any longer Gilbert! I'm just so... So starved! I need it, I need you! It's been so long since I've had it, God I've resorted to masturbating to voicemails you've left, wearing one of your t-shirts and using that fucking rabbit-" she began to rub herself, anticipating my next move. Her breathing became deeper and she squeezed her eyes closed. A wicked smile spread across my face, I felt my ego begin to take over. "Tell me that again. " I said. "You, you drive me crazy, Gilbert! Your voice, your laugh your scent, oh God, I'm wet just thinking about it!" she moaned. I let out a low chuckle and stepped a bit closer to her. "I was beginning to think that. It explains why you're wearing such.. form fitting attire, this early in the season." I prodded her breast. "Keep touching yourself like that.  Once I get a good look I'll help you out, alright?" I ran a hand along her cheek. Her face was practically burning, I could tell she was red even in the dusty dimness of the utility closet. She nodded and slid a trembling hand down her pants, she tightened her legs and her back straightened. She let out a whimper. I snickered and made my way around to the other side of her, sliding my hands up under her shirt and taking off her bra. Her breasts spilled out and pushed against the lacy fabric of her blouse. "It's a lot of friction..." She mumbled. I kissed her cheek. "You can deal with it, you're a strong woman, however soft and squeezable you may be." I put my hands on he butt and pressed down so I could feel how much of a shock absorber it was. I laughed again, one of those drunk laughs, I didn't know where my head was going. I kept feeling her up, and she did it to herself. Then, I pulled her back against me, and I began to.grind on her. She squealed. I grabbed her wrist and continued dry humping her, my pants felt tighter than ever. She leaned against the wall and breathed, I stopped teasing her for a while. "Look at me, I'm a slut." She panted. "Oh really?" I smirked, almost out of breath myself. " I wore this just to get you off, but then I just ended up turning myself on instead! The way you smile, the way you hold my hand! I love you, I love you so much!" She yelped.  I hugged her then, spinning her around in my arms until I had my back against the wall, and she was facing me, using my arms as support while her legs began to give. I pressed my lips on to hers and she she clung onto me like I was her only source of life. The sudden weight made me stumble a bit, I knocked my head into the shelf on the back wall of the closet.  Y/N cradled my head in her hands and looked into my eyes with such concern and softness, she looked like she might cry, like she felt the pain inflicted on me. "Are you alright, sweetheart?" She asked. I simply smiled, it was more heartfelt than the other ones, I feel.  Her tender gaze, caring hands, It was like I was healed instantly. I felt no pain. "I'm ok." I whispered to her. I pressed her against the other wall, and held her up by her waist. She wrapped her arms around me. I pulled down her shirt, and again her breasts came out with a bit of a bounce, like they had a mind of their own. Y/N began undoing my dress shirt, only halfway through, I moved again before she got to finish.  I unzipped my trousers and let my erection get some air, then I grinded against Y/N again for a while. "I have to say, liebste, your plan worked, I'm seduced!" I chuckled. She began to nip at my ear. "Really? That's good." She giggled. "Lean back, mein schatz, let me undress you properly." I took hold of her hands for a bit, she nodded, and put her weight on to the wall. I pulled down her pants,and rolled up her shirt so I could see her tummy. I felt bad, it was stuck around her midsection and I had a feeling the collar was becoming stretched out. I began to leave kisses and bites all around her chest, I realized that sort of thing had almost become my signature move, you know, besides my laugh and whatever else I do. Admit it, I'm iconic!  I continued on this path, trailing my teeth along her breasts, collarbone, ribs, waist, tummy and hips, when I went back and kissed her right below her belly button. Then I fixed her right above my cock. She stared down at herself, then at me, and then back at herself. "We aren't going to be able to come back here ever again, are we?"  She mumbled. "No loss." I shrugged. "This place smells like dead cockroaches." I entered her. She let out a squeak of surprise and pleasured gratification. Drool began dripping down her chin as she bit her lower lip. She was right, she was really sex starved! She looked like she was going straight to nirvana! "Pretty soon," she giggled, "this place is gonna reek like cum!" She pushed against me and began lifting herself up and down a bit to create more friction. I pushed her back against the wall and thrusted my hips into her hard. She cried out a moan, loudest I've heard in a while.  The thrill of possibly getting caught only made me go harder, faster, let out my own growls and squeals of pleasure. "I took the opportunity to get rough with you, us that alright?" I said, through gritted teeth. She nodded and arched her back as I practically slammed myself into her, her moans still held all that booming feeling, her chest bouncing as she rode me. "Gilbert! Gilbert!" She hollered. I had that perverted smile back on my face again, "Say my name again, like you really mean it!" I growled. "I do! I do mean it! Gilbert! Gilly! Oh, I love you so much! I love you, Gilbert!" She called. There was a knock on the door. I let out an insane laugh. "Occupied!" I squaked. The door opened, and the broker from before stood in the doorway with a disgusted look on his face. Y/N grinned and twiddled her fingers at him. "Heeeyyy~" she cooed. "I knew there was something off about you two!" The broker said. "You wanna watch while I finish this bitch up?" I cackled. The broker slammed the door and went running to go get someone who could stop us dead in our slimey tracks. "I think the police might be on our asses soon, liebste!" I said. Y/N wrapped her arms around me. "Then finish me off like the bitch I am..." She moaned. "Of course." I said, getting very close as I continued to pound her into the wall, my hips began to jerk, and I felt like a pig, drooling and licking and biting, I was a slobbering mess. She was too. We started making out again, still going at it! Then I came, hard. I let out a gasp and took her off of me, the cum began to drip out of her, "Damn, you really were saving up huh?" She panted, slumping down to the floor watching my semen pour out of her. "What do they call that in English? A creampie?" I raised an eyebrow. She nodded. "Bingo." She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. I knelt down next to her. "Is it bad that I want more?" She mumbled.  I brushed the hair out of her face. "I do too, honestly. But," I sighed and rolled my eyes. "We should probably scram before the cops show up." She nodded, but I could tell all she was hearing was fuzzy nonsense. I was only thinking clearly because of that 'post nut insight' that guys get after sex. I held her in my arms, bridal style, I told her it was practice for June. She loved that I said that, absolutely loved it, I felt her little heart skip a beat.  I carried her to my car and we drove home together, she leaned against my shoulder the entire time. 

Back home, Y/N's parents had obviously gotten word of our little stunt that we pulled, they were royally pissed. Y/N was afraid that they might've even made her call off the wedding entirely, and break up with me. I had to hold her, and assure her that everything was going to be ok, and that I would protect her. That was fine by me, it was one of the jobs I found of being in love with someone, you get an excuse to want to protect them with every fiber of your being. She fell asleep with me like that on that day, tucked away in my arms, all small and helpless like. I loved her so much. I knew I was making the right decision. I actually almost began to forget my dilemma of the whole nation thing, curse me, but hey, it was nice for the time being.  
In the following weeks, we did find an apartment. It was perfect. Not too pricey, and they allowed pets! We were going to move in during May, Y/N was going to have her stuff shipped in, get citizenship, all that fun stuff. It was coming time. I was ready for it, I felt. In May, I would move out of my brother's home for good, I would move in with my fiance, and then wed her in June. My life would be different from that point on, but I could live with change, I've lived with it before and I'll do it again. I was ready.


	18. Mark

August 27, 1618, the Duchy of Prussia and the Margraviate of Brandenburg formed a personal union, in order to distance the Teutonic State from Poland and to get more in touch with the Holy Roman Empire. Their governments became intertwined, and the new nation had its capitals in both Berlin and in Königsberg. Despite this, Prussia still remained a fief under the Polish crown, and the Holy Roman Empire still didn't want to have anything to do with Prussia, because geographically, it wasn't connected. Out of sight, out of mind, as they say. So, I was still stuck with Poland, who hated me, a duke who was mentally ill to the point where his wife made decisions in his name, half a country, and a new last name that was stuck on me as soon as they found out I had family that actually wanted to associate with me. Or at least I thought they did. They had never met me, never seen me before, only heard stories. Rumors floated around here and there, most people up and turned their nose to me when they caught my eyes, Poland and Lithuania did. I was starting to get used to it. No, that didn't mean I stood for it though. I was a little shit, I stole from them, started fights, ran my mouth, didn't do my homework, whatever. Civil wars and uprisings had become so common, I lost count. I would get beat afterward, then they would starve me. Then the cycle would continue, stealing, fighting, shit talking, running away, getting caught, beatings, starvation, it was normal child's play. Then, a year later in December of 1619, the duke dropped dead from another stroke. With the new duke, George William being in charge and the actual start of having a Hohenzollern be in charge of Prussia, (because let's be honest, Johann Sigismund didn't really count), I was actually given the chance to finally meet Brandenburg, my elder brother, and at the time, the more recognizable half of the country I represented. I was so excited! I had never met another direct family member before, I wanted to see what he was like, I wanted to know if we looked the same, honestly, I wanted someone to just run around and play fangerlspielen with. I was still a little kid, around 12 to 14. I counted off my days, until early spring in 1620, when it was time to go. It took us from the time we left at dawn, until late in the afternoon the next day to get from Königsberg to Berlin. I sat in that freezing coach for hours with a supervisor. Every time there was a rest stop I would scramble around this way and that like a madman until we got back on the road. I was very impatient. When the sun rose I had opened the window and swung my head over the edge, letting my chin rattle against the wooden door as the horse jerked us along the dirt road. "When will we be arriving?" I whined. "Soon," the supervisor said, "It would be much quicker if you would sit still for a while, sir." He sighed. I kicked my legs up in the air and clicked the wood heels of my shoes against the ceiling. I slipped a bit farther out the window until I could see the wheels spinning under us and the ruff of my collar flopped over my nose. The supervisor grabbed my collar and tugged me back into the coach. "No wonder sirs Poland and Lithuania wanted you gone so badly! How burdensome!" He grumbled. I pulled on my collar. "This has to be the tightest set of garments I have ever worn! Do the rich seriously dress this uncomfortable?" I asked. "I'm not in a position to say. Your brother isn't so rich himself, I've been told. You were at least made out to look presentable for the duke and duchess. Best not to break stitch, I would say. Might put us further down on the economic spectrum." He fixed my collar so that it stuck into my chin and I could roll the skin on the bottom of my jaw back and forth a bit, making silly faces. Hell, by doing that I could convince someone I was at least well fed! "Don't make that face." The supervisor slapped my shoulder. "God in heaven, you're such a bore!" I groaned, purposefully knocking my head against the back wall of the coach. "Look, kid- erhm- sir, I know you aren't exactly accustomed to formal events, but this is very important for not only you, but for me, and everyone involved in this God-forsaken war." He grabbed my shoulder. "The war? What have I got to do with the war? We have no military! Even I know that!" I rolled my eyes. "They really haven't told you anything?" He asked. I shook my head. "Only that I would be meeting Herr Brandenburg today!" I crossed my arms. "You will! You will!" He sighed, glancing out the window. "I suppose they're expecting me to be giving you the rundown of things then?" He grumbled. "Firstly, you will meet Herr Brandenburg, as well as the duke and duchess, your permanent living quarters will be set up, and you will recap your biblical and political studies with Herr Brandenburg, and after which, they have planned a sort of welcoming dinner for you." He rubbed his chin. I became more alert as soon as the words 'welcoming dinner' escaped his lips. "As in, a feast? Dedicated to myself?" I asked, I was practically bouncing I'm my seat. "Perhaps," he said. " You are scheduled to curfew, you must sleep, no sneaking away!" He glared, "And, in the morning you will be sent to a council meeting of the Holy Roman Empire. You are being expected to speak on behalf of the Protestant Reformation, seeing as you of course are the first nation to officially convert to Protestantism, and you are neutral in this war, what you say might persuade the Catholics to let us all by with a slap on the wrist, and we could end this thing early." He stared intensely at me for a while, my stomach dropped. "I must be hearing things." I gulped. "You don't actually mean..." I blinked. "The entire Holy Roman Empire!?" I stood up, my feet wobbly because of the moving carriage and my unsteady balance on those wood-heeled shoes. "YOU MEAN I GET TO MEET THEM ALL?" I shrieked, my voice cracked badly. The supervisor clapped his hands over his ears and grimaced, nodding briskly before motioning me to sit back down. "That is the plan, I suppose." He said. I sat back, letting my feet stick out limply in front of me, my mouth still held agape in awe. "This is the greatest day of my life!" I said. "It's only family, yet you act like you're going to be meeting celebrities?" The supervisor questioned. "You wouldn't understand, when you've lived as long as I have you become accustomed to feeling an individual in a place full of many." I shrugged and let out a dismissive sigh. "Twas only a few decades ago I learned of any kin I might have, and then I realized something. That I am part of something bigger! Histories! Cultures! All of it! And to get the chance to speak out in front of each and every one of them? Why, that is what fueled me back in the crusades!" I grinned. "You really are no child, you remember forging Königsberg itself from the pagans who once were there?" He asked. "Why, you've done your research!" I beamed. "Yes, the entire land was cleansed in the light of God, washed by the blood of the Lamb. Blazing high, rich and powerful. We were not afraid of the cuts we suffered in battle, we learned from it! We went, and threw the pagans away like rubbish, and cleansed the others of their filth. We made Prussia what it is today. I take pride in this name that was given to me. Is this all making sense?" I snapped out of that far away look I had when I rambled and turned my attention back to the supervisor. He was pale. He nodded. "I see. You must make a very good leader, then. " He went silent. I still wonder what he was thinking about. Another half hour passed, when I began seeing more people around, more houses, more shops and stands, more animals, just more of everything. I began to get excited again. I stuck my head out the window again and began waving to pedestrians on the street. "Hallo!" I called, a dog barked. I laughed, "Hallo to you too!" I called back. I felt my skin bubble against the rays of the sun and reluctantly pulled my head back in. I took a look at the veins and arteries in my hands for a moment. I was pleased to notice that already, my burns had started to heal. "Do your veins usually become this visible through your skin, sir?" The supervisors tried desperately not to turn away in disgust. I opened my mouth and a puff of steam drifted out into the air, disappearing within seconds. "Only when I get hurt. Which is quite frequently, now that I think about it." I shrugged. "Well, we're nearing our destination." He said. I looked out the window again, despite the new burning sensation I began to feel right under my skin, and the itchy, uncomfortable one above it. I noticed the building we were heading to and gave a toothy smile. "I'm home!" I laughed. The coach came to a stop. We waited a bit, and then the door opened. My mind began racing, I don't recall what the escort said. I stood up, and bolted out of that carriage, tripping on the stair and rolling on to the cobblestone ground. I scraped my cheek, everyone was gasping and offering me help, my supervisor had his hand on his forehead, he let out a long sigh. I stood up, cleared my throat, brushed myself off, and without hesitation, I ran up the steps to that building, praying that I wouldn't lose my footing again. The door opened as I ran and I knocked heads with a boy looking around my supposed age, probably a couple years older perhaps. 15 or 16. His hair was neat, dusty brown, pulled back into a ponytail. His eyes were deep blue, he had a high arched Cupid's bow, but his lower lip was a bit thinner than the top. He had nice teeth, and he was wearing a similar outfit to mine, except instead of faded brown, his was bright red. He rubbed the center of his forehead where I had knocked into him as I rubbed mine. I noticed I could not feel it heal right away. "Uhm.. hello there.. sorry for bumping into you." I said. He looked at me at me for a while, continuing to rub his head. "By the Lord Jesus! You must be Prussia, aren't you!?" He grabbed my shoulders. I nodded briskly. "I am!" I said, standing up high so that I seemed taller then I actually was. "Why, I thought you were bluffing in those letters, you actually are as white as snow! All besides a fee cuts an burns here and there, say, did you perhaps get into a brawl on the ride over?" He chuckled, as if on cue, the cut on my cheek closed with a sharp hiss and a puff of steam, the scab hardened to nothing more then an iron streak across my face. "Now I know it really is you then." He pulled the strip of metal away from my cheek and smiled. "You go by Giselbert personally, correct? Well then, I am the Margrave of Brandenburg, or Marcus Beilschmidt, you can call me Mark, though, sibling rules." He shook my hand. I nodded. "Sibling rules." I repeated. Marcus laughed, then pulled me inside. "I understand that Poland and Lithuania didn't treat you all that well back at the old place, didn't they?" He asked, taking me down long hallways, filled with stained glass and beautiful architecture. "I treated myself well." I said, absent mindedly, Marcus tugged me along by my right hand, I noticed how dry his skin was, mine always got oily around this season, but his got dry? Strange. Maybe it had something to do with geography. "Very humorous." He said. We stopped in front of a doorway. "This is your room." He opened the door. The room was tidy, the matress not only had a beautifully carved stand and headboard, but white sheets and a cushion as well. There was a dresser, and a hand held mirror. Several display cases were set up on the walls, as well as bow, sword, and shield mounts. I turned around and around in that room for a while, breathless. "Who do I share it with?" I asked, Marcus blinked. "Nobody, this room belongs to you as much as mine does to me." He said. I walked over to the bed and pressed on it with both my hands, "Really?" I looked over at Marcus again, a gleeful smile on my face. "Yes of course it is! Didn't you hear me?" He laughed at my child like wonder. I flipped myself on to the bed and closed my eyes. "You have never slept in a real bed before?" Marcus asked. "I had a wooden ledge back in Königsberg, I would use sacks of flour stuffed with plants and things like that to support me sometimes. That's kinda like a mattress right? Oh! And when I would have to stay with Poland, I would usually get a mattress. Not to myself of course, but it was one. Filthy, bug infested matress..." I let out a small laugh. "Giselbert, stand up for a moment and stick your arms up on the sides of you." He told me. "Why?" I asked. "Just do it really quick." He said. I did what I was told and stood up, raising my arms up to the sides in a T-pose. "Ah, just what I thought!" Marcus said, walking around me observing, his hand on his chin. "That outfit is a size too small on you." He took one of my hands and showed to me my exposed wrist. "Your arms are too long for this size, we have to get you fitted." He stepped away and clapped his hands together. "Come on, we have time before you meet his and her grace." He grabbed my arm again and led me off. There was one woman after another, each one with cloth and pins and measuring rope. I kept hearing them say things like "Look at how thin he is!" Or, "He has the eyes of a devil!" I felt uncomfortable. I had my shoulders slouched a bit, the room was cold, then I felt a sharp jab to my spine and stood up straight. "I can see your bones, Giselbert." I realized it was Marcus. I blinked. "They let you in here? I asked, trying to cover myself a bit behind the sheets of cloth strung up around the room. "Yes, it's not a big deal really, siblings and all. I've seen a man's loins before also, considering that I own some. " He raised his eyebrows. I shrugged. "Fine, what did you come in here for anyway?" I asked. "Isn't it obvious?" He turned his head to the side and smiled. "I'm picking out your outfit!" He grabbed a piece of fabric and held it up to my face. "No, it's too light for your skin tone, we need something that evens you out." He mumbled, casting the piece to the side. One of the ladies in the room scrambled to go get the light yellow fabric. They squaked like gulls at a scrap of food. Marcus ignored them and continued holding up different shades of fabric to me, asking me how I liked them and making me feel each one. "You know what," he said, "I'm actually quite fond of how the red looks on you." He held the fabric up to me again. It was the exact same fabric that his own clothes were made of, possibly even cut from the same cloth, it had the same pattern and everything. "Really?" I asked. "Yes, I think it complements your eyes. It makes you look more sophisticated and prominent. Though, I'm a bit biassed, red is my favorite color." He stroked his chin. "Really? I've always preferred blue. Red has kind of become a negative associate to me... You understand right?" I shrugged. "Ah, yes I can imagine." Marcus pondered. "Blue is expensive. Rare. Only meant for royals. We don't even have any of that here. Say, Giselbert, do you ever dream of becoming an empire yourself someday?" He asked. I thought for a moment. "No, not really. I can't imagine that. Back when I was little, an empire was beyond me. I was only focused on carrying out God's work. Anything more than that was a sin. The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want." I said. Marcus nodded. "I just thought, because of how you like blue-" "What if it didn't have to be only for royalty?" I cut him off. "What if you could make a, oh I don't know, synthetic blue? Say, for example, instead of making it out of sea snails or lapis lazuli or whatever they use nowadays, use easy to find stuff like metals or salts, or something like that." I said. Marcus blinked. "How do you expect to get blue out of metal and salt?" He chuckled. "I'll find out, just watch." I smirked. "I'll bet you won't." Marcus crossed his arms. "I bet double that I can!" I shouted. "Deal." Marcus held out his hand. "Deal." I shook it. After I had gotten my new clothes that actually fit, and made me look like Marcus's fraternal twin that came out a couple years late, Marcus also decided that I was in dire need of s hair cut. I was, my hair was filthy, matted down, tan-tinted from dirt and stuck up all over the place, lazily tied off in the back into a small tuft of white that stuck up and out like feathers. It was at the point where it was too short to be styled like the trend was at the time, but too long to have it stay plain. It wasn't my fault, it just all grew in like that last time my head caught on fire. Or was it the knife that time? I can't say I remember. The ladies scrubbed at my head with lye and dumped freezing water over me, I held my head forward so I wouldn't get my clothes wet. They tore the brush through my hair and ripped any knots out that were too stubborn to untangle by themselves. They took a shear and snipped at my bangs. Then they dumped more water on me. I grit my teeth as the brush ripped at my scalp again. "Don't kill him, girls!" Marcus shouted, he was sitting crossed legged across the room with folded arms and a condescending smirk on his face, watching this whole ordeal.   
"We're sorry!"   
"We're sorry, sir!"  
"It's like he's never once ran a comb through his hair!"   
"Not once a comb!?"  
"Not once!"  
Marcus laughed. The one woman grabbed all of the hair on the top of my head and yanked me up by my bangs, I felt like my eyelids were being pulled off. I let out a whine of complaint. Marcus burst into laughter. I rolled my eyes. The women continued cutting and brushing, but at this point all the washing was finished, so I sat up straight with a rag draped around my neck and shoulders. Then I felt my bangs fall back on to my forehead, then the brush turned a differen direction, my head felt as if it was the canvas for a cross-hatched drawing. They took another cloth to my hair and dried it thoroughly. Then went the brush again. I couldn't even see my bangs anymore, they were too short. A woman took my hair up into her hand and straightened it with a different, smoother comb before tying it back neatly. She might've even tied it into a red ribboned bow. Marcus stepped over to me. He looked suprised. "Did they ruin me?" I asked, bashfully looking up at him from my chair. Marcus shook his head. "The opposite, younger brother. Quite the opposite." He blinked, noticed my uncomfortable shift, and then ran to get me a mirror. When he came back he handed it to me and took a seat next to me on the bench. I looked completely different! My hair was clean! Neatly parted to the left, sweeping across my forehead. You couldn't even tell that I had any acne! ... Almost. I ran my fingers through my newly styled bangs. Mark rested a hand on my shoulder. "You look... so....so sophisticated!" He raised his eyebrows. "I do!" I nodded, equaling the surprise in his voice. We laughed. "Now I think you've just matured at least three years, my brother! My equal!" He shook my shoulder endearingly. A wide smile had taken shape on his face. Nice teeth for a guy in the seventeenth century, even for us. He'd never suffered too much physical contact there then. Equal though, that was nice. I think he was my first notable friend, actually. I had more considered Erzébet a rival of course, she never really liked me, Poland and Lithuania we're furthest from anyone I'd ever want to talk to ever again. The Knights Templar was a priss, dead too. They were always butting heads with my boys. Always singing. Fuck off, do your job. Maybe don't get killed next time. Dumbass. Anyway, not my problems aside, Marcus was really nice! He actually talked to me! He actually considered me an equal. That was pretty fucking rare back then for someone like me! And his respect, gave me some room to respect myself as well. Yes I know it might not seem like it, big stick up his ass Marcus, but some of his personality rubbed off on me. The proud son of a bitch he was for that time. Where did that all go? God, look at me being bitter. I shouldn't. Marcus was my first role model. The first respectable one at least. That first night, he did an excellent job, I must say. He was very approachable, supportive, but respected. You knew he held power in the way he talked to the way he stood. I wanted to be just like him. Oh, and that dinner! I'd never tasted anything like it! My head was fuzzy, it was the first time I had ever drank alcohol outside of Eucharist wine or for something medical. My mind spun. I remember Marcus asking me something along the lines of, "What is your favorite food?" And I answered with, "Breads. Or, now that I thought about it, ham. Meats were a luxury, when I was with... The others. I've had ham before though. When I was really small. Around 50 I think. It was delicious." I said, stuffing my mouth full with a freshly baked dinner roll. I was surprised when he said there was more. There was loads more. And the duke actually apologized to me about the 'lack of food because of poor economy'. I had never seen so much food in my whole life up until then! Marcus was such a chatterbox, I was too, we talked and ate and talked some more. It was wonderful! Then, I felt bile sting in my throat. I had thrown up before, yes who hasn't. But those times I was sick from disgust, or I had some rotten food, or something similar. This time it was different. Marcus grabbed my shoulder again. I noticed this habit was one he often repeated, I catch myself doing it with Ludwig nowadays as well. He led me outside for a bit to get some air, the sun was setting over a wide forest, making the tips of the trees burn bright reds and oranges. I smiled. "Giselbert, what's wrong? Was the food rotten? You seem ill. Should I get you some water?" He rubbed my back. "No! I feel great!" I laughed. I just-" then I bent my head down and vomited. My eyes watered, and my mouth had the taste of rabbit mixed with stomach acid stained into it. "Good Lord, boy! Are you alright!" Marcus shouted. "Someone get me a nurse immediately!" He yelled into the hall. Quickly, a few of the women from earlier ran up to us with water and a cloth for my mouth, a rag for the ground. I sat up with a wide smile on my face, the burning tears kept rolling down my cheeks though. The woman with the cloth wiped my mouth and eyes, but I was still tearing up. Marcus held onto my shoulder, and he helped me back to my room. My new room. "Are you sure you're all right? You're still rainy-eyed! It's nothing to be ashamed of, you haven't eaten a meal like that in so long, maybe not even ever, it will take a while to get used to the new diet, but I assure you, nobody thinks any less of you for that. You will be well fed here. Understand?" Marcus looked very concerned. I began laughing, I wiped my eyes again and continued laughing until my throat hurt. Marcus asked me what was so funny. "It's not funny, it's wonderful!" I exclaimed. "What is?" Marcus asked. "I'm full!" I smiled. Marcus smiled then, too. He sent me to bed then, and I slept soundly, for the first time ever.

Waking up that next day I found that in the dresser I had at least five new outfits that were made just the day before after I had worn that red one. There was another one similar in there, besides the pattern. I decided to wear that one today. Nobody was awake yet. It was still dark. I went over to the small pile of things set on top of my dresser. The ceremonial sword that was given to me when I was small, I couldn't use it, it was far too heavy for combat, but it was beautifully decorated and my only prized possession at the time, the dagger that I substituted for a sword when I couldn't hold a real one, a bow, brand new, probably a gift from Marcus, and a half-full diary. Marcus had set viles of ink and quills on my nightstand, along with a few candlesticks. I smiled. The room itself was a bit bare, but the nice thing about that was that there was lots of room for things. I got dressed and brushed my hair. It was oily. I frowned, "That won't work." I muttered. There was a pitcher of water next to my bed. I portioned some out into a bucket and began scrubbing my hair in it. The water was freezing. It did the job though. I dried myself off and brushed my hair again. Smiling in the mirror, I blinked and realized what I was doing. "God, curse my vanity!" I said, putting the mirror back down. I went back to my bed and made it. I couldn't resist bouncing on it a bit either. Once I began hearing the bed creak I stopped, the thought of getting caught doing something like that embarrassed me. I ran back over to the dresser and took a quick peek at myself in the mirror again, dropping it back down once I had fixed my hair again like it was aflame with white burning coals. I blinked, and then cautiously picked it back up again. I raised my eyebrows and frowned. "God, curse this acne!" I grumbled, putting my other hand to my forehead and picking at my skin. Steam went up in little streams whenever my fingers left my forehead. By the time I had gotten all the more noticeable ones, my head was glistening with beads of iron. I waited a moment for them to harden and then began to pick off the silver scabs. They broke apart at my touch and left flakes on the dresser. I brushed those into my hand and disposed of them. Then I took the ceremonial sword and hauled it to my bed. I then hung it on to the large display above my headboard. "Normally a person would be worried that it would fall on them in the night and prove to be their undoing..." I thought, putting a hand to my chin. "Not I though." I grinned, hopping off of the bed. The sun was about to rise. I heard a knock at my door. I heard a voice, "It's Mark." He called. "Come in!" I said. He opened the door and gazed around the room. He was still in his nightshirt and cap. "How early did you wake up?" He yawned. "Early enough to officially move in." I said. Marcus nodded. "I see you did some redecorating." He said, gesturing up to the sword above my bed. "Oh, you want to know the story behind that one, do you?" I blinked. "Yes, but first tell me of what you think of that bow I put on your dresser!" He said. "Beautiful, it's strong and the wire is nice, who made it?" I asked. "I made it." Marcus said. "Not to brag, but I've taken up smith work as a hobby of mine in the past couple hundred years. I've gotten rather good at it don't you think?" He grinned. "Smith work? Ah, that must explain our last name." I shrugged. "You have a talent though." I said. "Thank you! I appreciate that, coming from you." Marcus stepped out of my room and motioned me to follow him. "I've been thinking all night about it, you know. My own flesh and blood, a knight of a holy order! You must recount every single detail to me, from the beginning!" He stopped in front of his room. I grinned, "I seemed to have found an admirer, have I?" I said. "Very much so!" Marcus chuckled. Stepping into his room and getting his outfit ready, Marcus hummed to himself tunes I did not recognize. "We have some time before breakfast, then we go on the road to Geneva-have you ever been to Switzerland before?" Marcus asked. I shook my head. "Is that where the meeting is to be held?" I asked in reply. "A civil meeting? In the Holy Roman Empire? Unlikely! It's more of a get together where you bicker with your family the whole time. You've never been to one before?" So many questions.. "biggest meeting I've been to was in Warsaw. Only about ten people were in the room. I wasn't even allowed to talk!" I rolled my eyes. Marcus laughed. "Well tonight, you are the speaker of honor! I pity you, boy." He sighed, and went to wash his hair. I sat on the bench next to him. "Why?" I asked. Marcus undid his ponytail and pulled his long brown hair over his face, and dumped water over himself. " Why what? The pity?" He said, sharply inhaling at the sting of the cold water. "Let's just say that our family is not in the best place relations or economic or hell, anything wise as of late, you're well aware of the war that sparked up two years of course, I know for a fact Poland is taking it very seriously for once!" Marcus exclaimed, wringing out his hair until it was only damp, then taking a brush through it. "Oh, I know." I rubbed my neck. "Now I must say I feel like we're somewhat guilty of starting that war, indirectly or not! So, as penance, I hope you forgive me, but I've suggested you to try and bring peace to our difficult excuse of a family, do you think you'll manage?" Marcus asked. "Us? It was me. " I sighed. "First country to go fully Protestant, then that becomes a trend, and now all the sudden I try joining the Holy Roman Empire myself and everyone is up in arms! I'm not even Protestant myself!" I complained, ignoring the question. "You're not?" I saw Marcus raise an eyebrow at me through his hair, that was now clumping together in strings over his face. It was so strange how different we were physically, at least. His hair was thick and rough, mine was thin and whispy. His nose was like a block, mine was like a spike. His eyes were smooth and deep blue, mine were piercing and a curdling red. His skin was the color of bleached hay and cracked dry. Mine was white and oily, you could see the veins in my wrists. We had a few similarities though. We had the same smile, I grew to notice. Though his lips were more full than mine, we had a similar Cupid's bow and our upper lips dipped down in the middle almost forming a 'v' shape. Our eyebrows also looked similar in shape, and the brow itself was indented on the both of us, causing our neutral expression to seem more serious than we might have felt. "No I'm not, at least I don't think... It's complicated right now." I said, finally answering his question. "Ah, I see. They've got you thinking you've been sent from the Heavenly Father himself huh? And now they want you to change everything you know? Typical humans," Marcus rolled his eyes. I blinked. "How'd you guess?" I asked. "We've all been told that story at some point, little brother. It's the humans! They don't know what they're talking about! First you're an angel, then a demon, then a child, then a lackie, and then they plant these things into your head!" He finished washing his hair and flipped it back over his head, putting an arm on my shoulder once again. "It's bullshit, I say! You are a fine young nation! Do not think anything of a human! You and I, we are more advanced than any of them could ever dream to be!" He said. I nodded slowly. "But why is that so?" I asked. "Ah, " Marcus shook his head. "I'll tell you later. We're running a bit late now." He stood up and began getting dressed. I sat silently as he got ready, trying to make sense of what he had told me. It began to click though. It made sense to me, I knew more about myself then anyone else right? Or at least, I know what happens to me when certain things happen, like I'll heal if I get hurt, I'll survive if I get sick. I know where I came from, I came from a swamp in Königsberg. I had all ready proven myself in the light of God. I should be able to make my own decisions then right? Protestantism didn't really make sense to me. Though, as of the late, it made more sense than Catholicism. My time at the church just confused me even more, I think. I thought long and hard about it. About the people I'd fought and killed to prove one thing, then years later going back and claiming another was actually correct. It didn't seem right. It never seemed right. Marcus called my name. I didn't hear him at first. He snapped his fingers in from of my face and I was sucked back to reality. "Oh!" I blinked. Marcus had gotten ready, he was wearing another red suit like the one last night, this one was trimmed with yellow, however. We went down to the dining hall to have breakfast.

"Color coordinated again, I see!" One of the servants called. I looked down at my feet. "Embarrassed, Giselbert?" Marcus whispered. "No, no it's ok, I didn't know." I said. "They don't get it see," Marcus rubbed my shoulder. "Once we're at the meeting, it won't seem so embarrassing. You need to know that in a occupational outlook, we need to seem similar, we represent a shared state after all!" He chuckled. I nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense. " I said. We sat down. Breakfast was a bit rushed, we were running short on time. It was good though. I was contently filled. "We will be traveling all day and all night, you understand. We will also be taking stops to rest and eat." Marcus said, before boarding the coach once again. "I've been told you were restless the entire trip here." He said. I blinked. "Well, I-" I blurbed. Marcus stopped me with a finger. "I don't care what you thought you were doing, ornwhat the supervisor thought you were doing, I just need you to understand that I need you to be well rested for the meeting. The entire Holy Roman Empire will tear you apart like dogs if they sense any sign of hesitation, drowsiness, or weakness in your voice. We are caught in a bloody, bloody war, my younger brother. You might be the savior of this whole continent, if we appease the right people. This means you have to listen to me and do what I say. Understand?" He grabbed both of my shoulders. I felt a pit in my stomach. Earlier, I had been excited to meet all of my family for the first time, however now it seemed like I was going on trial. "Understood." I gulped. We boarded the coach. The seats inside were much more comfortable than the ones I had been sitting on the way over, it was also bigger than it too. I didn't feel as cramped. Marcus sat on the opposite side of me. He told off any of the staff that tried to board with us, claiming that they were interrupting my 'tutoring'. In a way, it was like tutoring, I was learning many things about my family, and nations in general. "Explain to me how I am above a human, please. I didn't quite understand earlier." I said after the door was finally closed. The coach began moving, this was going to be a long ride. "Well, see..." Marcus thought for a moment. "they, for one, don't understand how or why nations like you and I have lived so long without aging past 16!" He said. "I don't much understand either though." I said. Marcus frowned. "Because a nation lasts for millenniums on end, boy. We don't age because the state will continue." He said. "I know that part! But why not past teenage years? I feel I have the intelligence of a 20-year-old yet I barely even look 13! And you must be 35 while only looking 15!" I shouted. "I can't say that much." Marcus sighed. " Why else?" I asked. "They think religion has to be bound by groups and sections, and if you do not believe in one group, they must be Satan and you the angel." Marcus crossed his arms. I nodded. "That's not only humans though, I've seen others like us... Myself included, that have followed that logic." I said. "They planted it in your brain to use you as a weapon. They cash in on your ability to heal after you've been through hell for their own wishing. Never tell a human you are a nation unless for business. Even then, keep the details vague. If anyone finds out, do not give them further details. Let them make out of you what their pathetic minds wish, and do not trouble yourself with their meager thoughts. " Marcus said, grimly. I nodded. "What do you believe in, Brandenburg?" I asked. "I believe in one God. Though, my version is a bit different than what they must have taught you while at the church." He said. "How so?" I raised an eyebrow. "God for one, cares for humans like you would care for your child. Raise them, teach them, punish them if they're bad." He said. I nodded. "Nation's are their overseers. We are angels, Giselbert. Or at least something close to it. We must keep our people in order. And we must do whatever it takes. God's rules don't necessarily apply to us. We cannot experience love, bare children, die by human hands. Any feelings of ours, grief, anger, lust, hunger, pain, that is not us. That is our people." Marcus began fiddling with his fingers. "What about happiness?" I asked. "It ceases to exist. Joy is a thing humans feel. We feel satisfaction. We feel power. We feel ambition. We feel God. We know that what is best for the people will satisfy us, and that is why we feel 'happy' when we do it. Little things that would spark happiness are just proof of what the people like. You enjoy ham and bread correct?" He asked. I nodded. "Good, so does thousands more of your people." Marcus smirked, matter-of-factly. I blinked. "That makes so much sense." I said. He nodded. "It does." Marcus said. "You might not understand yet, but this also means that the difficulty you feel when confronted of your religion is also a reflection of your people. You still have knights in Royal Prussia, however the duke is Protestant. You feel like you're being torn apart." Marcus said. I nodded, "I do!"   
"The only solution to it is to have religious freedom." Marcus said. I nodded again, my head began to hurt from all of the shaking. "On the topic of that," I said," what do you plan for me to say in front of the Holy Roman Empire?" I asked. "Recount your time as a night, and your time as a deacon. Then about how conversion made you a Duchy, and make sure to mention our stance on religious freedom! It's sure to win them over!" He clapped. Our conversations continued on like this for hours until the sun began to set. He tapped my knee and told me to get some rest. I found myself laying down across the coach's seat with my eyes pressed closed, faking my sleep. Marcus pulled a wool blanket overe and said nothing else all night. I had to take a piss, but he would be pissed if I revealed I was still awake. I don't think he slept. I still had that pit in my stomach and I felt deathly uneasy ever since the topic of superiority over humans came up, even though I agreed with Marcus on most things. I accepted them as the truth. I heard Marcus begin coughing, not light coughing either. He sounded like he was in pain. That uneasy feeling I had was growing even more. It was because we were neutral. Sweden, Poland, and the HRE felt that they could just walk all over us. I was going to talk in front of them to prove they couldn't. Marcus thought I was strong enough to. That's why he didn't deliver it himself. I did not speak. Eventually I did fall asleep, I guess I slept pretty late too, because when I woke up, the sun was already high in the air. "Good morning." I mumbled, rubbing my eyes. "You slept longer than expected." Marcus said. "Which, by all means is wonderful, considering how bumpy the roads are." He offered me a smile. He had dark circles that I began to notice under his caked on makeup. "What about you?" I asked. He chuckled,"All was well. We're about three hours to Geneva now, we'll stop to rest again in a bit. " Marcus looked out of the open window, changing the subject. One of the panels on the window remained closed though so light wouldn't fall on me. I guessed Marcus didn't want me getting all burnt. I crossed my legs. "That's a relief." I chuckled, nervously. I hadn't pissed myself in my sleep, that was good, but I had to go even more now. Ten minutes later we stopped and I rushed out to do my business, when I came back I watched Marcus wash his face with a bucket of water taken from the same well they used to feed the horses. He wiped his face dry and immediately went back to reapply his makeup that made him look almost as white as me, minus the oil and acne. The stuff was nasty, it made me cough when I breathed it in. "That's white lead you know." I choked. "It must be why your skin is so dry!" I waved the powder off. "No, smartass, my skin is dry because of how rough the land is that I represent. You have a similar situation with your swamps and marshes as I do with my dust and sand. Plus, I only get to wear this stuff for formal parties, sophisticated things. Perhaps we could touch you up with some of it, considering all of those blemishes you have across your forehead." He raised his eyebrows and his lips tightened to a teasing smirk. I brushed my bangs across my forehead. "Not a chance!" I laughed. "That stuff might bleach me through! I'll be transparent by the end of today!" I said. Marcus and I laughed. The rest of the way to Geneva was boring, but then again, when are road trips not boring? We arrived there at sunset, there were 20 or so people in the room rushing about this way and that, all very young looking, nobody was older than 24 in that room. Marcus led me down to sit at a table next to a boy around my age, maybe a slight bit younger, with a dreadfully old-fashioned blonde haircut and tired eyes. "Vash, where is everyone?" Marcus asked. "You're early, we've still got about 300 to still arrive. And that's not even including the new ones. Speaking of which," Vash nodded to me. "Is this the little twerp everyone has been fussing about lately?" He asked Marcus. I stood up. "Fussing? How much fuss? Who are you? I'm Prussia, but I guess we're family, so to you I'm Giselbert! Hey, I'm taller than you, what right do you have to call me a twerp?" I blabbed. Marcus grabbed my shoulder and pulled me behind him. "Well, you heard him, Switzerland." He smiled and winked at me. Vash rolled his eyes. "Oh great, another chatty goat." "Just be glad he's my problem and not yours then." Marcus chuckled and led me off. "Oh, Marcus, hold on for a moment!" Vash called. Marcus stopped. "Is there a problem?" He asked in a sing-song like voice. "You're not usually that loud." He blinked. "Earlier today, Rodrich informed me that you know who will not be attending the council tonight." Vash said. "He's off making battle plans or drinking high end wines, or whatever the rich do in their free time during war, I guess." He scoffed. "Ugh, typical." Marcus groaned. "Why that really puts a thorn in our plan, doesn't it, Giselbert!" He turned to me. "Who's not coming?" I asked. "Luther," Vash said with a hiss to his voice. "The Holy Roman Empire himself, not coming to a council meeting." Marcus let out a long sigh. "I was really hoping today he would finally grow a pair and show up but no, he's probably eating grapes in Venice as we speak." Marcus rolled his eyes. "He's probably just tired from the war! He's been fighting hard right? I hear the Swedes are relentless!" I said, unknowingly trying to defend a man I had never met. "Fighting? Luther? Why, child! Are you sick with the plague?" Vash and Marcus both laughed. "He couldn't be bothered!" Vash exclaimed. "He couldn't even if he wanted to! Have you seen him recently? One of the oldest ones here yet he barely looks 8!" Marcus roared. I blinked. "I was fighting on horseback when I was that age!" I said. Vash nodded, "Yes, lots of us here did the same. Luther is just entitled to do as he pleases, I guess." He shrugged. Slowly, more people began trickling through the doors of the meeting hall. I started seeing people who all wore something different. Some were more decorated than others, they came in different styles of outfits, they spoke with different dialects, it was all very intriguing to me. Marcus was being called to talk to people left and right, while I took advantage and wandered off to to do my own observations of people before being formally introduced. I heard the sound of a crying baby, and an older woman trying to shush it. I went over to them and peered down at the thing without the lady even noticing. I stuck my tongue out at the child and waved my fingers. The baby squirmed and stopped crying. It gave a little gurgle of a laugh. And I smiled. The lady looked up from the child and flinched when she saw me staring wide-eyed silently at the baby. The kid began to cry again at the sudden movement. It was becoming obvious to me that the child wasn't hers. Rushed scuffing footsteps came from behind me and shoved me out of the way. I knew by the orange on his outfit that this guy, a boy at the time, was the Netherlands, Republic of the Netherlands, because he wanted to be fancy. Dutch is a strange language, very close to German, yet more bubbly I find. The first time I met Tim I didn't know how to feel about him, he was an asshole, in a sense, but maybe it was just stress. The kid was involved in 2 different wars at the time, and had just started setting sail for North America, on top of all that, recent separation of the Royal Netherlands from the rest of it meant that now, he had a little sister to fuss over. I kinda felt bad for the guy, everyone was taking shots at him because of the whole republic thing, and now he has a sister to worry about too? It must've been rough. He didn't wanna deal with me at the time, I get it. He whispered to his tag along servant and pointed an accusing finger at me. "Wie is dat!?" He grumbled. I blinked and turned my head away like I didn't know he was talking about me and I walked away. I observed more, then the area I found myself in became more condensed and colorful. These guys were older, richer, more powerful than I could even dream of at the time. And the downside of that was that they were all literate enough to know damn well who I was. Cold eyes followed me as I walked through the crowd. Some smirked and tried to trip me, others began paying their bets. "I told you he was as white as snow," one said. "I knew his eyes were like blood," Another whispered. I began to feel like a rat in the middle of a pack of cats. "Hey, you." One man called. I looked up at him. He was much older than most of us there, 24, give or take. He had a chiseled face and a tight mouth, his hair was parted in a similar style to mine aside from one long braid tied pushed back behind his ear. His eyes were icy blue, almost grey, the drilled right into my head like bolts. He held reading spectacles up against his nose with a silver rod, and he pulled them away from his face when he bent over to talk to me. And yes, he was so fucking tall that he actually had to bend over. "H.. hello there." I stammered. "I know who you are." He said. I gulped. My palms started to feel clammy and I got a sick feeling in my stomach. "Sorry, I uh.. I don't really know who you are." I tugged on my collar. He nodded. Then there was a pause. I could feel everyone's breath on me. Then the man spoke again. "I am Sweden." He said. I nodded. My mind began to spin and my mouth became dry. It was kinda like meeting a celebrity, but so, so unthinkably worse. He held out his hand for me to shake. The back of my mind was telling me to run, but my politeness and ego boosted me to shake his hand, as mediocre as it was, I still did it. And yes, I felt a nasty film cover my soul as I did it. Nowadays, I don't have a problem with Berwald, back then though, he was a real pain in the ass to me and Marcus. And, he was just downright terrifying, to be dead honest. We were kids, Waldo was a big stiff adult. "Now you know who I am." He said. I nodded again. "I would like to discuss distribution of land with you, if you're not busy already," Sweden said. I opened my mouth, but I could not speak. He wanted to do political and economic business with me? I didn't know jack shit about that! I mumbled feeble words to myself. Sweden waited for an answer, he still had my hand in his grasp. He kept staring at me, intently. People began whispering all around us, snickering at my unaccustomed greeting. I wanted to pull away and go back with the lesser known guys, where I belonged for once but I couldn't. Then, I felt a sharp tug on my shoulder and I saw Marcus behind me, staring Sweden down with a sickening amount of fury. "Really, Berwald? Trying to get at me through the kid? Do you have no value?" Marcus got tight-lipped Really quickly. Sweden's expression did not change. "I was simply asking him if he wanted to discuss, nothing about you." He said. Marcus forced a sarcastic laugh. "Oh yeah sure a discussion with a child about how much of Pomerania he's gonna let you mooch off me at his first council meeting! As if! You keep your boys off us until the end of this goddamn war and then maybe we'll talk! Now though, you can keep your land snatching little fingers to your own damn side, or better yet, why don't you just stick to taking the other side's land, instead of messing up the lives of people who actually keep to their own businesses? Now, doesn't that sound pleasant?" Marcus held his chin up high, he looked much taller that way, more defiant. He smiled a tight grin and grabbed my wrist away from Sweden's hand, briskly pulling me away from the inner circle of top dogs. "Don't you ever talk to him unless I say, got it!?" Marcus snapped at me. I nodded, still shaken. "You understand why don't you? He's trying to manipulate you!" He said. I nodded again. "Good, I'm glad we're on the same page." Marcus sighed. The rest of the the time, Marcus stuck to my side like a vulture on carrion. He began formally pointing people out to me, acknowledging my curiosity. I began hearing a dog barking, and without warning, I was slammed into by a slobbering Munich Bullenbeisser, they don't even have those things around anymore, they've been replaced by those breeding messes called Boxers, which are actually just a wimpy crossbreed of a Bullenbeisser and an English bulldog, but hey, all dogs go to heaven right? Even the crazy guy who was biting at my hands. I had to hold my arms up in the air, man that thing could jump. It just kept leaping at me. I heard a whistle from where the dog came from. "Hirschbock! Come 'er boy!" He whistled again. An older teen came running around the corner and pulled the dog away from me, he struggled a bit. "Sorry! I found him this morning! He's really a sweetie I swear! He just smelled the food and-" the older kid looked up at me and stopped mid-sentence. "Well, I'll be damned." He blinked. His hair was light blonde, pulled back in an attempt to be neat, but of course it stuck up in the front a bit. He had big wide cerulean eyes, and his dialect was strange, definitely not northern. "Shit, Sandy, you really did bring Swamp-Ass along, didn't ya!?" The boy glanced to Marcus. "And that's Bavaria." Marcus said, gesturing down to him. He completely ignored what Bavaria had said to him. "Nice to meet you, and your dog." I giggled. Bavaria stood up and assessed me. Then he put one of his hands behind his back and held the other out for me to shake. His smile was sick and patronizing, and he held out the wrong hand on purpose so I would fuck up. "A pleasure it is to meet you as well!" He said, I saw more gum than teeth in his grin. I shook his hand and almost on queue, Hirschbock ran off again. Before chasing after him again, Bavaria pressed up against me and whispered into my ear, "Saupreiß, you pig-demon. Simply a pleasure." He hissed with cruel laughter and skipped away. I wasn't smiling anymore. The incident with Sweden, and now Bavaria, my excited tone earlier was demolished. The meeting was starting soon. Marcus sat me at a table in the second row near the right, facing a large podium. Marcus sat next to me, hands folded on the table. He gazed around and then looked back at me. "Everything alright? You seem paler than usual," Marcus whispered. I nodded and offered a smile. "Yes, just a bit anxious," I said. Marcus nodded and turned his attention to the podium. "Look," he said,"It's starting."

The Netherlands was the first one to speak, he talked about how his trading was going excellent, and about how his economy rivaled that of Venice. He also went on a bit and spoke about his plans for making settlements n North America, a few people clapped politely as he finished. I heard angered muttering coming from a nearby table, "Sus madre es un maricón," they grumbled. I turned around and saw the crowded table of more-important nations, chit-chatting over everyone else. It made me a bit mad, but I wasn't entitled to complain yet, I hadn't earned their status. I recognized Spain, I'd seen a painting of him before while on a religious retreat in Venice, I saw portraits of lots of important nations, but I did not see Venice themself. A mysterious one, they were. I asked Marcus why Spain was here, it confused me. He said it was because he was a Habsburg, he was married to Austria of all people. I'd seen that guys painting before too, I began looking frantically around the room for any sign of that hair, or that tight mouth wearing too much makeup and opera spectacles. Thinking back now, I realize that Bavaria and Austria had always shared a strikingly similar haircut to each other, even nowadays they have that same fucking cowlick I'd so like to pluck right off their skulls. I kept my eyes searching, and it wasn't long before he stepped up to the podium himself. My eyes widened when I saw him. He was wearing a brilliant purple top and the frills on his collar stuck out like he was a peacock. I had never seen someone in that color firsthand, maybe blue in paintings, but those were always faded and grey, this was purple! And he was wearing it! Not even my duke or duchess wore purple! The audacity! Apparently I wasn't the only surprised one though, lots of people began to mumble and question, "Who does this guy think he is?" I looked to Marcus for compensation. He rolled his eyes. "Big shot," he said. "Rodrich thinks he's so much better than all of us because he's the favorite child and, he's got the money. It's bullshit!" Marcus grumbled. I looked back over at Rodrich. I didn't really give a crap what he was saying, I realized my turn to speak was coming up. A weight dropped in my stomach. "Marcus," I said. He turned his head back to me. "Goodness, you really are pale! Are you sure you're feeling alright?" He asked, his hand was firm on my shoulder. "When do I go up?" I mumbled. "After he's done." Marcus said. "Don't be nervous, it's not you, remember!" He smiled. I nodded. I wasn't really sure who it could've been if it wasn't me, but whoever they were, I'd like to have a few stern words with, maybe throw some hands. "What do I say though?" I asked. "You know, what we were discussing on the way over." Marcus answered. I sighed, "Alright." I waited more for Rodrich to finish with my hands folded together and clicking my heels together and on to the marble floor. I wanted to get it over with, as soon as I felt like his speech was nearing the end I began to stand a bit. I don't know why, it wasn't like I was being rushed or anything. I just wanted to be ready. Marcus patted my back and I knew it was time. I gulped. Someone introduced us, introduced me, and I stood up and made my way to the podium. I cleared my throat and collected my thoughts for a moment. Then I spoke, "Ah, I suppose I should start by saying hello..." I gave a nervous chuckle. The sea of people was all blurry, I guess it was a good thing, it was kinda like talking to myself then, right? "Now, today is actually the first time I've been to one of these things, but I'm quickly learning how something like this works, and I know now that the tension here isn't only Becca of this ongoing war we are all faced with today." I went on. I heard a low mumble within the group of older nations and then a small burst of laughter drifted through them. I cleared my throat again and continued to speak. "As you all know, this war is all about.. eehm.." I stopped to think. "This war is being fought for one reason! And that is because we, as a continent, are moving into a time where technology is becoming renewed, and more and more people are being enlightened with things that are not considered traditional according to the Pope." I nodded. "This, however, should not mean that we should fight against the changing time..." I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to picture what I was going to say next. "I started off long ago as a knight of the Teutonic Order. Nowadays, my state is Protestant. I am still as much of a holy man as I was back then, in a way I might even say more so. In this war, my brother, Brandenburg and I will remain neutral, to prove that it doesn't matter if you are Catholic, or Protestant, you may still be a holy man, and you may still be at peace with your sibling." I paused again. "Peace? I thought you just said you were a knight!" Someone called out. It was Bavaria. It was like there was a spotlight on him, even if the concept of a light bulb hadn't even been fathomed at the time. He stood there with a smug grin on his face. "Yes, but if you listened I mentioned that nowadays I am Protestant." I said, I gripped the ends of the podium and my knuckles turned red. I took a gulp. "So you're saying that you left the church then? You betrayed the church? Renounced your knighthood? Said, 'to hell with it! Follow Martin Luther, it's much easier that way!' so you could get a free ticket to heaven?" Bavaria called. "Oh you lazy piglet! It doesn't work that way, sorry to break it to you," he shrugged. I frowned. " Do not accuse me of betrayal! I'm the one neutral in this war and not attacking my own family!" I countered. Bavaria laughed. "Family? I don't share blood with any Protestant pigs, especially if they admit they're related to this demon boy!" He gestured a hand to me. Someone else stood up and began to cuss at him, then someone besides that stood in defense of Bravaria. And then before you knew it, the whole room was chaos! I couldn't even hear my own voice, and I was yelling just as loud as everyone else. I could hear Marcus's voice through the crowd though. "Alright! Alright! Just settle down!" He had to pull people away from each other before things got voilent. I wanted to throw up. It was a mess. Sweden stood up and a few people around him sat back down and pretended like nothing even happened. Then he spoke, and the room went silent. It amazed me how much respect everyone had for this man, no matter what side they were on. "Let the boy speak." He said, nothing above an announcement. Everything stopped dead in it's tracks. I blinked. "Oh, thank you." I said. "Now, as I was saying-" and then I was cut off again. Bavaria then shrieked, "PIG-DEMONS SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO SPEAK AT SUCH A HOLY MEETING! THIS BOY IS A DEVIL! GET HIM OFF THE STAGE!" he screamed. I bit the inside of my lip. "LOOK AT HIS EYES! RED AS BLOOD! HE'S A DEMON! A PIG! THE PROTESTANTS BRING THIS DEVIL TO SPEAK TO US AND EXPECT US TO FEEL PITY! GET RID OF HIM!" Bravaria just kept yelling his head off, unrelenting. I opened my mouth to retaliate when Marcus ran up to the podium and grabbed my arm, pulling me away. I glared back at Bavaria for a moment, "YOU LIAR!" I called. Marcus told me to shut up and keep walking. We sat down again and he forced me to not even look at the new commotion behind me. I was grinding my teeth and cursing under my breath. "That Agustus, he's not right in the head, Giselbert, not right." Marcus whispered to me. I didn't even look at him. I was scratching at the table and glaring off into space. "Don't let it get to you. He wants you to lash out at him, he wants to make you look bad. Don't let him!" He rubbed my shoulder. I took a deep breath. "HE'S FILTHY! HE ROLLS AROUND IN MUD ALL DAY! AND HE SQUEALS AND HE BITES IF YOU GET TO CLOSE! LISTEN TO HIM! WATCH HIM SNARL!" Bavarias voice rang out and echoed through the high ceilings in the hall. Marcus kept telling me how he was just bullshitting though. I was pissed. People began walking past my chair and hitting the back of it on purpose. Eventually, they had to shut Bavaria up. It was dinner time. After that catastrophe, most people would be famished. Not me though. My appetite was gone. I started blankly at my plate of food. Nobody dared sit at my table but Marcus. My nose and eyes felt hot. Every now and then I wiped a tear out of my eye before anyone could see. Marcus knew damn well what was going on. He wouldn't let anyone talk to me. Every now and then he'd tell me to brush it off and eat something, I think he knew it was a lost cause though. I wasn't eating. I wasn't speaking. I wanted to go home. It was funny, one day it was the greatest day of my life, and then that one might've been a contender for one of the worst, until that point at least. And then something happened. It just set me off. Bavaria walked over to me, causally, while Marcus was speaking to someone else. He held his plate over mine and began to empty his food scraps on to my plate. "Oink oink." He said, smugly. He made the mistake of standing there for a while, just so proud of what he had done. I just nodded at this point. I stood up slowly. I punched that son of a bitch. Right in the face. The room went deathly silent. All eyes were on us. Bavaria gasped and put his hand up to his eye. "You monster!" He said, hiding a smirk. I screamed and pinned him down against the table and I held down his neck so he couldn't speak. I grabbed a steak knife that was sitting next to my plate and raised it above my head, ready to bring it down on him. Tears we're streaming from my eyes and I was screamning at the top of my lungs. People saw the knife and tried pulling me off of him but I didn't let them. A hand went over my mouth in an attempt to pull my head back but I just bit down on it. They pulled away from me really quickly. Marcus grabbed my hand with the knife and held it in the air, fighting against me like some kind of sick arm-wrestling match. He told me to stop. He yelled at me, he begged, but I was livid. I screamed back at him and I told him to get away from me. He didn't listen. I stomped down hard on his toe with my heel and his grip loosened, I pulled my hand down and narrowly missed Agustus's head by a milimeter. His eyes darted to the left and fixed on the blade, I cried and swore as I pried that thing back out of the table and I was about to strike again when I was picked up by the collar of my shirt like I was a kitten. I writhed around and swung the knife like a madman until my hand was caught and the knife was forcefully out of my grasp and an inch deep in the table. Agustus stood up and rubbed his throat, Rodrich ran over to his side and began speaking to him in hushed voices, Agustus would point at me every once in a while like Rodrich didn't know what happened. That was a long shot though, everyone knew exactly what happened. "This boy is wild." It was Sweden. He held me up and away from him like I was a rag doll. "He's very light weight as well." He said. I kept squirming. "Are you sure you are suitable to raise him, Marcus?" Sweden asked. I gasped, and the tears just kept rolling. "Yes, I am, thank you, Berwald. You can put him down now." Marcus said. His voice was low. His face was grim. His eyes were dark. He didn't look at me. Sweden still held me in the air. I went limp. "He's uncivilized!" Someone called. "He doesn't even know how to properly handshake!" Another said. "He bit me!" Rodrich held up his hand, yes, there was a bright red ring around his palm encircling his pinky finger. People gasped. "He almost killed me!" Bavaria called out, I knew he wasn't actually upset. He was a damn good actor though. "You can't expect us to let him stay here can you, Marcus?" Someone cried. "Him? Of course not! I thought that was never the plan in the first place!" Someone else laughed. I looked down at the floor. "He's not welcome here." Rodrich said. "No demons allowed!" Bavaria called. Someone else repeated it. And then another, and another, and another, and another untill almost thw whole room said it unanimously. "This is the council of the Holy Roman Empire." Rodrich said. "We cannot allow this boy to come back, demon or not." He said. I bit down on my lips and closed my eyes tightly. Marcus didn't answer. I opened them back up again and looked over at him. His face was devoid of emotion, he looked like a dead man. "Fine." He muttered. "Fine," he said again. "Some empire you all are anyways," He said. His voice was like poison. "I pray God has mercy on your souls." Rodrich said. "Tell him to fuck off from us and actually do something important then, if you're such a holy man, Edelstein." He pushed past Rodrich and left the hall. Sweden finally let me down. He walked me outside, his large, cold and stoney footsteps sounded erie next to mine. He stopped and attempted to apologise. I shook my head and walked away by myself. I found Marcus standing in front of the coach. We were leaving now. His makeup was smeared and he looked at me with disappointment and anger. I tried avoiding his eyes. He told me to look him in the face. I did. He slapped me. I didn't say anything. He told me to get on the coach. I listened to him. We didn't speak for the entire trip. We got back another day later. I still hadn't spoken to Marcus. The sun was beginning to set. I got out of the coach, and without warning, I began to run. I just bolted off. I took off those dumb shoes, ruined that stupid collar, and I ran. My feet were muddy and it was getting kid of cold out. I found myself sitting at the foot of a tree, near the heart of a forest. I sat back and listened to things moving around, but I kept a watchful eye on anything that might've been suspicious. I stretched my feet out in front of me and my arms up above me. And I began to cry again. Lightly.. lightly, it wasn't anything major. That was all over with. This was all my fault though. I knew it. It was a fact. I cried because I knew it. And there was nothing I could do. I watched the birds fly above me for a while, I got lost in thought. Then they flew away. I got worried for a bit, maybe it was a wolf! I would be screwed! I stood up. There was a rustling sound in the bushes. I tensed. "Giselbert?" Where are you?!?" It was Marcus. He was looking for me. I sighed. "I'm over here." I said, my voice was hoarse. "Hm?!" Marcus peered in on me through a shrub. "There you are!" He said. I sat back down again. "Why did you just run off like that!" Marcus asked. "Why, were you worried?" I asked. "Not necessarily." Marcus said. "Only concerned." He sat down next to me. "What did you do to your outfit!?" He said, tugging at a broken seam on my collar. "You can't run very well in party clothes." I said, offering a pitiful, cheeky smile. "Damn." Marcus said. "I'm sorry." I said, after a bit. "Not about the clothes." I added. "About the meeting." I fumbled with my fingers. "I know," Marcus said "He had it coming for him from miles away." He shrugged. "It's alright. We'll find a loophole somehow." He smiled. "I always do." He nudged my shoulder. I chuckled. "Say, you never really told me about your adventures in knighthood." He said. I laughed. "Adventures?" I repeated. "Yes! I've always been interested in that sort of thing!" He laughed back. "Well, for one there was a lot of traveling. Which means there was lots of sitting around in places like this." I said. "Oh, do you want to see something cool?" I asked. Marcus nodded. "Sure!" He said. I stood up. "Great! Come, follow me!" I walked off into the thicket. "Wait, Marcus?" I looked back. "Yes?" He said. "Are there any bears in this part of the country?" I asked. "Say the capital name to yourself really slowly and maybe you'll find your answer." He said. I furrowed my eyebrows. "Berlin? Beeeerrrrliiiiiin. Berlin! Ber-lin.... BER- LIN!" I blinked. Marcus nodded with a grin. "That means we should leave before they come out then, right?" He said. I laughed. "Maybe, if you're too scared." I snickered. "Me? Scared of a bear? You humour me, little brother." Marcus walked up next to me and crossed his arms. "I've seen worse." He said. "And I've seen worse than that, smith-boy!" I smirked. "We're going to kill the thing, with nothing but the environment around us and our instincts!" I announced. Marcus blinked. "You're daft." He said. "You're a pussy!" I poked his stomach. "Come on, it'll be fun!" I said. "Fine." Marcus said. "And I'm not a pussy, by the way." He added, as we started walking. "Take your shoes off." I said. "Why?" Marcus asked. "You can't run in pumps," I said. Marcus groaned and took off his shoes. Leaving them in a pile of mud. "Damn, those were my favorite pair!" He said. "Oh well." I shrugged. We kept walking, until Marcus spotted a pile of shit under a bush, like, and actual pile of shit. I smiled. "Shhhh... We're close." I whispered. We kept going, Marcus stayed behind me, our footsteps so soft that we could have been walking on air, we saw her. A big fat grizzly, asleep right there in her den. I ducked into a bush and pulled Marcus down with me. "She can probably smell us now," I said. "They're good at that, plus, people just love pounding on the perfume nowadays!" I whispered. The bare moved. Her nose twitched. I looked at Marcus. "I need branches and rocks." I said. He nodded. He got my materials together. "What now? He asked. "You're a good craftsman right? Help me make spears and stuff of that sort, right?" I said, sharpening a branch on a stone. Marcus nodded and began doing the same thing. I was done before him but his weapons looked nicer than mine. "Now what?" He asked. "Can you run fast, Marcus?" I asked. He nodded. "As fast as it takes for alcohol to set on fire," He said. "Good," I smiled. "You can be my bear bait. "  
Marcus blinked. "You're kidding," he said. I shook my head. "Not in the slightest." I smiled, innocently. "No way!" He frowned. "Absolutely not, " he turned his head. "Fine, how about I run, and you kill the bear then?" I asked. Marcus paused for a bit then turned back to me. "You know, on second thought I like your first idea better." He said. I nodded. "Alright then, I'll go get in position, and you wait here until I give the signal," I said. "What do I do then?" Marcus asked. "Act like an idiot until she wakes up, then run and hope she's too drowsy to eat you." I laughed. Marcus sighed and shook his head. "Alright, what's the worst that could happen?" He said. I nodded and moved closer to the bear's den. I had a few sharpened branches in my hand, and I left Marcus the rocks in case he needed to throw something. I began hearing rustling from inside the den. Turning my attention back to Marcus, I gave a nod. He took a deep breath and stepped out in front of the den. He took one of his rocks and threw it at the sleeping bear. It hit her right in the nose. The bear woke up and Marcus tensed. "Go!" I shouted at him. The bear turned and looked at me. I slipped, and the branch I was holding dropped out of my hand. The bear came closer to me. I swore and scrambled to get my hands on another one on oue makeshift weaponry. Then, Marcus hollered at the bear. He taunted her, and threw another rock at her. The bear turned around on her hind legs and let out a deep growl. Marcus threw another rock and it hit her in the middle of the forehead. He smiled, and realising this was probably his only chance to get away, he started running. I smiled and got to my feet, chasing close behind the bear as she huffed and puffed after him. Every time I though I was catching up, the bear would move faster and I would end up slipping in mud. Marcus screamed, he wasn't scared though, he was exhilarated, the bear roared. I realized we'd been running around in circles for a while. Marcus called out to me, "HOW MUCH LOGER DO YOU THINK I CAN KEEP THIS UP FOR?" He shouted. I yelled back. "I'M TRYING! WE NEED TO CORNER HER SOMEHOW!" I said. Marcus answered with a brisk ok and I realized that he had taken a different turn. The bushes and shrubs were more dense here, it wasn't only me who was stumbling a bit. Then I fell. I had already fallen while running this same trip, but when I stood back up again, Marcus, and the bear, were gone! I dusted my knees off and looked around. "Shit." I mumbled. I heard Marcus scream again and began to run in that direction. "Shit!" I called out again. Then it went quiet again. It was dark out now, I had to be extra careful of anything nocturnal waking up. An owl screeched at me from a nearby tree. I gave it the finger, or at least the 1600s equivalent. "Marcus!?" I called. No answer. I walked a bit more. Mud squished between my toes. The feeling of those fucking stockings in mud sucked, but hey it was better than the heels. I called again, "Marcus, if you're dead you could've at least killed the bear first!" I called. There was a rustle in the shrubs. I tensed and gripped my sharpened branches in my hands. There was a sharp groaning noise that came from the same direction as the movement. I held in my breath. The next thing I knew I was tackled to the ground, kicking my feet up in the air and screamning bloody murder. "Got you, you little brat!" Marcus cackled and held down my hands. "Oh hi, Marcus! Didn't see you there!" I caught my breath. "Where's mama bear?" I asked. Marcus stood up off of me and gestured back towards to where he had jumped out at me. "I killed her I think, I took a big rock to her head. She fell over cold," he shrugged. I stood up and went to go investigate. Yep, there she was, hunched over next to a fallen tree. I took a step closer. I noticed the blood trickling from her forehead, coloring the brownish yellow fur around her muzzle reddish purple, like a raddish. I made the mistake of putting my hand a bit closer to her nose to check if she was still breathing. The bear opened her dark hands and snapped at my hand, only missing by a hair. I yelped and Marcus pulled me back by my shoulders. I scrambled up and stalked away from the bear cautiously, still facing her. I realized the branches we were using were now caught under the weight of her front legs. I heard a jarring snap and my heart dropped. Now, we were unarmed. The bear let out a deep gurgling growl and came closer to us. Her broken and bloodied teeth all exposed in a snarl. Marcus slapped my back, "Run," he whispered. "Run! Go! Go! Run!" He shouted. The bear lunged at us, but we bolted. She was close on our heels, but we kept going. I screamed, Marcus screamed, it was fun. I mean, if you usually find being chased by wild animals in the middle of the night while barefoot and wearing the most uncomfortable clothes imaginable fun, that is. Marcus kept grabbing me whenever I slipped, he pulled me up and pushed me in front of him, I think he was noticing more things in front of us than I did, it was kinda like I had tunnel vision. I could practically feel the bear's breath on my neck, I heard her footsteps, like the banging of a execution drum, right behind us. It made me shudder, but it pushed me forward. It had gotten rather chilly out, but I was sweating a waterfall. Marcus's ponytail had become undone, and his hair was whipping across his face and stuck in his mouth and he looked like an actual person for the first time I had actually seen and not a pride-obsessed suave political man that wore poisonous makeup that I had usually known him as. He looked younger, more around my age. He smiled. I laughed and ran ahead of him with my arms up in the air. "I'll make it out before you, Marcus!" I yelled. He laughed in remark, "Sure you will, in five billion years!" He shouted and ran ahead of me. I screamed and tried speeding up again. My legs hurt. We kept on running and screamning and laughing until we finally reached the end of the forest. I saw the lamp lights from inside the mannor glow that hasey orange and I screamed again. I fling myself forward even farther away from the forest and rolled over my head on to my back over a nearby hill. Marcus did the same. We were laying on our backs now, next to each other, I'll never forget what that sky looked like at the time, you could get a clear shot of Ursa Major and all the stars surroding her. I laughed. Marcus laughed too. I couldn't move. Marcus finally heaved himself up and looked out from over the hill, the bear was gone, it had given up on us and gone back to it's den. I laughed again, it was very airy laughed, that's all I could seem to do at the moment, I was so exhausted. My feet felt like they were on fire, I could barely even feel them though. Marcus sighed and brushed his hair back. "You know what, Giselbert?" He asked, I let out that airy laugh again. "Not to sound rude or anything, but personally, I'm not that find of your name," Marcus was still out of breath. He had to take a pause every couple of words. "Why?" I breathed. "B'cause! It's old fashioned!" Marcus coughed and wheezed. I raised an eyebrow at him. "You should change it!" He said, "It doesn't have to be that big of a change, it could just be a few letters maybe." He suggested. I hummed to myself. "How about... How about Gilbert, huh? It sounds nice." Marcus cracked a smile. I thought for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, that does sound pretty nice. Not as hard to pronounce either." I said. Marcus laughed. "Well then, I christen thee as Gilbert Beilschmidt the stinky and stupid!" He scooped up a lump of dirt from the ground and threw it at my face. It landed with a plop right on my forehead. I laughed. "You're Marcus Beilschmidt the total asshole!" I cackled. Marcus copied my tone, "We're two of a kind, boy! Holy Roman Empire or not!" He put his hands on his waist and smiled wide. We went inside and went to bed that night, dead tired.   
I'll never forget it. Really I won't, because so much happened in those few days, and it changed my life forever. The war wasn't kind though. Marcus's condition got worse and worse at time went on, the Swedish were advancing fast, I eventually did end up being sent to go live with Berwald even after Marcus's apparent despising of the man. I was furious. When I came back though, Marcus was more or less healed and he brought something else to my attention. He wanted to make me a kingdom. I agreed to it, and we both worked diligently towards it until January 18th, 1701. That day was a big one. Marcus had found a loophole, just like he said he would. Later on, it proved to more or less be his undoing. In 1809, Brandenburg was dissolved. I began seeing less and less of Marcus. Even when I had ludwig to take care of, he was rarely around. Soon after 1871, Marcus left for good. I haven't seen him since. My head hurts when I think about it, how close we were, and how that all just fell apart. But really? What can I do now? It's been more than a century, still, there is no sign of him. Ludwig and I have presumed him dead for a long time now, that can't be helped. Time Will go on, you know? The past was in the past, yes we had fun, but now is now, hell, maybe he would hate me if he met me now, maybe I would hate him. Nobody could say. I'm different from what I was back then, entirely different. He made me that way, I'm pretty sure. Who knows if it's good or if it's bad? I can't be sure. One thing is certain though, no matter how hard I might try, I will not forget Marcus Beilschmidt.

Now, at this point in time, my morning happens to begin with me waking up next to Y/N, in a queen sizes bed, happily cozy in our new apartment. We actually did it. We were moved, and we lived together now. It was bittersweet. I had been both looking forward to it and dreading it myself, happy that I get to move on from the basement, and upset about everything I might've left behind. It wasn't too bad though. I felt rejuvenated whenever I could wake up, without being cramped, laying down right next to her while she slept like a goddess in clean sheets. The place didn't smell like mothballs and dog hair and mildew, it was strange, but I enjoyed the change. It was always terribly bright in the mornings however, so Y/N picked out some curtains and blinds for the windows and glass door balcony, I helped with the window boxes. Our appointment was pretty cute, albeit a bit empty for the time being. We would dance in the kitchen, in the living room, in the bedroom, take showers together, lie on the carpet and just talk to each other for hours like we used to, and she didn't have to leave. It had been an entire month. I still kept in close contact with Ludwig, of course, he was going to be the best man at my wedding! God, I'd never even considered that I would one day even think about muttering that sentence, but yes, it was true. I was going to get married. The date was June 9th. The day before. We headed down to Sansscoussi palace for the rehearsal.   
I checked my phone, I had a lot of messages from an unknown number, it all was pretty specific sounding, asking what time the party was or something. It wasn't Gunther, I had his number already, but it was from the Potsdam area code. I texted back, "Wrong number."   
There was an apology, and then nothing else. I shrugged it off. Y/N gave me a kiss, and we went.


	19. Your Timing is Absolutely the Worst

Y/N and I held hands while driving, her skin was soft to the touch, her eyes gentle and loving. She was so beautiful, lately she had been getting all dolled up in preparation for the wedding. Her friends showed up, they went to all these fancy spas and got their nails done and their legs waxed or whatever laidies do at spas. Her hair was fixed up neat and tidy, she had gotten that done professionally too. I also had some pampering done myself, I had my eyebrows shaped, I got some nice toning and conditioning done, they put me on this new diet so I could beef up a bit more, I felt good, healthy, hot, you know. So did she. We were having a lot more sex than usual, though I think that was just because of our inflated self esteem at the time. Who could really blame us though, we were in love, we were dead sexy, our wedding was in a day. It was fun! Everything was wonderful. I was really on a happy streak that whole week, I was just so damn cheerful and relaxed, suprisingly. Even though since that incident back in April Y/N's parents had begun to hate me a substantial percentage more every day, I was still carefree. I had a smile on my face as Y/N and I stepped into Sansscoussi palace, which had been closed and cleared out from the public for the week, in preparation for the wedding. We had been there before of course, but every time I found myself telling the same stories of when Fritz was still around. About how he taught me how to play the flute, about his dogs, and his nephew, and the parties, they were good times. We went into the ball room, Gunther was there, messing around with some speakers. I squeezed Y/N's hand and went over to him. "Say, we aren't late are we?" I asked. Gunther looked up and his yellow-toothed grin was made out to be more nasty compared to the beauty of Sansscoussi. It was a nice smile though, very sincere. "Aha! I knew you'd be showing up any second!" He said, standing up and brushing off his tattered jeans. "Oh, hello Y/N, looking nice as usual." He shook her hand. I snickered, Gunther's accent was worse than mine by a long shot, he wasn't very good with English. "Thank you." Y/N smiled. "What are you doing there anyway Gummy?" I asked. "Setting up a sound system." He said, getting back to work. "Ah, you're good with that sound shit now right, radios and all." I nodded. "Yup." Gunther croaked. "What uh... What songs are you planning on playing?" I asked, I wanted things to be perfect you know? But I didn't want to seem like a dick about it, he was doing this as a favor, I didn't even ask. "Ah, you know! All our favorites! Mein Weg, Ata Fit Spee, Vogelfrei, all of that stuff." Gunther smiled and nodded. "Oh yeah!" I chuckled. "But you know, thinking over it all, aren't the lyrics kind of depressing for a wedding?" I asked. Gunther blinked. "Well-" he said. "It's not a funeral, you know!" I laughed. "Ata Fit Spee will still work though, that is if Y/N is ok with it if course." I glanced back at her. She shrugged. "He just wants to know if it's ok if there's some louder stuff playing." I recapped, her German wasn't that good either, she was learning quick though. I just had to speak a bit slower. She shrugged. "Sure I guess." She mumbled. "Oh, liebste you don't want to?" I asked, quieter to her than I talk to anyone else. She smiled. "No I didn't say that! I'm just a bit nervous. It's cool by me if you wanna listen to your music," She said. I nodded. "Hear that Gummy? She's on board!" I laughed. "Great!" Gunther nodded. I smiled. "Has anyone else showed up yet?" I asked. "Your brother is off doing something, strange guy." He glanced at me. Back when Gunther and I were first friends, in the GDR, I had never told him about Ludwig, or any of my family for that matter. I wanted to distance myself. Now though, he found out with all this planning. He was surprised, how could there be two immortal beings in this world? Boy, it's a good thing I don't have many friends. I shrugged and glanced at Y/N, "I guess we're going on a manhunt then!" I grinned. "Last time I saw him he was in the west corridor." Gunther called, as Y/N and I stepped out of the room.

"Ludwig!" I called down the hall, Y/N following close behind me, marvelling at the interior. "You like, used to live here Gilbert?" She asked. I smiled and nodded. "Yep!" I said. "It was only for a little while though. I've always loved this place, it brings back memories you know." I sighed. The air tasted ancient, but so familiar. "Ludwig! Come out come out wherever you are!" I called again. "You really are something else, Gilbert. It baffles my mind.." Y/N mumbled. "Huh?" I asked. "I just, I dunno. It's crazy to me, still, you're older than my grandmother, but you still look like you're 30 tops. And I don't wanna be rude you know, because I love you, and I think it's really amazing, that you're here, and you actually like, care about me and stuff..." She said. I stopped walking. "Hey... Are you having second thoughts about this?" I asked, softly. She shook her head. "No. I've just been thinking about stuff, that's all." She shrugged. "Oh, so like stuff about how I'm a cradle robber disguised as a sexy albino fuckhead, is that right?" I laughed. She shook her head, "No, more stuff than that." She sighed. "I've just been wondering about the future and stuff. What's it gonna be like for me and you tomorrow and beyond. And I worry about you sometimes, you know?" She grabbed my arm and pressed against me. "I know you do. You have for the longest time. I really appreciate it." I smiled softly. "But liebste," I whispered. "You know it's not necessary.." I squeezed her hand. "Yes! Yes it is!" She said. "I know you don't realize it but I need to! Thinking about you, and how long you've been around, and how much stuff has changed since, oh, I don't even know when you were born, some time in the 1100s right? You've seen some shit, I know you have. You've told me about some of it. I worry so much about it, because I know it's probably hurting you, and you don't realize it." She said. I wanted to roll my eyes, but I knew now wasn't the time for that. "It's ok. All that stuff is over now anyways." I looked off to the end of the hall. "I have you now right? Honestly, Y/N you might be one of the greatest things to ever happen to me." I looked back at her. "I mean it." I said. She blushed a bit. "Do I help?" She asked. I smiled. "Yeah! More than you could ever dream!" I hugged her then. She giggled. "Now if only we could find that little brother of mine, I'd be set for life!" I laughed. "Where could that fucker be?" I said, running to the end of the hall and looking down the corner. "Ludwig? Hellooooooo?!" I called. The sound echoed seemingly through text entire building. "Eh, maybe I shouldn't yell here." I said, putting my hands on my hips. "Yeah, the whole palace might fall down." Y/N said. "Har har." Then, I rolled my eyes. We kept looking around for Ludwig for a while longer until I found him in Fritz's study, looking through some stuff. I told him to get out of there, he was reluctant but he understood why I asked. None of his important stuff remained in there of course, exept maybe if he had hidden things under the floorboards or in the walls or stuff like that, but still, it felt like an invasion of his privacy to just be looking through even the little stuff. Ludwig was just curious, that's all. I wasn't mad at him.

"So what's going on with you?" I asked, Ludwig shrugged, "Not much, I don't think, everything is pretty much normal at work and stuff. Everyone is asking about you of course." He said. I laughed. "As should be! It's about time I was the center of attention, huh!" Ludwig playfully rolled his eyes. "Well it's a good thing you're not stressed I suppose." He said. "Pfft. Me? Stressed? Never." I said. "Uhhh huh." Ludwig raised his eyebrows. "Yes! Things are just going so perfectly! And God, I might be jinxing it, but really I haven't felt this excited about anything in a long time!" I smiled. Ludwig smiled back. "That's good." He said. My happy streak was still in full force, and now I had Ludwig on board too, and after the next day, Y/N's parents would go back home and I wouldn't have to deal with their shit for a loooooong time, ah the feeling was great! Speaking of which, more and more people started showing up. And I mean lots of people, other nations that I didn't exactly invite but they wanted to show up anyway for free food or whatever. I didn't really give a crap you know, nobody was gonna insult me today, the fucking grim reaper could show up and I'd hand him a beer and tell him to lend a hand setting up folding chairs. Things were going well. Y/N and I had just finished rehearsing the vows, no, I didn't tear up. And then we went to go see what the deal was in the dining room, apparently someone broke a flower vase or something, no big deal. The 'big deal' came about when Gunther came up to me while I was bent over picking up glass shards from the floor and tapped my shoulder. I stood up. "Hey, what's up?" I said. "Uh.." Gunther mumbled. "There's this guy outside looking for you." He said. I raised an eyebrow. "Some guy? He didn't tell you a name?" I asked. "Nah. He said he didn't need to tell me. He said ' oh Gilbert will know, go get him'." Gunther shrugged. "I don't know man, short dude, brown hair, beard, anybody ring a bell? Or should I tell him to scram?" He teetered on his heels. "No, you know what, I'll go talk to him. You take over for me ok?" I said. Gunther nodded, "No problem."

And so, I went outside. Surely enough, a guy fitting Gunther's description was standing in front of the palace, his hands folded behind his back. He had a nice suit on, but his hair was a bit too modern for my taste. There were streaks of grey in his beard, which looked well trimmed, and taken care of. The man stood there, staring off into space like he was lost. I blinked. "Ah, hello there?" I waved. He blinked back to realize and stared dead at me for a while. "Can I help you?" I asked shaking my head a bit. "Jesus Christ, you look so... much older- ah- mature!" He shook his head and blinked again. "It's just been so long!" He chuckled. And then it hit me. That voice, mostly. Slammed me back like a train accident. I blinked. Was it a ghost? No, that couldn't be right. I could feel the blood drain from my face and my chest tightened up. That was a horrifying feeling. Maybe it actually was the grim reaper and God wanted to test my hyperbole? I exhaled softly and blinked again, just to make sure. Yeah, he was still there. "M..Marcus?" I croaked. He looked down at his shoes and sighed. "I guess it is." He said. I stood there, for a really long time, and I just stared. "You look terrible." I said. God, I'm so nice. "I know." Mark said, giving me a smile. Shit, that was the same at least. "Ah, shit sorry." I said. "It's alright." Mark said. I glanced at him and gulped. Something's didn't seem right. "What happened to me coming back from the Siege of Dresden?" I questioned, with a raised eyebrow. "Your eyes," he said. "There was an explosion and your eyes were mutilated. I had to pull splinters of wood out for three hours while you bit down on leather." He said, with no hesitation. "So it is you." I said. He nodded, "More or less."   
"Well," I said. "Why'd you show up?" There it was. "I heard you were.." he swallowed, I noticed him teetering back and forth on his heels. "I noticed you were getting married. I wanted to congratulate you." He said. You could tell that smile was forced. He would've never thought he'd be saying those words to me of all people, and I would have never thought of it myself. "Actually, I did bring a gift for the occasion," he held out a thin box tied accross the top with a blue string. Opening it up, it was a set of twelve artisan made cigars. "I wasn't too sure if you smoked anymore, but the effort is there. I can get you something different if it's really a problem." He said. "No! This is nice, actually." I smiled. "Thank you." I said. "How did you find out though?" I looked back at him. "I saw you online. Sorry, I was curious. I went looking around, and figured out your phone number, I think at least. I tried texting you this morning, but I think it might've been a mistake." Mark said. My eyes widened and then it clicked, "That was you texting me this morning?" I asked. Mark nodded. "Well you could've introduced yourself! I thought you we're some random schmuck who got the wrong number!" I laughed. Mark shrugged. "Well, you should come in." I sighed. "I think you'd wanna see some people right?" I led him inside. "Is Ludwig here?" Mark asked. "Yes, and a whole lot of other people too." I answered, I wasn't looking at him. "As in, lots of nations?" He questioned. "Yeah, why?" I glanced at him. He stopped in the middle of the hallway. "I don't know, maybe I should go? I don't want to intrude anything." He chuckled. His face was pale. "What's your problem Mark?" I asked. He shook his head. "Not much. I just don't think... Well I'm not sure it would be, appropriate if I would just show up there in front of everyone after being gone for so long!" He smiled. "I'm sure it'll be fine, I bet everyone would be really happy to see you again." I said. "But, it's your wedding rehearsal! And there's probably so much that needs to get done right?" He began pacing. "You know really, it'll just be a distraction. I'll get going." He nodded and turned to the door. "Marcus wait," I tapped his shoulder. "At least talk to Ludwig," I said. " He's all grown up now, Isn't he?" Mark sighed, he looked almost like he was flinching. "Yeah. You should really see him." I said. "I've missed so much haven't I?" His voice got quiet. I shrugged, "I guess so..." I mumbled. "It's not all bad though, right? You're here now." I smiled. Mark looked off away from me. "Alright fine, where's Ludwig." He said. I nodded, "I'll go get him. You wait here." I nodded again before walking down the hall again to the dining room.

Ludwig was in there talking to Alfred, and apparently they got drinks going too, I'd have to catch up with that later. I tapped Ludwig's shoulder. "Oh hey Gilbert!" He said. "Heeey, what's up buddy!" Alfred giggled. "Nothing." I said. I hoped it wasn't too obvious how nervous I was. "Ludwig I need to talk to you real quick." I turned to face him. "About what?" He asked. "Just come here ok?" I said. I smiled at Alfred and dragged ludwig off. We got back into the hallway and Marcus was nowhere to be seen. I thought maybe he wasn't there in the first place and I had just imagined it. "What's all this about?" Ludwig asked. He pushed my hand off his wrist. "Are you ok Gilbert? You're acting strange all the sudden," He said. "Where'd he go?" I mumbled to myself. "Come on Ludwig, you'll find out in a second." I motioned him to follow me. He sighed and we went on another manhunt. Mark was kinda starting to piss me off. He shows up all the sudden unannounced and then he wants to leave again after I barely spoke to him for five minutes! Why'd he even bother showing up in the first place? I turned a sharp corner and found Mark staring blankly at a statue. "There you are!" I shouted and went over to him. He blinked again. Whatever was wrong with him making him space out like that was really starting to piss me off. Mark looked past me and his gaze locked on Ludwig. "Ah right. You must not recognize eachother. Ludwig, this is Marcus. You remember him right?" I said. Ludwig stared. "What are you talking about?" He said. "Marcus! Our older brother! Remember? He left right around the time I started taking you to those meetings remember?" I said. Ludwig blinked. "But that doesn't make any sense. I thought he- Marcus, I thought you were dead?" Ludwig tensed. "Not yet." Marcus chuckled. "Well," Ludwig cleared his throat. "It's nice to have you back." He held out his hand and Marcus shook it like it was the first time meeting him. "Everyone in this family is taller than me now huh?" He chuckled. "Ludwig is the head of the EU now, isn't that right, Ludwig?" I grinned. "I know, I pay attention to the news, Gilbert." Marcus sighed. "Well then. I should be going." He smiled and turned to the hallway. I didn't really want him to go, but I let him anyhow.

But, that was also when Y/N came running down the hallway looking for me. She was a bit tipsy, and she almost slammed into Marcus head on. Instead, she narrowly doged him and pressed into me, giggling. "I'm sorry!" She said. "I didn't know where you were and someone told me they saw you and Ludwig over here." She looked up at me. "I got you a drink too, I know it's your favorite." She smiled and handed me the bottle in her hands. "Aw that's sweet, Y/N!" I smiled. "Sorry I had to get up and leave like that," I kissed her cheek. "Something just came up." I noticed Marcus was still standing there. He looked me dead in the face with this look in his eyes that I couldn't really understand, then they darted away as soon as he realized I noticed him. I think he was looking at Y/N's engagement ring. "Marcus," I said. "This is my fiance." I put my hand on her shoulder. Y/N smiled. "Hi," she said. Marcus nodded. "This is my older brother, I think I've told you a bit about him." I said to Y/N. "Oh, yeah I remember!" She nodded. "It's Marcus right? I'm Y/N." She shook his hand. "You're not from Germany huh?" Marcus said. She shook her head. "It's nice to meet you." He nodded back. "You two seem good together. He doesn't bother you too much does he?" Mark asked. "No, he's actually really sweet." Y/N smiled. "That's good." Mark smiled back. "You were a nice kid, Gilbert. I'm glad to see it payed off." He said to me. I chuckled. "Marcus you should stay-" Ludwig blurted. Mark blinked. "Why?" He said. I rolled my eyes. "No, I think it would be a good idea, right? Since you guys haven't seen eachother in a long time, right?" Y/N said. "At least until the other guests leave." She suggested. Marcus sighed. "Alright," He said. "But I don't want to meet anyone else tonight. Pretend like I'm not here. When they leave, then we can talk. Deal?" He asked. I shrugged. "Fine by me." I said. We all collectively nodded and it was uncomfortably silent for a bit. Marcus cleared his throat and stepped out into the hallway. "If you need me I'll be outside on the west wing." He mumbled. "Alright." I answered. The rest of the evening carried on almost like he never showed up.

It was getting late. People started leaving. Y/N was talking to her parents. I decided to go check on Marcus, to figure out what he was up to. I brought a plate of food with me from dinner earlier. I hoped it wasn't too cold. I found Mark outside, sitting on a bench writing in a small black cover spiral notebook. It looked professional. It phased me how familiar the sight was, just more modernized. He sat the same way he did 200 years ago. "Hey, Mark." I called out. He froze, and then realized it was me. "Hey, Gilbert." He looked up from his writing. "I got you some food." I said, handing him the plate. He smiled and took it. "Thank you," He said. I sat on the bench next to him for a while. It was quiet again. "Marcus I-" I started, "I guess I need to explain myself." Marcus interrupted me. I stared at him. "Please." I exhaled. "Alright." He looked down at the plate of food before taking a bite. "This is good." He said after swallowing. I nodded. "Do you remember the day I left, Gilbert?" He asked. "Not as much as I want to. I'm sorry," I said. "Well... Maybe that means you won't be as upset with me." Mark had a slight smile on his face still. It was fake, but I think he knew how uncomfortable this was and was trying to lighten the mood. "You guys kept looking for me. I had to change my name. I've done that a number of times since. Each time the previous person 'died'." He used air quotes. "I began going to law school-" he said. I snorted. "Don't fuck with me Marcus, you're full of shit." I playfully slapped his shoulder, "You? A lawyer?" I laughed. "It's because I'm such a dirty fucking liar." He said, there wasn't any humor in his voice, despite the obvious pun. I shut up then. "For a while I was just in Germany, it was just civil and domestic issues for a while, the pay was good for a while, but then WW1 came and ended and I decided to focus on international law. War crimes and such. I went to America for a while. It was nice, even during the Depression it was nice. Because I was in a safe spot and I wasn't hurt by it, you know how the rich are. I stayed over there during the second World War and I only came back for a bit for the Nuremberg trials, maybe you might've even seen me there." He said. "I don't remember. I can't really remember anything from that whole decade." I said. He nodded. "I wondered how you felt about it all. And how you might've felt if you saw me pressing accusations along the country we worked together to build. In the end it didn't matter." He said. "You know East Germany?" I asked. "Yes. I have a lot of clients over there- over here I mean." Mark answered. "I thought you were international?" I asked. "It's multi-purpose nowadays. I could retire at any time, I just don't want to, you know." Mark said. I let out a long sigh. "Believe me, I know where you're coming from. Anyway, East Germany, right? That's me. It still is!" I said. "Though, at the moment, I'm not working with the government." I sighed. Marcus eyed me with a hint of curiosity. "What are you doing nowadays then?" He asked. "I'm a mechanic at the moment, assistant manager at the shop actually. The boss keeps promoting me, I'm aiming to take over as soon as the guy dies. Don't tell anyone I said that!" I laughed. Marcus chuckled. "My lips are sealed." He said. "Where are you living now Marcus, here or the U.S.?" I asked. "Not too long ago I bought a nice house over here in Potsdam. I don't know how long I'll stay though." He looked off away from me for a second. "You?" He asked, not turning his head back to me. "Y/N and I just rented an apartment in Berlin for a while. It's nice, up until then I was just living with Ludwig." I smiled. "With Ludwig huh?" He repeated to himself. Then he blinked and turned to me, he looked a tad bit worried. "What happened to the manor?" He asked. "Oh..." I paused. "It burned down in the battle of Berlin. I think some of your stuff is still in the museum of London though, I just didn't have time to get it back-" I said before he cut me off. "It's fine. That doesn't matter. If it did..." And he stopped again. "Well if I did care I think you would know what would've happened back then." He took another bite of his food. "I want to make my own cars." I said, trying to break the silence. He raised an eyebrow. "Really?" He asked. "Yes! First honestly I want to start off with racing cars you know, I already have some designs, I want them to be safer you know? So they don't blow up as soon as they get a scratch. After that, it's the regular cars, those I think will be harder, because then it's long distance they need to sacrifice the speed for durability and fuel efficiency you know." I was sitting at the edge of my seat waving my hands around in demonstration. Marcus chuckled at me. "You should." He said. "You're smart enough." He smiled. "You think?" I don't think I was mad at him anymore. Things kinda started feeling like they were before he left. "Yeah! Man, I could never do that. Cars are too much for me. But you have the brain for it I think. You always liked, oh uhm... cannon designs! Yes, you always loved taking those things apart, putting them together, and you always knew the physics behind them too, it was amazing to me, you just did all these equations all the time in your head and you'd call out bad shots before they even landed, it was crazy!" He said. I nodded. "I remember that." I said. "And the cars themselves, they're coming straight from your designs right?" He asked. I nodded. "I hope they will be." I said. "Excellent. That'll be a good business for you." He nodded. "Maybe I can take you into the factory or something, once there is one of course. I'll show you everything there is to know!" I laughed. "I don't make the cars I drive them." Mark said with a grin. "And I don't make the swords I swing them." I winked. He laughed. "That joke is so old." He said. "Yep." I mumbled. "Nooooobody else understands it." I sighed. "Yes, that's the point of an inside joke, Gilbert. Outside people aren't supposed to understand it. That's why it's called an inside joke." Mark said. "Screw you you're old too." I stuck my tounge out at him. "Hypocrite, look at you! You changed so much! You're getting married!" He scoffed. "I am." I nodded. It went deathly silent once more. Neither of us should've said anything about it. But we were at the rehearsal party, how could it not be mentioned?

Mark opened his mouth to speak. I spoke first, "I'm excited about it actually.-" I said, my voice was a tad rushed. "Gilbert-" Mark tried to interject, "No, Marcus! I'm happy with her, I don't care what you have to say about it!" I said. Mark sighed. "I was going to say that it's alright. Things have changed, I don't care about that stuff anymore." He said. "Oh." I murmured. "Sorry, I just assumed..." I said. "It's ok." He said. "You can talk about her all you want. I think you deserve someone like that." He said. I smiled lightly. "I love her." I whispered. Mark nodded. He wasn't looking at me anymore once again.

"Ah, shit!" I exclaimed. "What?" Mark asked. "Now I have two best men!" I chuckled. "What do you mean?" Marcus asked. I rolled my eyes. "Duh," I said, " you and Ludwig!" I smiled. I didn't like the look on Mark's face. I don't think I'd ever seen him look so fucking... sad until then. "You don't want me as your best man." He said. "You're fucking kidding me Marcus!" I said. "Come on! You're Brandenburg! We're like partners in crime! Brandenburg-Prussia! Of course I want you as my best man!" I laughed. "Don't say that." He said.  
I stopped.   
"Excuse me?" I blinked.  
"Don't call me that anymore. I hate it."   
It was silent.   
I stood up. I don't know what came over me.  
"And what's the problem with it then, Brandenburg?" I said.  
"Stop." He said. He didn't even look at me.  
"Stand up." I said. He didn't.   
"It doesn't make any sense." Mark sighed. "It's just like if I called you Prussia, its not right!" He gave a small chuckle.  
I grabbed his collar and held him in front of me so his feet dangled above the ground. His hands were latched onto mine, trying to free himself, but his eyes were testing me, like they wanted me to escalate things. He wanted this to be a fight.   
"Say that again you fucking prick." I said, coldly.   
"I'm not Brandenburg. And you're not Prussia."   
He smiled.   
He was taunting me.  
I let him down.  
I punched him square in the face.  
He stumbled backwards, dazed.   
I hit him again.  
"YOU HYPOCRITICAL IGNORANT SON OF A BITCH!" I screamed.  
"ALL MY FUCKING LIFE YOU'VE TOLD ME WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO THINK, WHAT TO FEEL, WHAT TO SAY, ALL BASED OFF OF YOUR STUPID FUCKING NATION PHILOSOPHY THAT WE WERE SOME ETHICAL BEINGS WHO WERE ABOVE HUMAN NATURE! AND THEN AFTER ALL THAT TIMS YOU DECIDE TO LEAVE AND TELL ME YOU WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT!" I punched him again. He slipped. It was beginning to rain.   
"YOU FUCKING LEFT YOU BITCH! YOU FUCKING COWARD! YOU LEFT!" I kicked him in the chest. He started coughing. I did it again.  
"AND YOU HAVE THE FUCKING AUDACITY TO COME HERE THE DAY BEFORE MY FUCKING WEDDING AND TELL ME THE DUMBEST SHIT! WHICH FUCKING IS IT BRANDENBURG ARE YOU A SAINT OR ARE YOU A DEMON?" I kicked him harder. He was gasping for air and I could hear a painful whistling noise coming from his throat.  
"I hate you." I muttered.  
"I HATE YOU AND EVERYTHING YOU EVER FUCKING SAID TO ME!" I kicked his head this time, now he was sprawling out on the muddy ground trying to breathe properly. I bent over and picked him up again.  
"Are you scared of me now?" I smirked. "You fucking pussy!" I snickered. "You didn't like how strong I was getting, didn't you. You thought it should've been you!" I said. His head bobbed a bit and he was wheezing too hard to speak. But then he nodded. And I dare say he even smiled a bit.   
My eyes burned.  
"YOU MOTHER FUCKER!" I punched him again and again and again and again. I had to hold him in place because he kept teetering. He didn't even try getting away anymore. "YOU KNOW WHAT, I NEVER EVEN NEEDED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE! I SHOULD'VE NEVER LEFT KÖNIGSBERG! I SHOULD'VE NEVER MET YOU MAYBE I WOULD'VE ENDED OUT BETTER!" I pushed him away from me.   
He bent down on his knees for a moment and finally caught his breath before spitting. He stood back up. His smile was gone.   
There was a deafening crack that almost bounced off of every drop of rain that was falling that night. I was looking the other direction now. I slowly brought my hand up to the red side of my face. It still stung. I felt like a child. Now there were tears welling up in my eyes. "DON'T BE A FUCKING IDIOT!" Marcus began to scream at me. His voice sounded terrible. "I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU WOULD'VE RATHER ENDED UP A FUCKING POLAK WOULD YOU?" He said.  
I shook my head. "THEN FUCKING ACT LIKE IT! YOU SHOULD BE FUCKING THANKFUL I EVEN TAUGHT YOU THOSE THINGS IN THE FIRST PLACE! YOU COULD HAVE DONE NOTHING WITHOUT ME BOY! NOTHING!" He began to walk away. "I'm done here. I've overstayed my welcome. Goodbye Gilbert. It was nice knowing you. Brat." He said.   
He began limping away.  
"Mark wait." I called.  
"What?" He snapped.  
"I don't- I didn't- I just-"  
"Just stop. I don't want to hear it. I'm leaving."   
I began crying.  
"Wait, Marcus!" I said  
"What do you want?" He grumbled.   
I grabbed his shoulder. "I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was talking about I'm sorry. I don't want you to leave again." I said.  
He just stared at me. "This is pathetic." He said. My lip quivered. "I know.. I know I am." I said. "We both are." Marcus sighed. "I want you to come tomorrow." I sniffed. "I'll think about it." He said. "If I don't, just forget I was even here." He walked away again. Nodded to me and then left. I heard his car pull away.

I was left in the pouring rain, crying silently to myself. "Stupid, stupid fucking idiot." I mumbled to myself. I took a few deep breaths before walking back inside. Y/N's parents had finally left. She saw me from down the hall and gasped at how soaked I was. "Where's Ludwig?" I asked. She began rubbing my hands together. "I told him to go home. Are you ok?" She asked. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I sniffed. " I'm just a little nervous right now that's all." I said. She squeezed my hands. "Why is that?" She said. I blinked. There were more tears coming now. "I made Marcus upset. I think I ruined it. I might not see him ever again." I choked. "Oh no." She said. She put a hand on my cheek. "You're all red here," she said. "Did he hit you?" She asked. I didn't answer for a while. "Gilbert..." She whispered. "I hit him first. I shouldn't be crying, I deserved it." I said. She shook her head. "No. No it's ok. Let's go home."


	20. Das Hat Mir Gerade Noch Gefehlt.

Oh, I am in love with a beautiful woman. I fell asleep on her last night. She held me so tight. I love her. She kissed me so gently. She told me it was ok. I kissed her back. We loved each other. It was as if we were in a bubble. Every time I kissed her it was like I was getting more and more drunk off my ass. I loved her so much. I had almost forgotten why I was upset. Oh, I am so in love with this woman. It's almost driving me crazy.

I stared at myself in the mirror, nitpicking every small detail on my suit. I hadn't dressed this fancy in a very long time. Ludwig knocked on the door and peeked into the room. "It's not weird if guys hang out in the dressing room is it? Or is that just a lady thing?" He asked, smiling. I waved him in. "How do I look?" I asked. "Nice. Very formal." Ludwig nodded. "How do you feel?" He asked. "I don't know." I said. "Would it be wrong if I said numb?" I turned back to the mirror. "Well, I think it depends. You aren't nervous right? That's good." He said. I nodded. "Yeah, you're right." I turned to face him again. "You didn't see Marcus out there did you?" I asked. I had been asking all day. So far, there was no sign of him. Ludwig sighed and shook his head. "No..." He looked down at his feet. I bit the inside of my lip. "Damn," I muttered."Well, there's still time right?" I sighed. "What did you guys even fight about yesterday?" Ludwig asked. I shook my head and chuckled nervously, "It doesn't matter. I was being immature and pissed him off." The room was quiet. "I cannot believe you actually admitted that," Ludwig said. "Are you sure you're feeling ok?" He smiled. I nodded. "I know it's weird, Ludwig. I promise you'll get used to it eventually!" I started laughing. "These past 5 years have just been absolutely insane!" I laughed. Ludwig nodded and smiled. "I have a feeling that it evens out from here on." He said.

I checked the clock, it was time to go.  
Ludwig nodded to me and we made our way outside. Ludwig went with the rest of the groomsmen. The group was a bit small I'll admit, there were much more bridesmaids. I went and stood at the front. People started quieting down really quickly. Then it began. The bridesmaids walked up with the groomsmen and then after there were no more groomsmen they just walked up with eachother. I gave a small chuckle. Mark still wasn't there, if he was I couldn't see him. I gulped. There was still time. My mind was jumping all over the place, I was thinking about too many things to focus on one, and I didn't feel anything. I blinked a few times and realized the flower girls were already running down the aisle, Gunther's grandchildren, they were cute but I barely knew them, they were only here for convenience and a slice of cake. I felt my chest tighten.

There's the little ring bearer, he reminds me of Ludwig when he was younger, he runs up to me, his face is all red, his collar is crooked. I smile and take the ring from him, "Make sure your shirt is straightened for the pictures," I whisper to him. "Your grandpa wants you looking nice!" I say. He nods and goes to sit down. I look at the ring and then suddenly my head hurts and my mouth is dry and I feel nauseous. The music changed.

Everyone knows that tune.

I might say I didn't recognize Y/N walking down that isle. Lace was draped over her face, really charming, old fashion looking. I didn't give a shit about her dad, I was focused in on her, everyone there was. I heard someone bawling already. I felt a soft smile grace my lips. It was so natural. She came and stood next to me and I almost felt like I was next to a celebrity. She was so pretty... I kept staring. Even through the ceremony I was staring right at her, like that scene in Deadpool where he's like,"Oh, everything blocked out and I was staring at her trying to memorize every small detail in her face." That was me right then, but I wasn't dying of cancer. You see my point? I can't really explain it well. Everytime the priest said something for me to respond I did without even paying attention. Nobody deserved my attention but her at that moment. She responded the same. I do, and I do, and I do, it didn't matter to me, because we had already been telling eachother that for five years.

Then my hearing cut back in, I swear, I might've seen a hand raise in objection. But it might've been my imagination. Then, the priest said, "I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now kiss the bride."

I could feel my limbs shutting down, it finally hit me. "I love you." I squeaked. I kissed her. She was crying. I wasn't. Yet. Oh, it felt nice. I was so shaken though, I was conflicted whether I should carry her or have her call an ambulance for me. I went with the first option.

Everyone began crowding around me and her, all the voices blended in together though. I could hear Ludwig laughing happily in the background. A bunch of people patted my back. Someone gripped my shoulder though, I turned around.

" I hope you know I was just kidding when I raised my hand back there, I didn't think anyone saw me, but I noticed the look in your face and I just wanted to make sure you didn't think I was actually going to, you know. Intrude." It was Mark who said that. "You actually came back," I stammered. "You did good." Mark smiled. He nodded. "Call me." He said, slinking back in with the crowd and disappearing once more. "Yes!" I exclaimed. I was overwhelmed with joy. My big brother was back! And I just got married to the love of my life! She kissed me again. We got pushed into the dining room. That whole party though, was a blur.

That night Y/N and I stayed in a hotel. Our situation was not unlike the one on Valentine's day. Though, this time, I would be in charge. And it would be good, old fashioned missionary.

"You know, every time I see you like this I think I love you a little bit more." I slurred, twiddling my fingers in her veil. "Awh, sweetheart." She whispered. I kissed her cheek. She pressed her forehead into mine. We sat on the bed for a while, just taking in each other's company. She had a new set of lingerie on, it matched her dress, and accented all her features. I, however still had my dress shirt and tie on. My suit was heavy with metals, it glistened in the corner of the room, like a trophy of all my past accomplishments. I glanced over to it and smiled. "Are you proud of me, Y/N? I told you I could do it." I whispered. She pushed a strand of hair out of my face, I had it pulled back all day, and it was finally staring to fall back in place like it normally was. "Of course I'm proud. I love you so much, Gilbert, Mr. East Germany." She poked my chest. "Oh now? We want to be formal? So then what does that make you, Mrs. East Germany?" I giggled, holdings up her hand to my lips and kissing her wedding ring. "Schatz." I said, kissing her wrist now. "It means treasure." I whispered, my lips pressed against the inner side of her wrist. "You don't know how important you are to me. Ich liebe dich, schön Frau." I said. She caressed my cheek. "I'm so happy," she choked on a sob. "Gilbert, I didn't know today would happen, I love you so much, thank you." She said. I brought my face close to hers again and kissed her tears away. We both looked into each other's eyes. She began loosening my tie, and undoing my shirt. I straitened my posture and grabbed her hips. Her back arched and I leaned over her, letting her down into the soft hotel pillow. She put her hands on to my chest. "I can feel your heart!" She said, in a little exclaimed whisper. "Oh? You can?" I felt my nose burn. A tear dripped on to her cheek. "Hah! Im sorry." I sniffed. She shook her head. "It's ok," she said. "Look at us, we have to be the most emotional couple!" She giggled. "Oh me? I'm not emotional! This is eyeball precum! Because you're so damn sexy!" I laughed. She pulled me closer and kissed me deeply. "That was gross." She said in between segments of kissing. "What? I was complimenting you!" I said. "Fuck me, you big adorable dork." She whispered. I snickered and nudged her cheek with mine. "Nur für Sie, schnucki, nur für Sie." I growled.  
"Hold on!" She said, putting a finger to my mouth. "Oh, what's wrong liebste?" I asked. "This might sound corny, but I picked out some music for this." She blushed. I chuckled softly. "That's it? It's alright, play it for me." I coaxed. She nodded and rolled over, grabbing her phone off of the coffee table. She fiddled with it for a second. Then set it down again. "I think you'll like it." She smiled. Then I heard it. It was quiet. But I began to cry. "I can't believe you actually-" I said. "I had a feeling you'd know what it was." She smiled. "Of course I know!" I hugged her. "This is it! This is my song! My Gloria! That's what it is! Glory March, God, I can't believe you did this, I love you! I love you so much!" I said, burying my face in her neck. "Oh, this song brings me back!" I sighed. "Can you get it up to this?" She giggled. "Schatz! I'm already hard! Solid!" I laughed. "This song makes it more enjoyable!" I smiled. "I love you." She said. "Oh, Y/N, I love you too." I kissed her again. She pulled down my pants, I put my hand down her panties and fingered her, she even got a Brazilian wax for this, how crazy! Soon, we were stripped down to nothing, and loving each other, as a husband and wife should do.   
I love her so much.

Und, Ich liebte sie die ganze Nacht.  
Und, Ich liebte sie ständig.  
Und, Ich liebte sie für immer.


End file.
